Chapter 27 #2
“Anyway, life got back to normal for me and Rhys. I went back on my diet plan, and I was being really strict with myself. I hoped I could do a better job of keeping his interest this time. But I wasn’t losing weight fast enough, so I let Rhys put an exercise plan together for me.
I was at the gym the other day when I got lightheaded and fell off one of the machines, hence the busted face.
I went to hospital and had scans and stuff, and when they discharged me, I got home to find Rhys having sex with my doctor on the couch.
Even after everything I’d done, how hard I’d tried, I still wasn’t good enough for him.
“I told him I want a divorce and left. I got in a taxi, planning on going to a hotel for a few days, but I ended up making my way to you on instinct. And now here we are.”
Connor’s fingers thread through my hair as he leans towards me and kisses my forehead.
His warm lips are soothing to my piercing headache, and I find myself gripping his T-shirt in my hands, clinging on to him.
The room spins, but I fight to stay with Connor, needing to be fully present for this telling of truths.
“Please say something,” I whisper.
“Never do anything like that again. Please.” His grasp on my hair becomes more desperate, his fingertips dragging along my scalp. “You’ve been through so much, baby, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you through it.”
Connor’s voice suddenly sounds distant, as if he’s speaking to me from a different room.
I look up at him to double-check he’s still in front of me.
Yes, he’s there, his fingers still woven into my hair, that familiar concerned look in his eyes.
Funny, I’ve never noticed how fuzzy his edges are before.
I use my finger to trace the outline of his face, concentrating hard so I don’t miss any of it.
“Tilly? Are you okay?” Connor looks at me like I’ve gone insane. Maybe I have. Maybe it’s the trauma catching up with me.
“I’m trying to draw your face, but your skin won’t stay still.”
“What are you talking about?” Concern blends with amusement as Connor lets me run my fingers over his face. His perfect, stubbled face.
“You’re a peach, you know?”
“Peach?” Connor snorts.
“Yeah, because you’re so soft and sweet and fuzzy. You’re a peach.”
“I think taking a double dose of pain meds has come back to bite you on the arse.” He smiles. I like it when he smiles, especially when I’m the cause of it. Even if it is because I’m drugged up and making a tit of myself.
“I love peaches,” I sigh, dropping sideways onto the sofa.
“You can have as many peaches as you want tomorrow, but I think you need to get to bed now. I’ll go to the car and bring you some pyjamas.”
Connor tries to stand but I haul him back down.
“No!” I shout. “You can’t leave me! What if there’s an emergency?”
“I’ll only be two minutes!”
I pout at him, hoping I look cute, but probably end up looking like a duck.
“Okay, I won’t go. But you’re going to have to sleep in those clothes if you won’t let me get your own.”
Satisfied in my victory, I curl up on in the couch cushions like a cat and close my eyes. “That’s fine.” I yawn. “I’m super comfy in these. Do you know where I got them from? I think I borrowed them from a giant.”
Connor throws his head back and laughs loudly.
“Bedtime!” he orders, trying to pull me up by my hand, but my body’s gone floppy and I don’t trust my legs to hold me.
“My legs have turned to jelly,” I mumble. I’m vaguely aware of my words starting to slur. “I’ll have to camp here until they turn back into legs.”
“No chance.”
Despite my numb skin, I feel his hands slide beneath my knees and around my back, electricity sparking with every brush of his skin.
“No, you can’t lift me,” I weakly protest, but I loop my arms around his neck anyway. If I were in my right mind, I’d be in major panic mode at being lifted. “It’s against the rules!”
“What rules?” Connor asks, carrying me through the living room.
“The rules of being a fat person. Rule number one: always carry snacks. Rule number two: never let anyone lift you up! It’s all here in black and white,” I say, holding out an imaginary rule book.
“First of all, you idiot, you’re not fat, so the rules don’t apply to you. Second, I will take any excuse to hold you this close. If that means carrying you when you’re high on prescription medication, so be it.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet! See, I told you you were a peach.”
Connor chuckles to himself and starts to climb up the stairs. I’m just settling my head into his chest when I spot something on the wall.
“Stop!” I shout so suddenly Connor looks at me in panic.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
“I want to look at that picture.” I point towards my favourite picture on the wall, where Connor is looking off into the distance, smiling. My speech is definitely slowing down. It’s a battle to form each syllable.
“Why?” Connor asks, bemused.
“It’s my favourite. You look so happy.”
Connor doesn’t respond. He just strokes my back with his thumb as he holds me.
“Do you remember what you were looking at?” I ask.
“I do.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes.” My jaw feels like a rusty hinge. I don’t think I’m going to manage more than a word at a time for a while.
“Okay,” he says. “I was looking at you.”
“Me?” My head is swimming. Connor isn’t making sense.
“Back then, I just noticed you. I didn’t have a name for what that feeling was. But now — now I look at you in my clothes again, and I know.”
“Oh.”
Connor looks down at me with tenderness and something else I can’t put my finger on. “I know you’re not used to hearing it, Tilly, but I think you’re perfect. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to convince you of that. From tomorrow. Because for now, you need to sleep.”
He finishes climbing the stairs and sets me down on the left side of the bed.
He helps me remove the hoodie, my heavy arms completely useless, and hangs it up on the back of his door.
For the second time today, he helps me into bed and tucks the covers around me.
The light turns off, and I hear rustling and the thud of clothes hitting the floor, then Connor climbs into bed behind me.
“Snuggle,” I say sleepily.
“Always.” His arms snake around me, and I feel immediately at peace.