11. Try Losing One
11
Try Losing One
Ben
T his is the fifth time I’ve read this email and I still have no clue what it’s about. Ever since my call with Amelia at the weekend I can’t think about anything else. My brain has gone into overdrive mulling over the many reasons why this is a bad idea, and counter-arguments of why this is a brilliant idea. I’m torn, but one thing I know for sure: hearing her come apart took everything in me not to head over to her cottage. Focus, focus!
I scan the report from our Swiss subsidiary again when the door opens.
“Morning!” Coop grins at me as he strolls into my office.
“Morning. Weren’t you supposed to be in Canada for another week or so?” I press enter to send the email.
“Too cold. I tell you, there is cold and there is Canadian cold. We basically stayed in bed the whole time. And so, we thought if we cut the holiday short we could jet off on a beach vacation in a few weeks,” he grins.
“Well, two weeks in bed with the woman you love doesn’t sound like hardship. So don’t expect any sympathy from me.”
“That part was great.” He grins.
“And? Are you going to tell me what she said?” I raise an eyebrow. He knows exactly what I’m asking.
“She said yes, of course,” his grin gets bigger, if that is even possible. I rise from my chair and pull him into a man hug.
“Congratulations!” I hate to admit it, but I’m a little choked up . Coop has wanted this for so long.
“Thanks, mate. Which brings me to our little discussion from before the trip.” He takes a seat as I drop back into my chair.
“The general manager.”
“Yes. Ben, I really think we need this—”
“I agree,” I interrupt him.
“You agree?”
“Yes. Is that not what you wanted me to say?” I smirk.
“I did. But that was too easy. What happened?” He gives me a suspicious look.
“Nothing. I just realised that I don’t have the same fire in me anymore. Taking it easier sounds good.” I try to keep my expression neutral even if Amelia’s face immediately comes to my mind.
Coop looks at me carefully before pulling his phone from his pocket.
“Fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll email the agency now and you better not change your mind.” He points at me. “Anything happen whilst I was gone?”
“I had a few conversations with Neil regarding the contract. He’s still playing hard to get, but we all know he needs that deal as much as we do.” Henderson Steel Works is a company in the Midlands, and we have been talking with them for a few months about a new construction project we have coming up.
Coop mumbles his agreement about the deal as he types away on his phone.
“Oh, guess what, I ran into Amelia.” Silence. I had to tell him at some point and, in all honesty I’m dying to talk to him about it.
“Amelia?” He locks eyes with me. “Your Amelia?”
“Yup,” I reply casually like it is not a big deal even if it is a big fucking deal.
“Where did you meet her?”
“She, well…” His stare makes me feel like I’m on trial. “We matched on the dating app I use.”
“The BDSM app?” There is surprise in his eyes when I nod. “I didn’t think Amelia was into that.”
“Neither did I,” I shrug.
“And?”
“We met up for dinner and—”
“Hang on, is she the cat lady?” Coop rises from his chair.
“Yes.”
“Ben! Fuck. I saw the look on your face when you texted her. You’re falling for her again.”
“No! That’s not what this is.” I protest but somehow it doesn’t really feel true to me either.
“How is it, then?” he challenges me.
“It… she asked me to show her what it means to be with a pleasure dom.”
“You’re kidding me?” Coop looks stunned.
“No—”
“Tell me you said no!”
“Coop—”
“Ben! For fuck’s sake. What are you doing?”
“I’ll tell you if you let me finish a bloody sentence,” I raise my voice and square up to him.
Coop inhales deeply before taking a seat.
As I recap what happened, of course leaving out the phone sex, he keeps shaking his head.
“I think this is bonkers, Ben,” he sighs when I finish my story.
“I know. But I couldn’t say no to her. If I can help her with this I will.”
“And what happens if she walks away again at the end?”
“I… I’ll let her go of course.” But I can hear the uncertainty in my voice.
“Don’t hurt her, Ben!”
“I’m not the same man, Coop. I’d give her anything she asks for. I think that makes me much more likely to get hurt.” As I say it out loud I know it’s true. There is no point in fighting it. I need to admit the truth to myself: when she stood in front of me in the restaurant my old feelings came roaring back to me. I would have given anything to hold her in my arms.
“Fucking hell. This is madness. I’m worried for you, and for her.”
“I know,” I reply. We stare at each other. Before either one of us can say anything else Gladys sticks her head into the office to get Coop who is late for a meeting.
After he leaves, my fingers casually glide over my phone. As the screen springs alive I click on the dating app. Amelia’s profile is the first one on my list. I take a couple of screenshots of it then press the little red cross.
I hit yes and follow the final steps. That’s it. As long as Amelia is around there isn’t going to be anyone else.