6. Bel
No. No. No, no, no. I can”t do this right now. Shit. Panic bubbles up and out of me like a boiling pan of water. I can”t do this right now. First, the altercation with Jackie, and now, Drew is here.
I’m not sure what I’ve ever done to piss God off, but the heaping piles of shit he tosses on me could stop at any point. My adrenaline spikes, the thunderous sound of my heartbeat fills my ears, and I press a hand to my mouth, forcing myself to keep quiet as I move through the stacks. I stick close to the bookshelves, hiding in the shadows, and there are plenty this far back in the library.
”Bel,” Drew calls for me softly.
Thankfully, the sound isn’t loud enough to carry into the main library room. I breathe slowly, reminding myself that he can’t hurt me. Not anymore. Not ever again.
If he can’t hurt you, why are you running?
Ignoring the thought, I walk slowly, pushing deeper into the stacks until I”m surrounded by nothing more than old shelves and years of dust and neglect.
It’s sad to watch the demise of books and how little people care for them. With the internet, no one comes back to these older tomes, and the school has let them languish. I do my best to think a step ahead, but there’s no real hiding from Drew. He’s a predator at his most basic instinct. The only thing I can hope to do is stay hidden as long as possible, until he gets tired of searching for me.
Which will be… never.
Ahead, I notice a corner just small enough for me to hide in. Bingo. Quickly, I tuck myself behind it, crouching with my back to the shelf. I feel a little safer here. Once in position, I wrap my arms around my middle to keep myself from crumpling into a million pieces.
Why did he have to come here today? Did someone tell him I”d be here? Did Jackie call him?
I grit my teeth, red-hot fury pulsing through me. If she did, I”ll...I”ll… I don”t know what I’ll do, but I certainly won’t let it go. I”m past the point of breaking. I’m done being used, toyed with, and then discarded like worthless trash. I won”t ever be someone”s plaything again and especially not his.
Whatever he wants from me, he’ll have to take by force, which I know Drew will hate to do. He doesn’t get pleasure from taking. He gets pleasure from submission, from me giving up complete control and surrendering to him.
My ears catch the shuffle of a boot on the carpet, and my muscles tense as I wait for him to hopefully pass by without a glance.
”Bel,” he calls again, his voice a dark caress. It wraps around me, tightening its grip on my resolve, making it difficult to remember why I hate him so much. Hard-edged and cutting, or soft and sensual, it doesn”t matter… I’m always his willing victim somehow.
His voice ignites the embers of desire deep in my gut.
This run-and-hide game is so familiar it hurts. An ache forms in my chest, the pain spreading outward. It’s so suffocating I can barely breathe around it.
God, I”ve missed him.
I swallow hard, and the memory of all he’s said comes barreling into me. No. I can”t miss him. He”s an asshole, even worse than I ever thought he could be. I can’t remember how many times he warned me, telling me that he wasn’t a good guy. I should’ve believed him. I should’ve looked at the red flags and ran the fuck away.
Stupid. So stupid. Instead, I let him use and abuse me. Only to be left discarded when he had his fill. Fuck him. He made his choice, and he chose wrong. Now, he’ll have to deal with the consequences because I refuse to be second best for anyone, let alone Drew Marshall.
The longer I sit here, the more consumed I become with confronting him. This unbearable desire to hurt him the same way he hurt me, even if I know I can’t do so physically, fills me.
I need to end this.
To remind him that I’m not fucking around. Before I can contemplate my next move, a pair of strong arms snakes around my middle. I’m momentarily frozen, with fear or anger I’m not sure, but his firm grip on my biceps as he drags me to my feet slaps me back to reality.
Like a wild animal, I thrash against his hold, refusing to go down without a fight. I claw at the air, barely missing his skin. Asshole. I swipe again but only catch the soft cotton material of his T-shirt. With lightning-fast reflexes, he turns me in his grasp, bringing me face-to-face with a beautiful, wicked monster.
”Hello, Wallflower.” His voice wraps around me like smoke, snuffing out any hope of escape. His piercing gaze sends a shudder rippling through me.
His tone says hello but the deep timbre catching in his throat says something else entirely. Something dark, sinister, and molten like red-hot lava.
Remember what he did to you.
A mouse caught in a trap. That’s what I am right now, and I can’t let him win again.
I can’t. I open my mouth to tell him to release me, but nothing more than a whimper escapes. You’re nothing to me, Bel. The memory splinters through my fragile mind, and I let it guide me. I claw at him, trying to slip out of his iron grip.
“Is that really any way to greet someone?” he taunts.
He is absolutely psycho, but I already know that, don”t I?
How dare he assume he can touch, taunt, or talk to me as if he didn’t smash my heart with a baseball bat in front of everyone we know?
I snarl my lips and bare my teeth. “Let go of me!” I order, my voice cracking.
Leaning forward, he presses his forehead against mine, and I suck a ragged breath into my lungs as his touch burns across my skin. I can’t breathe. I can’t do anything. Like an eerie mist, Drew’s everywhere. His scent surrounds me, drowning me in his darkness.
Peppermint and teakwood.
“Or what? What are you going to do, Flower?” His eyes flash, challenging me.
Fight. I’m going to fight.
I claw at him one last time, putting as much effort into it as possible, and this time, I make contact with his skin. I sink my nails into his flesh, dragging them down the length of his throat. Satisfaction fills all the empty spaces in my heart, but it doesn’t last long.
Horror soon takes its place when the skin splits beneath my nails. Blood oozes out of the deep scratches that mark his neck.
I freeze with my heart in my throat.
I shouldn’t look at him, but I do.
His features are pinched, and where I expect there to be an expression of anger or pain, I find shock and something like adoration in his green eyes.
Only he would find violence adorable.
I won’t lie. I”m a little shocked, but this is another reason he needs to stay away from me. I hate this person I become in his presence. I manage to come back first and take a step back, but I quickly realize I have nowhere to go, not with the huge bookshelf behind me and Drew in front of me.
“Oh… Bel.” He shakes his head and presses his fingertips to the side of his throat.
When he pulls his hand back, my eyes catch on the smeared blood and dart up to his. He gives me a devastating smile. If I were not weak in the knees already, I would be now.
“I’ve missed this, but most of all, I’ve missed you. Has it really been so long that you forgot what your fighting does to me? How hard it makes my cock?” he growls, and the sound vibrates through me like the low buzz of a vibrator. “I’m doing my best to be a gentleman, Bel. I’m trying so hard to give you space and time to heal because I know I fucked up, but my patience can only withstand so much. You belong to me, and no amount of fighting or time will change that.”
“That’s where you’re wrong! Everything has changed.” I hiss and raise my hands to his chest, giving him a hard shove.
It does nothing. He doesn’t move, not even an inch. It’s like he’s made of rock.
Knowing this, he smirks, closing the breath”s length of distance separating us. The old wood bookshelves dig into my back.
I’m trapped.
I tip my head back to look into his eyes. His gaze burns a path across my skin as he studies each freckle, hair, and mark as if he’s seeing it for the first time. That same gaze drags down the length of my neck, burning me from the inside out.
”Fuck, Flower. I can’t put into words how good it feels to see you. To feel your fucking skin beneath my hands. This entire month has been a neverending nightmare.”
I grit my teeth, and the familiar pricking of tears in my eyes makes it hard to hold his gaze. “A nightmare…?”
“Yes, a nightmare.”
I blink back the tears threatening to slip from my eyes. Of course he would make this about him. About how much he suffered and how badly I treated him. How stupid of me to assume he would actually have an ounce of empathy for the things I’ve gone through in the past month. He’s far too selfish for that. Far too consumed with his own wants and needs.
”I don’t know why I’m surprised. I guess I thought maybe you’d think of someone else before yourself for once in your life. I thought maybe you might feel bad about what you did, about how deep your actions and words cut me, but if anything, it made you a bigger victim. It made you think you’re the one who got hurt.”
The reminder of the pain he caused me is bone deep.
It’s suffocating and throbbing. My heart is in a vise, the life being squeezed out of it.
“That’s okay, though. Lesson learned. I see the real you now. What you were trying to show me all along, and I can’t fucking believe there was ever a part of me that saw good in you.” I desire to rip his heart out the same way he ripped my own out, but that will never happen because I”m not even sure he has a heart to rip out. “I’m glad your month has been a nightmare, and I hope the rest of your fucking life is too because you don’t deserve happiness.” I stab a finger into his firm chest. “You, Andrew Marshall, mean nothing to me, and I hope that realization eats you up inside. You’re a coward. Now let me go, and maybe I won’t tell Sebastian about this.”
His response to my hate is the opposite of what I expect.
He leans down so his face is so close that his lips nearly touch mine. His lower body molds, melting into me and not leaving one single inch to the imagination.
I feel everything.
The hard planes of his muscles and each indentation.
All of it.
But especially the long, hard length of his cock, which digs into my belly.
Instantly, my traitorous body turns to molten fire.
“Hate me or love me, Bel. It doesn’t matter to me. I warned you. When I told you I wasn’t a good man, I wasn’t lying to you. I’m not lying to you now, either. I said those things and did what I had to do to protect you.” There”s remorse in his eyes, and I hate it. It looks too much like pity, and the last thing I want is Drew Marshall’s fucking pity.
“I don’t care why you did it.”
“You say that, but you don’t mean it. Even as badly as you don’t want to admit it, you know as much as I do that I did it to protect you. My father… I didn’t want him to hurt you. For him to realize how much you mean to me. You’d become another pawn on his chess board, another avenue to control me, and I couldn’t let that happen to you. If I have to be the villain in your story, then I will be, but I’m not letting you go.”
“I don’t belong to you. I belong to me. Now let me go.”
“No. I have so much more to say.”
“Say it to someone else, like your fiancée,” I sneer.
“I know you’re upset, but let me help. Let me fix this.” I can feel the pain splintering through the slow-healing wound. “I’m sorry about your mom. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. That I wasn’t able to take the pain away. I’m so fucking sorry, Bel.”
“Stop!” I whimper. It feels like I’m reliving the memory, experiencing her loss for the first time all over again. “Just fucking stop!”
I hate his words and their meaning, but more than that, I hate that small part of me that wants to believe him. He grinds against me, his hard length stoking the flames of desire that flicker in my pulsing core.
No. We can’t.
This is wrong. Both morally and ethically. Even after everything that happened, I could expect him to still want me, but after his father’s confession? I’ve replayed the conversation over in my head a million times.
True or not, this cannot happen. We cannot happen.
Every cell in my body pulses, urging me to let him in and let him soothe the dreaded ache in my core, but I can’t. Not only because I despise him but because I don’t, which might be as frightening as the revelation that he might be my brother.
”What is it that you want me to stop?” he taunts, acting as if he has no idea what he’s doing. He can’t really think this is okay, can he?
“This is wrong, Drew. And not just because I hate you… but because…”
Bile climbs up my throat. I’ve tried not to think about Drew being my brother because the thought is…disgusting.
Leaning forward, he nuzzles against my cheek with the tip of his nose and traces a trail down the side of my face, burying his face into the crook of my neck. There”s an audible inhale as he breathes me into his lungs like he’s missed my scent. It’s such a possessive act, one that he has no right doing.
“Because why? Because I might be your brother?”
“Yes,” I hiss, my heart rate picking up.
He lifts his head, his eyes glittering with a desire I know all too well. “It’s not any different from before. I’ve already fucked your cunt and filled you with my cum. The truth can’t change what’s already happened. Why let it stop us now?” He punctuates his question with a thrust of his hips and a quick jerk and lift of mine.
Knocked off balance, I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist to steady myself. Damn him. Once I realize my position, I wiggle, and that causes friction, allowing him to get closer, his length pressing harder against my core.
He licks his lips as he studies mine and grinds into me. Goddammit. The friction is delicious, and pleasure zings up my spine.
“Does it really change anything, Bel? Does that knowledge make you want me any less? Because I’ll be honest with you…” He flexes his hips, the tip of his dick pressing against my clit. A whimper escapes my parted lips, and he smirks. ”It doesn’t change a goddamn thing for me. I still want you. No, I still need you. Nothing has changed for me. How fucked up does that make me? How fucked up does it make me to know you might be my sister, yet I can’t stop thinking about pinning you to the wall and fucking you until you beg me to stop? About watching my cum drip out of your tight pussy. Fuck, it’s wrong, but I don’t want to be right, not if it means I have to give you up, give us up.”
I gulp, my hips lifting toward him despite his words. He starts to move, grinding against mine harder and faster like he can’t get enough. I clutch onto him, my breaths becoming pants under his brutal touch.
“Drew…” I’m assaulted with so many feelings and thoughts.
Pleasure. Fear. Disgust.
This is wrong, but at the same time, nothing has ever felt more right in my life.
“Tell me to stop, Bel. Tell me you don’t feel the same way, the same burning desire in your bones, the same animalistic urge to claim, and I’ll walk away. ”
There are no words to speak, and I’m embarrassed that I can’t even manage to say no. Instead, I moan while clutching him tighter, needing him to hold all the fucked-up pieces of my soul together because I know once he’s done with me, I’ll be nothing more than a vase shattered against the wall.
The pleasure in my core builds, carrying me higher and higher with every swivel of his hips. I grit my teeth and try to stave off the orgasm threatening to barrel through me with every inch he shifts.
“Drew… we… we have to stop…”
“Shhh,” he soothes, his body moving faster. “I know it feels wrong, but it’s not. You were made for me, and I know you feel it too. And that’s okay, Flower, because I have no problem being the bad man. I have no problem with you blaming me for your moral incompetence. If it makes you feel better, you can tell them I forced myself on you. No one has to know how much you want your potential blood brother”s cock.”
It’s so fucking wrong, so terribly bad and fucked up, but I can’t stop it, nor would I want to. I shake my head and stifle a moan, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. The coppery tang of blood fills my mouth.
”Come for me, Bel.” He bites out the words, his mouth millimeters from mine. ”I’m desperate for you, so fucking desperate. Not even the potential knowledge of you being my sister could stop me from wanting you. I don”t care if that makes me the most twisted, fucked-up asshole you know. I need you. I want you.”
He shifts his mouth to the side of my neck and nips at my tender flesh. My entire body jolts at the eclectic current that ripples over my skin, and my pussy clenches around nothing, aching to be filled.
Why the hell does he always do this to me? Reduce me to nothing more than my most basic animal instinct?
”Tell me you missed me too,” he whispers, nipping my earlobe, then sucking it hard. ”Tell me.”
I shake my head. Shuddering. Inching closer to the finish line. I’m so close to coming, that”s all I can think about.
How can I still feel all this for him, with him, when he broke my heart the way he did? With his father’s confession looming over us?
A sob claws its way out of my throat, warring with the pleasure spiraling in my core.
”No,” I whisper. ”I don”t want this.”
The words mean nothing, not when I continue grinding against him, chasing the high I”ve missed, something only he can give me, even if I won”t admit it.
”I’d believe you. Maybe I’d even take mercy on you and stop if I actually believed you. But I can’t, not when you’re clawing at me like a cat in heat, grinding your pussy against my cock, your juices seeping into my jeans. The proof is right there, Flower, right on my fucking jeans.”
I gulp and shake my head, gripping his shoulders tight, digging in my nails. Fighting the inevitable. I hate him. I hate him so much… but at the same time, I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
“I wish I was inside your tight cunt right now. So I could feel you squeeze me, silently begging for me to fill you with my cum. It’s all I could think about for days, but I”ll take this for now. It’s better than not having you at all.”
I do my best to fight it. Fight him. But fuck, I can’t fight the inevitable. I can’t fight the pleasure that carries me higher and higher. I’m a star exploding. I start to shudder, and he holds me tighter, like he’s trying to hold all the fragile pieces of my heart inside my chest.
A flash of light appears before my eyes, and I’m swept away, my entire body shattering into a million pieces. All over again, I’m breaking for him.
The glass walls I”ve built around my body since he knocked me down that night are in shards. All of it is crushed to dust as I stifle my moan against his collarbone, my teeth sinking into his shirt as I ride out the last rippling waves of pleasure.
All I can hear is our mutual panting, then my own heartbeat and his with my ear pressed into his neck. As I float back down to reality, I notice he’s still rigid, his cock still hard against my leg. He makes no move to do anything about it and simply holds me.
All the fuzzy feelings leave me, and I snap back to my senses. I shove at his chest, and he pulls back an inch, his steel gaze meeting mine.
What the fuck do I do now?
Saying I don”t want him would be an outright lie after what just happened. I can’t deny that. His fingers trail down my back in a caress, and slowly, so slowly, as if he’s trying to kill me, he releases me, and I slide down every inch of the front of his hard, lean body until my feet hit the floor.
My knees shake beneath my weight, but I manage to stand on my own when Drew takes a small step backward. The world spins around me. I know right from wrong, good from bad, but when it comes to Drew, all those things fly out the window. I don’t care if he’s the good guy or even if he’s the bad guy. In fact, I wished I didn’t give a shit about him at all, but I can’t help it. Not when he makes me feel like a bird that”s finally escaped its cage.
I’m about to tell him that we’re done, that this cannot happen again when a rush of cold air swirls around me. One moment, Drew’s standing in front of me, and the next, he”s gone, his body being yanked a few feet away.
My gaze lands on Sebastian’s raging expression. Shit.
His hand is tangled in the back of Drew”s T-shirt, and Sebastian continues dragging him away, stopping only a few feet from the exit of the stacks.
I chase them because while I fully believe Drew deserves whatever he has coming, I don’t want Sebastian to think he needs to swoop in and save me.
I’m not a goddamn damsel in distress, and I can fight my own battles.
”Sebastian,” I growl. ”Stop.”
He doesn’t even acknowledge me and rolls his wrist to untangle his hand, then shoves Drew, making him stumble a couple of feet backward. I imagine he wouldn”t have moved him as much if Drew actually fought back.
Sebastian glares daggers through Drew, a look of pure disgust on his face. Those same eyes turn to me, narrowing to slits. I don’t get the disgusted look but more of a disappointed look. ”Didn”t I tell you to stay away from him?”
Anger sparks in the flint Drew left smoldering.
”First, I do not need you to come rushing in like a damn knight in shining armor. Second, what do you think happened? Do you think I invited him here? The library is a public place. Anyone registered to attend classes can use the building.”
His shoulders slump, and he turns his icy glare back to Drew. I don’t know how, but it grows colder. ”Didn”t I fucking tell you to stay away from her? First, you attack one of my security guards, then you come here and try to fuck my sister in public. My sister, by the way. Mine.”
Shit.I wrap my arms around my middle, trying to ignore the heat filling my cheeks. There’s no point in asking him how much he saw since it’s obvious he saw more than I would’ve liked.
”Don”t,” Drew growls, taking a step toward me. Sebastian shifts his body between us, blocking any further advancement. ”Don”t,” he speaks again, his eyes on me. ”There isn’t a damn thing to be ashamed of. Get that fucking look off your face.”
I lift my chin and direct my glare at him. ”I don’t think so. He doesn’t get to tell me what to do, and neither do you. I don’t answer to either of you.”
Sebastian crosses his broad arms over his chest. ”Happy? You got to talk to her. Now go jump off a fucking cliff.”
Drew’s forest-green eyes darken, his muscles tighten, and his hands clench and unclench into fists. He attempts to take another step toward me, but Sebastian physically shoves him back with his chest.
”One more warning, Marshall. Get near her again, and I”ll break every fucking bone in your pretty face. And don’t tempt me because if anyone knows what I’m capable of, it’s you. So do it. Fuck around and find out. Please. I’m itching for you to give me a reason to break your nose.”
“I’m not scared of you, Sebastian, and I’m certainly not scared of this big brother image you’re portraying. Maybel is and always will be mine. Nothing, and especially not you, is going to change that.”
Drew and Sebastian glare at each other for a long moment, and something dark and seething passes between them. I swallow hard and shift on my feet, a nervous energy bubbling to the surface. The last thing I need is more attention put on me.
”Can we please not do this? This is a library, not a boxing ring, and I don”t want to get thrown out.”
I hold my breath, waiting, hoping that I won’t have to step between them. A second passes, and then another, but Sebastian is the first to take a step back, followed by Drew. The movement makes it easier for me to breathe, and I suck a ragged breath into my lungs.
Drew’s eyes shift back to me, and I glance at him. As soon as our eyes meet, a bolt of electricity rips through me.
Why, after everything he put me through, does my body still react to him like this?
Like there’s this visible string attaching us to one another. It’s further confirmation that no matter how hard I try to escape him, I’ll always be pulled back into his web.
”I’ll see you around, Flower.” Drew smirks.
“It’s time to go, Bel,” Sebastian orders, then grabs me by the wrist and starts tugging me back toward the front of the library. For a moment, I’m frozen, unable to respond, but when my brain catches up with my body, I do. I sink my heels into the carpet, forcing him to slow. Then I wrench my arm free of his grasp and take a wobbly step back.
Who does he think he is?
He turns on me, and his eyes bleed with anger, showing me little pieces of a person I haven’t seen in a while.
“Don’t treat me like that,” I whisper.
“I didn’t treat you like anything. I’m protecting you, Bel. Drew is bad fucking news, or did you forget all about that because he made you come?”
I don’t think. All I do is react.
My hand lands against his cheek before I can even stop myself. A red-hot spark of pain flares through my palm, and Sebastian appears just as shocked as me, his features hard as stone.
Tears burn at the back of my eyes. “I… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Stop,” Sebastian demands. “Don’t apologize. I’m a dickhead for saying that.”
“No. It’s not okay. I don”t like that I hit you. I’m not that person, the one who leans into violence. I’m sorry.”
A devilish smile tugs at his lips, but I can’t see anything but that red mark on his cheek.
“I don’t think you know what you’re capable of, Maybel. I don’t think you see your real power, nor do I think you’ve reached your full potential.”
“Well, what I do know is that I’m not a violent person. Mom taught me better than that.”
“I don’t think you are either, but violence is needed sometimes. Sometimes you have to protect yourself. Sometimes the spoken word means nothing. What’s that saying, actions speak louder than words? It’s no wonder a baseball bat to the knees or fist to the eye leaves a much bigger impact than saying, don’t do that again.”
I shake my head and return his grin, the tension easing between us.
“That escalated quickly.”
“Hey, I’m not saying I know from personal experience…”
“Sure you don’t.” I roll my eyes. “Let me get my books and bag, and then we can leave.”
Sebastian gestures for me to lead the way, and I do. He follows me, his presence more like a shadow. We enter the main room, and I find all my belongings in the same spot. I stack them up and shove them into my bag while he stands beside me, his hands in his pockets.
“How did you know he would be here?” I ask quietly.
“The guard called it in. Said he was asking about you. I should’ve known the first chance he got to see you without me there, he’d take it… but for some reason, I thought he might use the last two remaining brain cells in his head to make a better choice.”
All I can do is nod. I should’ve known too and expected it really. Drew’s been trying to see me every day since I came home from the hospital. I suppose I was naive to think he’d give me one day of peace.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Drew walking toward the front doors. As if someone dipped my skin in gasoline and lit a match, my entire body warms at the reminder of his presence. I’m drawn to him.
I want to drown in his darkness and let him breathe life back into me.
With everything put away, I start toward the door, my arms wrapped around my middle and my coat tucked between them. The cool air makes it easier for me to think, and my clouded thoughts appear in a new light.
I can’t believe I let him touch me. Again.
Worse, I melted like butter in his hands. I’m so disappointed and disgusted in myself. He could be your brother. We make it to the car, and I climb into the passenger seat. Across the parking lot, I watch Drew amble down the sidewalk, hands in pockets, swaggering like the king of the campus.
I guess he is.
Sebastian rushes around the car and climbs into the driver’s side, and as we pull away, Drew holds his hand up and gives me a little wave. I jerk my gaze forward, hoping Sebastian didn”t catch that, knowing damn well he did. He sees everything.
I sink into the leather seat and let my thoughts run rampant. Trapped between them, how will I survive? And what the hell do I do if what he says was true?
If we”re related… What does that even mean?
I’ve had enough surprises, and part of me thinks it’s a game to him. The other part says I can”t pretend I didn’t hear his father’s words.
Deep down, I know I need to discover the truth.
And every fiber of my soul hopes he’s wrong because otherwise… I can’t fathom what it might mean for me and the person I am.