31. Isaac / Violet
31
ISAAC / VIOLET
ISAAC
Even though it’s barely been a few months since I took the LNAT, it feels like it’s been years, and the results are finally out. I’m scared to check them, and a part of me wishes that I won’t score high enough to match my conditional offer from Oxford just so that rejecting it will feel easier. It’ll be a harder conversation with my parents and will probably lead to a ton of arguments, but at least there won’t be anything they can do to make me go there.
But another smaller part of me knows how much effort I put into studying for it, and I want a good enough score just so that I can feel validated. It’s a double-edged sword, and as I sit with the email open in front of me notifying me that there’s been a change to my application, I force myself to think about what’s become the main reason I’m not going to Oxford.
Before we broke up, I told Violet that she wasn’t the main reason I had changed my plans, but now that we’re back together, it’s hard to deny the fact that she is. I wasn’t lying when I told her I’m not going anywhere without her. I wish she was here right now, but she had plans with Avery and I don’t want to make Violet have to choose between me and her friend.
I hover over the link for a few more moments before I click on it, and then the result is there. My eyes widen as I read and reread the screen.
I scored high enough to match my offer.
I could go on the website right now, decline all the other universities, and be safe with choosing Oxford as my firm choice. I shake my head, getting rid of the thought and wondering why it even popped into my head in the first place. Even though I did everything I could to achieve this outcome, it doesn’t matter because I’m not going.
My phone rings, and it’s as if my parents have an uncanny sixth sense for detecting when I’m on the verge of a breakdown and want to further it. I let it ring for a few seconds before answering.
“Did your results come through?”
No ‘hello, how are you’, just straight to business.
“They did.” I keep my replies short, not giving them any hint of emotion as I try to keep my voice steady to prepare for what I’m about to do. “I didn’t score high enough.”
The lie comes out easily, and I wish I could say I regret it when I hear my parents gasp and start speaking in hushed whispers to each other, but I don’t.
“This isn’t something to joke about, Isaac. What was your score?”
I make up a number that’s low enough not to be considered a pass but high enough not to be suspicious. They saw me studying for it all summer so it would be unrealistic for me to say that I completely failed it. More hushed whispers as I clench the phone in my hand, and I want to press my palm to my eye but I stop myself. I hear shuffling sounds and then my mum’s voice comes through the phone.
“It’s okay. We’ll make some phone calls to the university, and I’m sure they’ll overlook it when they see your other grades. We’ll just tell them that you were sick that day, and that’s why you didn’t perform to the best of your abilities.”
They’re relentless, and I realise there’s no way out of this except with the truth.
“I was lying. I didn’t fail. But I don’t want to go to Oxford next year.”
The other side of the line is quiet, and my heart feels like it’s about to beat out of my chest as I wait for them to say something.
“I thought you were over this.” My dad’s tone is harsh, and I’m glad I can’t see the anger on his face. “That’s enough of these silly games now. You are going to Oxford in September.”
My heart beats faster and my grip tightens on the phone as I listen to him. I want so badly to fight back, but every time I speak to him, it’s like my energy gets drained completely, so I make up another lie.
“I was thinking of taking a gap year. I want to take a break before I commit to studying for the next however many years.”
A deep sigh from my dad and a shaky exhale from me.
“We’ll talk about this when you come home. This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone. ”
I nod my head even though he can’t see, but getting words out feels like an impossible task right now.
He hangs up the phone, and I drop it to the desk before sitting back in my chair, taking my glasses off so I can press the heels of my hand into my eyes. Violet hates this habit, and as soon as she comes to mind, I want to see her. I pick up my phone and call her; she answers on the second ring.
“Are you still with Avery?”
“She just left.”
“Can I come to your room?”
“Yeah, of course. What’s wrong?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll explain, but I just need to see you.”
“Okay, I’ll leave my door open.”
I thank her before hanging up, and then I’m pulling on a hoodie and shoes and half jogging to her room. My head is all over the place, but I know if I just see her, be with her, then it’ll calm me.
Her door is propped open, and I let myself in, closing it behind me before I walk over to where she’s sitting cross-legged on her bed. She moves as if to get up but I lay on her bed, tugging her down beside me so we’re lying on our sides, face to face. Her hair fans over her face from how I’ve pulled her down, so I tuck it behind her ear and cradle her cheek. She brings her hand up to cover mine, our hands fitting perfectly together like they always do.
“Are you okay?” she asks after turning her head to press a kiss to my palm.
“I got my LNAT results.” I keep my voice quiet, and I watch as she closes her eyes. It’s like I can see the silent battle happening in her head.
She’s always proud of my achievements, but with the Oxford offer and now this, I know it takes a lot for her to pretend to be happy. No matter how many times I’ve reassured her that I’m not going there, I know she still has some tiny doubts in her mind, and it’s my fault that they’re there in the first place, so all I can do is keep telling her that our plans are safe.
“My parents called me right after, and I told them I don’t want to go.”
She opens her eyes and squeezes my hand before giving me a weak smile.
“I’m so proud of you, Isaac.”
I shift closer and press a kiss to the tip of her nose.
“They want to talk about it when I go home for break. I told them I wanted to do a gap year, but there’s only so long I can keep that lie up.”
A sigh escapes me, and then another squeeze of my hand from Violet.
“We’ll figure it out,” she reassures me, and I believe her, even though I know we both have no idea how we can do it.
“We will,” I tell her, and then we just lay there for a bit in comfortable silence.
I love these moments with her when we can say nothing but feel everything. She can feel my love in the way my thumb strokes across her cheek, and I can feel hers in the way she tightens her grip on my hand, keeping me close to her.
I don’t know how long we lay like that, but Violet’s phone ringing breaks the silence, and she throws a hand behind her to reach for it, patting the bed wildly. I let out a small laugh before I sit up, leaning on my elbow as I reach over her to get it and pass it to her. Our faces are so close when I do it that I can’t resist kissing her, and she pushes at my chest playfully until I’m lying on my side again.
A small gasp escapes her as soon as she checks her phone. The worry must show on my face because she turns her phone to show my sister's name lighting up her screen.
“Do I answer?” she asks, sitting up, and I follow her so we’re both sitting on the edge of her bed.
“Yes? No? I don’t know! Do you usually call each other?”
I know Violet and Izzy talk a lot, but I have no idea what kind of friendship they have.
“Sometimes?” She swipes the screen to answer the call before I can say anything else. Her voice is so high-pitched when she says ‘hi’ that I know Izzy will immediately figure out something is up.
“Hang up,” I whisper, reaching for her phone, but she pushes me backward with a strength that I had no idea she even had. I take my glasses off and throw my arm over my eyes as if I can block out the fact that my girlfriend is talking to my sister right now.
I completely blank out their conversation, not catching a single word until I hear Violet say she’ll text her later. Violet flops back beside me on the bed, and I roll on my side to face her. She stays facing the ceiling as she holds her phone to her chest.
“Don’t you think we should tell her?”
“Izzy?” I ask, even though there’s no one else she could be talking about right now.
“Yeah, I mean, I consider her a friend, and, I don’t know, it feels weird that you’re my boyfriend and she doesn’t know. ”
“I’m your boyfriend?” I tease her to try and hide the way my heart just did fifty somersaults at the fact that she just called me that for the first time since we got back together.
“Are you not?” she jokes back. “Guess I’ll find someone else then.”
She doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence before I’ve pulled her closer to me, rolling onto my back so that she’s pressed to my front and looking down at me, her smile lighting up her entire face.
“No chance. I’m yours, and you’re mine, remember?”
“I’m yours, and you’re mine.”
She drops her head to kiss me, and I could get lost in this moment forever. I loosen my grip on her as she moves off me to curl into my side and rest her head on my chest.
“So, do we tell her?” she asks again.
“Let’s tell her together. I feel bad that I’ve been lying to her, too. And I was kind of mean to her a couple of times whenever she mentioned you, so this will probably help her realise why I was like that.”
“You want to tell her everything?” Violet lifts her head from my chest to look at me, the prettiest brown eyes staring into mine.
“Yeah, why not? She’s important to both of us.”
Violet nods, her chin pressing into my chest right above my heart, but I don’t even mind the sting of pain there when she’s looking at me like this.
“Okay,” she says before nuzzling into me again, and it’s not long before she’s yawning and drifting off to sleep.
I stay as still as possible, waiting until I hear that change in her breathing that tells me she’s deep asleep, and then I move her off me slowly, shifting her body so that her head is on the pillow, and then I tuck the covers around her.
“Jaanu, jaanu, jaanu,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her forehead before I leave.
VIOLET
The school year seems to be going by in the blink of an eye, and it’s already half-term break again. Isaac and I are both going home this week because he needs to talk to his parents about Oxford, and I just want to spend time with my mum.
We’ve still managed to keep our relationship a secret from Izzy as we’ve waited for the perfect chance to tell her. But time seems to be getting away from all of us, so we decided to tell her today before we all go home tomorrow.
I texted her last night and asked her to come and see me before she went home with Isaac, telling her that I had a book I wanted to give to her. In reality, there is no book, and Isaac is pacing around my room while he tries to figure out how he can explain our relationship to her. It’s cute watching him go back and forth, murmuring under his breath, but then there’s a knock at the door and he stops and stares at me, eyes wide as he shakes his head.
“I actually don’t think we need to tell her,” he whispers, standing in front of me to block my way to the door.
“Isaac.” I cross my arms across my chest, rolling my eyes at how dramatic he’s being. “It’s fine. I’m sure she’ll be okay with it. ”
“But what if she hates me for lying to her?”
“I think she’d hate me. You’re her brother.”
“That’s exactly why she’ll hate me!”
I shove him to the side as the knocking continues, and he presses himself against the wall behind the door.
“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous,” I say as I open the door and take his hand to drag him away from the wall.
“Hi Vi-” Izzy’s smile drops as her eyes dart back and forth between me and Isaac. I grab her hand and pull her into my room and this is a situation I never thought I would be in—holding hands with both Evans’ siblings.
Izzy is still gawking at us, her mouth open as she points at where my hand is joined with Isaac’s.
“What is going on here?” she asks as I let go of her and she steps away from us.
I look at Isaac, but he seems to have suddenly found a very interesting spot on the ceiling to stare at. I dig my elbow into his side quickly and force his attention on me.
“Tell her.”
He glances down at me with a bewildered look on his face as if I’ve sprung this entire thing on him by surprise. If he didn’t look so adorable right now with his hair all mussed from running his hands through it, I would be annoyed with him. Instead, I just sigh and look at Izzy again.
“We’re together,” I tell her, suddenly lost for words, and I realise maybe Isaac wasn’t being overdramatic when he was thinking about what to say to her. “I’m dating your brother.”
“I can see that,” she says, looking down at our hands again. Isaac squeezes my fingers.
“It’s a long story.” Isaac finally finds his voice. “We started seeing each other last year, but then we broke up for a little bit, and now we’re back together.”
“That seems like a very short story.”
Isaac sticks his tongue out at her, and she does the same to him. I can already tell this will devolve into childish bickering if I don’t jump in.
“We felt bad that we didn’t tell you before, but we didn’t really tell anyone.”
“I knew,” she states, matter of factly.
“What?” Isaac and I say in unison, and Izzy just shrugs her shoulders.
“He started being a lot nicer to me last year, so I figured he was dating someone. And you were a lot happier, too, Violet. It didn’t take long for me to put two and two together. And then, after his birthday last year, he was all angsty and moody, and it was so annoying, but I knew something had probably happened.”
We both stare at her and then at each other, a silent conversation passing between us as we try to figure out what to do with this information. Isaac came prepared for an argument, and I came prepared for I don’t even know what kind of confrontation, but we both weren’t prepared for this.
“Oh.”
“I’ve been waiting for you to get back together. I kept trying to mention you so that maybe he’d get his act together, but he always just got in a mood instead.”
“Isabelle.”
“Isaac.”
He raises his finger to point at her, trying to look as menacing as possible, but he doesn’t have anything to say to her, and I have to stifle a laugh .
“I’m happy you’re back together, really I am. But if you hurt her again, I’ll kill you.”
“We didn’t even tell you why we broke up.”
“You obviously messed up.”
Isaac’s jaw drops open, and he looks offended by what she’s saying.
“You’re my sister. Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
“No? You’re annoying. I like Violet more.”
Isaac huffs out an exasperated breath, and I rub his arm to soothe him, and this time, I can’t hold back a laugh. He looks down at me, shock on his face.
“This was a mistake. You two are going to gang up on me now.”
“Hmmm, maybe?” I tell him, tilting my head to one side and smiling up at him. I don’t expect him to drop his head to mine and kiss me, but I’m not mad about it.
“Okay, please don’t ever do that in front of me again.”
We look at Izzy and she’s covering her eyes with her hands, her mouth turned down in disgust.
“Sorry,” we say together, but then we dissolve into laughter as Isaac kisses me again.