Chapter 17
I’m a woman on the edge. On a countdown yet again to seeing Luke and I’m not too sure how much more I can take of this. So I’ve found solace in the library, burying my head in books since Em and I got back from coasteering.
‘There you are.’ Stella flings herself into the room, causing the pages on my open book to flap about. ‘We’ve been searching for you all day!’
‘Well,’ Em counters, floating in behind her. ‘More like the ten minutes since we finished our red wine bath, Stell.’
Stella grimaces. ‘I would never have agreed to that if I knew that I was going to be bathing in red wine. I thought you meant have a bath with a nice glass of rioja. My spa robe looks like a bloody crime scene.’
‘Look at your skin and thank me later,’ Em says. ‘Besides, if it was good enough for Cleopatra …’
‘I thought she bathed in milk?’ I ask.
‘Wine too,’ Em explains.
‘What didn’t that woman bathe in?’ Stella asks. ‘The point is, I’m in need of a drink, so can we get going? Staff party starts soon!’
‘Hold your horses! We’ve only just found Jess and obviously we need to get dressed first,’ Em points out.
‘Do we?’ Stella asks, looking down at her leggings and yoga top.
Emerald is horrified. ‘Guys, as if we’re going out in athleisure . Getting dressed up first is literally the most fun part of a night out!’
‘That does sound fun,’ I say, bubbles of excitement popping in my belly. ‘I might wear that black dress I wore to dinner last night?’
‘Sweet Jessie,’ – Em smiles sympathetically – ‘you are getting some extra help tonight.’
‘Am I?’
‘Yes, babe. Just a little helping hand in the wardrobe department, that’s all.’
I shoot Stella a help-me look. ‘Soz, Jess, but Em’s right and if I have to see that LBD one more time I will scream. Let’s get you in something more colourful.’
‘Yes, EXACTLY!’ Em high-fives Stella.
I pout.
‘Come on,’ they say in unison, dragging me out of my sweet reading nook.
I’m marched back to the hotel’s shop where clearly Stella’s become a regular customer because the woman behind the till knows her by name.
‘I’m thinking colour drenching for you tonight,’ she tells me as I’m hustled inside a changing room and told to strip.
‘Ooh yes,’ agrees Em.
I hear the sound of clothes hangers scraping along rails as my best friends and the woman from the shop discuss me as if I’m not actually here.
‘She’s got a great rack.’
‘And she never gets those bangers out! Seriously, if I had such marvellous breasts they would be on show twenty-four/seven.’ That was Stella.
‘Hundred per cent.’
‘She’s only little so big prints will dwarf her.’
‘How about this?’
‘Ooh!’
‘OOH.’
Someone says ‘knock knock’ and then the changing room curtain is yanked to one side and there stand Stella and Em, looking delighted.
‘We’ve found the one.’
‘The ones ,’ Stella corrects.
Em shoves a pair of red trousers towards me while Stella dangles a couple of straps of matching red string in front of my face.
‘What on earth is that?’ I ask.
‘Just look how cute this little top is,’ she replies.
‘That’s not a top! It’s barely even a shoelace.’
Stella tuts and holds it in front of my body. Turns out it’s one of those bandeau tops with spaghetti straps. As if I’ll ever fit into it.
‘It’s red,’ I whisper. ‘I’m a pasty brunette!’
‘You’ll be surprised,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Red can look stunning with your skin tone.’
‘Agreed. So before you argue,’ Em says, handing me a teensy weensy bralet, ‘get your boobs into this first. Then try it all on.’
I open my mouth to, well, argue, but they’ve all bustled out again before I get the chance.
These two.
So I strip down to my knickers and do as I’m told.
There’s a rustling of the curtain seconds later. ‘Come on! Let’s see!’
I take a deep breath and step out.
‘Oh shit !’ shouts Stella.
‘Even better than I’d thought!’ Em claps.
‘You look lovely.’ The sales assistant smiles, but then it’s her job to tell people that, isn’t it?
Stella turns me so I can look in the full-length mirror and I take in my reflection. The cigarette pants are super cute, I must admit. And the top is really nice too, but it’s cropped so you can see an awful lot of waist, which I am v much not used to.
‘Where have you been hiding?’ Em grabs me by the shoulders and beams at me in the mirror.
‘Is it a bit … much?’ I ask.
Everyone vehemently shakes their head.
‘You look banging. Look at that tiny waist! My little pint-sized beauty.’
‘Do you think?’ I ask, fidgeting with the straps of the top. It’s all a far cry from my usual look.
‘Luke is going to have a heart attack,’ Em whispers while Stella is distracted by the shop assistant handing her a pair of shiny pink shoes.
‘OMG don’t,’ I giggle, fanning myself.
Emerald shakes her head at me. ‘I can guarantee that he won’t be able to take his eyes off you.’ Then she calls over to the assistant and says: ‘She’ll take it!’
So, once again I’ve been strong-armed into buying things in the hotel shop before actually looking at the price tag. I’m going to make a wild guess that this combo will be a smidge more than my usual Zara haul. I peak at the label on the trousers. Sweet mother of Mary. Wincing, I take another look at my reflection. I do feel pretty good in this. Maybe even really good? The cut! The fit! And I’ll definitely get some wear out of the trousers, I decide. The tiny top? Maybe not so much. But I so rarely treat myself to stuff like this, and even though I can hear my savings account sobbing quietly at the hit, I decide to go for it.
The whole lot comes to the price of the sofa I’d been eyeing up for the new flat I’m probably not going to buy anymore and I have to steady myself against the counter as I hand over my card.
‘I’ve got the perfect accessories to go with this.’ Em beams at me as I’m handed an expensive-looking bag filled with my purchases. ‘And those.’ She nods towards Stella, who has just spent her own small fortune on the shiny shoes.
‘I just love nice things.’ She shrugs as I grin at her.
Back in our suite, we’re all showered (mood: excited), in various states of undress and surrounded by everyone’s make-up. Em’s got the treasure trunk out again and Stella and I migrate towards the case like magpies, oohing and ahhing at all the shiny things. There’s no denying that Emerald has a serious talent for jewellery design. Her pieces are stunning.
‘Jessie, I’m thinking this for you,’ she says, dropping a huge amount of gems into my hand. I’m so confused by the contraption that I try looping it around my neck, at which point Emerald tells me it’s a diamond pavé link belly chain.
I don’t even know what those words mean.
‘A diamond pavé link belly chain?’ I repeat incredulously, holding it up to the light.
‘Yes and it’s going to sit beautifully above the waist of those new trousers. Those baby diamonds will catch the light every time you move.’ Em loops the chain around my waist and gently fastens it.
I swallow hard. ‘Em, this is very kind of you but there must be hundreds of diamonds on this thing. What if I lose it? How much does it cost? I’m not sure I can handle the pressure!’
‘Jessie! Relax! These babies are insured whereever I go so don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Now all you need are these diamond drops to go with,’ she says, handing me some earrings with a massive stone hanging at the end of each one. ‘Right, let’s get dressed!’
When Em said she was wearing sequins whatever the weather, she was not lying. She steps out of her room ten minutes later wearing a gold one-shoulder jumpsuit literally covered in sparkles. It would be an outrageously OTT look, but naturally Em makes it scream easy breezy cool, with her blonde hair styled in jagged waves down to her shoulders and nothing but a slick of red lipstick on her face. She looks amazing . Like one of those street style photos from Copenhagen Fashion Week.
‘You look beautiful,’ I gasp as she adjusts her second crown of the week.
‘Son of Jupiter, you look beautiful,’ Em counters, kicking my bedroom door open.
‘Is this tiny top a step too far?’ I waver. ‘I could bung on a classic white tee instead? I mean, we are just going for a barbecue at a campfire and I feel like we’re dressed for some kind of mad, high fashion disco?’
‘Yes.’ Em nods solemnly. ‘Mad high fashion disco is exactly my vibe.’
I snuggle her tighter. ‘I am so lucky to dance in your disco,’ I say fondly.
‘Oh, the feeling is mutual.’ She grins back. ‘Only your vibe is less of a disco, more of a cosy reading nook?’
‘That’s exactly my vibe!’ I beam, thrilled. ‘Which is why I’m going to pop a T-shirt on.’
‘You’ll do no such thing. That diamond belly chain is from my new collection, Jessica. It hasn’t even launched yet so you’re the first person in the entire world to get to wear it. If you stick a T-shirt over it, I will be personally offended, as will the diamonds.’
I look down at my sparkling midriff.
‘Oh, well, in that case.’
‘COME ON, LADS, I NEED A DRINK.’
We rush out of my room to find Stella, resplendent in a buttercup yellow dress with enormous sleeves, pacing impatiently.
‘Stella, you look divine,’ I say, suddenly feeling overcome. ‘My best friends are so beautiful! I love you so much!’
‘Has she been drinking?’ Stella asks Em.
‘It’s just so nice to be together,’ I sniff.
‘You big softie,’ Stella says, slipping into her exceptionally high new shoes which make her at least three times as tall as me. ‘Now, quite clearly I cannot walk anywhere in these. I’d call reception for a golf buggy but I figure most of the staff will be at the party tonight. Do you think we can get an Uber?’
‘From one part of the hotel to another? I doubt it.’
Em chuckles. ‘There’s no need, I have sorted us a ride. Is everyone ready? Follow me.’
‘Emerald Bay, you didn’t?’ Stella asks, impressed, as we all stare at the golf buggy parked (quite badly) by the entrance to our spa suite.
‘I very much did.’ She pulls a set of stolen ignition keys out of her sequinned clutch bag and jingles them at us.
‘Did you steal that?’ I squawk. The hotel has a number of these buggies zooming around the grounds at any given moment, ferrying guests from one place to another. But they are always driven by a member of uniformed staff and definitely not by light-fingered guests.
‘I prefer the term “borrowed”. I’ll take it back tomorrow.’
‘Em! How did you even do that?’
My best friend shrugs. ‘And to think my teachers said I didn’t learn anything at boarding school. While everyone else was in maths, I’d be out borrowing things.’
In spite of the fact that we find ourselves in a grey area, legally, I can’t help but laugh.
‘Does that mean you’re in, Jessie?’ Em asks.
‘As long as you promise to take it back tomorrow,’ I say sternly. ‘First thing.’
‘Good, because you’re driving.’ She chucks me the keys.
‘What?’ I ask, stepping back as if she’s thrown a piece of hot coal at me. ‘I can’t drive it! That’s definitely very illegal. What if I get arrested? I can’t afford points on my licence, guys. Think of the insurance! What if I crash? What if we fall off the edge of the cliff and I kill us all?’
Em has folded her arms.
Stella is examining her nails.
‘Babes, we’re on private land. I’m pretty sure you won’t get arrested. Stella can’t drive because there’s no space for all of her legs behind the wheel, so she’ll have to stretch out in the back. And I can’t drive it because we all know I am a terrible driver.’
‘Yeah, you really shouldn’t have a licence,’ Stella says. ‘Remember when you drove us round the roundabout the wrong way because there was no traffic and you said you “couldn’t be arsed” to go around it properly?’
‘Roundabouts are so tedious.’ Em tuts. ‘But Stella has a point. I probably would drive us all off a cliff whereas you, Jessie, will guide us safely to the woods with your usual care and attention.’
‘ Illegal care and attention,’ I mutter, accepting the keys. ‘Come on, then, but for heaven’s sake put your seatbelts on, everyone.’
Stella, as instructed, spreads out across the backseat while a whooping Em hops in next to me in the front.
‘I brought tunes,’ Stella says, cranking her phone up to full volume and playing a carefully curated Spotify playlist which, she says, features all of our favourite uni bangers. It soon transpires that this mostly comprises Drake’s ‘Hotline Bling’ on repeat plus a smattering of Mark Ronson.
So, tonight is a night of firsts and we haven’t even left the grounds of our spa suite yet. The first time I’ve worn a diamond belly chain that costs more than my annual salary. The first time I’ve driven a golf buggy in heels and cigarette pants. The first time I’ve been invited to a barbecue by the hottest human on the planet. My stomach somersaults in anticipation.
‘I think we can afford to go a bit faster than this?’ Em suggests gently as I pootle along the gravel lanes.
‘Yeah, mate, we’re being overtaken by snails. And I wouldn’t mind getting there before midnight?’ Stella calls over.
‘There’s no need to be rude.’ I laugh, slamming my foot down on the accelerator until we’re practically blazing through the grounds of the hotel. Well, sort of. The golf cart has a max speed of twelve miles per hour. ‘Woo,’ I hoot. ‘This is exhilarating!’
‘That’s the spirit!’ Stella calls.
‘Yaaaaasssss,’ Em cheers. ‘Oh btw, it’s a full moon tonight, guys.’
She pumps her eyebrows at me. Alarmed, I try to turn my thoughts back to the ten and two o’clock position of my hands on the steering wheel.
‘Go on then,’ Stella says indulgently, leaning forward. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Well.’ Em rubs her hands together. ‘A full moon is kind of dynamic. The end of one phase and the start of another. It’s the perfect time to take a minute and reflect on what’s going on in our lives. Maybe get a little fresh perspective on things.’
‘I’m looking forward to getting a fresh perspective on a bottle of beer and a hot dog,’ Stella says above the tinny din of Ellie Goulding warbling about love.
‘You never know, Stell. Maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow with your energy levels recharged.’
‘Maybe. Or maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow with a hangover, hugging a kebab like it’s freshers’ week all over again?’
Em rolls her eyes. ‘Did everyone plant their seeds of intention when I texted you about the new moon a few weeks back?’
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Stella shaking her head.
‘Um, sort of,’ I say, eyes on the road. Before we all signed up to Zodiac Girlie, Em would send us regular astrological notes of her own. The last one landed around the time I vowed to be firmer with a lingering Organic Otis. ‘I promised myself that I would be clear with Otis and then I did tell him to move out – albeit once you guys got me drunk and forced me to ring him the other night.’
‘Good.’ Em nods approvingly. ‘Tonight those seeds will be at their fullest potential. It’s the perfect time for manifesting our goals.’
‘What are your goals, Em?’ I ask.
‘I’m spending time consulting my emotional landscape,’ she announces. I daren’t look at Stella in the rear-view mirror. ‘So really, I’m open to anything. Which is good, because with tonight’s full moon, anything could happen.’
And then she winks at me and my stomach flips like a pancake.
Thankfully we make it to the barbecue in one piece, physically. Mentally? Not so much. My personal emotional landscape takes a battering the minute we tumble out of the golf cart and into the woodland clearing because I immediately spot Luke and my heartrate notches up a thousand gears.
Surely other people must be able to hear it beating?
He’s standing with some friends, a bottle of beer in his hand, wearing an olive green linen shirt which looks so good against his dark skin. I can see that he’s twisting his left wrist, his fingers skittering, that continual energy of his always looking for an outlet. And my instinct is to rush straight over and take that hand in mine but I do need to at least try to be cool.
Just behave normally, please, Jess.
‘Let’s get some drinks.’ Stella takes the lead, wending her way over to the bar with Em and me in hot pursuit. I take a minute to look around. We’re not far from where I came to the old tree hugging incident about which I will forever cringe. When Luke said there’d be a barbecue, I’d pictured a few cast-iron grills with some plastic chairs dotted around. Once again, I underestimated just how ridiculous this place is. Along one side of the clearing is a garden kitchen, complete with outdoor sink, storage, an integrated fridge, pizza oven and built-in barbecue. One of the women I’ve seen teaching gym classes at the spa has an apron tied around her waist and is currently turning burgers on the grill.
In front of the kitchen is a sunken area filled with outdoor cushions and beanbags. Then there are two massive picnic tables with long benches, where some people are already sat tucking into bowls filled with salads, nuts and crisps. My stomach rumbles. Usually, a table full of food would be my first port of call but tonight, all I can think about is Luke. I glance back at him as we arrive at the makeshift bar, a trestle table filled with beers and wines, plus a couple of kegs and a few members of staff pouring pints.
He’s sharing a laugh about something or other. I love to see him laugh, the way his whole face lights up with it. He senses that he’s being watched in that way that you do sometimes, and turns to seek me out.
He holds my gaze and electricity fizzes in the space between us.
He starts walking towards us and he has determined, powerful strides which gives me butterflies. And he’s smiling. And I can feel the grin stretch across my face as he gets closer.
Em pokes me in the ribcage excitedly.
But before he reaches us he is stopped, near the speakers, by someone else calling his name.
It’s Croissants. Dressed in spray-on, high-shine leather leggings and a matching bandeau top.
I watch in horror as she corners him. And I have never thought badly of a pastry before but so help me god, right now I could swear off croissants for life.