Chapter 14
Nantes
We walk into Red Sushi and are seated pretty quickly considering how busy it is.
I kind of wanted to keep Vanian to myself, but at the same time, I want him to be able to enjoy Madison while he’s here.
My head is still spinning from what happened between us this morning, but he’s acting so normal I almost feel like I imagined it.
I wasn’t this chill when I first hooked up with a guy, and I knew I was gay at that point.
I can’t believe I confessed my secret desires to him, but then again, I can. We were so close back in the day, but now that I don’t have to hide who I am, I feel like we’ve grown even closer just in the few days he’s been here.
We sit across from Deo and Balt, and Vanian winks at me, squeezing my knee under the table.
“Should we just share a bunch of stuff?” Deo suggests.
“That works for me,” I say after visually confirming with Vanian.
We each pick two or three items, and when the server comes over, Balt orders sake for everyone.
I raise my hands in surrender. “No, not me. I drank too much last night.”
“Hair of the dog, Bro,” Deo says, grinning. “One cup won’t hurt.”
Vanian chuckles. “You haven’t changed, Deo. You were always the fierce one, adventurous, taking everything in stride.”
“That’s true about him,” Balt says, gazing lovingly at my little brother. “Even how we met. We both just went all in.”
“We did,” Deo replies.
The look in their eyes makes my chest tighten with envy. In the back of my mind, I’ve hoped my life would slow down enough that I could find a partner, but even though it has, that hasn’t proven easy. The dating world is tough.
“How did you meet?” Vanian asks, leaning his elbows on the table.
“Bookstore,” Deo says at the same time Balt says the same thing. They both laugh.
I didn’t believe it the first time they said it and I don’t believe it now, but far be it from me to pry. They probably met at a sex club or on a hookup app.
“Cool,” Vanian says.
“How are things in Chi town?” Deo asks.
“Busy,” Vanian says. “And weird. My company office was burned down by some arsonists who were mad about our client list.”
“How would they know that?” Balt asks.
“There was a high-profile client who was charged with child sex abuse.”
Balt crinkles his nose. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. I only treat kids, so I never saw him, but he was murdered a few days ago. The media leaked that he was a patient and these arsonists lit the place up.”
“Was anyone hurt?” Deo asks.
“No, it was at night. They obviously didn’t want to hurt anyone, but they wanted to make a statement.”
“So now what?” Deo asks. “Are you out of a job?”
“No. Fortunately, we’re just moving to remote for a while.”
Balt is studying Vanian’s face, but I can’t figure out why. His expression is neutral, so it doesn’t seem like he’s into him or something. No. It’s more like he’s looking at a puzzle he’s trying to figure out.
“I’m extending my stay here a bit.” Vanian glances at me. “Spending more time with Nantes.”
“It’s really cool you guys have stayed so close over the years,” Deo says.
“Very cool,” Vanian replies. “You always wonder, you know? About people you used to know, people who used to be your whole life. After so much time goes by, you think it’s useless to reach out.
You think you’ve grown and so have they, and you think there’s no way it was in the same direction.
” He smiles, holding my gaze. “That’s not the case here.
We’ve grown, but I think we’re even more compatible than we used to be. ”
“I agree.”
The server returns with the sake, and Vanian excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Once he’s gone, I exhale slowly, sitting back in my chair.
“Dude,” Deo says, leaning across the table towards me. “What was that? I thought you said Vanian was straight.”
“Um, yeah, that’s what I said. What do you mean?”
“He was looking at you like he planned to make you the meal. You sure about that straightness?”
We haven’t discussed letting anyone know, and honestly, it’s not my place to out Vanian in any way. For all I know, this could be some kind of early mid-life crisis that’ll be over in a day or two.
“We’ve always had a fondness for each other. It’s nothing more than that.”
“If you say so, but I think you could seal the deal if you wanted to.”
“Babe,” Balt whispers, kissing Deo’s temple, “have you considered that maybe he’s not ready to talk about anything yet?”
Oof. Busted.
“Sorry,” Deo says. “You’re right. I’m glad he’s here and you get to spend time catching up.”
“Thanks, Deo.”
Vanian returns, smiling as he rubs his hands together. He slides into his seat, turning toward me, and for just a second, I’d swear he was going to kiss me, but he winks instead.
“I’m starving,” he says.
“Good,” Deo says. “We ordered a lot of food.”
“Tell me all the things about the winery. I want to know it all.”
Deo’s face lights up as he launches into the story of how he decided to return. I sit back and listen as a sense of wholeness settles in my chest. This is the feeling I was always chasing. I didn’t realize I was running in the wrong direction for so long, but at least I’m back on track now.
I’ll deal with the emptiness Vanian will leave behind when the time comes.