Chapter Thirty-Two
Gray
“Is he coming?” Indy’s voice is the first thing I hear when I let myself into the small Airbnb we’re staying at in Amsterdam.
It’s so loud that my heart skips a beat and my temperature rises before I realize she isn’t in the same room as America, but no doubt on speaker.
“I want to meet him,” she says, bubbling with excitement.
It knocks the air out of me. I don’t know what I expected she’d sound like. I suppose I spent so much time telling myself that she had to be miserable, or bitchy, or a shadow of who she was because I needed to believe that I wasn’t the only one suffering.
Obviously, that isn’t the case. She’s vibrant. Happy. Excited that her best friend has found someone she really likes.
“I’ll talk to him about it again. I can’t make any promises,” America says. I move deeper into the house until she comes into sight. She’s sitting on the counter in her panties and a lightweight robe while she paints her toenails. Her hair is wrapped up in her favorite satin bonnet, so she hasn’t been up long.
The closest we’ve come to talking about me going with her is her telling me she’s going and Indy asking her if I would. Does she want me to go with her? Does she expect that to be something I can do? The idea of being around those people… My feelings about that are so mixed up.
“As long as you try to convince him,” Indy comes at her from another angle.
How would Indy handle it if I actually showed up with America? Part of me wants to do it to spite her, but that part has grown quieter with every day that I spend with America. Part of me just misses the crap out of her. I don’t care who she’s with. Don’t long for her. Don’t want her. But I miss the friendship we had before we got involved.
I miss the rest of the family too. And my best friend. Our conversations are so stilted now that I barely reply when he texts.
I’ve even come to understand him. Theo. The man who makes Indy sound so happy.
When I saw those bruises that Everett left on America, I wanted to go find him, confront him—with a baseball bat. Indy’s husband was wrong about me. I would never have hurt her intentionally. But I understand why he was ready to jump to her defense.
America notices me watching and flaps her hand to tell me to come closer. She has my watch wrapped around her wrist. It jiggles loosely. “Listen, I have to—"
I shake my head as I steal the brush from her. The purple paint has tiny bits of sparkle in it. It’s really quite pretty. I whisper in her ear, “Keep talking.”
Her brow wrinkles as I glide the brush over her nail. She’ll probably have to fix it later.
“You’re keeping too many secrets from me,” Indy pouts.
“It’s complicated. We’ve been keeping it quiet.” America watches me drag the little brush over her lower leg and up her thigh in sweeping curves and lines, the sparkly metallic purple spelling out the words I licked it, it’s mine!
A smile broadens my cheeks as I admire my handiwork. It’s better than the poor job I did of painting her toenail. Much better.
“Oh really?” she mouths, her eyes alight with temptation.
Yes. Fuck. Yes. I can’t get my mouth on her often enough. I’m obsessed with those moans of pleasure that she makes just for me. I can’t get enough of those soft eyes staring at me.
I don’t know when or how it happened, but with each new night we spend together I want a little more of her. Something more serious. But that means putting it all on the line. Opening myself up to possibility. And, potentially, pain.
Tomorrow I’ll be back in the UK, looking for a flat with an in-home office to make my base. And America will be on her way back home to Chicago straight after that to see her family and her best friend.
I don’t want her to leave. I’m not certain she’ll come back once she’s home. She no longer has school to keep her in the UK. And Dove will be touring before long. Which leaves only me. And what if that isn’t enough once she’s had a taste of home, family, friends?
“I’d swear you were dating my brother with how squirrelly you’re being,” Indy says, guardedly. “Thankfully I know that’s not the case.”
“Eww. That’s my cousin.” America turns up her nose.
“Not by blood,” Indy says.
“Oh my God, Indy. It’s those romance books you’re reading, isn’t it?” America shakes her head as I bite back a chuckle and lower my lips to her thigh. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon.”
“Can’t wait. Love you,” she says and hangs up.
“You think you’re smooth, don’t you?” America asks, placing her phone down beside her.
“I’m feeling pretty confident.” I’m the complete opposite of confident. I feel like I’m running out of time.
She takes the brush from me and holds my jaw with her other hand. A saucy look on her face, she draws sparkly purple lines on my cheeks. “I think whiskers would suit you. Don’t you agree, Mister Puss?”
“The only pussy I’m going to have on my face is yours,” I say as she sits back to admire her artistry. Grasping her ankles I spread her legs wider. Running my fingers over her panty covered slit, feeling the dampness. “Look at that. So ready for me to eat my meal.”
“You’re insatiable.” She laughs and leans back on her hands when I grip her hips and drag her ass closer to the edge of the counter.
Collecting a chair, I place it in front of her and sit down. “When it comes to giving you pleasure, I’m ravenous.”
Her breath hitches and she burrows her teeth into her bottom lip as I pluck her panties to the side and get my mouth on her pink bits.
I take my time. Teasing her with each lick and suck before encouraging her to wriggle out of the scrap of lace. “This pussy is mine. I don’t want you to forget that when you go home.”
“I won’t,” she promises.
“I’m going to make sure you don’t.” Using my fingers to hold her open, I bury my tongue in her pussy. Taste every inch that I can get to. Explore all the folds and creases until she’s squirming for me. I coat my tongue and lips with her. I tease her clit with my teeth. “Such a beautiful pussy deserves to be worshipped. Often.”
Her breathing turns hard and fast, each exhale accompanied by a needy whimper.
She curls her fingers in my hair and watches me with a hooded, molten gaze while I devour her slowly and with purpose.
She’s going to go home, but she’s going to come back. I need her. I’m addicted to her. I’m falling for her. I don’t know that I can survive having my heart broken again. Not when I finally know what it’s like to be truly happy.
I spell out my feelings with my tongue on her pussy and push two fingers inside her, stroking those areas that make her fall apart for me. It doesn’t take long until she’s pulsing around me. Crying my name as she comes.
“You keep doing that, and I’ll be your woman forever,” she says while she comes down from the high.
I leave a trail of kisses down her thigh. “That a promise?”
She slips onto my lap. Her post orgasmic happiness is replaced with seriousness. She starts to tap her fingers, counting up and down the tips. “I’m going to tell her.”
I knew this was coming.
“I’m going to tell Indy that you and I are… well, whatever this is.”
“Whatever this is?” I want to tell her she’s my girlfriend, but we haven’t talked about it. I didn’t want to push her into something she isn’t ready for. I didn’t want her to say yes because she struggles to say no. I wanted her to want it so much that she asked me to label us. But she hasn’t. “Seeing each other.”
“Yes.” Her brow draws tight. “That’s what it is, isn’t it?”
No. It’s so much more. But the words clog my throat. “Sure.”
“Great.” Her stare becomes frozen and glassy. “I’m going to tell her that we’re seeing each other. She’s my best friend and she deserves to know. I can’t keep this secret from her… I just hope that she’ll forgive me for sneaking around with you behind her back.”
“And if she doesn’t? If she hates the idea of you and me together?”
“I don’t know.” She blows out a labored breath. “I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to consider that being with you might mean I lose part of my family. It hurts too much. Especially when at some point I’ll want to move home. I can’t imagine getting married or having kids and Indy and Theo not being a part of that.”
I grow hot around the collar. “But you can imagine doing it without me?”
“I don’t want to,” she says. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“You can imagine it? Yes, or no?”
“I can imagine it.” Her voice breaks. “But—"
“I won’t settle, Rica.” I lift her to her feet so I can get to mine. I need to move while I think. “And I don’t want you to. The last thing I want is for us to make each other miserable.”
“Gray, stop. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want anyone else. I only want you.”
“And Indy. And that prick she broke my heart for.” I can’t watch my Rica leave me and then decide that she isn’t coming back because her relationship with her best friend is more important. I can’t be with someone who can see her future without me when she is the only thing that I see. I can’t go through that pain again. I won’t. “I will never move back to Chicago.”
“I get that’s how you feel right now, but maybe—”
“I think we should quit while we’re ahead.” I stumble backward out of her reach.
America’s face crumples. “Are you serious?”
“It’ll never work.” There’s a pang growing in my chest, but the words coming out of my mouth are unrelenting. “Not long term. You belong with your family, America. Not with me. You should go home. You should pack up all your things and move back to Chicago.”
“Gray, that’s not what I want.” She trails after me as I throw clothes in a bag and pick up my briefcase. “ Nan ni-kkeoya. I… love you.”
“I’m sorry.” It doesn’t matter whether she means it. If she’s saying it because she thinks I need to hear it or because she thinks she should feel it. We’ll only end up hurting each other if we try to make this work. “I don’t want this.”