Chapter 28
twenty-eight
PATRICK
I debate feeding Lottie any more vegetables with the strength she’s pulling me from tent to tent, eager to see all the homemade trinkets and sniffing out anything made of sugar like a bloodhound.
“ Lottie , hold your horses,” I call out, and she stops in her tracks.
“ Where ?” she asks, her head whipping left to right.
“ Where what?”
“ Where are the horses?” she asks, hands thrown up in question.
“ Oh , spud, no, sorry. It’s a figure of speech. Like when I say, ‘ Don’t let the bedbugs bite,’ they’re not really there. It’s just pretend,” I explain, though the wobble in her bottom lip informs me I’ve said the wrong thing.
“ Bedbugs aren’t real?” she asks, and I swear tears are pooling in her eyes now.
“ I mean, they are— Hey look, Uncle Boo and JoJo are over there. Let’s go say hi and tell your uncle his food stinks.”
Her head follows to where I’m pointing, and she lets out a cheer before darting over to their table.
Crisis averted.
I make sure to follow the top of her head through the crowd, the purple ribbons in her hair making it easy to spot her. When she reaches Booth , he picks her up and spins her around so many times, she falls on her butt when he puts her down, laughing hysterically from the floor. Jo watches from her spot behind the table, laughing at them as she hands over a lobster roll and a bottle of Moxie to a customer.
From this angle, I see her whole side profile, and I drink up every inch of her from where I’m standing. The black, skintight leggings she’s wearing don’t leave much to the imagination, and she’s wrapped up in a thick, dark green sweater. The shape of her curves is accentuated by the gray apron tied around her waist, tempting me even more.
In the two weeks since our talk on the docks, we’ve only found the time to steal a few kisses in the breakroom or talk over text. It’s not enough, though, and I’m a man starved for Johanna Thomas . She’s been working day and night to get the restaurant ready for the fair, and I’m grateful for that, because it’s allowed me to concentrate on other things.
There’s only so many times I can think about her draped over that pool table with my hand wrapped around my cock, until I go insane. Carrie is picking Lottie up soon, and I know Jo is clocking off shortly, and the moment she does, she’s mine.
She thanks the customer and gives them a kind smile as they walk away. I don’t make myself known, hiding in the sea of people to watch her. Every day she seems to shine a little brighter, and I could bathe in her light.
She looks up from her spot and glances around the crowd, like she’s searching for someone, and when her gaze lands on me, the grin that breaks across her face almost knocks me to my ass. The sun shines on her honey-blonde hair piled on top of her head, a few loose strands framing her face. Her eyes crinkle at the edges as she waves at me over the sea of bodies .
Shit , she’s perfect.
Just knowing I’m the reason behind that smile has deep satisfaction thrumming in my chest. Even when we were kids, making Jo smile was one of my favorite things to do.
I make my way over to their table, partially covered by the large marquee behind them. I grab Lottie by the hood of her coat before she dives headfirst into a bag of flour, pulling her gently along as I walk to where Jo is standing.
“ Hey ,” I greet. “ This is looking great. How’s it been?”
“ Crazy . We’ve hardly stopped since the fair opened,” Booth replies from behind us, wiping his station before finely chopping up some cilantro. “ YoYo here has been killing it. We’re almost out of lobster tails and probably have about eight portions of fried clams left. I think a lot of the customers have been coming over to speak to her,” he says, winking at Jo , who rolls her eyes at him.
“ What do you mean?” I look between the two of them.
“ Just that a few gentlemen callers have been queuing up for some of my famous clams and a chance to talk to our lovely server,” Booth says, not looking up from his chopping board, but I don’t miss the way his shoulders shake. I should know better than to rise to his bait.
I saunter over to Jo while keeping an eye on Lottie , who is twirling in circles in front of the table.
“ Hey .” She’s busy emptying out quarters into the makeshift cash register, and stands a little straighter when I approach her. “ Have you been making some new friends?”
“ Hey , yourself,” she says and ignores my question. “ Are you guys having fun?”
Stepping closer, with my hand resting on her hip hidden behind her apron, my voice remains low and face neutral as I whisper down her ear. “ I don’t share, Johanna .”
She bites her lip and slowly shakes her head. “ I don’t want you to share me. Can’t blame a girl for providing the best customer service there is.”
“ Be sure that’s all it is.” I round the table and stand in front of her. “ You finishing up soon?”
“ In about”—she looks at her watch—“twenty minutes, why?”
“ What a coincidence. Carrie is on her way over to pick Lottie up and take her to the fairground. Want to ride the Ferris wheel with me?” My tone is anything but subtle.
She tilts her head to the side and purses her rosy, pink lips. “ I don’t think you have the best intentions, Patrick Sadler .”
“ Yeah , I definitely don’t. I’m thinking about you in nothing but?—”
“ Patrick , where’s Lottie ?” Booth asks, looking around the small space.
“ She’s here.” I turn to point to Lottie behind me but stop short when she isn’t spinning around where I last saw her. My head snaps up, and I squint around the crowd looking for her, but there are no purple ribbons in sight.
“ Lottie ?” I shout, cupping my hands around my mouth as my heart rate increases. She couldn’t have gotten far.
Jo and Booth join in the search, looking around the neighboring tables and behind the tent flaps.
“ I looked away for a second.” My hands run through my hair in panic, and I go to bolt toward the fairground when Booth grabs me by the arm.
“ You stay here in case she comes back. She won’t be far,” he says and squeezes my shoulder before jogging away.
“ I’m sorry, Patrick ,” Jo whispers behind me, but I don’t even know what she’s apologizing for.
My stomach plummets to the floor, and my chest tightens with worry. In almost five years, I’ve never lost sight of her, not even for a second.
I continue calling her name, and with each minute that passes, the nausea intensifies.
A tap on my shoulder pulls me from my spiraling thoughts, and I turn to find Carrie standing there.
Oh my god, I have to tell her I’ve lost Lottie .
“ Lost something?” she says with a raised eyebrow and steps to the side to reveal a guilty-looking Lottie , purple ribbons and all.
“ Lottie !” I cry out, dropping to my knees and hauling her into me. I crane my neck and peer up at Carrie . “ I’m so sorry. I looked away for a second. I don’t know what happened.”
“ I found her a few tables over when I was walking to meet you guys. She feels bad for wandering off, don’t you?” She strokes Lottie’s hair as she hides her face in my chest and clutches at my T -shirt.
Lottie is safe and Carrie doesn’t seem mad, but the last five minutes have aged me by twenty years.
“ Pat , don’t beat yourself up. I almost picked up the wrong kid from daycare once. She’s fine and has learned her lesson. Cut yourself some slack,” she says. I shut my eyes and nod, but I still feel like the world’s worst dad.
I let out a whoosh of air in relief and I give Lottie one more squeeze, before prying her hands from my front.
“ Lottie , you’re not in trouble.” She sniffles and keeps her head lowered. “ I was scared I’d lost you. You have to make sure you have a grown-up who you know with you all the time, remember?”
She nods slowly, twisting her hands in front of her. “ I’m sorry. I saw some puzzles over there.” She points behind her. “ I know you like them.”
This is why I can’t stay mad at this kid. Her heart is so big.
“ That’s so kind, my sweet girl.”
Carrie pats her head lovingly, and Lottie seems to cheer up at that. “ Hey , why don’t we head over there before we go to the fairground? Maybe we can buy your dad one?”
The idea of rides has her perking up even more and she finally releases me.
“ That sounds fun.” I give one of her pigtails a tug. “ Give me a hug goodbye and be good for your mom, okay? I love you so much.”
“ Love you, too, Daddy .” She gives me a hug before taking Carrie’s hand and waves goodbye.
Once I’m sure I’m not going to pass out from the panic, I turn back to the table. Booth is now talking to Jules and Simon , who must be here to switch shifts. He jerks his chin at me and mouths You good? to me, to which I nod. As I look around the tent, I can’t see Jo anywhere.
I make my way over to him and he seems to know what I’m about to ask.
“ I told her to hang around. She seemed pretty eager to head out, saying she was tired or something, but she looked upset. You might catch her if you hurry.”
I’m already sprinting toward the parking lot before he’s finished his sentence. There must be hundreds of cars here and I scan the crowd of people. When I spot a flash of blonde, I race in that direction and call her name. I know she can hear me, but her steps quicken, like she’s trying to escape me.
Reaching her, I take hold of her wrist and stop her attempt at fleeing. “ Hey , where are you going?”
“ Home , I’m exhausted. Raincheck on the Ferris wheel?” I can’t see her face, but something about her body language has changed, nothing like the playful Johanna I was talking to earlier.
I know that Jo tends to take herself away when she needs space. I get it, it’s just, I want to be that space, and for her to need me in those moments. I want her to lean on me and talk about how she’s feeling, or hold her when it becomes too much.
I’ve begun to pick up on the moments when her anxiety shows, and this isn’t one of them, this is something different. I don’t want to push her, but I’m also not leaving her right now.
“ C’mon .” I tug her in the direction of my truck on the other side of the lot.
“ Patrick , I’m not in the mood for the fairground.” Even with a tired sigh, she follows me.
“ That’s not where we’re headed. I know somewhere that’ll be quiet right now. If you need some peace, I can help you find that, just let me be there next to you. We said we’d try right? Well , we need to trust one another, so trust me.” I turn to her, and we stop walking. “ If you don’t want to talk, then we won’t. I think you’re gonna like where we’re going though.”
She gives it a few seconds to think it over, then nods her head and walks ahead to climb into my truck.
Once we’re out of the parking lot, I drive about ten miles north. The lush canopy traps out the sun, creating a whimsical vibe as we drive down the windy roads curving with the coastline. The tree line ends suddenly, and the road in front of us opens to reveal the endless view of the bay and the vast open ocean. Deep green is replaced with vibrant blue as the water reflects the cloudless sky. We’re right on the cusp of Acadia National Park here, and Puffin Point Lighthouse sits on a small, rocky peninsula between the park and Piper Beach .
Jo hasn’t said much since we started driving, and I’ve let her enjoy the silence. Her head rests against the passenger window, watching the landscape pass us by. Once we drive onto the small sliver of land, the waves crashing around us coat the windows in sea spray.
I park the truck in the small lot at the base of the lighthouse and as I suspected, there’s no one else in sight. Turning off the engine, I climb out, Jo following silently behind me as we round the whitewash base of the lighthouse. The red rings traveling up the cylinder building need a new coat of paint. It’s no longer in use anymore, more of a tourist attraction than anything. I walk a little ahead and stop until I can’t walk any farther. The light spray of water hitting my face and the taste of salt on my lips is refreshing.
Jo stops a few feet behind me, the loose strands blowing in all directions. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath when a strong gust of wind sweeps over us. She looks perfect, standing here with the salty air blowing through her hair and a warm glow painting her cheeks.
“ Is Lottie okay?” she asks.
“ She’s fine. I think I panicked more than her, so it freaked her out.”
“ I’m so sorry.”
Her apology has me jolting in confusion. “ What are you sorry for?” I ask. I take a step closer to her and she opens her eyes then, guilt swimming in those deep blues.
“ I distracted you when you were meant to be watching her.”
“ Whoa , whoa.” I grab her shoulders before she has the chance to turn away. “ I’m pretty sure I was the one who walked up to you and did the distracting.”
“ That doesn’t matter. I never want to be the reason that your priorities shift away from her. I was relieved when Carrie came over with her but then I saw you all together and it looked like…”
“ Looked like what?”
“ It’s stupid of me, never mind.”
“ No , I want to know.” I’m not letting this drop, needing to know what changed from when we were flirting behind the table to now.
“ You looked happy, and I was”—she throws her head back and blows out a breath, hands slapping at her sides— “ I was jealous, okay? ”
I look at this woman. Really look at her.
This beautiful and complex creature who wears her heart on her sleeve yet at the same time bottles so much up, hiding herself from the world. I hate that she feels the need to keep everything locked up, and that she has any reason to be jealous. I thought we were past that.
It’s clear she needs reminding that there’s no one else who can enrapture me half the way she does.
I do just that as I pull her into my chest, grab hold of her shocked face, and seal my mouth over hers.