The Sidekick

Chapter Forty-Two

Tera

“I need your help,” Shade says in a grumbled voice. A computer bag drops into my lap, almost knocking over my coffee cup.

“Rude,” I mutter and pick the slim case up to gently set it on the coffee table.

“And I have some stuff to do today. So get dressed and come with me.”

“You can’t just say that and walk away, you jerk,” I lean on the couch to try and see around the corner to yell at him.

“I said I need your help,” he calls back.

Ugh, it’s like he knows that I like to be needed or something.

He hustles me to the car after I’m dressed and gives me the rundown of what he needs. He wants me to crack a code he’s been working on for a few months. Something to test my skills versus his. It’s sweet in a computer-geek way.

By the time I get a full scope of what I’m looking at, I realize we’re at the gym.

“It’s not Tuesday yet,” I frown in confusion. Or is it? Am I late? I’m dressed all wrong.

“It’s Monday, weirdo, and I’m scheduled to be here,” he gets out of the car, and I follow him in disbelief.

“So I get to sit here and work while you lift weights? Are you making sure I’m not cheating? Do you know how insulting that is? I should say no and sit in the car.”

He takes my arm and guides me into the back, farther than I’ve ever gone before, without answering. We pass by a boxing ring and some of those hanging bags I’ve seen in movies. There are a few guys in shorts that raise my brows on the way past. Maybe hanging out back here wouldn’t be so bad. The view is nice.

I sigh in regret as we pass through a doorway and end up in a large gym with mats all over the floor. I had no idea this gym was so big. I wonder what Shade paid for a year’s membership and wince. I’ll ask at the front desk and pay him back.

“Sit here,” he slides a metal folding chair out so I have a clear view of everything going on. Or he has a clear view of me to see if I cheat. Then he takes the laptop bag to dig for the charger and plug it in. As I’m frowning at his antics, Felix and Blaze come in and stumble to a halt.

“Hi, Tera,” Blaze says in a confused tone.

“Hey,” I wave sheepishly. “Don’t ask me where his head is right now. I have no idea.”

“I have a theory, and I’m testing it,” he calls over his shoulder to them.

He does? What theory? I want to know.

“Is this the theory of Tera? I don’t think I could make it through the twists and turns of that ride,” Blaze gives me a mocking grin.

“You’re like the worst people ever,” I glare back, and he laughs at my expression in surprise.

I can be mean to him when Shade is next to me. He’s like a buffer.

“When you get mad, it’s like watching a sloth get prepared for a fight.”

I gasp in horror, “Sloths don’t battle!”

“Exactly,” the twins say in unison.

“I’m looking that up to verify later,” Shade mumbles and turns the laptop on to get the code loaded.

Brody stops in the doorway, “Tera?”

“Don’t ask,” I gesture towards Shade with a helpless shrug.

“Here,” he drops the laptop at my feet, and I gasp again.

“You can’t treat it like that! What is wrong with you? This is your baby, and you should treat it that way!”

“Tera?” Ira’s voice comes from the doorway, and I wave angrily to dismiss him. He’s breaking my focus. I’m not taking my glare away from my nemesis.

“If you’re going to be mean to an innocent computer, I’m not going to help you. I’m claiming this as my own and spoiling it as it deserves.”

He isn’t paying attention to my tirade as he watches the doorway with a judgy expression. Maybe Ira didn’t wear his assigned gym clothes. Who knows with this guy?

I roll my eyes and pick up the laptop, crossing my legs so I have a steady place to set it. I’m already completely absorbed in the excitement of beating Shade and trying to hide it.

There are a lot of grunting and smacking sounds that I ignore as I focus on the code. It takes me twenty minutes to crack it. Then I pull up a lot of gross porn sites set to play at max volume as soon as he opens it again. When I’m done, I yell out, “In your face, Shade! Thirty minutes!”

I do a tiny victory dance from my seat as I look up, belatedly noting that I just interrupted whatever they were doing.

It isn’t just the bodyguards here. Asher is holding up some kind of cushion that Felix is kicking as they all look over at my embarrassing celebration. I completely forgot that he teaches this class! I thought they were just going to beat each other up for an hour.

“S-sorry,” I wave to him with a wince. I can feel the heat rushing into my face as my attention drops to the computer. I have to slam it closed in self-defense at what’s on the screen.

Of course, the insanely hot guy with lickable tattoos has borne witness to my cringey behavior.

“What did you beat him at?” Asher asks as he braces against Felix. My brain flat lines as I watch without speaking. He’s completely unconcerned with the speed and strength of the kicks, rocking back only slightly with each one. The light sheen of sweat over his arms brings attention to his bunched biceps. He’s wearing shorts, just like the guys in the room with the bags. His tattoos continue up beyond the hem in a riot of colors. It has to be a full-body piece. Oh gosh. A whole bouquet of flowers that I want to touch. Why, man?!

“Um…” What were we talking about?

Blaze starts laughing at Shade in a rude way that makes me frown at him. “Did little Tera beat the mighty Shade at something?”

It’s a poor decision because Shade loves fighting back. It’s his love language, after all. He kicks Blaze’s cushion hard enough to knock him over.

“Oh!” I wince as he falls onto the mat, breathless but still laughing. I don’t mind that Shade retaliated. I don’t mind that the jerk hit the mats hard enough to make his laugh wheezy. The noise just popped out of me.

“He’s fine,” several voices ring out, and I nod helplessly.

“Would you like some water?” I offer feebly out of secondhand guilt as he starts to stand.

“I would love some water from you, Tera.” He seems way too malicious about it as he hops off the mat to join me.

I reach into the purse I brought to pull out a bottle for him, handing it over with a sympathetic smile. It’s my Shade needs to keep his mouth occupied so he’ll stop yelling stash. I don’t think Blaze deserves one of the candy bars, though.

“Are you going to kiss his boo-boos too?” Felix grunts as he keeps kicking. I’m pleased to see that Asher hasn’t moved back at all as he watches Blaze and me with narrowed eyes.

Everything is something to mock to these jerks. I’ve had just about enough of it.

I don’t take my eyes off Felix as I reach back into my bag and feel around for a pen. Once I have one, I snap my arm back and let the projectile fly. It smacks Felix on the cheek. I guess it was open because it leaves a splotch of ink. I can’t help the satisfied smirk that overcomes me.

“What the fuck?” He snaps and stops kicking to glare at me.

“I have a whole purse full of them, Felix. Mess around and find out,” I feel my jaw slide to the side as I glare back, reaching into my purse threateningly.

“No more debris on my mats,” Asher says calmly as his lips kick up in a smile.

“Oh, s-sorry,” my bravery does an about-face at his amusement.

I cringe and hurry to pick up the pen where it landed. Everyone pauses what they’re doing as I stand, staring at the ink splotch it left behind. I think I have something I can wipe it off with in my purse, but if I take it out now, Felix will want one, and I want the stain of shame to stick with him all day.

When I look up, they’re all staring at me. I hurry off the mats, wincing as I notice I didn’t take off my shoes. “Um, game on?”

“It isn’t street hockey,” Blaze taunts. I shake the pen at him threateningly.

Ira has other concerns as he eyes Shade. “What did you give her?”

Shade’s eyes slide to him as he waits for his next words, content to not answer anyone when they ask a question. It’s like I’m the only one who notices his frozen fear at Ira’s forbidding tone. The rest of them begin to look warily between the two and step back. I don’t like this.

“What’s the big deal?” I ask defensively. He’s taking our little versus game and making it sound like he handed me nuclear missile codes.

“You just decided to hand her something? Her? Why?” Ira sounds like he’s about to lose his temper over this. My mouth gapes open in surprise. I know they don’t like me, but I’m not that bad. Right? I’m not dumb like them, at least.

Everyone else backs farther away from them while Asher watches.

Shade straightens up as if he’s ready to get into a physical fight about this. Ira does the same with a grim look. I panic.

“It’s not really that bad, right?” I ask nervously, looking to Shade for reassurance as my hand creeps up to clutch my throat nervously. “Shade?”

“Glove up,” Asher snaps and tosses his cushion towards a basket full of them. Then he walks over to me, sliding in front so I can’t see. I automatically reach out and grab the back of his shirt to keep him in place, doing a mini hunch to make sure no one can see me.

I hear some shuffling of feet and the sound of tape ripping as Asher crosses his arms. The other bodyguards step off the mats to drink water off to the side, completely unconcerned with what’s about to happen.

“You ok?” Asher turns his head to look at me as he whispers.

“I’m getting ink all over your shirt. I’m really sorry, but I can’t make myself let go, and you said no more stuff on the mats, so I can’t drop it.”

His lips twitch in a smile, “No one’s going to touch you. You’re safe.”

I hiss back with wide eyes. “I don’t understand why he’s so mad. I don’t want him to hurt my dictator. And I don’t know how mad you’re going to be when you see your shirt.”

He shakes his head with a laugh and slides back until my arms are squeezed between our bodies, placing a hand on my outer thigh. My face ends up pressed into his shoulder blade, so I get a whole lung full of his scent. I thought he’d be sweaty gym socks gross, but of course not. He smells divine, and I’m glad my arms are between us because the combo of his smell and how he’s holding my leg is making my body perk up in interest. If I had known I would be seeing him, I would have worn a padded bra today.

When the first smack comes, I jump in place and press harder into Asher like I could crawl into his skin for protection. His hand tightens on my leg, and his fingers shift, rubbing gently. I want to ask him to stop because I can’t see it as a comforting gesture when my nipples are hard enough to cut through my flimsy bra.

The unseen battle continues as my muscles lock up, my focus more on my thigh and a few other places than where it should be. When his thumb slides across my inner thigh, the muscles there tremble. I feel like I’m about to slide down his back and land spread eagle.

“Hey!” Blaze snaps out, and it startles me into jumping again.

“Release at the tap, Shade,” Asher calls out. He sounds so calm about the whole thing while I’m turning into a puddle back here.

“Who’s winning?” I whisper to distract myself.

“It doesn’t matter,” he answers softly.

I pull my head away to look at his face in confusion. He doesn’t turn towards me, but his hand tightens to keep me in place. “They just need to work it out of their systems and shake on it after.”

“That’s it?” I ask in surprise. I mean, beating each other up is a little extreme. They could have just talked it out. “Does that mean I have to go next?”

The idea of having to face an angry Ira with gloves on makes me pull Asher closer by his shirt, not that we have any space between us anyway. I’m probably strangling him instead.

“No,” his voice isn’t as calm this time. “If they even mention trying any of this stuff on you, I want to know.”

“He could get the key to the apartment,” I squeak out in a panic of insight. Asher is sweet to offer me protection, but he can’t be with me everywhere. Unfortunately. What would it be like to feel safe all the time? Does he have a pocket version I can carry around?

“How?” His head turns sharply with the angry words, but he’s looking at the ground with a dark frown as he asks.

“Shade is dating the twins and they have a key. They never give me a heads-up when they come in. And the noise is nauseating. I drive around instead of listening.”

His eyebrow rises. I’m convinced he’s completely focused on me until he calls out, “Block with the leg, Shade.”

How can he talk to me, see the fight, and turn me into mush with his touch at the same time? His multitasking skills are amazing.

“Is Shade ok? Can I look?” I wince as a pained grunt reaches me.

“You’ll have to let go of the shirt,” Asher says with a smile.

I nod and whisper, “Can I have five more minutes?”

“You can have as long as you want,” he whispers back and faces the fight again.

His hand doesn’t stop moving as we stand there. Stroking slowly up and down until I’m ready to throw him down on the mats myself. Forget all the fighting stuff. This is way more important. Can you have an orgasm from a hand on your leg? I want to find out. Quietly to myself. He can never know. I’ve gotten away with more dangerous things. I haven’t been able to reach that peak in a while, and I’m tired of crying about it.

If I were like the other girls in the yoga class or the waitresses at the bar, I would be all over him. I’m chewing my lip and trying to keep my breathing quiet, but I ruin it when his fingers brush along the inner seam of my jeans. It causes a heat that attacks me unexpectedly. My breath hitches with a soft sound I can’t hold back. I sound like a needy kitten.

His hand freezes, and I cringe in embarrassment. His hand isn’t even that high up on my leg. I’m so embarrassed. Retreat and run! I’ll never be able to face him again.

My hands release his shirt abruptly, and I lean back cautiously as if moving in slow motion might help the situation. My hand creeps up to my throat, and I feel the pen jab under my chin. Wrong hand.

“Put your arms around my waist,” he says in a soft, commanding tone. For a second, I’m not sure who he’s talking to.

“N-no, I’m so sorry. I’ll just,” I try to ease away from him further. His hand shifts to clamp down on the back of my thigh in a tight grip that makes me suck in a sharp breath. If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to fall over.

“I won”t say it again,” his voice is calm, but his tone is the serious don’t you dare ignore me he’s used once before.

I hesitantly slide my arms around his waist as gently as I can, completely confused about my body wanting to give him whatever he wants while my brain is sounding an alarm. I end up with a few inches of space between us as I try to clasp my wrist with the empty hand. I can’t really get it done, so I end up with my hands hovering away from his body.

“Tighter,” his voice is lower as his hand clenches to pull me closer. Without the cover of my arms, my breasts press into his back, and there’s no hiding the effect he has on me, even without the betraying noise that gave me away.

His fingers ride higher until his hand is just beneath my butt, making a choked squeak come out as I shift my thighs. I don’t know if I’m trying to keep his fingers from going farther up or welcoming him. I end up plastering myself to his back as my arms wrap around him, clutching his shirt from the front while my knees get weak.

Am I seriously doing this right now? Molesting a guy in public? The way I’m panting says yes. Plus, I’m now marking up the front of his shirt, too.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” He asks as he watches two guys beat each other up.

I’m so confused.

My body is tense as it tries to ease down because it’s gotten used to the build-up and getting nothing.

“No,” I pout as that familiar frustration mounts up again. I bury my face against his shoulder to hide just in case I start crying.

“No one can see you. You’re safe. I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he murmurs. For some reason, it relaxes me. I melt into his back as if I belong there, turning my face to the side.

“Thank you,” I choke out gratefully, quickly followed by, “I’m sorry for molesting you.” The words come out without my permission. That was an inside-my-head sentence, dang it.

“I’m not,” he replies, and it sounds like a fact written in stone. Something that no one could change without a lot of effort and a chisel.

“I don’t even know you,” my shoulders stiffen a little at the thought. “And I have a…”

Max.

I can’t call him my boyfriend. He’s not even mine. He’s Satan’s.

I suck in a sharp breath of pain at the thought and let Asher go, trying to step back.

I can’t do this. One orgasm can’t be worth all the shame I suddenly feel at my actions. This guy must think I’m so easy.

His other hand comes up before I can step back fully and force my thighs forward until I’m bumping into him while my arms drop, trapped between his as they clamp down to keep them at his sides. My hands dangle uselessly as my shoulders hunch to keep us separated as much as I can.

“Tell me,” he tilts his head, watching what’s going on in front of him as if nothing is happening between us.

“I can’t.” How do I explain to a guy I was just trying to dry hump that I have unresolved relationship issues? I’m so messed up.

“You can. We aren’t going anywhere until you do.” He sounds so confident and relaxed.

“There”s this guy, and we’re kind of dating? But he has a boyfriend, and everything is so confusing. I’m trying to avoid him, and I don’t know why I’m like this, and I’m so, so sorry.” My voice wobbles at the end as my shoulders tense up even more. “Please let go. I’m a mess. I’m not worth it and-”

“Stop,” his voice is angry, and I wilt inside as a tear wells up and drops down my cheek. I want to say I’m sorry again, but I’m choked up and trying not to cry.

He takes a deep breath. His shoulders have tensed, and his biceps are flexed against my arms. I brace myself for whatever tirade he’s going to give me. I’m glad I’m hidden behind him so no one can witness any effect this is having on me.

“Are you willing to date me while you’re kind of dating him?”

“What?” I ask in confusion. Did he not hear what I just said? I’m not worth the drama that will come with my attention.

“I don’t care,” he says slowly.

I don’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t care because he thinks I’m easy and no one will know?

“All right,” he tilts his neck to the side, causing it to pop. It’s a move that Shade uses to relieve tension in his neck. Beyond our little safe oasis, there’s more quiet, angry talking than fighting going on now. I guess everything is wrapping up.

“I don’t care if there’s another guy. He has someone else. You can, too. I just want to be with you.”

“But… why?” I ask, bewildered. “Everything is a mess, and I’m a coward.”

“Because you’re worth it to me. Nothing will change that.”

“You don’t know-”

“I decide what I think and feel.”

“But there are so many other people. Easier people,” I protest. He starts shaking his head. “I thought someone in class would be your happily ever after. I’ve been trying to figure out which one it would be. The brunette was really nice.”

He freezes in place like he isn’t even breathing and utters, “Why can’t that be you?”

I don’t really have an answer for that either. “I just… I don’t think I fit anyone’s mold? I think I might be too much work. You’re a nice guy. You deserve to be happy, not stressed out all the time.”

“We all deserve to be happy,” he lets go of my thighs, releasing my arms. I swallow hard, suddenly disappointed.

When he turns and looks at me, I meet his gaze sadly, trying to smile, but it feels stiff on my face.

“Hi,” he says softly. I tilt my head as my brow furrows.

“Hi?” I let out a little laugh of confusion.

A smile kicks up on his face as he studies me.

“What?” I whisper and wipe under my eyes to see if maybe I missed a few tears. “Can you tell? I don’t want Shade to know I’m having a meltdown over here. He’ll freak.”

“Hug me.”

I blink a few times; sure I misheard him.

“I won’t say-”

My eyes widen, and I throw myself into his arms. I don’t want him to finish whatever threat that was going to become. Especially when I’m dying to feel him against me again.

He brings me close, with no space between us, resting his chin on my shoulder. I lose my breath as he surrounds me. My eyelids flutter closed at the feeling of strength and safety he exudes. I sink into that happy meditation peace that comes after a workout. I don’t know how long he holds onto me, but I don’t want it to stop.

A throat clears loudly. For once, I don’t startle, choosing to ignore the intrusion as long as I can. Asher’s arms tighten a little as I tuck my head down towards his chest.

“Hello?” Blaze asks impatiently. “Just letting you know no one died over here, and the next class is a little impatient.”

“They can wait,” he draws back to nuzzle my temple.

“Yeah, sure.” Blaze sounds really angry. He doesn’t say anything else before he walks away.

“Can I change your mind about the one-on-one sessions?” He asks with a rasp to his voice that makes me shiver.

“That will end badly,” I mutter without thinking. “Your tattoos are too lickable.”

My eyes pop open in horror. I did not just say that. Oh no.

He lets me go, revealing a bright grin that surprises me. My face is on fire with embarrassment. I slap a hand over my mouth, wishing I could scoop the words back in and swallow them.

He backs up a few steps before turning with a, “I’ll see you tomorrow, angel.”

It sounds vaguely threatening and makes my knees shake.

When I finally pull myself away from watching Asher’s butt, I spot Shade standing on the mats staring at the door. I figured he would have left me behind as usual. I’m about to tease him when his expression registers. Any pleasure I felt a second ago is washed out like I took a cold shower.

“Shade?”

It’s like he doesn’t hear me, and dread builds in my chest. What happened while I wasn’t paying attention? I’m a horrible sidekick.

“Hey,” I jog over and stand in front of him. His face is its usual non-caring mask, but his eyes are devastated. He has such expressive eyes. Guilt slams into me while I debate how to handle this. It’s not an angry, keep his mouth occupied situation. He seems broken, and I need to figure out how to hold him together.

“Not here,” he mutters and turns to collect his things. I help by packing away the computer and take his arm as we walk out. He doesn’t slap my hand away, so I’ll stop touching him, which is scarily not right. I don’t like this. I feel like he needs a buffer so people can’t get to him.

“Give me the keys. I’m driving,” I tell him quietly. He doesn’t protest as he digs them out of his gym bag and places them in my waiting hand.

This just got extra serious. No one drives Shade’s car.

Once I open the door for him and help him inside like he’s a debutante, I slide behind the wheel and get us moving.

“They never believed me. This whole time.”

His muttered words catch my attention, but I stay quiet. He does more venting like this when he feels safe. I don’t say anything, letting him talk it out.

“I’ve been one of the team for six years, Tera. Six. And they still don’t trust me to have their backs.”

He’s looking out the passenger window as he speaks quietly.

He’s so sad. It’s like he’s suddenly given up, and there’s no fight left in him. My dictator is relinquishing his title. It’s unacceptable.

“Explain it to me. I was distracted,” I admit sheepishly.

“They think I’m going to spill inside information to you. Because we’re obviously sleeping together.”

“What?” I squeak out in surprise. I thought he explained all about that weeks ago. They didn’t get it? Max believed it after one text. The twins were who he was texting!

“I was testing a hunch I had. Something has been off ever since we got together. Then they want to try and be friends with you and treat you the same as before. I had you work on the code in front of them, but I was really showing them that you’re interested in Asher, not me.”

Does everyone know? My cheeks heat as my shoulders hunch.

“Ira thought you were doing something from work,” he says with a snarl.

“You’d never involve me in all of that,” I protest.

His head swivels to take in my disbelief.

I know my adopted big brother. He’s a jerk and a dictator. But a sweet dictator and a well-meaning jerk. He would never allow me to witness something he thought was dangerous.

“And you accept it. Just like that. I’ve been on that team for six years, Tera. They never believe a word out of my mouth, even when it’s shut. Six fucking years I’ve been with these guys, and they still think I’d stab them in the back. Even with me saying I didn’t and trying to explain. Even when I’m in love with two of them, and I don’t even know why anymore. Ira made sure to point out you and Asher while we were fighting to prove that you aren’t trustworthy. Anything I tell you is going to get spilled everywhere, according to him.”

They still don’t know that I know everything. I probably know more than they do about Shade’s work and his life. Shade has already told me, and I haven’t told a soul. I never will.

He lapses back into silence while I drive aimlessly, worry and nausea churning around inside me. We’re both on a seesaw. When I go up, he goes down. There has to be a way for us to hold each other steady.

My eyes narrow on the road with anger. Several plans start popping into my head to be dismissed quickly. I’m done with this. But, if Shade isn’t, all the planning in the world won’t matter.

“I’ve been thinking about asking for a transfer.”

I suck in a surprised breath as my heart sinks. He’s going to run.

“Out of town?”

He glances at me as I chew my lip. I am not this man’s problem. I am an adult and able to take care of myself. This shouldn’t be a big deal. If it were a year ago, I’d wish him all the best with a sunny smile. Now I know what I would be missing, and it sucks. I’m starting to hate those jerks.

“I don’t know anymore,” he frowns as he watches me.

“Do not let my overly emotional butt keep you from being happy, Evan. Do you understand me? You focus on you. I can do all this bullcrap by myself, and we both know it. I’ll help you with anything you need.”

He nods slightly, a pensive frown still in place, and returns to looking sadly out the window.

I am going to mess these guys up so bad they won’t know what hit them.