Chapter 24
“Isuppose I should return home soon,” Anna sighed at breakfast that morning.
“There is no need to,” Evelina reassured her. “You can stay here as long as you need. We are happy to have you, and you know that.”
“I do, but someone has to manage the Wutherton estate. I know that my staff know what to do, but I have to help run it, especially in Spencer’s absence.”
“I could come with you,” Theodora offered. “My sister would appreciate the quiet.”
Anna smiled, but she knew she would have to do it alone.
It was her household, and though she did not want to face it, she knew she would have to eventually.
She also knew that the longer she waited, the worse it would be.
Whether she liked it or not, she would have to return to her empty home and continue as if nothing was wrong.
She was, after all, a duchess.
“I was hoping that, after a week, it might have been easier to be without him,” she explained. “I thought that with some time away, I might remember who I am, but it has not happened. All that I can think of is Spencer, and how much I miss him. I was not supposed to need him like this.”
“There is no shame in needing your husband,” Evelina promised.
“I know that we speak ill of those ladies who do not do anything for themselves, and of the gentlemen who leave said ladies in such situations, but this is different. You cannot help that you have fallen for him, just as he cannot help having a family that needs him.”
“Do you know what I think?” Theodora asked.
“I hardly ever seem to, no.”
“I think that you need to speak with him when he returns, and when you do, you need to tell him how you truly feel. Yes, you have both acted—well, surprisingly warmly toward one another—but you have not told him with your words. We have spent enough time proclaiming that men are simple beings, after all. If you have something to say to him, then you must tell him.”
“But how can I do that when he is not here?”
“He will return. It may be soon, it may not be, but he will come back. When he does, you need answers from him, and you need to tell him the truth, too.”
Anna knew that her friend was right, and that she did indeed want to tell him everything. Perhaps, if she did, it might have been enough to make him stay.
But the idea that it might not have been was enough to make her feel unwell.
That afternoon, they planned to practice their embroidery together.
It was truly for Theodora, for she refused to do any of the activities that ladies engaged in in order to attract a man, but Anna was also grateful for the distraction.
She made neat rows of roses, one in each color, and then moved on to tulips.
She had never enjoyed embroidery, for she had pricked her fingers far too many times, but it was good to have something to think about other than her husband.
“I shall never be any use with a needle,” Theodora proclaimed. “If this is what I must do to find a match, then I shall have to live unmarried all my life.”
“There is more to it than embroidery, you know that,” Evelina reminded her. “You will also have to be interesting, good in conversation, and pleasant. You have two of those three things, so you should be more pleased about your prospects.”
“I do not want prospects. I shall care about them when I have my faith in gentlemen restored, and that does not seem too likely.”
“If you insist,” Evelina said brightly.
For the most part, Anna had always wished that she had a brother or a sister to have by her side.
She often envied Evelina and Theodora, for they had one another, but when she watched Theodora acting as she was, she was pleased that she did not have a younger sister after all.
She was not capable of keeping a light tone as she explained the same thing over and over again, and it was a patience that she wished she had.
“I cannot continue to say the same thing,” Evelina sighed when Theodora went to her room for a moment. “I do not know what to do with her.”
“I do not believe that there is anything we can do. She shall have to see for herself that it is for the best, even if it takes a long time.”
“But she does not have a long time. Eventually, she will be placed on the shelf, and she will never know what it is to be a wife.”
“It is not as though you know very much about it, either,” Anna joked. “Nor do I, for what it is worth. Theodora will find her way, and perhaps by not trying to force her hand, it will help her see that it is nothing to be afraid of.”
“I suppose that you are right. What I fear, though, is that–”
They were interrupted by the arrival of Evelina’s butler, who was standing in the doorway with a perfectly polished expression but a hint of surprise in his eyes.
“You have a visitor, Your Grace.”
And then, in the doorway, Spencer appeared. He was holding flowers, a sheepish grin on his face. Anna did not know what to do. She wanted to run into his arms, and she wanted to curse his name for leaving her the way he had again, and she wanted to take his hand and go home all at once.
And so, she remained seated.
“I have so much to say,” he explained as he made his way to her. “But first, I need you to come home with me.”
“Of course,” she agreed. “But I– what has happened?”
“I will explain in the carriage.”
Hastily, Anna handed her embroidery to Evelina, who was grinning at her. There was a satisfaction in her eyes, as though she had been proven right, and Anna had to admit that she had. She was happy to be wrong, for it meant that she had what she truly wanted.
As they stepped out into the hallway, Anna heard Theodora squealing behind them.
Anna turned to look at her, and it was then that she realized tears were forming in her eyes.
She willed them not to fall, for she did not want there to be too much attention brought onto her.
She did not need sympathy; she needed to go home.
“It appears I have been proven right again,” Theodora said darkly. “Do not disappoint me again, Your Grace.”
“I do not intend to,” Spencer replied, and they left together.
Anna did not know what to say to him as the carriage pulled away. There was some anger that remained, but every time she looked into his eyes, she felt some of it fall away. She wanted to forgive him and forget that he had left again, and she would do it as soon as she heard his apology.
“I must tell you something before we enter,” he said instead, and she bristled.
“What is it?”
“Well, I do not think that you will be pleased with me. I have been keeping something from you for far too long, and now it is time that you know about it.”
Anna’s heart pounded, wondering just what his secret could be. She had always known that he was keeping something from her, but she had always wondered if there was more to it than she expected. It was not something that she expected to hear during what should have been a happy moment.
“You see,” he continued, “I have not come home alone this time.”
“I see.”
“I have brought a woman.”
Her heart went from pounding to still. She did not know what to say, nor what to even think. Nothing made sense, for he had promised her that there had been nobody else. She had believed him, for he had no reason to lie to her.
Unless, of course, he was trying to placate her until he no longer could.
“She needs us,” he explained. “I only found her again a few years ago, and I have been taking care of her since then. It became worse two years ago, and I knew that I had to protect her. Now, I need her here with us to do that.”
The words echoed in her ears, but not one of them was heard. She did not understand, and his explanation did not help her to.
“I only ask that you be kind to her. She needs some kindness, and I know that you can do that. She is a woman in need, and you–”
“You expect me to be kind to her?” she thundered. “Do you truly think that I will be pleased to open my home to her after she has had you to herself for so long?”
“It was a week.”
“And what of the year before it? What of all the time I spent waiting for you, while you stayed with her, knowing that I was alone? She was happy for me to fend for myself, so why would I want to help her in return?”
“Because she did not know about you. I have only just told her, and that is part of the reason why we have come here together. I need you not to make this difficult.”
“I cannot believe what I am hearing. I have every right to be utterly furious with you, given what you have done. I am well within my rights to make your life impossible, Spencer, and I do not understand why you think I will be happy about all of this.”
“Because it means I can tell you everything.”
“You could have done that from the start,” she argued, the tears forming again. “Nobody was forcing you to hide the truth from me. You did that all of your own accord.”
“I know, and you will never know how sorry I am, but I–”
“I do not wish to discuss this with you.”
“Anna, I–”
“No. I do not want to speak to you. You could have written to me. You could have told me where you were going and what you were doing. You could have done so many things, and you did not. You have left me alone at every opportunity, and now you expect me to be grateful that you have returned. With a woman that you now expect me to care for, no less.”
He did not say anything further, and they finished the journey in silence.
Anna hoped in part that he would say something foolish, so that she could speak her mind again, but she knew that she was exhausted too.
It had been a long week, and it was only going to become more difficult.
She had to save her strength, for she did not know what she was going to be confronted by.
They arrived outside, and Anna made her way inside without waiting for Spencer. All that she knew as she approached the door was that there was a stranger inside, likely making herself at home, and there was a strong possibility that a confrontation would ensue.
“Your Grace!” Mrs. Phillips greeted. “He found you.”
“Did you know?” she asked, her tone sharp.
“Your Grace, I–”
“Did you know?”
“Leave her be,” Spencer instructed. “She has only done what I told her to.”
Betrayal roared through her like a wave, and she wondered who else had known everything all along and kept it from her.
There had indeed been another woman all along, and nobody had told her, even though they knew.
She felt like her home was filled with strangers once again, and she longed to return to her friends.
They understood her, and they never would have kept something so important from her.
“I missed you,” she said in an accusatory yet hushed tone.
“I spent this week longing to see you, waiting for you to come home so that we could continue as we were. You have made me feel like the only lady you have ever seen, and all along you have been duplicitous. If you wanted to humiliate me the way I did to you, then you have succeeded. I ought to congratulate you.”
“Anna, of course, that is not what I was doing. I would never do that to you.”
But she did not believe him. She did not want to believe a word that he said, for she had to protect herself first and foremost. She stared at the closed door to the drawing room, knowing that there was a strange woman on the other side of it.
She did not know whether to run away from it or to throw it open and confront her.
Then, she heard a child crying.
Her hairs at the back of her neck stood on end, her shoulders rising. It was one thing to know that her husband had brought a woman home with him. It was another entirely to know that there was a child involved.
She glared at Spencer and then reached for the handle.
“Wait,” he said quickly, taking her hand in his. “It is not what you think. If you would let me–”
“You have had more than enough time to explain. Let me speak with her.”
Reluctantly, he released her, and she stormed inside.
She only made it a few steps, however, before she realized that something was wrong. The woman that she was facing was not at all at ease, and she bore a remarkable resemblance to Spencer. She did not seem confident at all in herself, and she swayed from one foot to the other.
And when she saw the child in her arms, sleeping soundly, she could no longer feel the immense anger that had been there moments before.
She had not been near children, with the exception of Maria’s, but she felt a maternal instinct flood her.
She could not make it difficult, not while he was present.
“Is this her?” the woman asked as Spencer entered.
“Indeed,” he nodded. “Anna, this is Sophia. She is… she is my sister.”
“His half-sister,” she corrected.
Anna felt her knees almost give way.
She made her way to a settee and sat down shakily. She pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to make sense of what she was hearing. Sophia was the family that had been unwell, the woman who needed her help. Spencer had not lied to her. Not directly, at least.
And yet, she was furious with him all the same.