Chapter 22
Theo
My stomach hurt and my cheeks ached.
I couldn’t believe that Astrid had managed to somehow lure my boss into talking about his sexual frustrations, but I guess there was a first time for everything. She’d done a good job today, (obviously with help from yours truly), but I was proud. She didn’t embarrass me, and it seemed like no one was that suspicious of her. I mean, maybe except for Sandra, who now probably thinks I have a thing for older women and their flares, but somehow Astrid had managed to pull off being me. That was definitely more than could be said for my catastrophic portrayal of her.
Wiping the rogue tear from my cheek, I attempt to stand up from the sofa, when my arm is firmly yanked back down. Astrid had currently got her arm hooked under mine like a deadweight, and she’s boring her eyes into mine. They’re wild and devilish, she almost looks…hungry.
“Uh, I was just going to go and get a corona from the fridge.” I say, awkwardly pointing to the kitchen and scanning my eyes over her, trying to figure out what was happening right now.
She shakes her head, and lightly traces her fingers over my bare arms, causing a wave of goosebumps and the faint hairs to stand on end. “Fuck the corona.” She spits out, and before I know it, she’s literally hurling herself onto my lap, cupping my face, and devouring me with intense kisses. She’s kissing me like she’s running out of breath and I’m her only form of oxygen. I don’t know what had gotten into her, she hadn’t been this forward in well…a long time. She nips at my bottom lip now, causing my mouth to fill with the metallic taste of blood. Her hands start making their way down my face, neck, and body, and I can’t help but immediately retract from her grasp. Something about this just didn’t feel right.
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She asks worriedly with a hand over her mouth as she notices my bleeding lip. Well, technically, her bleeding lip.
“No, I’m fine.” I say wafting my hand in the air.
She raises an eyebrow now, “Then why did you stop?”
I didn’t even know how to say it without hurting her feelings. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew I had to be honest with both her, and myself.
“Astrid, I’m sorry.” I shift uncomfortably on the sofa, “I just don’t think it’s the right time for us to be doing anything right now.”
Her forehead creases into a frown, “But why not?”
Picking at my nails, I reply, “We’re both just in a very strange and vulnerable situation right now and I don’t necessarily feel that you’re thinking rationally about this.”
I see her eyes instantly widen, so I quickly clarify before she can interrupt.
“Things have been so crazy lately. We haven’t even finished couple’s therapy yet and we haven’t talked anything through. I don’t know where we stand Astrid as far as our relationship goes. I mean, the last time we communicated before the body swap involved us screaming at and berating each other over dinner for everyone to hear. As far as I was aware, if it hadn’t been for all this madness, we were going to end things for good that night.” I sigh, “I just don’t want to complicate things by throwing a one night stand into the mix, I don’t think it’s fair to either of us. We need to sort this mess out first, and then go from there.”
“A one night stand?” she questions sharply, “That’s what you’re reducing us to? That’s the only thing you think this would be?”
I shrug, “Emotions and stress are heightened at the moment. I’m not saying we’re a ‘one night stand’ couple, I’m just saying that it’s probably not the best time for us.”
She guffaws, “So you moan at dinner about our sex life being as dry as the Sahara Desert, and that you never ‘get any’ from me anymore. Yet, when I actually do make a move, you’re rejecting me. Fucking hell Theo, damned if I do, damned if I don’t it seems!”
I could see the anger rising through her, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. But to be honest, this is exactly why I didn’t want to go through with it. We couldn’t have 5 minutes of peace anymore, without something ticking the other off, and leading to an argument. Astrid and I had made love hundreds of times over the course of 7 years don’t get me wrong, but doing it now, amongst everything that was going on, didn’t feel genuine and ran the risk of causing an even deeper wedge between us later down the line.
“You know I don’t mean it like that.” I insist, “One of us just has to think rationally here Astrid. I’m not saying it because I’m trying to be mean, or because I don’t want you. It just complicates things even further, and the last thing we need is any more complication. Plus, I don’t know how I feel about watching me, have sex with….well, me.”
Clearing her throat, she replies, “But you know it’s me in here though?! I thought we’re supposed to love each other unconditionally, no matter what we look like.”
“Well yeah, in the sense of things like if we put on weight, get a bad haircut, have a shit skin day etc…but not in terms of well, this situation. ” I say, wagging a finger between us. That wasn’t a lie. I really didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of watching myself have sex, it sounded like something you’d see in a Black Mirror episode. I didn’t want to know what I looked like when I…you know. That’s a secret a man should take to the grave, something he shouldn’t ever have to face. Plus, it also didn’t feel right puppeteering Astrid’s body for my own pleasure. Technically, I could make her do anything I wanted, and I’m sure most guys would have an absolute field day if they were in my position right now, but I didn’t want that.
“It’s not you Astrid.”
She shuffles herself off me, and stands up. “Yeah, yeah. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ You don’t need to tell me again.” She begins walking out of the living room and heading for the stairs.
“Come on, where are you going? We’ve had a nice night.” I ask. I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed or like she had to leave.
“ Had a nice night.” She snorts defeatedly, “Everything is just past tense in this relationship isn’t it? We had a nice night, had fun, we were in love.”
We were in love?
“Maybe we’re just not destined to have a present tense kind of love.” She whispers, a look of pure disappointment washing over her face.
“Astrid, seriously?”
“Goodnight Theo.” She replies, and with that, she heads up the stairs.
And that’s how quickly we were back at square one.