Chapter 23
The moment Spencer woke up the morning after his arrival, he knew that he would not see much of Sophia.
She had taken his return as a sign that she could relax, which meant the care of the boy would fall to him.
He knew that most gentlemen would have recoiled at the responsibility, but it was second nature to him.
He cared for the boy deeply, and even in these circumstances, he was glad to spend time with him.
However, with the child’s illness, it was not possible to do anything else while he was there. Each time Spencer placed Gilbert down, he cried furiously for him, and it broke his heart to hear him suffering.
“You will have to do something to help,” he told Sophia as she passed the sitting room.
“I have been doing so for a month. It is your turn.”
“He is your son,” he groaned. “I know that I let you do as you please for the most part, but you are his mother. He needs you.”
“He also needs a man to guide him, but you decided that there was something more important elsewhere.”
“Yes, Sophia, it is more important that I am able to support you. If I lose the estates, I cannot do that. What do you not understand about how important all of this is?”
“What I do not understand is why you did not leave the moment I wrote to you. You arrived later than you should have, which meant that there was something keeping you there. Do not tell me that there is another one of me.”
Spencer could only blink at her in surprise. If he had more than one lady in the same predicament as her, he would have been driven to madness long before.
“Very well,” he grimaced. “I will tell you the truth, but you are not to be angry.”
“Why not?”
“For one, I kept it from you because I know how you can be. More importantly, though, your son is sleeping at last, and should you make a fuss, he will awaken.”
He handed the bundle to her and took a deep breath.
“A little over a year ago,” he explained, “I took a wife. I needed her in order to secure my lineage, and then I returned to you.”
“Do you mean to tell me that, when you disappeared for a week, you returned married?”
“Indeed.”
“And you did not tell me.”
“I did not. I knew that you would be furious.”
“And I have every right to be! Gilbert and I are supposed to be your priority, not some purebred, dainty thing of good breeding, or whatever it is you men like in a wife.”
“And you were. Why do you think I returned, leaving her for an entire year?”
He had hoped that she would be soothed by his words, but she only looked at him with more anger. He wondered just what mistake he had made, but then he realized.
“We were?” she echoed. “We used to be, and no longer are, is that what you mean to say?”
“No, not at all. What I mean is that I now have two priorities, and I am trying to make you all happy, even though it is impossible. I have to think of her, too, Sophia, for she is my wife.”
“And we are your family. I thought that meant something to you.”
“Don’t you dare make such an accusation. Family means everything to me. If it did not, I would have treated you the same way my father did.”
It was not a particularly kind reminder to give her, but Spencer felt it necessary.
She had to remember what had brought them to their position, for she blamed Spencer for it even though he had had no part in it at all.
He was innocent, and he had tried to help even so, but she never seemed grateful for that.
She was quiet for a moment, looking at her son. Spencer knew that she thought the world of him and that she would do almost anything for him, but there was one thing that she refused, and it would have made everything far simpler.
“Do not ask me to join you again,” she said softly. “Every time you do, it breaks my heart.”
“Why? It would be the best thing for all of us.”
“Yes, and the ton would think it is wonderful,” she sneered. “The Duke of Wutherton and the bastard girl he is housing. Oh, what a joy that would be.”
“They would not need to know.”
”So you would hide us away? It is not as though that is any better.”
“Then what do you want from me? You do not want to be in my manor home with staff that can care for you, and you do not want me to take the boy from you to care for him. Do you truly wish to spend the rest of your life in this tiny little house?”
“I want freedom. I want to not have to rely on you for the rest of my life, but I will never truly be independent, will I?”
“No, so why can you not accept that you cannot stay here?”
It was clear that she wanted him to refute her claim, but he could not. Her dreams mattered to him, but reality mattered to the child, and a lady with no prospects could not live an independent life as it was.
And that was not Sophia’s only concern, for alongside all of her struggles, her vision was fading more and more with time.
She would not be able to work, and that meant that she would be at the mercy of those around her, and Spencer hated the thought of it.
That was why he had always done all that he could to help her.
“If I go with you,” she whispered, “I will have to admit that I have failed Gilbert. I will have to accept that I am not enough for him, and I fear it will kill me. All that I wanted was to be a good mother, but it is becoming more and more difficult. I need you, Spencer, even if I am not always clear about my gratitude.”
She was aware of it, at least.
He braced himself, knowing that she would take a lot of convincing, but it had to be done then and there. He could not bear the thought of leaving them in that small household any longer, not if she was no longer able to care for her son alone.
“I know that you are grateful. I am doing all that I can to help you, and I need you to accept that help. Please, Sophia, come home with me. It is what you both need, and that way, I will not have to leave you again. I want to be there for both of you, but when my dukedom requires me to return every year at most, I cannot care for you.”
“And what about your darling and doting wife? She will not want to see me.”
“On the contrary, it will help solve a great deal of trouble. She does not know that you are here, and it has caused more trouble than it is worth. She will be pleased to know that she never had anything to be concerned about.”
“And the noble Duchess will tolerate the disgraceful wanton in her home. Is that what you expect?”
“Sophia, Anna will not see you that way. My wife is… she does not think like the other ladies in high society. She has a club dedicated to reading books and discussing everything from society to zoology. She will love you as I do.”
She did not seem convinced, and Spencer had to admit that it was quite an unbelievable thing to say, but it was what he had to say.
Though she would be taken aback by the revelation and furious that he had kept it from her, Anna would want to help Sophia.
It was her nature to do right by a lady, whether she knew her or not.
“I do not know,” Sophia frowned. “If I go with you now, and I adjust to the life you have always led, I will not be able to be any other way. What happens when you want to be rid of me?”
“That will not happen,” he promised, giving her a light kiss on her forehead. “You have always been important to me. I will ensure that nothing bad happens to you, and you know that.”
At last, she softened.
“Very well,” she sighed. “I will go with you, and we can leave all of this behind.”
“Wonderful. I shall have your things prepared, and–”
“But not just yet,” she said quickly. “I do not wish to leave immediately. I shall need a few days to get my affairs in order and say my goodbyes.”
“Goodbye? To whom?”
“Do you honestly believe that I have been completely alone all of this time? I have friends, and they will undoubtedly miss me when we are gone. I would like to speak with them.”
Spencer simply nodded. If he pushed too far, she would simply dig her heels in and refuse to let him take the two of them anywhere at all.
And so, he kept Gilbert with him while she sat with her friends in the sitting room. He decided to take him for a walk in the air outside, in the hope that it would help with his illness. The sun warmed him, and he smiled widely at it.
“Papa,” he said, and Spencer did not have the heart to ignore him.
“We will be leaving soon,” he said to the boy. “You are going to live in a beautiful home, you, your mother, my wife, and I. Anna will like you, and she will play with you all of the time.”
He hoped that he was right in his judgment. He knew that Anna would not turn away a woman in need, but when it came to the child, he was not as certain. She had not made it known to him whether or not she wanted children, for they had not yet broached the matter.
He would need an heir eventually, but he was in no rush. With Sophia needing him, he could not have children of his own. If she were to be in London with them, however, it would be possible.
As long as Anna did not look at the baby and run far away herself.
“And you will have three other ladies who will like to meet you, and one of them has a child for you to play with.”
The little boy gurgled contentedly, repeating the dreaded word again.
He knew that there was no telling him not to call him his father, for he was far too young to understand, but he could not help but wonder just where the name had come from.
He did not teach it to him, and Sophia claimed that she had not either, but it had to have come from somewhere.
By the end of the week, Sophia was at last prepared to leave.
Spencer helped place their few belongings into his carriage, and they planned to leave the following morning.
What he had not expected was for one of her friends, a Miss Emma Watson, to dine with them that night.
She was a small lady, with dark hair and eyes and a light tan to her skin.
“I wanted Emma to stay tonight,” Sophia explained. “She lives with her mother and her four older brothers, so I thought one final night of quiet might be nice.”
“Of course,” he nodded. “Thank you for caring for Sophia in my absence. I am pleased that we will be able to do better for ourselves now, though I suppose you will all miss her.”
“We shall miss her greatly, though we know that this is for the best. This way, the boy can be cared for.”
At that moment, Gilbert, who had been sleeping, could be heard crying for his mother. Sophia shot up from the table and went to him in an instant. Spencer frowned in concern, seeing the care with which she moved.
“I do hope that your home is not too large,” Emma sighed. “It will take her a long time to adjust to it.”
“Might you know just how bad her vision has become? She has not told me, but I can tell that it is affecting her.”
“It is worse than she claims. She knows where everything is here, and even then, she tends to bump into furniture if it is moved slightly.”
“I see. We have a large home, and we have a lot of things in it, so I shall have to keep that in mind. What do you recommend?”
“Everything will have to remain where it is, and any changes will have to be slow. I hope that your wife does not like to change everything often.”
“Sophia has told you of her, then.”
“Indeed, and though she is uncertain, she is rather hopeful. You have told her that she will be understanding of my friend’s situation, and I hope that is the case. Sophia is terrified about what is to come, though of course she will not tell you that.”
“She does not need to. I know that she does not truly want any of this, but it is what must be done. I have always thought of her first, but now it is time that we think of her son. He needs more than this, and I would be wrong not to give it to him.”
“Especially when it can be done so easily,” she agreed. “I am pleased for her. She is fortunate to have you looking after her like this. Not every lady would be afforded the same opportunity.”
Spencer thought back to the stories Sophia had told him when she came to him that first time.
They were cast out into the streets and left to fend for themselves.
Some children died from it, and their mothers sometimes followed suit.
He had almost been sick from thinking about it, and he knew in that moment that he would not allow that to happen to her.
The journey home felt shorter than the one there had been.
He willed his gates to come into view, even though he knew the conversation that followed their arrival would not be easy.
He knew that he should have written to her, but he did not know what to say.
He knew that he would walk inside and see Anna, and then he could explain everything in a better way than he could have written. It was for the best.
But when at last they reached the manor, and they entered the household, it was quiet. He saw Mrs. Phillips and quickly made his way to her.
“Where is my wife?” he asked.
His housekeeper looked at him as though she did not want to respond.
“She left the day after you did.”