Chapter 16
Theo
Audrey looked at me like I had one foot out of the door already. She said the right things, but it was her damn eyes. They gave her away. She might not know, but she had the most beautiful, large expressive green eyes I had ever seen. They lit up when she was excited, widened when she was learning, and avoided anyone else’s gaze if she was embarrassed or lying.
I hated that she assumed I wanted to leave. The woman didn’t understand my obsession with her, but I could work on that slowly. Her lips were still red from kissing, and it took a lot of effort to pull back and not devour her whole. She had one orgasm, which had taken her mind off dinner and put her more at ease.
I wasn’t gonna push her past her comfort zone, no matter how hard my dick was. “Want to heat up the food?”
“You don’t want to…” She eyed my crotch. “Aren’t you…shouldn’t’ I?”
“I’m just fine, okay? This is about you, and I’m not rushing you. We have plenty of time to learn other things about each other.”
“Do you not want to?”
This damn girl. “Audrey. Please hear me. Of course I fucking want to, but your feelings and needs matter more than mine tonight. Never doubt that I want to experience everything with you.”
“Oh.” She did her cute little gasp again, but her smile didn’t take as long to sneak out. “That’s really thoughtful of you. I want to experience a lot with you too, but it’s very overwhelming.”
“We’ll take our time. I like talking to you, hanging out. It doesn’t matter. Yeah, I’m gonna think about you when I jerk off later, but for now, let’s eat our leftovers.”
“Do you care if I change out of my dress?”
“Not at all. Get comfy. I want to see lounging Audrey, please.”
She blushed, and I helped her up from her bed. The dress was walking sin, and knowing she wore no bra the whole night messed with me in a major, fucked-up way. She hadn’t had anyone worship her tits before me. Like… I couldn’t comprehend that. At all. She was a queen.
“I might have a sweatshirt in here.”
“From who?”
“Theo.” She snorted and tossed me a large sweatshirt. “My brother.”
I grunted. “Mm, I’ll just take off the dress shirt. I’ll be okay.” While Audrey slipped into her bathroom, I removed the dress shirt, watch, and belt, which was at least more comfortable than nothing. But I would not wear Quentin’s sweatshirt. Plus, he was two times smaller than me. Wouldn’t fit.
I folded my shirt just as she came out of the bathroom in a hoodie and plaid pajama shorts. But she also wore hot pink fuzzy socks. I grinned hard. “You’re fucking adorable.”
“These are my clothes, usually.” She tugged at the hem of the Central State hoodie. “I like to put them on the second I’m in for the night.”
“I love it.” I really, really did. It showed a more playful side of her. One that no one else got to see. I was becoming addicted to being the only one to do everything with her. She was my own oasis at this point. “So what else would you do if you were in for the night? What’s your schedule?”
“Ah. I read books. Watch a few shows.” She chewed the side of her lip, a sign she was nervous.
Why in the hell would she be nervous?
“What shows?”
“You’ll probably think they’re silly.” She waved her hand in the air, brushing my question off. “I have a few plastic forks we can use but not any napkins. I can run to the kitchen to grab some, but it would take a few minutes to get there.”
“Auds, sit your cute ass down.”
She froze and lowered herself onto the ground, where I set our to-go boxes. “Do you not like to answer questions about yourself?”
She shrugged. “I’m not used to being asked them.”
My heart fucking broke for her. I made a mental note to ask about her day and her classes and her homework, daily. My entire life was question after question, all about hockey, but with her, she just let me be. She gave me the space I needed to be myself, and the more I was around it, the more I craved it.
“Get used to it then.” I winked and passed her a few rolls. “I want to know everything.”
“But I’m boring.” She took a bite of the roll without butter, and I filed that away. Did she not like butter, or was she nervous and needed to put something in her mouth?
“Who told you you’re boring? I think you’re fascinating.” I dug into my chicken and mushrooms. They were lukewarm, but I was starving.
“I’m not, Theo.” She played with one end of her hair before meeting my eyes. “I don’t want you to think I’m playing you or anything. I’m not cool at all.”
“Do you think I care about cool?”
I didn’t get where this was coming from. It was like once she put on her comfy clothes, her attitude changed.
She shrugged. “You probably do. Probably should.”
“Audrey Hawthorne.” My tone caused her to stare at me with wide eyes. “What just happened? I thought we were on the same page with us, but you’re…fuck.” I pinched my nose, annoyed that I didn’t pick up on her mood faster.
She shoved away thoughts at dinner with our attraction, but now that was over, so her emotions returned, and she was prickly. I knew she would push away instead of opening up about their hurt.
“What do you need right now, honey? Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“No. I’d like to be alone when I think about… what we saw.”
“Well, that’s not happening.” I took another bite of my food. “You’ve been there for me in so many ways, so I’m not leaving this dorm until you talk to me about what you’re feeling.”
“I didn’t invite you to spend the night.”
“Okay, I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“You can’t. It’d injure you. I won’t do that.”
“Then we share your bed.” I went for another roll and met her eyes. “I can do this all night. Banter with you, hold your hand, push you. But I’m not leaving.”
“Theo.” She stood and paced the small area near her door. “My family doesn’t even care about me. I have two people left, and they don’t even want to see me despite everything I do for them. I can’t be with you. You have the best siblings, and what am I? Alone. I’m not enough for my own mom and brother to invite me to a simple dinner. They use me for cash. That’s it. I’m a bank.”
“Get it out, baby. Be mad. What they did fucking sucked.”
“I don’t understand. I try calling my mom, but she never answers. Doesn’t want to talk because I remind her of him, yet she’ll text or call me and demand more money. Just a hundred bucks for food here and there. I’d tutor like crazy just to send her money because I promised my dad I would help her, even though she’s cruel to me. And my brother,” she trailed off, and emotion clogged her voice. “He bails on me all the time. He doesn’t value me, and I’m so mad about it. I love him. I love him so much, and I’m just nothing to him. Nothing to my mom.”
My heart raced as anger flooded my veins. “You’re not nothing.”
“No one stays in my life, Theo. No one.” Her voice returned with a force. “Tonight proved it.”
I set my plate down and walked up to her, placing my hands on her shoulders. “Tonight proved that your brother and mom are selfish. Unkind. People have a way of showing their true colors, hon, and yours are just the best. Their actions aren’t a reflection of you at all. They’re a mirror of who they are as people.”
She sniffed, and the sound tugged at my heart so damn bad.
“You don’t need them, but they sure need you.”
“Clearly not for anything besides money.” She hung her head, and I said fuck it. I picked her up and cradled her to my body. I moved the blankets back and slid in, cuddling her against me. “What are we doing?”
“When I was ten, I was upset about some dumb thing at school. My mom’s best friend had a kid who was like a brother to me, but he made me mad. So, it felt weird to be so upset at someone who was like a brother at the time. My mom brought us to my room, shut off the lights, and said we could say whatever we wanted in the dark. I could be mad at her, at Curtis, and it was okay. I didn’t have to hold back because the lights weren’t on. So that’s what we’re gonna do. Now where is your light switch?”
“By the door.”
I quickly shut it off and was back in bed with Audrey. “I’ll start. I’m fucking angry that your family makes you think less of yourself and asks you for money. It’s so selfish and unnecessary. Now yours.”
“I’m angry because I do so much for Quentin, and it’s all for nothing. He lies to me, avoids me, and all I wanted was a best friend. We’ve been through so much, and I thought he’d be my forever friend, but he’s not, and it hurts so badly.”
“I’m angry because he doesn’t deserve you as a sister.”
She sniffed, and I held her tighter against me. Her head rested on my shoulder, and she fit there perfectly. “I’m angry because even though I have all these feelings, I know if he calls me, I’m gonna answer. I wish I could just cut him out of my life because he only hurts me, but I can’t. I even picked up tutoring slots this week so I could send him money for fun.”
I didn’t like that, but this was her time. “Because you care so much about him. You have the biggest fucking heart, Audrey. It’s incredible.”
“It feels broken sometimes.”
“Nah, it’s not. I know it.” I kissed the top of her head as she snuggled deeper. “I’m so sorry you went through this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Sure, but I’m fucking sorry you’re sad. It’s killing me to see you sad.”
“I’m sorry I turned inward earlier. You were right to call me out on it. I’m not used to someone else caring, and it’s out of routine for me.”
“I’m angry that your life has you feeling this way, but I care so much. Too much. And I won’t stop, okay? Tell me you need space, but don’t shut me out. Please?”
It was the please that got her. She was tense as a board until I added the last word, and she relaxed against me. Almost like she gave up fighting me. “I’ll try to get used to it, but like I said, having you care about me is so strange I might forget.”
“Then I guess I better do a good job at reminding you then.”
We lay there for ten, twenty minutes before her breathing slowed. Her hand moved toward my chest where she dug her nails into me, like she was afraid I’d leave. I was already hooked on her, but after hearing her open up tonight? There was no way she’d get rid of me. Zero.
Even when doubts intruded, I shoved them away. Who the fuck cared about Quentin and his three friends? They were dicks, and the team knew it. Instead of trying to repair anything, I should blow the team dynamics up. Show Audrey who he really was.
But no. I couldn’t do that. Not when she admitted she’d forgive him no matter what. Fuck. I wanted her to punch him in the face.
She sighed in her sleep, just as my stomach growled like a whale. Damn. I forgot I was still hungry. I never got to finish.
“S’that you?”
“It’s fine, baby, go back to sleep.”
“You’re hungry.” She pushed up to her side and a part of wanted to yank her back against me. I liked her there. Wanted to keep her there with her little hand clinging to me.
“I like cuddling with you.”
“But I’m the reason you didn’t eat twice.” She scoffed, her annoyance evident. “You need to eat. Come on.”
She climbed over me and switched on the light. With a shy smile, she put my leftovers onto a plate and popped it in her microwave. Her bare legs were distracting as hell while she had her back to me. She had a mole behind her right knee and another one on her calf. I smiled, once again pleased I knew these secrets about her.
“I like your moles.”
“My what?” She faced me. “Moles?”
“Back of your legs.” I pushed up and lowered myself to draw a line between the two of them. “It’s sexy knowing you have these cute birthmarks back here.”
“I never realized I did.” She gave me a bashful smile and shoved her hair behind her ears. “Thanks, I think.”
“I’m gonna keep reminding you until you believe it, but I love learning all these things about you.” I bent down and kissed her on the mouth softly. She let out a hum of contentment before I pulled back. “Yeah, really like kissing you.”
She blushed as the timer dinged. She removed my plate and scanned the room before pulling out her desk chair with her leg. “Here, you can sit there so it’s more comfortable for you.”
“Where will you sit?”
“The floor?”
“Then we both sit there. I’m sitting by you.” I sat criss-cross as Audrey slowly lowered herself next to me. Everything felt right here. We spoke about my mom and her dad, what they meant to us and how the remaining parent sort of died when they lost their spouse. We talked about our clinicals and how badass Marcy was. We also joked about the grossest things we had to do.
It was so fucking easy being with her. I wasn’t stressed about my family or my siblings or the NHL. I was happy. The future had a million possibilities that could happen, but they didn’t freak me out as much. This bond, this connection with Audrey surpassed all the doubt. I just had to make sure it didn’t destroy her relationship with Quentin.
That was the only seed of worry I had because if she had to choose between him and me, he’d come first every time.