28. Deacon
DEACON
“Hey, what are you—” My words are cut off the second Tanner walks through my door, his mouth on mine as he maneuvers us and pushes me back against the wood, making it slam shut in the process.
“Shh…” he whispers, his hands skating over my arms and chest as he presses himself into me, rocking his hips as I cradle his head, tilting my own to deepen the kiss.
I can feel his desperation; he’s practically vibrating with it as he moans and whimpers before his hand falls to my belt. I reach for his, but he pushes my hand away. “Not yet. Let me have this.”
“Okay,” I whisper, unsure what this is before he’s lowering to his knees, and a wave of lust and hesitation crashes over me, each emotion warring with the other.
I want to check in with him, make sure he knows he doesn’t have to do this, but the words die on my tongue when he pulls my length from my boxers and strokes me, his light eyes gleaming with desire.
He doesn’t look nervous.
Not at all.
He blows out a breath, the air shaky as it hits my heated flesh, the rumble in my chest barely audible, but his eyes flash with excitement and he does it again as he strokes me.
Fuck.
I assumed the first time Tanner had his mouth on me, he’d be tentative, but the man sitting at my feet is teasing me. His tongue peeks out to wet his lips, and then as if he just said fuck it, Tanner licks up the entire underside of my erection, making my head fall back against the door.
It’s unexpected but it doesn’t compare to the way he confidently sucks the head of my dick into his mouth, his tongue flicking over my slit, his hand still squeezing and stroking me.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Tanner,” I groan and he hums, his lips loosening their hold on me as he pulls back a little and then pushes farther down my length. “Fuck, that feels good, Sweetheart.”
It’s better than good. My entire body is humming with pleasure as he explores and tastes me, pushing himself to take more each time. The sensation is incredible, his enthusiasm mounting with every groan and grunt I make.
Unable to resist, I slide my fingers into his hair, my other hand fisted at my side. Tanner moans and swallows around me, his throat adding another layer of pleasure and making my hips jerk involuntarily.
He gags, and my gut fills with remorse as he pulls back. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I liked it,” he manages, his eyes wild and glassy as he sucks in a breath and takes me as deep as he can. My fingers tighten in his hair as he owns me, his lip and tongue working in conjunction with his hand.
I’m teetering on the edge, my body tense as I let him lead. I don’t want it to end but I’m powerless to stop it.
“Sweetheart, I’m gonna come… Pull off before I—”
I swear he narrows his eyes in challenge as he sucks me harder before freezing as I fill his mouth with my release. My legs want to buckle under me, but I keep my feet planted, not daring to look away as he gently releases me and swallows.
Fuck.
It shouldn’t be that hot but the fact that this is his first time, that I’m his first time, is something I will cherish for the rest of my life.
The primal satisfaction is heady, as is the mine that has become a chant in my mind.
He’s mine.
Even before today, there’s no denying that Tanner Holiday is mine.
And it’s time to show him how much I appreciate that…
TANNER
I’m naked, panting as Deacon’s beard tickles the inside of my thigh, my entire body worn out from the way he brought me to the edge over and over before sucking my cock so hard I blacked out for a second, his name a silent scream as I came harder than I ever have.
It was a hell of a thank you.
My cheeks flush at the way he’d felt in my mouth, his erection heavy on my tongue as I licked and teased him, learning and memorizing every moan and gasp until I had him coming down my throat.
It might have been the adrenaline still coursing through me after my visit with the Thayers, but it’d felt natural to pleasure him, to want to pull those sounds from his lips and make him lose control.
And he had.
I hadn’t pulled back when he told me he was close because I wanted all of him.
There was a feral look in his eyes when I’d swallowed him down.
It felt like a moment suspended in time, but then he’d hauled me to my feet and attacked my mouth with his, leading us to his bedroom where my orgasm obliterated my senses before putting me more completely back together.
“You wanna talk about what made you want to come here and suck my dick like a porn star?” Deacon deadpans as he drops onto the bed next to me.
I bark out a tired laugh, shoving his shoulder and making him snicker. “I did not.”
“Maybe you blacked out during it because it was a hell of a performance.”
“Well, I definitely blacked out when I came so there’s that.”
His expression is wolfish, his lips swollen from dragging up and down my cock, and I shiver, a flash of desire heating the blood in my veins even though I couldn’t move right now if I tried.
“I’ll take the compliment.”
“You should.” Pausing, he brushes his hand over my cheek and I lean into his touch, his strong arm hooking around my waist.
He pulls me onto my side, and I drape my leg over him, unfazed that my softened length is pressed against his thigh.
“What happened today?” he murmurs, his fingertips dragging up and down my spine.
It feels so good to be held.
Adored.
Loved.
Maybe not loved by Deacon, not yet, but the Thayers had given theirs unconditionally, and it had healed pieces of my fractured heart I didn’t realize had been broken.
“I talked to my mom.” He’s quiet, his arm tightening around me more of a reassurance than if he’d spoken. “The divorce was hard on them but we were okay, and then I came out and my father basically checked out. My mom is distant but we keep up appearances.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve had a really hard time coming to grips with who I am. I’m not embarrassed or afraid, but there’s been this emptiness that the love from everyone here and therapy couldn’t fix. Today, after I talked to my mom, I realized what was missing.”
“What happened?”
“I showed up on Flora and Vincent Thayer’s doorstep.” Tilting my face up toward his, I let myself get lost in the warm brown of his eyes.
“They’re good people.”
“They are. I told them we’re dating and they’re excited for us—excited I’m happy.”
“I’m excited you’re happy,” he murmurs, leaning up enough to capture my lips in a soft kiss.
“They love me and I needed to hear that today. They have no stakes in my life, but they told me I’m one of theirs. I didn’t know how much I needed to be claimed.”
“Gimme a sec and I’ll give you a hickey that’ll be like a warning to anyone who looks at you…”
I chuckle and bury my face in his neck, loving the deep rumble in his throat as I press a kiss to his skin.
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. And I’m happy you have that. People think Jude and I are codependent, and we are, but he’s all I’ve had for a long time. Our parents are gone and while we’ve added some people to our group—made our own family—he’s still the person who knows me best in this world.”
“The person who knows me best is still Fallon, but I can’t lean on her like I did when we were married. She has her own life, and while she’s never done anything to me to make me feel like a burden, things needed to change.”
“You’re so much braver than you think you are.”
“I’m just finally realizing I’m enough.”
“You’re more than enough, Tanner.” Tipping my chin up, he meets my gaze, the emotion swirling in the depths stealing my breath. “You’re everything.”