10. Bel
School is still taking some getting used to. Things are different in both good and bad ways. Memories of Drew and Jackie overshadow everything. Thankfully, I haven”t seen either of them since I restarted classes.
It’s also incredibly lonely. But I guess I’d rather be alone than surrounded by people who don’t care about me.
At least today is Friday, so once the day is over, I’ll be free and won’t have to return for two more days. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and I do my best to ignore the desire to peer over my shoulder. It’s been like this for a couple of days now, and the whispers are growing increasingly loud. Then there’s the fact that I can feel the other students’ eyes on me, tracking my movements.
One table over, a leggy brunette sneers at me and snickers about something to one of her friends while I pack my books in my bag. My hair is up in its usual messy bun, my glasses askew as I bend over to grab another book, but my skirt, opaque tights, and soft cashmere sweater are new and fit me perfectly. As does the wool coat and the designer backpack.
Yet somehow, I”m still not good enough for them.
I shove my shiny new laptop into the laptop bag and zip it closed, then shoot the girls a glare and march up the steps toward the door. In the back of my mind, I hear Drew”s voice in my head. They can go fuck themselves. At least that’s something we agree on.
Once out in the hall, I sigh and let my shoulders slip down from my ears. My body relaxes all on its own, as if it knows danger is no longer present.
On the corkboard ahead, there’s a flyer, its black ink printed on neon yellow paper. It reads: PARTY AT THE MILL!!!! That must be what had Sebastian’s attention this week since he’s been mostly absent. I know he still has duties required of him by The Mill, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I pull my phone from my coat pocket and start to text the driver as I walk toward the double doors, but I pause as another thought occurs to me. Do I really want to go back to the house and stay there in the echoing quiet all alone? Without Sebastian there, I might as well get an apartment and live alone…
I doubt he”ll be there tonight either, given the party at The Mill.
And if he’s at the party, that means Drew may or may not be there, depending on how they are doing at the moment. They”ve been at each other”s throats, but it’s been a minute since I’ve discussed anything with Sebastian regarding Drew.
Ahh, fuck it.
I’m thinking too much about this when I should be cutting loose and enjoying myself. There’s a party with free alcohol. I should be there. I deserve to let go and enjoy myself a little. Who cares if Drew will be there? Maybe he won’t be. That’s wishful thinking at best.
The Mill isn’t but a couple of blocks from here. There’s no need to call a driver when I can walk. I hike my bag up my shoulder and head toward the fraternity house.
The closer I get, the more the memories from The Hunt assault me. Of the way the branches scratched at my skin, what my bare feet felt like against the soft earth and fallen leaves. The scent of the forest, the scent of him. Manly and spicy.
Lost in thought, I don’t even realize I’ve made it to the mansion until the thundering beat of music shakes the ground beneath my feet. Holy hell. I’m almost afraid to go inside. I walk up the steps, stopping at the front door. I’m momentarily paralyzed, a deer caught in the headlights of a car that’s about to hit her.
Just do it. Go inside.
Taking hold of the door handle, I shove the huge heavy door open and step inside. An onslaught of sensation greets me. The beat of the music pulses through my body, giving me a second heartbeat?—
So.o. Many. People.
I don’t think there’s enough room for one more person on the makeshift dance floor. The farther I shove inside, the more I discover. I pass a couple practically having sex on the couch, three games of beer pong, and small groups of people drinking and milling around. I spot some sports equipment near the door and gently ease my bag to the floor, hoping it”ll be safe enough there. It”s doubtful anyone will be messing with the guys” stuff. Not if they want to walk out of here in one piece. Unpacked and looking less like a nerd, I squeeze into the crowd and hop up onto the bottom step at the far edge of the room to survey the crowd.
I recognize various members of the football team, basketball team, and soccer team, and just everyone I think I”ve ever seen on campus. Well, except Drew and Sebastian. At least not that I can see.
I spot Lee in the corner, pressing a blonde against the wall, their lips fused. Aries, the other of their little pack I haven”t interacted with much, is in the kitchen, pressed between the thighs of a brunette sitting on the counter.
I could ask one of them where Drew or Sebastian are, but I don’t want to face either of them right now. Or better yet, do I want to listen to them lecture me on why I shouldn”t be at this party in the first place? Like I’m a child who isn’t old enough to drink.
No. Tonight is for me.
I want to drink and dance. I want to have some fucking fun and forget how much of a shit show my life is. I shrug out of my coat and toss it onto a teetering pile of jackets and then stroll into the kitchen. I inspect the different liquor bottles on the counter, choosing vodka over gin.
Clutching the bottle to my chest, I creep deeper into the crowd, trying to blend in on the off chance that Drew or Sebastian do show up. Halfway through my walk, I bring the bottle of clear liquid to my lips and tip it back. The first sip burns across my tongue and down the back of my throat, pooling in my belly.
I don’t recall when I ate last, and the responsible thing to do would be to eat something before ingesting this much alcohol, but I didn’t see any food in the kitchen, just beverages, so I guess that means no dinner for me.
Some guy cuts me off, muttering an apology, and I turn and smile up at him. He”s cute. When the man meets my eyes, he freezes, ducks his chin, and practically runs away from me. What the fuck?
I blink a few times and take another swig of the vodka.
Okay. Weird.But not the first time my messy bun or glasses have sent guys running. All I can do is shrug. It’s not like I need to add another guy into the mix and complicate things further, but there’s no harm in flirting a little, right?
Except there isn’t any flirting, not when every single guy I attempt to talk to or even look at looks away and runs to the other side of the room. It’s infuriating, and only pisses me off more with every attempt I make.
Whatever.I bet Drew warned all the guys away, telling them that if they even looked at me, he’d rip their eyeballs out of their sockets and feed them to their dog, or something just as psychotic. I bring the bottle to my lips and tip it back, taking a hefty gulp. With every drink the burn lessens.
Wading through the crowd, I people watch while continuing to take small sips of the vodka. I can feel the effects of the alcohol starting to kick in. My cheeks fill with warmth and rational thinking flies out the window. I’m halfway across the door when the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Immediately, I’m on alert. The room seems to hush as a blast of cold air cuts through the space, and everyone looks toward the front doors as if they’re waiting for their king to arrive.
Of course, Drew stands there, his dark gaze scanning the crowd.
Fucking great. Drew wasn’t skipping his own party, he just hadn’t arrived yet.
My night is ruined. My feet start moving all on their own as I plan to make a beeline to the kitchen where I thought I saw a back door leading outside. Then I pause. Sober Bel would vote to take her vodka and escape, but escaping doesn’t do anything.
I have just as much right to be here as he does. I watch him as he shifts through the crowd of people. They seem to move out of the way for him, parting to let him take up all the space he wants.
A god among mere mortals. That’s what he is. Who he thinks he is.
Keeping my eyes trained on him, I wait for him to notice me. It’ll happen. Any second now, the connection that tethers us will spark, and he’ll realize I’m here. He’ll scent me in the crowd like a fucking hunting dog. Slowly, so fucking slowly it’s almost painful, his eyes move over the crowd, and then bam.
His gaze collides with mine.
An electric jolt passes through my body, rippling under my skin. Just one damn look does that to me. Damn him. It’s pathetic the power he has over me. I hate myself for wanting more.
I love the way that only he can make me break for him, all before piecing me back together again. What I don’t love is having my heart broken. I give him my best glare and take another drink, watching as he cocks his head sideways. He studies me like I’m a rare species or something. I try to drag my gaze from his, but it’s impossible. We continue staring at each other, neither of us making a move to get closer to the other.
Something sinful, dark, and filthy coils low in my belly, my core clenching involuntarily as if it’s preparing itself for something I know nothing about. No. I grit my teeth. He doesn”t get to ban everyone from even looking at me while he stands there, mocking me. Watching me. Controlling my body with nothing more than a flick of his eyes.
I spin on my feet and scan the people nearest me. There’s a guy braced near the counter talking to another guy who’s across from him on the other side.
He’s tall, with sandy brown hair, but since his back is to me, I have no idea what he looks like. It doesn’t matter. I walk up to him and tap him on the shoulder. He turns on the balls of his feet, and as soon as he’s facing me, I grab him by the lapels of his T-shirt and tug him down to my mouth. There’s no opportunity for a greeting or to look at each other.
There’s only our lips mashing against one another’s. The taste of beer and mint fills my mouth, and it’s not a bad combination. I wait for something to happen, for the spark to occur, for the butterflies to take flight in my stomach, for my body to awaken the same way it does when Drew touches or kisses me, but it doesn’t happen.
Nothing happens.
Not even when his hands snake around my waist to tuck me against his chest, cradling me closer. Nothing. No spark. His tongue dips into my mouth, tangling with mine. Deepening the kiss, I sink my fingers into his hair, and again, I wait for the zing.
The dazzle. Anything.
He’s not a bad kisser.
There’s just no spark. No rush of pleasure. Nothing makes my heart skip a beat or my stomach twist into a knot. Ugh. He’s not Drew. My frustration and annoyance mounts, and I spin to press him hard against the opposite side of the L-shaped counter. His hand trails lower and lower until it reaches my ass.
Fine. It”s all fine.
Except it”s not. All I can see in my mind is Drew.
His dark green eyes, perfectly sculpted abs, and thick muscular thighs.
Goddammit. He’s probably on his way over to murder us both right now. Good. I hope this hurts his heart as much as seeing him with that other girl hurt mine.
A second passes and then another, and I continue kissing the mystery man. I blink my eyes open and peer over his shoulder. I nearly choke on my tongue when I spot Drew standing there, watching us. His body is as still as a statue, and tendrils of ice seep from his eyes.
And fuck, he’s staring right into my soul while I kiss another man.
The eye contact is enough to give me that jolt I was missing, the one I was chasing so badly when I let this man grope me. Suddenly, the kiss feels hotter and deeper, and my body awakens with new life. The man kissing me notices the difference as well since his grip on my ass tightens, his other hand tugging me closer.
Shit.His erection grows hard against my belly, and it’s like a bucket of cold water dousing the flames of desire. I watch as Drew crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowed to slits, his jaw tight. Fuck. He”s going to explode if I keep this up.
Yet I can”t stop it. Not when I feel like it”s the first time I”ve been able to do anything to get back at him, to cause him even an ounce of the pain he”s dished out to me.
Fuck it.I’m going to hell anyway, might as well make it worth it. I bite the man”s lip and pull away, stretching his skin, all while he releases a loud groan of pleasure.
Who knew victory could taste this good?