Chapter 27
Theo
“And you let her get away?!” She shouts on the side of the street, causing a flock of pigeons to flap away in fear.
I’d filled her in on the conversation I had with Darla, and I think it was clear that she wasn’t happy with the outcome. I didn’t need to be a psychic to know that she wouldn’t be.
“What was I supposed to do? Chase her down the street and abduct her in plain sight?” I ask sarcastically, “yeah. Think that would go down well, don’t you?”
She sighs. “I’m sorry. I just can’t believe how cryptic she was. Especially after everything you told her. I assumed she’d had her fun by now.” I didn’t miss the croak in her voice as she said it, she was anxious and upset. She had every right to be.
“Look. How about this? Let’s forget about her for the afternoon. Let’s go to the pub. Get some grub, get some drinks? Take our minds off it for now, at least.” I meant it, I really did. I think we both needed time to unwind and let our hair down, we’d been through enough shit as of late.
Her eyebrow raises, but there’s a hint of humour in her voice. “Thought you weren’t cool with me drinking? I seem to recall the last time I did, I ended up running to the toilets and accidentally seeking out a crazy woman.”
I smile. “I don’t mind you drinking. I mind when you’re blackout pissed and I’m not. It’s not a very nice position to be in.” I twiddle my thumbs awkwardly, “but there’s nothing wrong with us getting a little bit tipsy together. We don’t have to take things too far.”
She shifts uncomfortably. Oh god, had I already started an argument before we even reached the pub?
“Okay.”
Okay?
“I’ve had enough of today already, let’s bin it off.” She smiles warmly.
◆◆◆
We were about four rum and cokes in, and I felt nature’s call. I knew I was going to regret breaking the seal, but at least we weren’t too far from home. So at least I could rest easy, knowing I wasn’t at risk of having to drop my pants and piss on the side of the street. Somehow, in Astrid’s body, I don’t think it would be as socially acceptable. So far, we’d had a fun afternoon, even though we’d sworn off talking about the bleakness of our situation, we still found ourselves yammering on about Darla and our collective dislike. We’d searched up ‘Witch encounters’ on a reddit forum, just to see if there was anyone who’d ever been in the same boat as us. But as we read the string of threads, and to our surprise, I think it was evident that we weren’t the ones who had drawn the short straw. Honestly, I wasn’t 100% sure how true these were, or whether it was just some 30-something neckbeard with no other hobby but to fabricate stories on the internet, but we read about one guy who apparently cut in line in front of an older woman who needed some help pushing her trolley. She asked him if he would be so kind as to help her, but he didn’t. He then said that later that night, his penis shriveled up to the size of a cocktail sausage whilst he was in bed. Astrid and I were absolutely snorting at this point. He wrote that he got an emergency doctor’s appointment the next day, only for them to tell him that he had a micro-penis. He explained vehemently that it was never this size before, but they said there was nothing medically wrong with it. Naturally, he blamed the old lady and accused her of being a witch.
“Sounds like the witch in beauty and the beast!” Astrid said confidently .
“Yeah, except instead of turning, Arrontron95 into a hideous beast, she decided to…shrink his penis.” I chortled, wiping the rogue tear from my cheek. A very different adaptation of the traditional fairytale let’s say.
I began walking up the stairs from the toilets, feeling a lot more relaxed when I spot… oh shit. Brandon. He was obviously on his lunch break. I’m surprised I couldn’t smell the tobacco from downstairs. Damn, I should have known he always went to Spoons on Monday to drown his sorrows in-between work.
He was currently talking to Astrid, well, me, with a gigantic smirk plastered over his face.
“Hi.” I wave awkwardly, taking my seat. I couldn’t let Brandon know that I knew who he was. He’d never actually met Astrid before. The real Astrid anyway.
Holding out a hand, he grins. “Ah, that explains it. Out with the Mrs eh?”
Shaking his hand, I mutter. “I’m Astrid.”
“Oh I know. I’ve heard all about you.” He replies, his smile not budging. “So, didn’t have this one down as a skiver?” he points to me. “Rang in with a sick bug, but is currently day drinking in Spoons? Tut, Tut.”
“Aren’t you literally day drinking in Spoons?” I ask sarcastically .
His eyes widen in amusement before he puts a hand on Astrid’s shoulder, “Oh I like her mate!”
Not that I thought for one second that he would grass me up, but I still had to check. “You’re not going to say anything are you?”
Guffawing, he replies, “And be known as the office snitch? No way. Nahh . I don’t blame you mate. Spend some time with your lady. 9-5’s rob enough time already don’t they?”
I audibly sigh. Thank god. The last thing I needed was Nick finding out. I could forget temporarily suspended; I’d be full on booted out the door before I could even grab my bag. I should have known it was risky coming here in broad daylight, but for some weird reason, I didn’t care. Astrid and I needed this.
“Anyway.” He says, pulling out a rollie and a lighter, “I’m going to go and have a smoke. I’ll catch you when you’re back at work yeah?”
“You bet.” Astrid says, giving him a brief salute. Not that I’d ever do that, but I laugh anyway.
“ Feel better soon.” He adds, smirking and bending his fingers in quotation marks.
Rolling my eyes, I glance over at Astrid. “Shall we get out of here?”
“Sure.” She nods. “What did you want to do?”
I shrug, “I was thinking maybe a movie? ”
Her face turns quizzical, “Didn’t think there was anything good on at the cinema at the moment?”
My lip curling as I pick up my coat, I reply. “Who said anything about the cinema?”