Chapter 8
Riot
Why was cereal so expensive? Almost eight dollars for a box? It was outrageous. I put down the Cocoa Puffs. Maybe we weren’t as hard off as we’d been before, but we weren’t made of money, and old habits died hard. I couldn’t bring myself to spend that.
Walking away with a little bit of regret since that was my favorite, I headed farther up the aisle to oatmeal. I hated the stuff, but Koa ate it almost every morning he had work, and I was pretty sure we were getting low. At least that was still reasonably priced.
Storm tugged on my sleeve, bringing my attention to where he sat in the front of the cart. “Nanas!”
I tapped his nose.
“I already got nanas, buddy. See, they’re right there next to Hawk.” I pointed to the back of the cart, where Hawk sat surrounded by groceries. He had his headphones on and his tablet in his lap, but he was more focused on organizing the items around him.
Storm twisted around so he could see his brother and his beloved bananas. “Nanas!” he yelled excitedly, pointing to them. “Hawk, nanas!”
I was so focused on the kids that I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going until my cart crashed into another one.
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking and—” My words died on my tongue as I looked up and was face-to-face with Leilani Robinson, Koa’s aunt.
“Mrs. Robinson.” I fought to keep my voice steady, but I wasn’t sure if I was succeeding.
The woman had always hated me, even long before Koa had lost his scholarship.
She’d always looked down on me and my family, had thought I was a bad influence on Koa and was bringing him down.
Even in a town as small as River Hills, I’d managed to mostly avoid her since she’d kicked Koa out of her home.
She scanned me over, expression full of disdain. It was good to know her opinion of me hadn’t changed at all.
Eventually, her gaze fell on Stormy and Hawk, and it took everything in me not to throw myself over the cart and shield them from her. “Dorothy said there were more of you now.” Dorothy was River Hills’ librarian, Mrs. Townsend. “This is why forced sterilization should be legal.”
What the fuck? “Excuse me?”
But Mrs. Robinson continued like she hadn’t heard me.
“I suppose you tricked my nephew into raising all the spawn, then? I don’t know what kind of spell you have him under, but you need to let him go.
It’s too late for him to play in the NFL of course, but he could still coach in it. Or at least at the collegiate level.”
I wasn’t going to stoop to her level no matter how badly I wanted to.
I’d heard stuff like this, and even worse, more times than I could count.
It didn’t bother me anymore, but I wasn’t going to sit here and let her talk shit about the kids or Koa, and if I didn’t leave, I’d probably end up in jail for attacking her, and I couldn’t afford that.
“I need to go,” I said coldly and moved the cart to try and maneuver around her.
But she shifted, blocking the entire aisle. I started to turn the other way, go back the way I’d come, but she started to speak again, and as much as I knew I needed to walk away, my feet wouldn’t fucking move.
“Matthew and I tried to get Koa away from you so many times. But it didn’t matter what we did, he wouldn’t stay away.
Grounding didn’t work. Neither did praying for him.
I thought we finally succeeded with that scholarship from USC.
He was going to be across the country from you and your evil influence.
He would have been too busy with classes and football and his teammates to worry about you and your spawn.
But then you had to go and get custody of them and ruin everything. ”
I frowned. “What are you talking about? Koa lost the scholarship because of his injury. Not because of me or the kids.”
Mrs. Robinson laughed coldly. “Oh, honey. Is that what he told you? No, my nephew turned down the scholarship. You had your hooks in him so deeply that he ruined his future so he could raise them”—she waved her hand dismissively at Hawk and Storm, referring to the kids in general—“and fawn over you. That was when Matthew and I realized there was no hope for him and removed him from our lives.”
I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t fucking move.
No. There was no way. She was lying. She had to be.
Because Koa wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t.
It was one thing for him to keep something that was bothering him to himself and another to blatantly tell me an untruth, and for fucking years?
He wouldn’t do that because he’d promised.
We’d sworn at thirteen years old that we would never ever lie to each other no matter what.
So, Mrs. Robinson couldn’t possibly be telling me the truth because that would mean Koa had broken his promise, and he wouldn’t do that. He fucking wouldn’t.
I was vaguely aware of Mrs. Robinson walking away, leaving me a crumpled mess in the middle of the cereal aisle, but I still couldn’t move.
My body might be there, but my mind was back twelve years ago, sitting on the muddy bank of the river on Koa’s blanket while we swore a lifetime of friendship and honesty.
I lay back on the rocky shore, squinting at the sun as it shone right into my eyes, but I didn’t care. I didn’t think there was a time in my life I had ever been this happy.
Koa was on his back next to me on the blanket he always brought with him, our bodies so close that we were touching, but Koa didn’t try to pull away.
He never did. I’d been wearing the same pants for three days now and our water had been cut off, so I’d been taking the kids to the corner store and washing up in the bathroom there.
I had to stink, but Koa didn’t care. He was the only person in this entire stupid town that didn’t make me feel less than.
We had skipped school today to come to the river, our favorite place.
If Koa’s aunt and uncle found out, he’d be in trouble, but he didn’t seem worried.
It was the only time we could ever be alone because Knox was still in pre-K and Wynter was at our neighbor’s, who watched her while I was at school.
Koa knew I couldn’t leave them home with Mom and never made me feel bad about it.
But he’d seen I needed a break and had taken me here instead of class.
“Hungry?” he asked, pointing to his lunch box that I knew would have double the food. He claimed his aunt packed him too much, but I knew it was a lie. He brought it for me.
I was always hungry, but I shook my head anyway because I didn’t want to move away from him and I’d have to if I ate. Besides, if I didn’t eat it now, Koa would insist I bring it home with me, and then I’d have something for Knox.
Koa was quiet for a long time after that, but it wasn’t awkward. I always liked that about him. He never tried to get me to talk or fill the silence. Everything in my life was so loud, and being here was the only time I could enjoy the quiet.
Koa’s fingers entwined with mine. He always liked holding my hand. At first, I’d thought it was weird. I wasn’t really used to touch. The good kind, anyway. The only time anyone ever touched me was to hurt me. But Koa never hurt me. He made me feel good. Safe.
I turned my head so I was looking at him. “Hey, Ko?”
He looked at me, dark eyes meeting mine. “Yeah?”
“Can you promise me something?”
He chewed on his lip. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”
“Can you promise me that as long as we’re friends, you’ll never lie to me? No matter what.”
He frowned. “Of course, Riot. Why would I lie to you?”
I sat up, frustrated even though I didn’t know why. Koa didn’t understand, but of course he didn’t. How could he? He’d had a dad that loved him, that had never broken his word to him. Even his aunt and uncle, they were strict and a little weird, but they cared about Koa and took care of him.
“No. I need you to really promise me. Not just say it. You’re the only friend I’ve ever had.
I’ve never had anyone I could trust. Everyone lies.
Everybody. They lie about staying clean or buying food while I’m at school.
They promise they’ll never hit me again or that I won’t get split up from the kids when Mom inevitably breaks her promises and ends up back in jail or rehab.
But it’s never true. Not ever. They just say shit to appease me.
But not you. And I think if you ever do, it would break me.
So can you please really promise me that if you wanna be friends, you’ll never lie? And I’ll promise the same.”
Koa didn’t speak for a long time. Long enough that my heart started to pound and the urge to run was strong. Was he gonna tell me no? Laugh at me and tell me we’re not really friends and go tell all his football buddies how pathetic I was? No, Koa wouldn’t do that.
He held both of my hands tightly. “First of all, we’re always gonna be friends. For the rest of our lives. Nothing will change that. So stop with all that ‘as long as we’re friends’ crap. Because we will be. Even when we’re old and I’m playing in the NFL, you’ll be my best friend. Got it?”
My eyes stung like I was about to cry. I quickly blinked it back. ”Y-yeah. Got it.”
“Also, I promise to never lie to you. No matter what, Riot. I’m sorry if I didn’t take it seriously enough at first, but I am now. I won’t lie. You can rely on me, Ri. I promise.”
I held out my pinky. “Pinky promise?”
He interlocked his with mine. “Pinky promise.”
Something grabbed my shoulder and my eyes flew open. Hawk was standing up in the cart, leaning over his brother. He had one of his small hands on my arm, shaking it. “Okay? Hurt?” he signed. His face was scrunched up in concern.
Fuck. “No, buddy. I’m sorry. I’m not hurt. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He still didn’t move, not right away. It was then that I noticed we had an audience of people staring at me like I was losing it. I glared at them until they all looked away.
“Let’s get outta here, Hawk. Sit down for me again please.”
Hawk sat, but he turned himself so he was facing me, probably to make sure I didn’t zone out again.
I still felt eyes on me as I hurried to the cashier to pay for my stuff.
I didn’t get half of what we needed, and I was barely aware of what I was doing as I loaded the belt and then swiped my card.
I just needed to get out of here. I had to get Hawk and Storm home safely so I could have a meltdown in peace.
Because if it was true and Koa had lied to me about something so important, I didn’t know how I’d ever recover.