Chapter 2
TWO
JUNIPER
I’d had a lot of heats. A lot of heat helpers, so I thought I knew what to expect. But this was different.
I knew that as soon as I started sucking on Jhin’s long, silky length.
I never give oral.
And through the hazy passage of time as they kept the heat and pain at bay, I kept breaking my own rules.
When I found myself facing Adrian’s tanned form as he drove into me.
Don’t get stuck looking at them when they knot.
When I straddled Ez’s eager face.
Never take the lead.
When Vander came up behind me as I was locked on Jhin, I leaned forward, whimpering in pleasure as he claimed my other entrance.
Never take two at once.
I didn’t just want to survive this heat with them.
I wanted more. I wanted them . I was getting drunk on them. Ez. Jhin. Vander. Adrian.
It terrified me. This was sweeping me away like a river, like a tsunami, and I could see the end, see the hurt, see me crushed and broken when this was done, but I couldn’t stop.
I blinked. The curtains were drawn, and the room was dim. I felt nice. Relaxed. What time was it? I was tired, and the intensity of my heat was starting to wane. Must have been a few days then. Jhin was lying under me, knotted, holding me to his chest, his hand playing with my hair as we waited. He tilted my face up to his, looking at me. I shivered at the intensity of his gaze.
“You’re so beautiful, Juniper," he said softly.
Panic shot through my chest.
He’d used my name. My real name. How did he?—?
A hazy memory came back to me, of angrily whispering to them in the dark.
“ No. Not Bella. Juniper. My name’s Juniper.”
They’d kept calling me Bella, and I couldn’t stand it. Every time picturing some other omega here with them. I’d wanted my own name on their lips.
How could I have been so fucking stupid?
They knew my name. That meant they could look me up, they could find out I was gold pack. That I was illegally hiding my golden eyes—and they could report me.
I couldn’t bring any attention to the Safe House, because we’d all be arrested if they found out.
I struggled not to panic, to stay completely still until I knew I could slip away.
As soon as I was able, I stood. The waves of heat came back to me, the pain starting, and I almost caved, almost fell right into Ez’s arms as he leaned toward me.
“Need water,” I whispered, and fled to the bathroom, pressing the buzzer we’d mounted on the wall.
I was breathing heavily; the cramps getting worse, and I grabbed the medical kit from the cabinet.
Heat suppressors.
I shook out three into my hand, and hesitated. I didn’t even know if this would work. That was a big dose. Like an elephant sized dose, but I was nearing the end and things were calming down. I needed out, now.
I put three under my tongue, closing my eyes as they dissolved.
There was a knock on the door.
“Get decent, boys, I gotta do a check in,” came Daisy’s cheerful voice, though she barely paused before barreling inside anyway.
She stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
“What is it?” she asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. My skin was still burning.
“I’m done,” I said, catching her eye in the mirror.
She pursed her lips. “Juniper?—”
“I’m fine.” I said, forcing a smile.
“Need me to get security?”
“No. They’re good. Just… I need Kit.”
I needed to talk to him, because he always made me calmer, and I was freaking out right now.
The pills had dissolved, washing through my bloodstream, and I could feel my skin starting to cool, the pain beginning to fade. Thank fuck it worked.
Daisy grabbed my phone for me, and I sat in the bathroom as she talked to the pack.
I dialed his number, splashing some water on my face.
“Morning. You okay?” I asked, keeping my voice quiet. He hadn’t come, and I was anxious to hear his voice.
“So much better. Sorry Juni. I finally stopped puking and slept for like 24 hours, but I feel so bad for leaving you! I’m literally getting dressed and I’ll be on my way.”
“There’s no need. I’m done,” I said. My mouth was starting to feel dry, and it seemed I’d traded heat cramps for a splitting headache.
“Already?” His surprise was evident in his tone. “Okay, I’ll come pick you up then. How was it?”
I gave a shrug he couldn’t see.
It was amazing. For a second, I felt like a normal omega. All I want to do is crawl back into bed with them all and pull them close and never let them go. I lost my mind and told them my name and risked everything ? —
“It was, um, fine.”
“Fine?” There was a lift in his voice, and I could picture his cheeky smile. “Juni, are you in love?”
“Shut up,” I said, mortified. “I just meant, I think you’d like them.”
He would like them. They were nice.
“Really?” Kit asked. “Juni, you must be in love or high.”
“Try mental breakdown. Kit, I told them my name.”
I could hear his sharp inhale of breath. “No way.”
“No, Kit, this is bad . Pretty sure they’re going to hate me.”
“I don't think that's possible.”
Kit was too sweet. And na?ve.
EZ
She’d been amazing. Fuck. I didn’t know if you should get addicted to an omega from one heat, but I sure as fuck had.
And she’d told us her real name. It made every cell in my body light up with warm fuzzies and shit when I thought of it.
She’d seemed so pissed as she’d told us, like she was jealous of her own fake name.
That Lila chick was still watching us as we gathered our stuff. Juniper had gone into the bathroom and hadn’t come out.
That was weird. She hadn’t seemed done when she stood up and left. And I thought heats ended with, like… pack cuddles? I’d been looking forward to that. Maybe it would help Jhin and Vander fix their bickering. They had some serious shit to sort out, and cuddling would definitely help.
My pants were by the bathroom door, and I paused as I heard her voice, wondering—hoping?—she was speaking to me, but it must have been someone on the phone.
“It was, um, fine…”
Fine? Oof. That stung. But I brightened at her next words.
“Shut up. I just meant I think you’d like them.”
Oh. Maybe ‘fine’ was prickly-omega-speak for good. Great, maybe. Amazing?
“Try mental breakdown. Kit, I told them my name.”
But that was a good thing, right?
“No, Kit, this is bad. Pretty sure they’re going to hate me.”
There was a pause, and the sound of running water. What? She thought we would hate her? Why the fuck would she think that?
“Okay. See you soon.”
She hung up the phone call, and the bathroom door creaked open. She’d put on a bathrobe and, yeah, she no longer smelled like she was in heat. She didn’t look good though. Real pale. Almost waxy.
I bobbed on my feet, wanting to make sure she knew I didn’t hate her. Like, that was literally impossible. I think she’d completely rewired my brain to revolve around her.
“Can I, uh, make you breakfast?” I said, “Or, lunch—not sure what time it is actually?”
She turned to me, and her expression could have frozen a hot tub. She still looked achingly pretty, her long, sleek hair in a messy bun above her rosy cheeks.
“No,” she said, as if I’d offered to dump cockroaches on her head. I winced, glancing back at the bed, because if Vander had heard that—shit.
He was already lifting his head, expression furious.
“That’s fine,” I said, backing up a bit, trying to come between her glare and Vander’s.
“He’s just trying to be nice.” Vander’s voice snuck around me to attack her anyway.
“It’s fine,” I repeated, more firmly.
“No need to be nice,” she said, turning back to pack her stuff. “We all got what we came for. No need to pretend it’s something it’s not.”
I felt a flinch through the bond from Adrian, followed by Vander’s snarl.
“He wasn’t asking you on a date. He just offered breakfast.”
“Dude. It’s fine ,” I said, shooting a helpless glance at Jhin’s hurt face. Where were all his rules and shit when we needed them?
“And I said no, ” she whirled to face Vander, some of her hair falling out of her bun. “Is that not allowed? Do I suddenly lose my free will just because you’ve fucked me?”
This was like, next level bad. Like what I’d always thought Vander v. Vander would be like.
I mean, vibe-wise, not physically. I’d already seen that the one time I dyed my hair blond to match his. He eventually agreed to pictures of me being his mini-me if I let him shave my head after. Worth it.
“Where do you get off, princess?” Vander was getting to his feet, completely unfazed by the fact he was nude. I mean, he did look pretty impressive but still. “You’re the one who invited us here. And you think you get to sneer at us and treat us like trash?” he continued.
She balled her hands into fists, trembling, her mouth indeed curling into a sneer.
“Such a fucking alpha. You think you deserve to be worshipped and fawned over just because you’ve got a knot?”
Jhin leapt to his feet finally and rounded on Vander.
“That’s enough. We are going to respect what she wants,” he said.
She snorted, bitterly.
“What I want is to never see another alpha in my life. But that’s not really possible, is it? So here we are.”
“Well, darling, we can make your wish come true for these alphas," snarled Vander.
“Fine,” she said, her cheeks flaming scarlet.
She whipped her bag over her back and stalked out of the room, beelining for the front door.
Jhin turned to Vander, and he scowled.
“She started it,” he said.
“We’ll discuss this later,” Jhin replied, tugging on a shirt and running after Juniper.
JUNIPER
I blinked back tears as I walked toward the front door. Couldn’t keep it together, not even with a pack that had been… fine. Great, maybe. Amazing?
Now they hated me, and they could report me. I had just been so tense and anxious that I’d snapped.
I’d probably never see them again. Not that I wanted to.
Fuck. I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard footsteps behind me, and the smell of blackberries and sage hit me as I managed to get my hand on the doorknob.
“Juniper?”
It was Jhin, his smooth voice making my name sound like something special. Like I was someone important, instead of an angry, broken omega.
I turned to face him, putting my glare back on. Couldn’t let him see me crying over his asshole pack. I wasn’t prepared for my instincts to rear up when I smelled his full earthy blackberry and sage. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and burst into tears. This was bad news. Really bad. I needed to finish screwing this up, so they’d never come back.
“I apologize for Vander. He has a habit of being… difficult.”
He was apologizing? As if I wasn’t the one who fucked it up. I was horrified when I sniffled, and a tear leaked down my cheek.
“Yeah, well, so do I,” I muttered thickly, sniffing again. I swallowed, meeting his eyes, trying to pretend I wasn’t crying. My lip trembled. Traitor .
Why didn’t this alpha just leave me alone? Why wasn’t I storming away?
Instead, I was standing here like an idiot, while he looked at me with a shockingly soft expression.
He pulled a real, honest-to-gods handkerchief out of his pocket and held it out to me.
A handkerchief? Who the fuck carries around a hankerchief these days?
I snatched it and dabbed my face. It smelled just like him, and my omega was urging me to shove it in my pocket and run.
“Why do you own a handkerchief?” My voice was wobbly. “Does Vander really make people cry that often?”
For a second, he looked surprised, and then his face broke into a smile, a chuckle escaping his lips.
My idiot heart fluttered in my chest, and before I could stop myself, I snorted as well, unfortunately letting out a lot of wet snot.
Mortified, I dropped the handkerchief and darted out of the door, slamming it behind me.
What the actual fuck?
I stayed in the Safe House’s van while I waited for Kit to arrive. As soon as I got his text, I scrambled out and yanked open the car door. I threw myself into the passenger seat. Kit’s sweet almond scent was like a balm for my frayed nerves.
“Juni!” he said, leaning over for a hug. I finally relaxed as his warm arms circled around me. This was home. Safe. We’d figure this out.
“How are you doing?”
I groaned into his sweatshirt.
“It was awful,” I said, and he laughed.
“Okay, tell me everything.” He started the engine, and I relaxed back in the chair.
“I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s because you weren’t there. Or maybe that they brought flowers?—”
“They brought you flowers?” Kit elbowed me. “ Swoon .”
“No! Bad!” I protested.
“Heaven forbid some nice men bring you flowers.”
I sighed, looking at the floor.
“I don’t know.” My voice was quiet, and Kit took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I did like them, Kit. Once I knew their names, it was all over. It wasn’t just me getting through a heat. It was what a heat is supposed to be. Oh god, Kit, they were being all polite and taking their time and I just wanted them so bad that I… just went for his dick.”
“Whose?”
“The pack lead ,” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “I don’t know what came over me. He just kept stopping to ask me if I was sure and stuff, and I wanted to show him, so I did. With my mouth.”
“No way,” Kit said, eyes darting to me. He was practically bouncing in his seat.
“And they kept using my fake name and I couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand the idea that they were with someone else, so I told them my fucking real name. ”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” he asked. My chest tightened, and I suppressed a sigh. That was the difference between us—his eyes were normal.
“No, Kit, what if they look me up and see I’m gold pack? They could report me. And they probably will because before I left, I yelled at them and told them I never wanted to see them again. And then I cried in front of the pack lead, and he made me laugh so I snorted snot all over myself.”
“What? He made you laugh ?!” His eyebrows shot up.
“You’re missing the point, Kit. What if I’m in danger?”
“What if you’re not , Juni?” His hopeful eyes met mine. “What if you give them a chance and fall in love and get a pack?”
It wouldn’t happen. Gold pack omegas were second-class citizens, banned from having children and resented by society. Packs didn’t want us. We couldn’t even rely on a scent matched pack to trust us.
See, a gold pack omega only had one way out of second-class-citizen-status; a princess bond. A princess bond was when a pack offered special status to their scent-matched omega. But even just offering it was enough—if the omega rejected the pack, they’d still get everything. Their status would change to a duke or duchess , and alphas would shower them with money to just have them near.
It was just another way the Institute fucked with gold packs; any relationship with a scent match was tainted by the suspicion that the omega was using them.
Some gold pack omegas had beaten the system anyway.
In the last few years, the Saint pack, Kingsman pack, even the Crimson Fury pack—who were major celebs—all had gold pack omegas who’d accepted the princess bond. But they were the exceptions.
Most gold packs didn’t get the luxury of dreaming of a pack. Only nightmares of a dark bond.
“I don’t want that,” I said. “I want to stay with you.”
Forever. But it wasn’t fair to tell him that. We’d been roomies for years, ever since he’d helped me through my first unsedated heat, and I knew from the start he’d never be mine to keep. He was too lovely, and one day he’d find a pack he liked and leave me, though he’d probably feel bad about it.
Oh.
What if this was his nice way of telling me he was ready? What if he wanted to leave, but he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be alone?
The Rhett pack had been at his last two heats, and they offered him a bond pretty much every month.
What if he’d decided to take it? He didn’t seem to mind them.
I swallowed down the misery and guilt that was rising up inside. I didn’t want to hold him back from that.
“Okay, no bond, but still,” he was saying, “you could have them for your heat again? It’s kind of nice to get a repeat pack that you know you click with.”
Like the Rhett pack.
“And if you see them again, then you can win them over. And you can stop worrying they’ll report you. You never know, something nice might happen?” He nudged me with his elbow, giving me a wink. I rolled my eyes.
“Fine,” I said. “But just to make sure they don’t report me.”
Maybe if I pretended to like this pack, he’d feel comfortable to move on.
“Don’t worry, Juni, we’re going to make sure they love you.”
This was a terrible idea.