20. Bel
The library still feels weird, but I’m not giving up. I”m still wearing a hundred-dollar jeans, and all my textbooks are brand new, even creaking slightly when I open them, which I will admit to no one is really satisfying. My old ones had been open and closed so many times the spines were loose. Nothing loose about these shiny babies.
I also have to admit it”s nice to just come to the library and not have to worry about tutoring, about appointments and money. The thought instantly makes me think of Mom, who was always just doing her best, and guilt swamps me.
Here I am, happy about new textbooks, and she”s dead. The joy over the book recedes under the heavy weight of my grief. Shit. I hate how this happens. One minute, I”m fine, and the next, it hits me like I”ve forgotten somehow, as fresh and raw as the day I found out.
I stare at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling, and once I feel like I”m not going to splatter my shiny new books with tears, I try to go back to studying.
A buzzing sound drags me out of the book, and I check my phone. A text from Seb.
Sebastian:I”ll meet you at the library.
I rollmy eyes and shake my head. Not ”Can I meet you at the library?” Nothing so gracious as a request. It makes me sigh but I shoot him a text back.
Maybel:Sure, I”ll be here. But what if I”d already gone home?
It takes onlya minute for him to respond.
Sebastian:Funny, you never leave the library if you can help it. I”ll be there soon.
I returnmy attention to the book in front of me and only stop when the touch of a soft hand resting on my shoulder pulls me out of my fixation.
Sebastian greets me with a nod, then comes around the other side of the table to take the other chair. ”Always studying,” he says, his voice low since this is a more quiet area at the moment.
”I”m still not completely caught up on things. All the teachers have been very kind to me and are allowing me as much flexibility as I need, but I feel like I won”t get back to normal until I”m caught up, and...” I leave off, thinking.
”And?” There”s something in his tone, question, and something softer.
I shake my head. ”I just want to get caught up.”
He studies me. ”You miss your friend.”
”My friend?” I scoff. ”I hope you aren’t talking about Jackie. She deserves the hole she”s dug for herself.”
”Well, I think you’ll be happy to know she won’t be making any reappearances in your life. I had a chat with her to make certain of it and discovered that she was only helping Drew’s dad because he promised her a place at one of his offices when she graduates.”
The air squeezes out of my chest. “That’s it? She threw away our whole friendship for an internship, with an asshole to boot?”
He shrugs. “You can never really account for people’s ambition. I think you”re lonely, though, am I right?”
”How could I be lonely with your company and Drew breathing down my neck every few minutes?”
“There are varying degrees of loneliness, Bel. There”s the type when you’re in a room with a bunch of people but still feel like you have no one, which I think is the worst kind. Then there’s the type when you’re simply alone and unwilling to make new friends, so you cause your own loneliness.”
“I hope you don’t think I’m paying you for this session because I’m not.”
He smirks. “I’m not trying to psychoanalyze you. I just don’t want your loneliness to eat away at you. No offense but you had limited friends before everything happened. Now there’s no one.”
I frown. “Thanks for the reminder. Can we not talk about how shitty my social life is, or how the only friend I had was secretly sleeping with this psychopath-obsessed man”s dad in an attempt to get information about us?”
“It’s not meant to be an insult. I was actually hoping to use it as an opening to invite you to hang out this evening. Lee, Aries, and I are going to have some pizza and beer, then hang out and watch some movies. You”re coming.”
I shake my head. ”You do realize you make decrees a lot, right?”
He shrugs. ”It”s my job to be decisive. I have no room for questions.”
I mock his deep voice. ”I have no room for questions. Only commands.”
This earns me an eye roll, and he helps me gather my books. ”Leave this here. I”ll have the driver grab it for you and put it in the car while we walk over to The Mill.”
I freeze. ”The Mill?”
He tugs me along gently. ”Don”t worry, Drew isn”t there.”
”You”re sure?” While I mean, it would be fine to see him, I know I don”t exactly think clearly when he”s around. Nor does Seb at the moment. Not exactly a situation for a relaxing evening.
”Are you going to tell me what”s going on with Drew? I thought you were going to stay away from him?”
We walk, and I consider how much I actually want to tell him. ”Drew is...hard. I can”t just turn off caring for him. He wants to be different. He is different with me. But I also don”t want to be an idiot and walk into things blindly.”
He nods and tucks his hands into his pockets as the wind cuts through the trees heading up to The Mill house. ”While I”d love to just say ‘stop seeing him,’ something tells me that wouldn”t go over well. That you”d probably do the opposite just to piss me off.”
”Hmm...seems you are getting to know me.”
He chuckles. ”Doesn”t mean I”m not going to tell him to stay away from you. Not that he”s been doing that very well either. Drew does what he wants. Always has.”
”Sounds like someone else I know.”
We enter the house, and a chill skitters down my spine. What if Seb is wrong, and Drew is here anyway? And I have to sit and endure pizza with him and his friends.
Seb leads me into a clean, modern kitchen I still remember from the party, and I plop at the countertop bar. I duck my chin to hide my blush as I remember that night and what happened after I left the party.
Lee stands on the other side, a pizza box in hand, his light hair mussed, his v-neck T-shirt showing off his golden skin.
Aries stands next to him, almost twice as wide, a big dude, his dark curls tucked back with a black elastic headband. They both eye me like a snake they accidentally walked up on.
”Hi,” I say.
Lee recovers first and sets the pizza out on the counter. ”Pepperoni? Mushrooms? What”s your pleasure?” He slaps Aries on the chest. ”Don’t be rude. Get the lady a beer.”
Aries narrows his eyes in suspicion, but he still turns to grab a beer out of the massive stainless steel fridge. He opens it with one hand and plunks it down in front of me. Some foam escapes the top, and I reach to grab it and lick the edge of the bottle when Lee hands me a plate with a couple of slices of pizza on it.
Pizza is pizza in all its beautiful forms so I don”t request anything else and finish cleaning up the beer mess while I nibble on the pepperoni and banana pepper piece I pick up first.
Sebastian sits beside me, tosses his jacket on a nearby empty chair, and greets his friends. ”Look at us, doing normal happy family shit.”
Lee chuckles, and Aries just stares between us like we might randomly attack him at any moment.
Eventually, Aries settles down and pulls a stool to the other side of the counter to sit on. He cradles a plate stacked high with pieces of mushroom and sausage against his chest.
Seb picks at a piece of pepperoni and cheese. Lee doesn”t bother with a plate or chair. Instead, he sits on the counter and folds his slice in half, eating it bite by bite.
Once he chews, he eyes everyone. ”Yeah, this is fun. Not awkward as fuck or anything.”
We all chuckle and eat. Lee tosses another slice on my plate. ”How”s school going? Are you getting caught up?”
I groan. ”Yes. It”s easy to study when I don”t have to juggle a job and money.”
He nods. ”Yeah. I can only imagine. We”re all spoiled rich boys who”ve never had to deal with school tuition.” He says it as a joke, but there”s something under his tone that”s darker and has a jagged edge I”m not getting near.
I glance back at Aries, who is stacking his plate again. Where the hell did he put all that? I glance among the men. ”Did he even eat, or did he just inhale his food like a vacuum?”
They all laugh, even Aries, who then shrugs.
”Why do you think we get so much pizza?” Lee says, waving to the stacked boxes for the four of us. ”Drew can have leftovers.”
The mention of Drew”s name makes the smile slip off my face, and the tension returns to the room.
”Way to go, asshole,” Aries mutters to Lee.
Lee doesn”t even flinch. ”So what is going on between you two? I saw you kiss one of the new kids at the party? He”s still alive, by the way, for now. Not sure how long that will last, though.”
Seb grabs another slice of piece, this time a sausage and mushroom, even as Aries growls at him. ”Let”s not dive into that conversation, Lee. Let’s just sit and have a nice relaxing dinner.”
Aries snorts. “I hate to break it to you, boss, but nothing about dinner is relaxing.”
Seb ignores Aries”s pointed comment and stares at Lee. ”How’s life for you? What about your girl? The one your family is setting you up with?”
Lee grumbles under his breath and shoves half a slice of pizza in his mouth. After he swallows, he licks his fingers. ”Apparently, we are getting married. Because that works so well in our world. They’re calling it an arranged marriage.”
I consider his words. ”Is that what was happening with Drew and that girl at the party?”
Sebs sighs like he would love anything better than talking about Drew for five minutes. ”Yes. His father forced him to spend time with her for some business thing. And he made it very clear that Drew had to do anything and everything she wanted.”
I try to think back to that night, but after the head wound, things became a little blurrier.
Lee carries on. ”She was a fucking witch. Her slimy hands were all over him, all over us too when we tried to distract her so he could talk to you.”
Thinking about Drew makes me want to see him and talk to him. Why isn’t he here? I should’ve asked Seb earlier when he said he wouldn’t be here why he wouldn’t be here? I drag my cell phone out from under the table and tap out a quick text to him.
Me: Hey, where are you? At The Mill eating pizza.
I wait for a response,but all it says is delivered. I try not to let the disappointment take root and put my phone away, focusing my attention back on the conversation.