Chapter 25
Nobody had anticipated the arrival of Luna and Saul Joy. Not the staff, not Etta, and certainly not Jamie, who had no warning that this storm was coming.
“Your parents… seem nice.” Etta only got two seconds alone with Jamie when she broke away long enough to hide in her office.
Jamie was right behind her, gone when her father was distracted with their guest room, and Luna went screaming into the backyard, her yelps of joy over Etta’s flower garden sounding like shrieking cats.
Speaking of… All but one cat had made itself scarce.
Beatrice’s favorite swished its tail outside the guest room.
As for Barbarossa? She was probably yowling beneath the bed, as she usually did when something even slightly disruptive happened in that part of the house.
“My parents are nuts.” Jamie stayed a respectful distance from Etta, afraid that touching her fiancée might make her collapse. “I promise I had no idea that they were coming.”
“You haven’t told them much about me. Your father was shocked that I didn’t have a tattoo, and your mother won’t stop touching me.”
“Wait until they realize that you own this house and that you’re one of the richest people they’ve ever met.”
Etta’s mouth twitched. “Rich because I have you.”
“Don’t even start, please.”
Sighing, Etta poured herself a drink at the wet bar and tossed it back in one gulp. “I wouldn’t truly dream of it. I’m already tired from seeing them for half an hour.”
“You sure that’s not olfactory fatigue? It’s okay to say it. They smell a little. They don’t wear deodorant and haven’t showered more than twice a week since we lived in our house.”
“Think it might be about time to tell me about your parents?”
Jamie rubbed her face with her fingers, as if that would save her sanity.
“What is there to tell you? They’re a couple of crazy hippies.
They live on some farming commune out in the middle of nowhere.
I’ve often worried that they were in a cult, but I suppose not, if they’re allowed to leave.
Besides…” she rolled her eyes, “they are very nonreligious. I don’t think an actual cult could convince them to join, even if it tried. ”
“Good to know.” Etta poured another drink, this time handing it to Jamie. “Now, tell me how much they hate big business and why I should be wary.”
Jamie had no idea where to begin.
“I don’t think they will be rude to you,” Jamie said in the end, “but don’t be surprised if my father especially says derogatory things about your career off the cuff.
He would definitely have me marry another hippie or, barring that, at least a working-class person…
who never has the chance of rising in the world.
My parents are the exact opposite of the kind you’re used to seeing around the office. ”
“That’s both good and terrible.”
After finishing her drink, Jamie handed her the glass. “My mother adores you already, though. I can tell. She only looks at people like that if she thinks they’re ‘deplorably gorgeous.’”
“Deplorable, huh?”
“She thinks that makes her sound fancy. My parents… can be hypocrites.”
“Aren’t most of us?”
“They’re… yeah. I told you that they’re the reason I have my dumb name, right?”
Etta took her glass and downed the remaining few sips. “I like your name. Ms. Joy.”
She narrowed her eyes at her fiancée. “They picked the name ‘Joy’ on their honeymoon when they were high as fucking kites.”
“Yeah, you told me.”
“My mother changed her name. Used to be Sandra. Saul and Sandra Warner would’ve been their names by traditional conventions.” Jamie didn’t wait for a reply. “Yes, Warner. My dad’s name used to be Warner. No relation, I’m sure.”
“Surely.”
“My mom legally changed her name to Luna sometime shortly after I was born. Get it? Saul and Luna Joy?”
Etta cocked an eyebrow over the rim of the glass. You’re not getting any more alcohol out of there, honey.
“Saul… Sol…” She snorted into the glass.
“Yeah.”
“Fucking hell.” Etta shook her head. “That’s brilliant.”
“It would be if it also didn’t make me groan every time I think about it.
I grew up in a smaller town… fairly liberal for small towns, but I still got made fun of all the time because of my name and my parents.
They went crazy after I graduated, but they weren’t that much better beforehand.
They chaperoned a dance and were caught having sex in the family bathroom. ”
“Wow.”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s wild.”
“You’re telling me.”
Etta pulled her into both arms, their lips smelling like liquor. “When we’re their age, we’ll get caught fucking in billiard rooms.”
“As long as we don’t become murder suspects.”
“Rope or lead pipe?”
“I always guessed the wrench first, myself.”
Jamie hooked her hands behind Etta. “How did I get so lucky? A woman who appreciates board game culture.” She snickered. “My parents have no idea how great you are.”
“Hopefully, they’ll find out soon.”
“I’m sorry they snuck up on us like that. It’s going to put everyone out… and even if you don’t, I’ll probably be super sick of them by the end of the week.”
“I’m sure it will be fine. They obviously love you and want to be here for your wedding. I’m glad you have some family coming here.”
“Yes, but for two months?” Jamie wasn’t all about the lifestyle she lived, but her parents would definitely cramp her lifestyle.
“There’s plenty for them to do. The woods on the property alone should give them plenty of room to… get away for hours at a time.”
“See? You’re already trying to get rid of them!”
The rest of the day was a mixture of misunderstandings, small arguments, and severe repetition between the members of the household. Naturally, Saul and Luna were vegetarians, which meant Beatrice had to change gears for dinner – so much for the baked chicken.
Unfortunately, it had already defrosted in the kitchen, so the Joys had to deal with the scent alongside their mashup dinner of potatoes and vegetables.
They did not say anything, knowing that their daughter was a terrible carnivore who partook in the misery of animals alongside her fiancée, but they still made a face every time the scent of chicken wafted in their direction.
I mean, this vegetarian thing didn’t happen until they moved to the commune, where it is probably mandatory.
Whatever made them feel better about themselves, though.
Of course, they asked Etta a lot about her background and what she did.
All she would say was that she was “in many fields.” Luna passed this off to her husband by saying, “The woman has so many interests. Isn’t it remarkable?
” Both parents wanted to know about the gorgeous garden out back.
Etta clung to this point of conversation she could confidently engage in, talking about how the former owner started the garden and that was what sold the house.
Saul grunted on his roasted broccoli. “So, you own this expansive estate, huh?”
If he thinks this place is huge, then he hasn’t seen the others I’ve been to.
Etta had a “small” home, all things considered.
Every time Jamie visited another mansion, like the Warners’, the Mathisons’ estate in the countryside, or even Monique’s place of business farther away, she was constantly lost, wondering how people could live in such huge palaces.
Then again, they were often stuffed full of staff.
Monique had her own damn maid to cater to her every need and whim!
Etta and I would both go crazy with that.
Beatrice and Harris were plenty enough company.
Even when Etta made the last-minute decision to sleep in the penthouse, Jamie still had security patrolling outside at night to keep her feeling safe in an otherwise empty house.
That had changed now. She had parents. Here.
Since said parents had driven for almost two days straight to get there, they expressed a desire to turn in early. “We’re used to it, anyway,” Luna explained. “We have to get up around five in the morning back on the farm. If we’re not in bed by nine, it’s going to be a long day.”
This did not mean Jamie was safe from her parents, whether they were down the hall or not. For the moment, she sat down in the den while Etta went to take a shower, Luna appeared, sitting as close to her daughter as she dared.
“So,” she said, mischief all over her lined face. “Let’s talk about this fine lady of yours.”
Jamie, leaning against the couch arm, groaned. “Let’s not.”
“Now, do you think you can get away with that? If I grilled you about your boyfriends in high school, then it’s only natural that I want to know all about the woman you say you’re going to marry!
” She tittered. Jamie would find her mother’s mirth cute if it weren’t for the subject at hand.
“My little girl is all grown up and getting married. Don’t worry.
I’m cool with the queers. I know we never talked about you being bisexual when you were in college, but your father and I knew. It was very obvious.”
“Mom.”
“Whoa, honey, that gal is a real piece of meat, and I say that as a vegetarian.”
“Mom!”
“All right, I know, you don’t like to think of your mother as a sexual being. Although I have to ask where you think you came from…”
“Mooooom.”
“Forgive me for caring so much about your personal life. We don’t get to talk very much anymore.” There’s a reason for that. “I want to know all about her!”