Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
"Y ou're scaring me, Ze," I whisper, blinking back tears. Fear courses through me as I take in his crazed expression. His nostrils flare as his eyes zero in on me.
A lone tear falls down my cheek, and it seems to snap him out of it. Muttering a string of foreign curses, he lets go of me and takes a few steps back.
I sway in the wind, my legs made of jelly.
After a few deep breaths, my heart is still beating like crazy in my chest, my whole body trembling. I wrap my arms around myself, stealing a glance at him.
He's pacing around like a madman, stomping his feet into the ground with a force that makes the entire earth quake.
"Ze?" I probe gently, both afraid of him and for him. Just what prompted this display?
"Why would you risk yourself for that male?" he asks on a ragged breath, a hint of purple staring my way.
"I don't understand. He's my husband. Of course I'd risk everything for him," I answer weakly.
"But why?" he repeats. "What is so special about him?"
I bite my lip as I look at his savage manner, and it suddenly strikes me that he may be confused about emotions—about what prompts someone to sacrifice themselves for another.
"Because I love him," I say, my tone more confident than before. "He might not be special to anyone else, but he's special to me."
He narrows his eyes at me.
"You wouldn't understand." I give him a small smile. "All my life I've been told how insignificant I was, how little I mattered as a person. But Nikki... He treated me like I was everything to him."
"Is that so?" He raises a brow, coming toward me. Instinctively, I take a step back. He stops right in front of me, his expression twisted. "Then are you doing this out of a sense of duty to him?"
My lashes flutter in shock.
"What—"
"Is that not so? Was he not an escape for you out of your living situation?"
I stare at him, unable to recognize this Ze in front of me. There's a vicious edge to his tone, a sharpness in his features that wasn't there before. The corner of his mouth twitches up in a cruel smirk, and for the first time, I find myself at a loss for words.
"How much did you see?" I whisper.
He lets out a dry laugh.
"Too much." He shakes his head.
"Why would you intrude on such an intimate moment of my life?" I ask, disappointment filling me to the brim. "Why would you violate my trust like this?"
"You should be happy I only saw that, human. Otherwise..." he trails off, a twisted smile pulling at his lips.
"Otherwise what?"
"I am not a good male, human. And I find that I am not a patient one, either. You do not want to see me at my worst," he adds, the words a subtle threat.
"Ze... What is the meaning of this? Why are you behaving like this? I don't understand," I add weakly. I'm so thoroughly confused by his words and actions, and I can't possibly pinpoint what I did wrong or why he's so angry.
"You do not know?" He lets out a dry laugh. "You are my person, human," he grits out, charging at me. Before I know what he means to do, his hand grips my throat, his fingers digging softly into my skin. It's not painful, but it's not comfortable either. He stares down at me in such an odd manner as if he cannot understand himself why he's so mad about this.
"You will not sacrifice yourself for a trifle. You will not forfeit your soul for that. Do you understand me?" he asks in a punctuated tone.
"It's not a trifle," I murmur, swallowing a sob.
He laughs.
"Then what is it? Of course I can excuse your simple human nature. You merely clung onto the first male to give you attention. You are not the first to fall for such a trick." He nods to himself. "But your human foolishness ends now. I will not allow you to continue down this path. I forbid it," he states.
I squeeze my eyes to stop the tears from falling.
"Is that what you think of me?" I ask softly, hurt emanating from my voice.
He frowns at me, his hand falling from my throat.
"It is what you have displayed so far, human." He nods to himself, continuing his tirade without realizing how much his words are hurting me. "You are far too senseless and foolhardy. Your judgment leaves much to be desired. From now on, you are not allowed to do anything without my express permission," he decrees. And just like that, he's back to his usual overbearing self. Spine straight, hands behind his back, he preens around, satisfied with his tongue-lashing and the fact that he just made me feel like the scum of the earth. It's very clear what he thinks of me—that I'm stupid and reckless and I lack any judgment. I'm not worthy to be on the same team as him, let alone breathe the same air as him.
"Why are you here with me then? Why are we on the same team at all?" I ask, raising my eyes to look at him. I bring the back of my hand to my cheeks, wiping the moisture away. "If you think so little of me, why are we even doing this?"
"Because I am magnanimous enough to take care of you," he replies with a huff.
"Oh, wow. Lucky me," I say dryly.
"Indeed. You should consider yourself fortunate for having me by your side, human," he continues.
"No, thank you." I push my chin up. "You are not nice, Ze," I say, doing my best not to burst into tears. "You are a callous and mean man, and I don't want to listen to your vile words anymore."
He turns to me, his intense gaze finding mine as he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back and daring me to speak further.
"You have no right to question my motives for participating in the game when you've never even told me yours," I continue, pointing a finger at him. "But most of all, how dare you question my love for my husband when you're not even capable of feeling it?"
Maybe I'm stooping a little too low with this jab, but it's his fault for bringing me to this point.
His eyes flare with a shadow of hurt at my words, but I don't stop.
"You are right about one thing. I am foolish but not for trying to save my husband. I'm foolish because I thought there might be something good in you. Silly me." I screw my face in disgust. "I thought you were misunderstood and that in spite of your unkind words, your intentions weren't bad. But I see I was wrong. You are just another bully and I will not stand for this treatment." I swallow, struggling to keep my bravado up. "I'll be civil to you until we get back to the complex, but after that I'm done."
His lips pull up.
"You will finally give up on the competition?" he asks, his tone oddly cheerful as if he didn't just hear me tell him how much I dislike him.
"No. I'll give up on this team. I'll continue with the competition, but I don't want to be anywhere near you." I shake my head at him.
He blinks in surprise.
"Asshole," I mutter under my breath, turning my back and heading to the aperture in the rock. I lie down on my side, pulling my knees to my chest and forcing myself to sleep. Tears burn behind my lids, but I won't give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry. Not when it would only make him see me as weaker.
"Do not turn your back to me, human," he calls out.
I don't answer, tuning out his words.
"You are not allowed to ignore me," he continues, coming closer.
I feel him lie down next to me, heat radiating from his body.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I will myself to sleep.
"Human! Luce," he drones on, calling my name and trying in vain to get my attention. It's too late, however. Words have been spoken, and my heart is still raw from his behavior.
God, but I am dumb, aren't I?
I really thought he was my friend, but how could he be when he has such a low opinion of me? Not only am I still a little shaken by the visions of Nikki I got in that realm, but now I have to deal with a mean Ze, too.
I'm still confused about what his deal is. If he's so concerned that I'm bringing the team down, then he shouldn't have offered to be paired with me in the first place.
Swallowing my sobs and sorrows, I force myself to go to sleep. There's little I can do by dwelling on this, especially when every time I replay our conversation, I hurt myself even more.
It's not worth it.
But as I drift off to sleep, I find that my heart hurts more at being on bad terms with him than at him... I am foolish, indeed.
I get up at the first sign of sunlight. Ze is already awake and ready to go and, giving him a silent nod, I march ahead. He tries to speak to me a few times, but when all he receives is the silent treatment, he mutters a few words and decides to give up.
We walk continuously until nightfall, and we manage to cover a great distance. Despite the pain in my legs or the fatigue that soon overtakes my body, I refuse to give him another reason to call me weak. We take a small break until dawn, and then we're back on the road.
All this time, I don't speak to him. No matter how much he's trying to get my attention, I pretend he's not there. Even when he offers me food, I refuse it if it comes from his hand. Instead, I wait until he puts it down before picking it up. Of course, that elicits more words from him about how foolish I am, but it's safe to say I'm long used to that word by now.
It's on the second day that we finally see the complex in sight. My body is already on the verge of giving up, keenly feeling the effects of the long journey and the lack of assistance from Ze. But as the image of him carrying me on his back from before appears in my mind, I scowl.
Not worth it, remember?
As we arrive at the complex, I note the presence of other teams on the sidelines, all staring at us as we head to our apartment building. I keep my head high, ignoring the jibes I hear, the word human being spat around as if it were the worst condition in existence.
I guess Ze is not the only one who has a certain distaste for humans .
Ze trails at my back, always a few paces behind me.
Luckily, just as my legs are about to give up on me, we reach our suite. Opening the door and stepping inside the apartment, my eyebrows go up in question as we spot Thea and Cer in the living room, looking mighty cozy together on the couch.
"You're finally back!" Thea exclaims when she spots us, jumping up and hurrying to me.
"We are," I strain a smile. "How was your quest? Did you get the plants?"
"Of course. We killed some competition on the way too." She flashes me a smile. "Well, Cer did. I just told him who to kill." She chuckles.
"We got our plant too. I don't think we have much longer, so we should get the brew ready," I mention, but Thea doesn't hear me as she stops in front of Ze, her eyes going wide with shock.
"What happened to you ?" she asks, pointing at his eyes. "Why are they purple?"
Cer moves stealthily, his expression worried as he stops by Ze's side.
They share a look, almost as if they're communicating without words. I wonder if it has anything to do with the demons we spotted in the forest.
"It is how they are now," Ze slowly replies.
"You mean it's permanent? But how? That's impossible. I've never heard of something like that," Thea continues.
Cer is still staring at Ze, reaching out to touch him on the shoulder. It doesn't surprise me that he'd be so worried about him considering the man basically raised him. At the same time, it's jarring to realize there's someone out there who genuinely cares about the guy—regardless of his rude personality. After experiencing his exquisite diatribes myself, as his teammate, I can't imagine how bad he'd be as a superior, or on the battlefield. His poor soldiers... They must be more scared of him than of the demons they're supposed to slay.
Since they're so busy fussing over Ze, I head to the kitchen, remove our plant, and place it on a table. As I look around, I spot the other two plants Thea and Cer got, and I grab them too, then rinse all three. Removing a pot from a cupboard, I fill it with water and place it over the stove. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find how to turn the stove on.
As I'm struggling to figure it out, a hand reaches out from behind me, pressing a few buttons until a small flame flares to life. I sneak a glance behind, not surprised to see Ze, who's looking at me with a puppy-like expression as if he's waiting for me to pet him and tell him what a good boy he is. Alas, that's exactly what he is not .
It's on the tip of my lips to thank him, but since I'm not speaking to him, I simply roll my eyes and redirect my attention to the pot.
When the water boils, I place the whole plants inside. Since there are no instructions on how to make the brew, I will not take any chances with it. Better to be safe than sorry, so I'll cook both the root and the stem with the flower. After everything is brewed, I drain the water into a cup and bring it with me to the table.
Ze silently trails behind, taking a seat next to me and giving me an odd look. He purposefully moves his chair closer to mine, his body brushing against mine.
I bring the cup to my lips for a sip, but before I can drink, Ze's hand shoots out and he wedges it between my mouth and the cup, stopping me.
"It is hot," he mumbles, wrenching the cup from my hands. I stare at him dumbfounded as he blows some cool air at the steamy liquid before drinking from it. He screws his face in disapproval, blowing some more cold air and tasting it again.
"What the hell are you doing?" I grit my teeth, incensed at his behavior.
He repeats the action a few more times, eluding all of my attempts to get the brew back.
"You can drink now." He nods, finally handing it back to me. He has a very pleased look on his face as he waits for me to praise him.
I blink, looking at the half-empty cup and getting the sudden urge to spill the rest of it over his head. But I can't waste more of the brew. My lips twitch in annoyance as I drink the remaining liquid. While it's only slightly warm now, the taste is bitter and unpleasant.
He clears his throat. "That is an extra point," he has the gall to say.
I gawk at him. He's impossible. I've never been prone to violence, but Ze has an unusual effect on me.
"I'm revoking your extra point privileges," I snap at him, unable to keep my tone civil. His face immediately falls. He blinks a few times, taking a few breaths and pushing his chin down.
"I'm sensing some bad energy here," Thea notes as she stares between the two of us. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Ze says.
"He's an asshole," I add at the same time, turning to give him a murderous look.
I slam the cup onto the table and get up. Ze gets up too, his eyes on me.
"I'm going out. I need some time alone," I declare. "You can ask him what he did wrong." I point at Ze.
"I knew it," Thea grumbles under her breath. Cer just stares at the two of us, shaking his head. "I told you." She turns to her brother. "He's awful and cannot be trusted to be alone with anyone."
My lids flutter in surprise at the vehemence of her tone. I didn't expect her to defend me. Alas, I don't want to stick around to listen to them argue.
"Why did you even come here? You said you'd stay away, Ze," Thea tells him as I stealthily head out. But just as I open the door, I feel a looming presence behind. Stopping, I suddenly turn to find Ze right behind me, following me like a shadow.
"Do not follow me," I tell him pointedly.
He doesn't acknowledge my words, so I simply shut the door in his face, walking away from the apartment. But it's not before I hear Thea yell, "He's your friend, Cer. I've been patient enough with him for your sake, but I can't do it anymore."
Well, it seems I'm not the only one who has a bone to pick with Ze. Poor Cer, he might be the only one who doesn't dislike him.
Shaking my head, I walk to the canteen to get some fresh food and chocolate, after which I find a remote spot to rest and eat. I'm so tired, I would have liked nothing more than to go to my room and sleep. But after being forced to share a space with Ze for the last week, I find that I need some time alone. And for all I like her, not even Thea's company is welcome at this point. She'd undoubtedly ask me what happened, and I don't know if I can relate everything without breaking down into tears—and that's the last thing I need.
I take a deep breath.
Ze's behavior affected me more than I expected. We might only know each other for a short time, but I felt an affinity to him and I thought he did as well. Yet what I saw as friendship was anything but that for him. I'll always be a puny human not worthy of his attention—too dumb to make my own choices. How could we be friends if he'll always see me as someone inferior?
I slowly munch on some chocolate as I lie on my back on the grass. I found a small patch away from prying eyes, and as I stare at the clear sky, I wonder if I can get away with a small nap. The meal I ate was mostly comprised of carbs, so that should put me right to sleep.
A yawn escapes me.
Ah, if only Nikki were here. It's been too long since he last appeared before me. Although I wish I could spend every waking moment with him by my side, I also understand the dangers. Thea made it clear that rogue souls are hunted, never mind the fact that young souls have little to no energy.
I sigh.
The past memories I saw renewed my longing for him.
After escaping the hacienda, I thought for the longest time that my friend Noelle had perished there, and I'd blamed myself for it. Day and night, I'd lost myself to my grief, hating myself for being the only survivor. And in a way, I'd hated Nikki a little too for being the one to take me away. He knew it, too.
A wry smile pulls at my lips.
Even when I blamed him; even when I cursed him for taking me away, he was still there. Faithfully by my side, ready to pick up the pieces of my shattered self. And when I found out that Noelle was still alive, he was there to share that happiness with me.
My eyes become moist with unshed tears.
I miss that. I miss having my best friend by my side—through thick and thin. I miss having someone to share all my thoughts with—someone who loved and respected me.
Our relationship was never perfect. God knows, we've had plenty of ups and downs, some of which we never recovered from. In a way, both Nikki and I were— are —still slaves to our past. The only difference is that his got him killed while mine is slowly killing me. But our differences made us challenge each other.
Lying on my back, I stare at the clear sky, somehow unable to believe this is my life.
Out of nowhere, a dark shadow appears in front of my eyes.
I startle up into a sitting position, blinking repeatedly just as the dark mist starts taking shape, materializing into the form of a man.
"Nikki?" I whisper, my eyes widening.