Chapter 9
9
LEXI
L exi hadn’t meant to do it again, and yet she had—in the on-call room, enthusiastically. Very enthusiastically. She shook her head, feeling ridiculous. Getting involved with Catherine Spencer was a surefire road to heartbreak. Lexi liked her, and that was the problem. If it was just a sex thing, Lexi could detach and have all the sex she wanted with Catherine Spencer and her beautiful, beautiful body, but Lexi realized it wasn’t just that. Not even remotely.
She liked her. She liked the way Catherine’s eyes crinkled when she smiled, the way she was super intelligent but never smug about it, the way she was kind, gentle, and the classiest woman Lexi had ever met. She liked everything about Dr. Catherine Spencer—and that was definitely the problem. She’d broken her own heart by pulling away from Catherine in the on-call room. Lexi wanted nothing more than to go back in and hold her, to just keep going. But she couldn’t. She had to end it. She had to get out of this. Yet here she was at home, thinking about Catherine, who was driving her crazy. Sleeping with Catherine was the greatest pleasure Lexi had ever experienced, and she’d been turned on for days now, desperate for her own release.
What the hell am I saving it for? she thought, sliding her hand inside her pajama pants and beginning to lazily touch herself. She was wet, of course she was—ever since the on-call room she’d been right on the edge, desperately wanting release but reluctant to take it from Catherine, because she knew what that would mean. It was too much; it was too close to the woman she was so drawn to, but who was, in the end, still married.
Her fingers circled her clitoris, massaging it in slow circles as tension spread through her whole body. This thing with Catherine was bringing so much tension to her that she needed to let go. Her fingers moved faster, pressing more firmly. She was thinking of Catherine spread open for her, how Catherine tasted when she came on her tongue, how she felt when Lexi’s fingers were deep inside her. She remembered Catherine’s big eyes as she’d looked up at her, saying, Please, I want to taste you . Catherine had genuinely wanted to, and yet Lexi had walked away, conflicted and full of longing.
Lexi’s fingers moved faster, and suddenly, with no warning, her orgasm crashed over her hard and fast, and then was gone as quickly as it had come. It wasn’t the satisfaction Lexi had craved. It was only an end to the buildup, replaced with…well, nothing.
Lexi huffed and pulled her hand out of her pants, frustrated and angry. “I can’t even come properly anymore because of her—because of you, Catherine. For fuck’s sake,” she muttered. She got up and headed to the bathroom for a shower, needing to feel clean again, clean of Catherine . She doubted any water would be hot enough to burn Catherine from her skin, though.
Lexi was back at work the following day. She’d had a long surgery that took her all morning, and though she was pleased with the outcome, she was exhausted. During her break, she headed to the coffee shop across the street from the hospital. It was called Nola, themed around New Orleans. At the counter, she placed her order.
“Double shot espresso, please, with milk on the side,” Lexi said, realizing she was starving. Her stomach growled, and she remembered she hadn’t eaten all morning. “I’ll also have one of those lunchtime special sandwiches and some fries. Definitely fries.”
Lexi sat down to wait for her order and let her thoughts drift. She ran through the morning’s surgery in her head, feeling satisfied with her work. Sometimes it felt great to be a surgeon, to save lives, to wield that kind of power and capability, almost as if she could change the course of fate. But on other days, when a patient was lost, the sadness was intense, especially if she felt there was something she could’ve done differently. Surgery wasn’t black and white. You had to adapt quickly, to come up with new solutions in the moment, because what you found when you opened someone up wasn’t always what you’d seen on the scans.
“May I join you?” a familiar voice asked, as lyrical as a river flowing over rocks.
Startled, Lexi looked up and saw Catherine, her shiny brown hair pulled back in a wavy ponytail, her eyes warm and inviting. She was the last person Lexi had expected to see, though given that a lot of the doctors frequented this coffee shop, it shouldn’t have been surprising.
“Oh, yes, of course,” Lexi stammered, nodding. Any other response would be rude. Catherine hadn’t done anything wrong; she didn’t deserve Lexi’s rejection. Surely they could have a friendship, even if Lexi needed to protect herself from anything more. They were just doctors sharing coffee at a café across the road from the hospital—that was what friends did, right?
Lexi’s sandwich arrived at the same time as Catherine’s coffee, providing a welcome distraction. Lexi hoped the café’s setting would be enough to keep things safe between them. She had food to eat and fries to enjoy, but as she took her first bite, she couldn’t help but feel the tension between them.
“Dr. Spencer, will you be eating today?” asked the server.
“Yes, I’ll take the salmon salad from the specials board,” Catherine replied confidently, and Lexi liked it. Catherine’s decisiveness reassured her—surgeons needed to be sure of themselves.
“How was your surgery this morning?” Catherine asked. “I heard a little about it. It went really well, apparently. You’re getting glowing reviews from the other surgeons.” Lexi watched Catherine’s beautiful lips as she spoke, captivated by the warmth in her eyes.
“Yeah, I was really pleased with it. Are they really talking about me like that?”
Catherine laughed. “Have you never worked in a hospital before? We always talk about the new people; you’re fair game for fresh gossip.”
Lexi smirked. “Well, let’s hope they keep the gossip about my surgeries and not about anything else.” She met Catherine’s gaze for a second too long before looking away. The pull between them was so strong it felt overwhelming, even in the cheery atmosphere of the café. She sighed and took another bite of her sandwich, following it with some fries dipped in mayo.
“How’s your morning been?” Lexi asked.
“Pretty uneventful,” Catherine replied. “Just an appendectomy this morning.”
Lexi knew that general surgeons handled many appendectomies. “Do you get bored of that stuff? Can’t you…you know, let a resident handle it?”
“Oh, sure. I had a resident do it, but I oversaw it. You know how it is. Can’t be too careful.”
Lexi nodded, instantly understanding. You couldn’t let anything slip at their level; they were responsible for everyone below them.
“But I’m a bit distracted at the moment,” Catherine admitted, her golden eyes catching the sunlight streaming through the café window.
“Me too,” Lexi said quietly, putting down her sandwich. Catherine’s right hand reached across the table, moving over Lexi’s, and the electricity between them was instant. Every time they touched, it was like this—an intense, undeniable spark. Lexi wanted to pull her hand away, but she couldn’t. She was drawn to Catherine like a magnet.
“This isn’t just a game for me,” Catherine said, her voice calm and measured. “I like you. A lot. I have feelings for you. And…well, I think…I think I’m gay.”
Lexi shook her head, a pang of doubt striking her. “Catherine, you don’t know that. You’ve been married to a man your whole life. You’re unhappy and you’re clinging to the first person who’s given you attention in years, and you’ve convinced yourself there’s more between us than there is.”
“I don’t think it’s that,” Catherine replied, refusing to back down. “I think I’m falling in love with you,” she said, her words hanging in the air like a spell cast between them.
Lexi took a shaky breath. “Catherine, this is a really bad idea,” she said slowly. “I have feelings for you, too, but this isn’t going to end well for either of us. Where do you see this going?”
“What if it does end well? What if we get our happily ever after?”
“That’s not how it goes, Catherine. I’ve seen this a million times. Women like you…” She faltered. “You change your mind, you go back to your husband, to the safety of…of…” She shook her head. “I don’t want to be your test drive into the lesbian world,” Lexi continued, her voice low. “I won’t lie; I’ve enjoyed it. You’re incredible, but I can’t carry on like this. I’m falling for you, too, and it’s…terrifying.”
They held each other’s gazes, a long moment of shared intensity passing between them. Catherine’s hand squeezed Lexi’s, linking their fingers. “Please, can we try?” she asked.
Lexi’s heart twisted. “I’m scared, Catherine. I like you way too much for this to end badly.”
“I know my marriage is over. I tried to talk to him, but he’s not making it easy. No matter what happens between me and you, I’m leaving James.”
“But what if you lose everything—the house, your status, your lifestyle?”
“That’s just stuff, Lexi. Honestly, I don’t care. The house is beautiful, but it’s far too big. Most of the time, it’s just me there by myself, and I feel so lonely,” Catherine said softly. Her eyes, the color of whiskey over ice, locked onto Lexi’s. Lexi felt her own fingers tighten around Catherine’s, entwining them, unable to resist. She looked down at Catherine’s long, graceful fingers and her neatly manicured short nails, and all she could think of was feeling them inside of her.
“Please,” Catherine whispered again, her voice trembling. “Can we try?”
Lexi took a deep, shuddering breath. “I can’t be without you,” Catherine continued, her gaze unwavering. “I just can’t. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”
Catherine reached under the table, took Lexi’s other hand in hers, and placed it on her thigh, guiding it higher. Lexi’s heart pounded as Catherine pushed her hand up beneath her skirt. She could feel the warmth between Catherine’s legs through the thin fabric of her panties, soaked and inviting.
Catherine looked at her, her eyes filled with pure desire. “See what you do to me? I’m so wet for you,” she whispered, her voice raw.
Lexi gasped, her fingers tracing the dampness beneath her fingertips, momentarily forgetting they were in a public place. It felt like the whole world had faded away, leaving only Catherine and the fierce intensity between them.
Lexi’s fingers toyed with the edge of Catherine’s panties. She was barely holding herself back. In this instant, with Catherine’s want so palpable, the bustling café, the people around them, and all the outside noise disappeared. Lexi leaned forward, her lips inches from Catherine’s ear.
“Alright,” she murmured. “We can try.”
Catherine’s breath hitched and her lips curved in a soft smile that was full of relief and something deeper. Lexi knew this wasn’t simple, that there would be risks, pain, and sacrifices in their future. But in this moment, none of that mattered. She would try.