22. Declan
22
DECLAN
O h no, he didn’t.
Murderous rage filled me. I jumped up, pacing away from him so I didn’t wipe the floor with his fucking ass. I turned back to him, my fists clenched to keep from yanking his ass off the couch and beating him to a pulp.
Gritting my teeth, I ground out, “That isn’t your decision to make. I get to choose what I deserve. Me. Not you. Me.”
I shoved my hands into my hair and pulled, trying to let loose a smidgen of the violence I felt.
Taking a deep breath, I continued. “And what I choose is you. Not because of the size of your cock or how good a lay you are. I choose you because I love you, and you make me a better man when your head isn’t fucking lodged so far up your ass you’ve forgotten what daylight is. I deserve to be loved and cared for, and not just sexually, because while that part of our relationship is the best I’ve ever had, I could find great sex elsewhere.”
“Carino…”
“No goddammit. No. You don’t have the right to make decisions for me without my input. Ever. Do you understand? Never again will you do to me what you did in that hospital.”
He nodded. Reluctantly. But he at least acknowledged he heard my words. Then I remembered Vegas.
“What the fuck happened in Vegas? Because you damn sure had full use of your dick last year. I walked bowlegged for a week afterwards.”
His lips twitched, and I growled as I slung a throw pillow at the fucker’s smug fucking face.
“You best check yourself. I’m in no mood. Now wipe that smug ass grin off your stupid face, and tell me what happened.”
He literally wiped his face, but the look was still there when he finished.
“Explain why you put us through the wringer again.”
“Because I woke up next to you, soft.”
“We fucked for twelve goddamn hours, Hayden! I didn’t get hard for more than twenty-four hours!”
A sheepish look came over his face, and he shrugged. “That hadn’t ever happened to me.”
“Never? You’d never woke up soft? Not in your entire life?”
He shrugged. “No. Every morning, without fail, from my preteens until boot camp. And I chalked that up to exhaustion. Same with missions and training.”
I stared at him. I could feel the shock that I was positive showed on my face.
“And never once since I met you. Rack out for twenty? Wake up hard. In the racks on the ship? Wake up hard. Then I had the accident, and the doc was right, it came back. It wasn’t like it used to be, but it was okay. I’d wake up somewhat stiff, so I thought it would continue improving with time. But that morning in Vegas… I woke up and… nothing.”
I rubbed my face with both hands trying to comprehend, and finally said fuck it. “What did the doctor say?”
“Nothing. I didn’t mention it. Things worked themselves out again.”
“So, why didn’t you call me? Why not talk to me once you knew it wasn’t a setback or whatever?”
“What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey Declan, can you come see me so we can test out my broke ass dick?’ Yeah, vato, I don’t think so.”
“You need to get your ass over the toxic masculinity. It’s kept us a part for… fuck… for years, Hayden.”
He stood, rubbing his palms on his pants as he came toward me. Pissed off didn’t begin to cover how I felt about the shit he’d put us both through. He stopped before me, hesitant as he reached to grasp my hips and pull us together.
“I’m sorry, Declan. I am. You don’t know how much I missed you. Every fucking minute of every damn day. You never left my mind or my heart. You were there beside me as I figured my shit out. During the worst moments of my life, you sat on one shoulder rooting for me and my own negative self-image sat on the other telling me what a piece of shit I was. For being less than a man. For being so fucking scared of not being accepted for… whatever that asshole threw at me that day. For hurting you and throwing away my one chance at happiness. For turning away from the greatest man I’d ever met. From my soulmate.”
“Fuck you.”
All the emotions his words evoked were clear as day, in my shaky, tremulous voice. I pulled him to me, burying my face in his neck. My arms wrapped around his neck so tightly that the muscles from my fingers to my back ached, but I didn’t care. If I could absorb him into my skin, I would’ve. There was no such thing as too close.
And he apparently felt the same way because his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his big body that cocooned me like no one else could. I loved the way he made me feel big and strong while also making me feel loved and cared for. It was the biggest mindfuck of all time.
And I wouldn’t trade it for the fucking world.
Time ceased to exist as we stood together, wound up in one another, healing the wounds we’d each inflicted on each other and ourselves. We had a slew of issues to unpack. Serious issues. But I knew we’d get there. We were both too damn stubborn not to.
I gasped as he picked me up.
“Hayden…”
“Shut up. My back is fine. I’m fine. Yes, I still have some pain. But the surgeon Angel and Priest found did some crazy shit with cement. And I’m as strong as I ever was. As I’ve proven over the last few days, tossing you around in the bed like I did before the accident.”
I zipped my lips shut like I was a kid, letting the man show off. Plus, I kinda liked that he tossed me like a caber when he was in a mood.
“Wanna curl up and watch a movie until Marcie calls?”
“If she calls,” he grumbled, sitting down on the couch with me in his lap.
I wiggled us around so that one of his legs stretched out along the back cushions and the other hung over the front with his foot planted firmly on the floor. I wedged myself in the vee between his thighs, my back to his chest, and his long arms wrapped around me.
The problem he imploded our relationship over clearly wasn’t an issue anymore since his dick pressed into the small of my back. I looked at him over my shoulder, a smirk on my lips and a brow cocked. He huffed a laugh, pressing a kiss to my lips.
I settled my head on his chest, picking the conversation back up.
“I think she’ll call. Although I’m not sure we handled things right with her.”
“What do you mean? How else should we have handled things?”
“You’re such a bull in a china shop.”
“Like this is the first time I’ve heard that. Explain.”
“I just don’t know if coming at her, both of us at the same time, like we did, was the right move. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Vato, we’re both attracted to her. We both want her, and we want her to be a third in a mutual relationship. It’s best to start as we intend to live.”
“Yeah. You’re right. I just…”
“Worry?”
“Shut up.”
His lips pressed against the side of my head, his arms squeezing me to him, pulling even deeper into his embrace.
“I wouldn’t have you any other way, carino. You are perfection personified.”
I rarely blushed. I could count on one hand the number of times it had happened in my thirty-seven years that didn’t have to do with Hayden Marin. The heat began on my chest, blooming upward to my neck and face until it took up residence in my cheeks.
Hayden chuckled. I punched the leg that hung off the couch. He reached for the remote.
“So, movie?”
“Yes, but no rom-com, bullshit.”
Hayden leaned away to look at me and said, “When the fuck have I ever even suggested a damn rom-com?”
“I don’t know. You’re spouting a lot of sickly sweet nothings since we got back together. I figured your tastes had changed to match your new lovey-dovey attitude.”
“Humph. You know what assume means, right?” he asked, flicking through the channels, pulling up an action movie we both liked.
I bit my lip at the choice. It didn’t escape my notice that he chose one of the bloodiest films he could find.
“I didn’t say assumed. I said figured.”
“Semantics. Now, hush, the movie’s coming on.”
We watched several minutes before I pointed out the premise behind the movie.
“You realize that this whole series of movies is about a man avenging the murder of the love of his wife, right?”
“And his dog.”
“Yes. That’s wildly romantic. A man who would burn the world down for his person. Everyone deserves that.”
No response came other than him fidgeting and shifting behind me. My lips twitched, trying to contain the laughter. I failed. Miserably.
“You’re a fucking asshole. You know that, right?”
“But I’m your asshole. Your soulmate. You’d burn the world to the ground for me.”
“If you ruin this series…”
“I would never.”
“Good. And yes, carino. If someone hurt you, I’d gut the motherfucker and string him up by his fucking toes so people would think twice about doing it in the future.”
“Awww. Look at you being all sweet and shit.”
“Shut up and watch John kick ass.”
We lost ourselves in the movie. Foster came in about halfway through but didn’t say anything. At least not to us. He was on the phone. By the sound of it, the call was with his oldest set of twins. Asher and Bauer were the same age as Jackson and his twin sister, Olivia. Only they worked for Holt Security, but it wasn’t what either of them wanted. Only Foster, like Walker, liked the idea of the boys taking over the security and PMC firms. Unlike Jackson, Asher and Bauer hadn’t gotten up the nerve to tell their daddy to kiss their ass.
Yet.
I felt Hayden shift under me to watch Foster leave the room. When he turned back he asked, “Whose ass is he chewing?”
“Asher and Bauer.”
“Who?”
“His oldest set of twins. He and Jules have five boys. Two sets of twins and a single in the middle. Asher and Bauer work for Holt. They’re in Nashville, sitting on the house Jackson and Katie rented to stay at between the New York trip and the Birmingham race.”
“Okay, but why’s he…”
“Chewing their ass? They work for him, and aren’t happy with the arrangement. I’ve always believed they had other aspirations.”
“Gotcha. They’re men, at least I hope y’all aren’t hiring babies, and they don’t appreciate him treating them like a couple of kids? And working for their old man…”
“You got it, Sergeant. He treats them like a couple of kids, and yes, they’re men. They’re the same age as Jackson and Olivia. They’ll tell him to kick rocks sooner rather than later.”
“Sounds like being raised as a Holt isn’t all beach houses and fancy cars.”
“Fuck, no. There’s a lot of responsibility. We’re all raised to work. Every single person in the family works roundup if they’re on the ranch, and if you aren’t on the ranch, you best be deployed or on an op. Jackson’s missed the last few, but Olivia makes it.”
“And you, vato, do you work roundup?”
“Haven’t missed one yet.”
“Hmm. I just have one question.”
“What’s that, Papi?”
“What the fuck is roundup?”
Laughter heaved through my chest, taking my breath until Hayden whacked me on the back, forcing me to gasp. Rolling over onto his chest, I looked at his beautiful face, and a sappy, lovesick feeling swept through me, so I knew it had to be showing on my face, but I didn’t care.
“I love you so much. I never laugh like I do when I’m with you. You make stupid mundane shit fun. You make me happy. So damn happy.”
His eyes turned glassy as he stared down at me, the backs of his fingers dusting over my cheek.
“I know the feeling, carino.”
After the first movie ended, we grabbed some popcorn and drinks, forgoing beer and cocktails for soda and juice. Hayden even paused the movie to grab his meds, showing me what all he took and explaining what they were for. His openness washed over me like a balm to my battered soul.
We were going to make it. I became more sure of it with each moment we spent together.
We settled back into the couch to continue the series, our phones on the coffee table next to us, the notifications on, and the volume turned way up. It was ridiculous. Flight time from Seattle to Nashville was about four and a half hours, and that didn’t include the trip from the house to the airport.
Halfway through the movie, Hayden’s phone dinged. He pressed pause, and we sat up. He checked the notification while I grabbed some bottled water.
“What’s wrong?”
He turned the screen around, and I sighed.
Priest
Your girl is a seriously sad sack.
“What the hell did he expect? Her daddy is in the hospital after a heart attack, and she’s a plane ride away.”
“It’s Priest. He’s a special brand of stupid.”
His fingers flew across the screen, and this time, my phone dinged. I grabbed it, checking the message.
Hayden
Declan wants to know what the fuck you expected. Her dad’s sick.
Cameron
Priest is an idiot.
Priest
Hey!
Declan
Yes. He is.
I messaged Cameron separately.
Declan
Has she slept at all?
Cameron
No. She seems out of sorts, and yes, I know her dad’s in the hospital. I mean, it’s like she’s lost something.
Declan
The plane doesn’t have a bedroom, but that big ass couch will pull down into a bed. See if she will lie down.
Moments went by, and the dinging of Hayden’s phone and mine continued. I checked the group text with Hayden, Priest, and Cameron. Hayden and Priest were discussing the movies we were watching.
So I commented.
Declan
The television has streaming services connected. You can pull them up if you want, but maybe see if there’s something Marcie might want to watch first.
Cameron finally responded in our private chat.
Cameron
I just got my head bit off.
I showed the message to Hayden, then a thought struck me, and I pulled up Katie’s contact info.
Declan
Does Marcie have a favorite movie or something that brings her comfort?
Katie
Why?
“Fuck. I didn’t think that through well.”
“What?”
“That Marcie might not want Katie to know she’s fucking around with two of the security team.”
“She’s a fucking adult.”
“And Katie is her boss, and we work for Katie.”
“True. Okay… blame it on Priest. He messaged and said she was a sad sack.”
“Good idea.”
Declan
Priest said Marcie seemed to be looking for something and was upset when she couldn’t find it.
Katie
I don’t know what it could be, but if you wanna cheer Marcie up, Starbies, Crank & Boom Blackberry & Buttermilk, Finding Nemo, and her stuffed Squirt.
Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.
Declan
What?
Katie
I didn’t pack Squirt.
“What the fuck is Blackberry & Buttermilk?”
I looked at him, shaking my head because I had no fucking clue. Then I responded with a question of my own.
“What the fuck is a Squirt?”
Footsteps raced toward us, the sound coming from the stairs.
“Darlin’, you can’t do anything about the stuffed animal tonight. Let’s go to bed, and we’ll overnight it to her in the morning.”
“Maybe Hayden and Declan can figure out how to get it to her.”
Katie raced into the family room in a tiny ass tank top and a pair of matching short shorts, Jackson hot on her heels. She skidded to a stop in front of us, a stuffed turtle in her hands. She thrust it at us, and I took it.
“That’s Squirt. She takes him everywhere, and I forgot him.”
Katie twisted her hands together, worry painting her face.
“I have no clue if he can or if you even should overnight him, but she’s gonna be out of sorts until she has him. Oh, Gavin will make sure she has the ice cream. Marcie special orders it. I don’t know how or where. I didn’t even know it was possible to order ice cream, but I shouldn’t be surprised, because if it can be done Marcie can do it. I’d love to get her a care package, but…”
Hayden stood up and kissed Katie’s cheek. Jackson growled in his throat like some feral animal. He had nothing to worry about, but I got it. Katie stood there, dressed in next to nothing. Hayden had dug a hole for himself that first day, and all that fed into Jackson’s issues left over from Mara. Which just added to my hatred for the stupid cunt.
If I ever got my hands on that woman…
“Hayden and I will handle the turtle and the care package. I’m thinking cozy pajamas, the turtle, the weird ice cream…”
“And the movie.”
“Got it.”
“Alright. You’ve enlisted their help to take care of Marcie. Now, it’s time for you to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Katie smiled and waved as she walked back to Jackson, who had a smile plastered on his face. I understood the happiness, but when Katie walked past him, he scowled at us, and I cracked up.
“Get over it, Jackie boy.”
“Screw you, Deckie.”
They disappeared from sight, and a moment later, Katie squealed, their footsteps rushing up the stairs toward their room.
“So, how are we going to handle this?”
“I have an idea. You okay with being cheesy?”
“I married you, didn’t I?”
I smacked him with the turtle, and he grabbed it, wrestling me and it down onto the big deep couch. He squeezed me between him and the back cushions, placing the turtle on his chest.
“Take your damn selfie.”
I smirked, kissed him quickly, and snapped a shot before pulling away.
“That one’s just for me. Now, look at the camera with that smutty, sexy look you’ve got down pat.”
He scowled at me.
“Give me the damn phone.”
He snatched it from me and pressed his lips to my forehead. My eyes drifted closed, and my hand landed on his chest, the turtle under my palm.
He pulled away. The sound of his thumbs tapping on the screen of my phone grabbed my attention. When I looked up, he’d created a group chat for the three of us and sent her the photo.
Declan
Papi here. Squirt’s keeping your spot warm until Daddy and I get there, colibrí.
Then he renamed the chat he’d created while using my phone.
Three Times as Dirty.
One could only fucking hope.