Chapter 20
Theo
There was an extra pep in my step as I walked toward Coach Reiner’s office the next morning. I was so damn proud of Audrey for sticking up for herself against her brother. She finally saw that he wasn’t an angel, and while I hated how much he hurt her, it was the right move.
It’s the same thing I need to do with my dad.
I didn’t mind confrontation because I didn’t have an ego, but challenging my father wouldn’t end well for me. He’d yell back that I hadn’t gone to see my mom, which was true. He’d say this was harder on him, and I had to take care of the family. He was never home, and it was rarely just the two of us, and this was something I didn’t want my siblings around for. So, instead of worrying that Coach Reiner was gonna rip into me for not mentoring Quentin enough, I thought about seeing Audrey later.
With a big sigh, I pushed into the stadium and almost ran into Cal Holt. “Holt,” I said, holding up a fist with a smile. “You’re a legend.”
He nodded and fist-bumped me back. “Sanders. Heard you signed to the Acorns. Their defense sucks.”
“Ah, your people skills haven’t improved since joining the NHL then, huh?”
He snorted and glanced down the hall. “Reiner wanted us to talk if we had time. Said you had questions about next year and how to work with difficult players.”
“Huh, I definitely don’t recall asking either of those questions, but he’s a schemer.”
“Yeah. He is.” He ran a hand through his hair before almost-smiling. “He’s a pain in the ass but a good fucking coach.”
“Want to meet at the rink later, see if you can keep up with us younger players?”
“Oh, you’re on.”
He walked away, and my grin increased. I’d heard about Cal Holt the last few years. Who hadn’t? He’d been aggressive and a total headcase when he started out. He’d turned it around, recently got married, and made life in the NHL seem possible. It wasn’t some far-out, unknown future. He played hard, had a life.
Maybe I did have some questions. Like, how often did he go home? Was he able to afford supporting someone else? What was different from college hockey to the NHL? What was harder?
Damn. Reiner was right.
I knocked on his door, a small blip of nerves overtaking me as I walked in. He stared at a whiteboard with a play scribbled on it, and the second I neared him, he pointed his pen at me.
“What do you think our biggest weakness is?”
The answer came to me immediately. “Power plays and defensive zone coverage.”
“Why?”
“Are these trick questions? Do you want me to answer honestly?”
“Yes.”
“To which one, sir?”
His lips twitched. “Smart-ass. What’s your take? You’ve only scrimmaged with us and seen tapes.”
“Correct—I’ve also played against you.” I went to the board and pointed at one of the symbols. “The team has no chemistry or coordination together. If they played as a team and not as individuals, it’d be different.”
Jonah Daniels stood at the doorway, one eyebrow lifted. “Do you not know how to do your job anymore? You had two beers last night. That’s it.”
“If you took your job as team unity better, I wouldn’t have to ask Theo here.”
“Lies.” JD snorted. “That’s not my role, and you know it. What everyone needs is to get lost in the woods and bond and shit.”
“We’re gonna scrimmage, and every single person is gonna play a different position. Losing team cleans the other teams’ lockers.” Reiner pinched his nose. “You make any progress with Hawthorne yet?”
My face heated. “No, sir.”
“Why not? I asked you to, didn’t I?”
“You did, Coach, but?—”
“I don’t care.” Reiner’s eyes narrowed. “You’re the missing piece this year. We all know it. I need you to get him on board. It’s either that, or his future in hockey might end sooner than he thinks.”
The small, ever-present knot in my stomach doubled. I really didn’t like Quentin, but if he got kicked off the hockey team, that would devastate Audrey. She said his scholarship was key for them, and she carried the financial burden, so if he lost that… it’d fall on her. I shook my head, a new motivation hooking itself in me. I couldn’t do that to her. I refused. “Okay, Coach.”
“What position would you put everyone into switch it up, shake things around?”
We spent the next hour going over possibilities, and two of the other guys on the team joined us. Liam was the goalie, and Hannigan was the junior forward who was faster than me. They were chill as fuck, and when they asked me to head to the party that night, I couldn’t say no. Not after Reiner wanted me to focus on the team.
I just had to call my dad.
“What doyou mean you won’t be home?” he asked, an hour later. “I wanted to run into town?—”
“Dad. I have team stuff. I can’t get out of it.” My patience zapped immediately. “I’m home every night.”
“As you should be. Your family needs you, and now I’ll have to rearrange my entire schedule for this.” He sighed, and I gritted my teeth together. “You need to be better at communicating this stuff with me.”
“You realize I can’t do this when the season starts? Or when I move to Minnesota next year? Who will help you then?”
“I know you think the NHL is the path for you, but I’m not sure anymore. You’ll be far away from us. Plus, being in healthcare is more respectable and would let you be near us more.” His voice grew hard. “Your mother wanted you to do this. She wants you close. You can’t do this to her.”
My throat clogged as I fought with myself. There were a million things I wanted to say, all pointing out he was fucking wrong and selfish. My mom always told me to fly, to be myself, to get the hell out of this town. She’d be cheering me on the loudest. My dad was using her to keep me here to help him.
“I won’t be home tonight. Take care of your children. See you tomorrow.”
“Theo!”
I hung up. I called Em immediately, and she understood, offering to help with Daniel and Penny since I wouldn’t be home. Having her there was a relief, because yeah, she was a teenage girl more worried about Jace, but she loved our family and would help. Sighing, I ran a hand over my face. I needed to hash this out with my dad soon. I couldn’t be his emotional punching bag forever. My thoughts raced with the best way to do this, and that was when Audrey texted me. My perfect distraction.
Audrey: Hi. Do you want to hang out tonight?
Fuck. Of course I wanted to. But the hockey guys… well… she could come to the party house? Nah. She wouldn’t. Not with her brother. This sucked. I needed to do this with the guys, but if I turned her down, she’d stop asking. She was flighty as hell, and the second she found a hint of rejection, she’d be out. And I craved being around her too much to not see her. Hell, being with her made me forget everything else.
Then what do I do?
Theo: Any chance I could convince you to come to a party at the hockey house?
Audrey: You’re partying?
Theo: I’ll have to update you. Reiner ripped into me about bonding with the guys more… so I have to. Can you sneak in? That could be fun.
Audrey: Would my brother be there?
Theo: Eh. Maybe, but… I need to see you tonight. So either you sneak in with me and we have fun hiding, or I stop by your place for a booty call.
Audrey: What if I don’t want to hide?
Was she joking? I’d fucking love that. My relationship with her didn’t affect my game on the ice at all. And the guys wouldn’t give a shit either. But Quentin… I’d deal with him then. But us going public? Hell yes.
Theo: Then you go as my girl. I need to get you my jersey to wear anyway.
Audrey: Your girl. I really, really like that.
Theo: Me too, Auds. Want me to come get you?
Audrey: Yea. But, um, hey. What should I wear? I’ve never been to a party.
This girl. My chest ached for her, and god, I wanted to protect her and show her everything she missed being the damn parent for her family. The only difference between her and I was that I had three years of fun before responsibility got in the way. She said it had been this way since she was seventeen? That… no. She needed the whole experience. I’d make sure of it.
I couldn’t tell her just to wear anything. She truly didn’t know.
Theo: your crop top and black jeans look amazing on you.
Audrey: Thanks, yeah, okay. I’ll see you soon.
So proper. So nervous. I could almost feel her nerves about this and the fact she trusted me? Yes. It felt good. I already wore a black shirt and jeans, perfect for a house party. And with that, I picked up some flowers for her and went to her dorm.
I’d had pre-game jitters before, where your body fluttered and the feeling felt surreal. Your heart beat a little faster, you sweated more, and every sense was heightened. This was like that but more. Us going public? Us… doing this thing, knowing who her brother was?
Nerves. Big ones.
I held flowers and stood outside Audrey’s dorm, a nervous smile on my face as Audrey opened the door. Her vanilla scent hit me first, then I drank her in. Her hair was down and curled, her lush waves falling over her shoulder. Her green eyes popped in color, like she’d put more makeup on than normal.
“Is this okay for a party?” she asked, her voice missing her usual snark. “I wasn’t sure.”
“You look perfect.” I leaned forward and kissed her softly, trying not to obsessively inhale the smell of her skin. People had smells, and she smelled divine. End of story. “Baby, you look gorgeous.”
“Thanks.” Pink tinged her cheeks, which brought out her green eyes, and I loved all her expressions. She twisted the end of her hair as her eyes widened at the flowers in my left hand. “Did you bring me flowers?”
I nodded and shoved them at her like a tool. Those nerves doubled in size, and I worried she wouldn’t like them. My high school girlfriend only wanted roses, but red tulips fit Audrey.
“They were mom’s favorite, and they reminded me of your hair.”
She grinned so hard and brought them to her chest. “I love them! Thank you, thank you so much. I’ve never… no one’s brought me flowers since my dad did when I turned sixteen.”
I entered her dorm and studied her as she stared at the red petals, her eyes a little glossy. Before my mom had her stroke, my dad would bring her flowers once a month. They made my mom so happy every single time. She acted surprised and thankful, and my dad would blush and hug her. Things were different now, but those gestures every single month always stuck with me.
Audrey chewed her lip, but her eyes lit up with joy as she put the flowers in an old plastic cup she had. “It’s not the nicest option, but I don’t have a vase. I want to put them right by my bed!”
God, my mom would love Audrey. Shit. I could totally bring Audrey to see her at the long-term care facility. I hadn’t gone to her in months…not because I didn’t love my mom but because it was too hard. The guilt that was always there flared. Maybe Audrey was the answer. The way to get over my fear of seeing her.
What the fuck…. I usually could push these feelings away and focus on the now, but with the red tulips and thoughts of my parents and Audrey’s happiness, the emotions were pushing out of the box.
“Hey, you’ve been quiet.” Her smile fell, and she walked toward me. She lifted her hand, dropped it, then put her hand on my forearm. “Are you okay? You usually talk way more than this.”
I cleared my throat and focused on the windowsill instead of her face. The concern and sympathy sitting there ruined the whole moment. She was so happy, and I’d ruined it. “I’ll be okay, just in my head.”
“Look at me.” She cupped my face this time, gently guiding my face toward hers. “Can you tell me what’s going on, so I can help? I know all your facial expressions, so something is bothering you.”
“Stare at me a lot?” I arched a brow, my emotions regulating faster around her.
“Yes, Theo. You’re kind of hot.”
“Kind of?”
She snorted and swatted my arm. “Okay, there you are. You’re back. What happened?”
I ran a hand down her side and gripped her waist, letting myself enjoy the heat of her exposed skin and the bravery of her going to the hockey house with me. It couldn’t be easy. “I haven’t visited my mom in two months. When you smiled at the flowers, it reminded me of her and how much she’d love you.”
Audrey nodded, like that explanation made perfect sense despite me holding out on all the guilt I had about it. “Do you want to visit her?”
My throat clogged as I nodded. “I haven’t been able to. I’d say I was busy, but I was avoiding it because she’s different now. She’s not… my mom.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” She slid her hand into mine, intertwining our fingers. “Because I will. I’ll be there for you. You’re the backbone for so many people, Theo, and I’ll be yours.”
“Fuck, I love—this.” I yanked her toward me and buried my face in her neck. “You are incredible, just… wanna stay here instead?”
She tickled my side. “No! It’s my first college party.”
“Why didn’t your brother every take you to one?” I asked the question that annoyed me. The guys always had siblings tag along for a beer pong day or just to chill. It was normal as hell.
“He liked to keep his worlds separate.”
“Well, I don’t.” I tilted up her chin and kissed her slowly. She tasted like mint and cherry, and I groaned when she slid her tongue into my mouth. Every single time Audrey initiated something with me, it felt like a gift. Her touch showed me how much she trusted me to give me this.
Her heart beat hard against my chest, and I slowed the kiss, not wanting to go too far before we left. I rested my forehead against hers, my breath coming out in heavy pants. “If you keep kissing me like that, we’ll never leave.”
She giggled and wiped the side of my mouth. “My lipstick got on you.”
“Good. Everyone knows I belong to you then.”
Her eyes widened. “It still feels surreal that we’re doing this, that you feel this way about me.” She trailed off, like I was supposed to finish the end of her ridiculous sentence.
When she didn’t finish, I pushed her hair behind her ear, my chest aching with how much I cared for her. “Because of my height? Or my sense of humor is too crude for you? That’s what you meant, right?”
She clicked her tongue. “You are witty, Sanders. I’ll give you that.”
“It’s amazing we found each other. Remember that. The fact you want to come with me tonight means so much, Audrey. Now, prepare for it to be a shitshow.”
We left the flowers in the dorm, and we made our way to the hockey house. I hoped Quentin wouldn’t show up or that Audrey would be okay if he did. Given the choice between her brother or me, there was no way she’d ever side with me. Not yet at least. I planned to show her and continue earning her trust, but we weren’t close yet. So, Quentin could derail it all.
Suddenly, I regretted asking the girl I was falling in fucking love with to come to the party. We were too new and fragile to survive an altercation, but the glow on her face, the way she kept smiling… I couldn’t deny her the chance of her first party. “Ready, baby?”
“I’m so nervous I could throw up. Yes! Let’s do it!”
I kissed the back of her hand and led us up the porch, where I vowed to give her the best party experience of her life.