Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
H e doesn't answer, merely coming closer to me. He reaches with his hand, the ghost of a touch brushing against my face. My eyes snap shut as I inhale sharply, the warmth left behind by his caress making my pulse spike up.
"It's you, isn't it?" I murmur, nuzzling my face against the ghostly palm.
"Luce." His voice reverberates through my being. "My Luce," he whispers as he dips his head, his diaphanous cheek brushing against my own.
Tears of pure joy cling to my lashes as I let myself feel him, my soul rejoicing at being near his again.
"You stayed away for so long." I stifle a sob.
"I couldn't come. I'm not that... strong."
"It's okay." I shake my head, realizing I'm being unreasonable. "You don't have to excuse yourself. The fact that you're here means everything to me. Especially after we parted on such bad terms."
"I only want what's good for you," he continues, his voice raspy and pained. "I don't want you to get hurt. Not on my account."
"I'll be fine, Nikki. I've already finished the second trial." I smile.
He leans back, the mist swaying in the wind, waves of shimmery dust sparkling inside him.
"You will not quit, will you?" he asks with a sigh.
I shake my head.
"I know I can do it," I tell him confidently.
"At least you have your team... I feel better that you have people by your side who can help you."
My smile falls, my features tense.
"I'll be on my own for the next trial," I tell him reluctantly.
"What?" His voice booms, echoing in the stillness of nature. "Luce! You've seen the competition! How can you defeat those people?"
"I know. But I can't in good conscience continue with my team. Not after..." I take a deep breath.
"What happened?" he barks, my ever so protective knight.
I give him a tight smile.
"Maybe I'm foolish." I sigh. "But all my life I've been disrespected by everyone around me—treated as less than human. Now... well, the mere fact that I'm human makes me less."
"I don't understand."
"Please don't be mad at me. I don't want to argue with you again. Not when I'm already barely hanging by a thread. Just... I know you're worrying about me, but please respect my choice. Please trust that I'll do the right thing."
He's silent as he mulls over my words. Plopping himself by my side, he takes my hand in his—light against the darkness of his shadow.
"I always worry about you," he finally says. "You can't stop me from doing it."
"I know." I nod.
"What prompted this?" he asks slowly. "Last time you were very happy with your team."
"There's... someone." I swallow. "His name is Ze. I thought we were friends, but almost from the beginning, he's been insulting and belittling me. I ignored it, even thought he didn't mean it." I shake my head at my foolishness. "He was so nice to me at times that I actually thought he might appreciate me."
There's a slight pressure on my hand, and I turn to look at him.
"How close did you get to this man, Luce?" he asks tightly.
"No, no," I hurry to say. "It's nothing like that, I promise. We were only friends."
"Is that so... You sound as if you care about him."
"I do—or did." I sigh. "But I realize that my affection was misplaced."
"You're telling me you care about another man, Luce?" He enunciates each word carefully, but I can sense the tension.
"I care for him as a friend, Nikki." I purse my lips. "He was good to me, he protected me, so I thought he cared about me, too. But he doesn't see me as anything but a worthless human."
Nikki doesn't reply. His hold over my hand tightens, a prickly sensation permeating my skin.
"Men and women cannot be friends, Luce," he grits out.
"Nikki!" I blink in surprise.
"Maybe you don't know it because you've barely been out into the world, but there is no such thing as friendship between a man and a woman," he continues. "He either wants to fuck you, or he's already fucked you. Which one is it?"
"W-what..." I stammer, at a loss for words.
The dark mist intensifies, the form barely contained.
"Which one is it, Luce?" he repeats in a harsh voice.
"Neither! Good God, who do you think I am?" I ask, scandalized. "Ze doesn't see me like that, and I certainly would never do that. How could you even think that? You know me."
"I know that you're a beautiful woman, Luce. I know that you're the most goddamn amazing woman I've ever met. And I doubt I'm the only one who thinks this," he bites out. "Everywhere you go people stare at you, and I know what they're thinking. I can see what they're thinking. Don't be so naive."
"What do you mean?" I ask in a small voice.
I forgot about this side of him, and I instantly regret bringing up Ze. I should have known better than to mention another man to him, but I felt the need to share my pain with someone. Nikki's always been insanely jealous. It was a blessing that we rarely went out because he'd snap whenever another man even glanced at me. The few times we went on vacation, we'd inevitably end up spending most of the time at the hotel because he had a tendency to start fights with whoever looked at me for more than five seconds.
"What do you think goes through a man's mind when he sees you smile?"
I open my mouth to answer, but he brings his ghostly finger against my lips, shushing me.
"They think exactly what I think," he states emphatically, angling his shadowy body toward me. Warmth radiates from him, seeping into my body as he traces the seam of my lips, dipping the tip of his finger inside.
My breath hitches.
"And all I can think of is how hard and fast I'd fuck your mouth. How sweet you'd smile with your lips stained with?—"
"Stop," I whisper, heat traveling up my cheeks. My heart beats fast in my chest, goose bumps spreading all over my skin.
"You're adorable." He chuckles, caressing my cheek. "But you're so woefully naive, Luce. Men aren't nice to you in exchange for nothing."
"Ze's not like that," I protest weakly.
"He's a man, Luce, is he not?"
I swallow, averting my gaze.
"We should talk about something else. We have such little time together, I don't want to waste it talking about someone else," I propose, not liking where this conversation is going.
Silence stretches between us for a few moments before he nods.
I slide closer to him, tentatively wrapping my arms around him and laying my head on his chest.
"You have to be careful, Luce. I might not like it, but I'd rather you stayed with your team. It's too dangerous on your own."
"Oh, Nikki..." I sigh. "I don't know."
"Think on it, okay? For my peace of mind."
"Okay," I agree.
We both lie down on the grass, our bodies wrapped around one another as we simply hold each other. It might have been odd in the beginning that I'm talking and touching a dark shadow. But now it's second nature. It just feels like home.
Time passes awfully fast as I tell him everything that's happened since we last spoke, and he assures me he'll do his best to come to me whenever he feels at his best.
"This state... It's unpredictable. I can never tell when I'll have enough strength to show myself to you, let alone touch you like this," he murmurs, his voice full of wonder. "And depending on where the next trial will be, I might not be able to see you at all."
I tighten my hold around him, blinking back tears.
"I will win this," I tell him vehemently.
He doesn't comment about the dangers or my abilities anymore. He simply hugs me, whispering how much he loves me. Yet all too soon, his strength fades.
It starts with the flicker of his shadow, and soon, he becomes transparent.
"I'll be back," he whispers right before he disappears.
After he's gone, I lie there for minutes on end, thinking about our discussion and my next steps. As it gets dark out, I finally get up and head back to the suite.
When I open the door, I find the three of them still where I left them, the tension palpable in the room. Their stances are also telling. Ze is by the window, his hands at his back and a bored expression on his face. Cer and Thea are in the middle of the room, arguing. Or rather, Thea is chastising Cer while he pretends to listen to what she's saying.
They turn to look at me.
"Please don't tell me you've been arguing since I left," I say.
Thea's gaze snaps to Cer and then to Ze, suggesting she's not pleased with either of them.
"I have not been arguing with anyone. I've just been making my opinion known," she says as she gives her brother a harsh look. "And the fact that I do not like certain people."
The implication that she's referring to Ze is clear, but he doesn't bat an eye at it.
"I do not care about your opinion, Erithea," Ze comments with a shrug.
"No one asked you," she snaps at him. "Just because you're stronger than anyone doesn't mean you get to treat us like shit. I've put up with you for far too long, Ze."
"On the contrary," he notes, raising one finger up. His voice is serene but cold. Calculating. "I am not the one people have to put up with. Shall I remind you what your last stunt caused? You are here for a reason," he says, narrowing his eyes at her.
I blink in confusion.
"What is he talking about?" I ask her.
"It doesn't matter," she quickly answers, but she doesn't meet my eyes.
"You may think I am harsh with Erithea, but has she told you about her reputation back home?" Ze asks, casually taking a seat on the couch.
Thea's eyes widen, her lips compressed in a thin line.
"Ze..." she warns, her voice grave.
"It is not the moment for this, Ze," Cer finally intervenes.
"Why? Are you ashamed of your past, Erithea?" Ze raises a brow.
"You damn asshole," she grits her teeth.
"Cut it out, Ze. Leave her alone."
"And of course, Cerenios is always there to fight her battles for her." He rolls his eyes. "Are you not tired of cleaning up after your sister?"
"Ze, I said stop," Cer enunciates clearly, his entire countenance changing. "You are taking this too far."
"I have barely started." He smirks. "Although, Erithea, I wonder what your family would say if they knew your little secret. Do you think they would disown you at last?"
The temperature in the room suddenly drops. Thea's eyes darken, her nostrils flaring with aggression. She reaches for the cup I left on the table, and with a single touch, the material changes shape, becoming slim and elongated, the edge sharp like a spear. She doesn't waste a moment as she throws it at Ze.
He doesn't even blink as he tilts his head to the side, letting the spear embed itself in the couch.
"Don't you dare say anything, Ze, or I'll?—"
In a flash, Ze is gone from the couch, appearing in front of Thea. His hand is wrapped around her throat as he pushes her against the wall, his eyes swirling an explosive purple.
"You forget yourself, Erithea. I can end you with one snap of my wrist." His voice is cold, unyielding. All of a sudden, I see the same Ze from the night before—the cruel, violent one—and fear courses through me.
Thea struggles to breathe, but she doesn't back down, her eyes shining with anger.
"Stop!" I call out, rushing forward.
But before I can reach them, Cer is by Thea's side, putting himself between her and Ze. He presses his hand on Ze's chest, propelling him back until he hits the wall, leaving a big dent in it.
Thea's hand goes to her neck, massaging it as she inhales deeply.
"Are you all right?" Cer whispers.
She gives a brisk nod, but her eyes are still on Ze, beams of hatred directed at him.
"You do not put your hands on my sister," Cer decrees in a harsh voice. "You do not touch her. You do not breathe near her," he states, addressing Ze.
Ze merely smirks, dusting his clothes and coming forward, his walk as nonchalant as his expression.
"I hit a nerve, did I not, Cerenios?" Ze chuckles. "So this is what it takes for you to turn on me," he muses silently, the ghost of a smile touching his lips.
"Just stop it, Ze. You're only making things worse," I call out. The last thing I expected is to see them at each other's throats. And with the way things are going, I'm pretty sure they'll end up hurting each other.
"Of course. All I ever do is make things worse, is that not right?" He finally turns to me, his purple eyes swirling in a myriad of shades, dark and light blending together in a hypnotizing manner.
"Why do you do it if you know it? Why do you have to be so mean to Thea? And now Cer, too? Isn't he your friend?"
He doesn't answer, the corner of his mouth curling up in disgust.
"Oh right, I forgot. You don't have friends, do you?" I let out a dry laugh.
His features tighten and he steps closer, his hard steps thundering against the wooden floor.
"That is correct. I do not have any friends. I do not want to have any friends," he declares, his words clipped.
I shake my head at him in disappointment.
"Then why are you still here?"
"Why, indeed." He stares at me. He takes another step until the tips of his feet meet mine, and I instinctively back away, the memory of his previous outburst still fresh in my memory—as is the way he manhandled me.
"You fear me, human?" he asks in a low voice.
I swallow.
"Have you given me reason not to?" I whisper.
His intent gaze pins me to the spot, the hairs on my body all standing up to attention. The proximity reminds me of our size differences—the fact that he's a giant next to me. That intimidates me even more as I find myself taking another step back.
"So this is how it is now, human. You turn on me, too?"
"Turn on you?" I repeat numbly, shocked at his accusation. "It was you who hurt me, Ze. But what's new? All you know is how to hurt people, how to insult them and make them feel insignificant. Because no one can possibly be as great as you."
His jaw hardens, his fists clenching by his side.
"Luce, it's not worth it," Thea quips from the back, but I'm done with his behavior.
"You're a hateful, hateful man, Ze," I tell him.
He straightens his back as he pushes his chin up.
"You hate me that much, human?" he asks in a low, raspy voice, his body shaking with unreleased tension.
"I just don't want you anywhere near me," I tell him honestly.
He stares at me for a moment before he nods, moving past me toward the door.
"You never even apologized for last night," I add quietly. I don't know if that would help, but it would be a starting point.
He half turns, his profile shrouded in darkness.
"I am not sorry," he states.
And before I can blink, he's gone.
I sway on my feet, finding a chair and sitting down. Thea comes to my side, her features stricken.
"Are you okay?" I ask her, carefully scanning her body. "Did he hurt you?"
"Nothing I can't handle." She shrugs.
"Why is he like this? Why is he so..."
"You're finally getting a glimpse of the real Ze." Thea sighs as she takes a seat next to me. "He's not a good person."
Cer grunts, although he doesn't offer any insight. I guess he's still his subordinate, technically.
"Why did you sing his praises when he first arrived then? Why would you lie that you're friends when it's clear you hate each other?"
She purses her lips, her eyes straying to her brother.
"Because he made me." She takes a deep breath.
My eyes widen in shock.
"He...made you?"
"I can't give you more details, Luce. I wish I could, but it's not something I can talk about. He knows things about me that would get me killed if they got out," she whispers. "He is the last person you would ever wish to know your deepest, darkest secrets. Because I have no doubt he would make good on his threat to tell my family."
"What does he have on you, Thea?" Cer demands sharply.
She shakes her head.
"Something that would make you hate me, too, Cer." She meets his gaze as she gives him a sad smile. "And I can't risk that."
"And he used that to what? Blackmail you?"
She nods grimly.
I inhale sharply.
"That is so low of him. I can't believe I ever felt sorry for him."
"You don't know him as we do, Luce. Cer would never speak ill of him, of course, even though I have no doubt he has plenty of such opinions as well."
Cer has a grave expression, but he neither agrees with it nor denies it.
"But that's only because he feels some misplaced loyalty to him," she continues. "But back home..." She shakes her head. "There's no one more hated. And it's not just because of his rude manner. I doubt there's any House that hasn't lost someone to his sword."
"What do you mean?" I frown.
"His duties don't only involve demons, but also?—"
"Thea, that is enough," Cer interrupts her.
She gives him a harsh look.
"She has a right to know, Cer," she says before she turns to me. "Ze is the executioner of the law. If anyone missteps, he is the one who comes to deliver the punishment. And he never blinks an eye. In our family alone, he's executed at least five people that I know of in the last few hundred years. With him, you don't get second chances."
"Why is he here then? Why would he participate in the game?"
She shares a hidden look with Cer.
"I'm not sure. He didn't tell me, and with him, you never know. I'm sorry I lied." She sighs. "I didn't want him getting so close to you, but I didn't know how to tell you without risking his wrath."
"I understand." I smile as I reach to pat her on the back.
"What a touching scene," a familiar voice says from the back.
We all turn and watch Ze lean against the wall, his shrewd eyes taking in everything.
"How long have you been there?" I ask.
He doesn't reply. The corners of his mouth lift up in an eerie smile. Thea's face drains of color, and Cer reaches for her hand, squeezing it in comfort. She's already trembling, on the verge of a breakdown, and Cer is doing his best to calm her down.
Ze's eyes zero in on their interaction, his displeasure clear. Before he can say or do anything that might hurt Thea, I take a step toward him.
"Don't, Ze. Please don't do anything to hurt her. I'm begging you."
He slowly turns his gaze to me.
"You would beg?" He raises an eyebrow. "For a stranger."
"She's not a stranger. She's my friend."
He scoffs.
"Like I was your friend?" he asks, staring at me intently.
I don't answer, biting my lip to stop myself from blurting a caustic reply.
"Beg, then."
"W-what?" I blink.
"Beg me not to reveal her secret. Beg me."
"Ze. We should take this privately," Cer mentions. "We should leave them out of it."
"Why should we when they are at the core of this issue?" He laughs. "Although if you knew what Erithea is hiding from you..."
"Please don't," Thea whispers as she drops to her knees. "Please don't tell him. Don't tell anyone," she pleads, tears rushing down her cheeks. "I'll do anything. Just please..."
"If you truly meant that, you would have done what I asked from the beginning. But no, you had to let your flawed emotions get the best of you."
"If you tell them... You know what will happen to me," she sobs. "You know I'll be dead."
"Of course." He smiles, although it never reaches his eyes. "And I will be the one to deliver you to your death."
My mouth hangs open in shock as I stare at the casual way in which he just told Thea he would kill her—regardless of the fact that she is his friend's sister, or that he's known her for years. To get what he wants, he'd kill her.
I have grossly misjudged him, haven't I?
Who is this Ze and where is the slightly awkward but well-intended protector? Where is the man who made me feel safe and made sure no danger touched me?
But the truth is staring me right in the face.
That man never existed. And considering what Thea told me, I'm sure he's had a secondary purpose for joining the game and our team from the beginning.
He was using us for something, wasn't he?
Disappointment settles deep in my stomach, and something more. A tingle spreads through my entire body, almost as if his actions are physically making me ill. The revulsion is so strong, I barely keep myself from being sick.
"That's enough, Ze." Cer's voice booms as he gets to his feet, his body radiating pure energy.
Fearing a fight between them would hurt everyone, I swallow my pride and meet Ze's eyes. I've seen enough of his abilities to know that no one would survive. Cer might be his disciple, but I doubt he's as strong.
"What do you want me to do? I'll do it," I slowly say.
He turns his attention to me, coming closer. His steps are measured, his expression icy. Whatever vulnerability I might have seen in him in the past is gone. There's just ruthless indifference. One that cuts me to the core.
As he reaches in front of me, he tips my chin up with his hand, his thumb brushing against my lips. I gulp down as a sliver of fear courses down my back.
With how unpredictable he is, I'm truly not sure what he would ask of me.
The caress is soft, gentle—belying his arctic countenance. He touches me almost reverently, and a small alarm bell goes off in my head.
What if...
"Give up," he says in a deadpan tone.
"What?" I whisper.
A smirk pulls at his lips as his hand dips lower. Slowly, he wraps his fingers around the circumference of my neck, bringing me closer to him.
"Renounce the competition and return to your world." He lowers his head to whisper in my ear. "If you do that, I will give you my vow that Erithea's secret will be safe."