Chapter 19
19
SCOTT
The meeting with Killough took all afternoon and into the night. He was furious, as he should be, and we worked together to figure out why our warehouse was raided. He talked to his insiders, and with what information we gathered, we came to the conclusion that the FBI had no idea who the printers truly belonged to. The last thing Killough needed was more law problems, especially after he went to jail early last year.
During the conversation, my gaze caught Deer’s necklace on the floor, shimmering like the half-million-dollar piece it was. When Killough had his back turned, I dipped to grab it and stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans. Fingers grazing the diamonds, I exhaled a shaky breath. It was a reminder of the conversation that happened with Deer, and my heart gave a painful throb.
Was I hurt? Yes.
Did I regret what I’d said? Also yes .
Usually, I kept my cool, but everything had happened so fast, and the sense of betrayal sent a raging fire through me. I’d been used for my money and connections more than once, and I detested feeling like a fool. It brought out the bitterness in me.
“Conall and I have a wedding to attend soon in Australia,” Killough said, breaking me from my thoughts.
I cocked my head.
He smirked. “It seems your old boss, Sweeney, fell in love with one of my men. He and Finn are getting married, and we were invited.”
I blinked, surprised by the news. Legend was gay, it was no secret, but I didn’t have him falling in love on my bingo card, and I especially didn’t expect him to move so quickly. Though, he was a passionate man. It made sense. That news brought my thoughts back to Deer, and my stomach churned at the memory of the pained expression on his face. Fuck.
“I want this figured out before we leave, and make sure there are no more issues while I’m gone.” He led me to the front door, opening it to make a point.
I gave him a curt nod and made my way over the threshold and onto the top step.
“Scott.” Killough’s voice hardened as I turned to look at him. He tugged at the lapels of his suit jacket, icy blue eyes narrowing. “I don’t know what went down with my nephew, but he is blood.”
“If you care about family, why didn’t you know where he was or what he was doing?” I raised my chin. Staying on a client’s good side was beneficial, especially when it came to the likes of Killough, but this was different. This was about Deer, who’d all but shattered my fucking heart.
The corner of Killough’s mouth quirked, and I suspected I’d irritated him. “His mother is manipulative, and that is putting things mildly. I had no right to those boys while they were in her care, and I have no doubt she fed them a lot of lies about me and Fionn. The only reason I had custody of Fionn was because she couldn’t handle his grief when my brother died. Didn’t even try.”
I shook my head. “Deer deserved better. Details are light on the ground, but his mother was horrible to him.”
He snorted. “Yeah, well, she has champagne tastes and now she has a beer budget. She’s always been a thorn in my side.”
“You could just kill her,” I said easily, aware of how sinister the words were.
That got a laugh out of him, one that lit up his entire face. “I don’t think her sons would forgive me if I did that, but trust me, I’ve thought about it. I always hated that Eoin married her. Those three boys are the closest thing I have left to my brother.” He straightened, tall and foreboding, his presence powerful just by standing there. “I wanted them in my life, but I figured their mother poisoned Diarmuid and Bellamy against me. She hated me. I think she always felt that I stole the spotlight from her husband.”
I’d heard a lot about Eoin Killough. His death had caused ripples throughout the entire Company. Security had tightened up after that, and Sloan had taken the business from one more Irish mob to fucking legendary as a result. It had set a fire in him.
“Diarmuid showing up here appeared to be a threat to Fionn, and I couldn’t allow that.” He pointed at me. “Now that I know he’s not here for his mother, I’m willing to have a discussion with him. He should’ve waited for me in my office.”
Fionn had come in not long after Deer left to tell us he was gone. Killough wasn’t mad, but he wasn’t happy about it, either.
“We’ll need to talk about him again soon,” he said.
I cleared my throat and inclined my head. “Yes, sir.”
He shut the door roughly, the hard click loud and final in my ears.
Damn it. Had I fucked up with Deer? Yes, but he’d hurt me. At no point had he told me he was a Killough. Surely, he should’ve said something when we pulled up at Sloan Killough’s house. He would’ve known where it was, right? We’d talked about his family multiple times, and he’d met Ryan Killough. He should’ve told me Ryan was related to him.
Yet, I’d messed up. I knew I did. I’d seen the betrayal in his expression when he’d stared at me, the deep pain that flashed in those brown eyes I loved so much. Words I now regretted had tumbled out of my mouth. Hoping to fix the problem with Killough, I hadn’t stopped to think about how what I’d said would affect Deer. For someone who was normally so levelheaded, I’d really blown things up.
I sighed and forced my legs to move. The snow from earlier was beginning to turn to slush, and my feet slipped and slid on the dirty white mush. Ironic. What was once beautiful had become contaminated. I fucking hated snow.
I made it to the Bugatti and got inside, closing the door behind me. Once I was settled behind the wheel, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and stared down at it. The screen stayed black, and when I tapped the side Power button, it was blank of messages and calls from Deer. Nothing. There were five or so from Avery, and a couple of emails from clients, but the one person I wanted to hear from hadn’t reached out.
I rubbed my cheek and stared up at the ceiling of my car. Was he home? Was he safe? He didn’t care enough to text me, but I didn’t blame him.
I brought up an encrypted app I used to send business messages and opened Zombie’s contact.
Scott
Have a blabbermouth somewhere. FBI found 3D printer warehouse. Find our problem.
I sent a few emails to clients, and when I was finished, I settled into my car, thinking about how I was going to approach this mess.
My phone buzzed, and relief spread through me like a bushfire as I checked my screen, but the emotion extinguished when I saw Avery’s name, which immediately made me feel guilty. Avery was my mate, and I never felt bad about talking to him.
I accepted the call. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“What the hell happened, Scott?” Avery’s angry voice filtered through the line, and then he huffed.
“What do you mean?” I sat up straighter.
“I called you five times to check in on you. Hashtag told me what happened with Killough’s warehouse. I was worried . When I couldn’t get you, I called Deer, and he told me everything. Fucking everything, mate. How could you do that to him?” Something slammed down on his side of the call, and I winced. “In front of his uncle?”
“He never told me who he was! I was fucking aggro, mate. More than that, I was fucking hurt. He lied to me.” I gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. “That can kill a man in these parts.”
“Did you ask him what his surname was?”
I froze. He’d told me it was Marshall and I’d believed him. I should have done more research. Killough had asked if I’d done a background check on Deer, too, and I hadn’t. I’d met him randomly in a bar. I didn’t think I had to. I’d seen an ID, but I knew how his business ran. I hadn’t thought to ask if it was a fake.
“That’s what I thought.” He groaned. “Fuck me dead. I’m not trying to knock you, but you bloody did wrong here.”
“He met Ryan Killough. He could’ve told me they were related.” I squeezed the leather of the wheel and sat back farther in my seat. Outside my front window, gray clouds clumped together in the night sky, and the moon was half covered. Another bout of snow was coming.
“Yeah, okay, he met the clown, but did he know you were working with that bleached blond wombat?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Not as far as I know.”
“Well, aren’t you an absolute wanker.”
I groaned. “Avery.”
“No. You just ruined the best thing that ever happened to you because your head was stuck so far up your tight arsehole.” More slamming and banging came through the line. Yep. He was crankier than an Eastern Brown, and I was glad I wasn’t in reaching distance. His tongue-lashing would be a lot more venomous. “I thought you were better than that. Now listen the fuck up. Get on your knees at Deer’s door and fucking grovel. I mean offer him the fucking world, or so help me, I will get on a plane and come and drag you there. You know I will. Grow a pair of gonads and man up, Scott.” The call went dead.
He was ropeable, the angriest I’d ever heard him. I knew he liked Deer, but I hadn’t realized they were this close.
“Fuck.” I dropped my phone in the middle console and leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes. What a huge cock up. As much as he gave me an arse kicking, Avery was right. No matter how much I was hurt by Deer not telling the truth, the entire situation was both our faults. I hadn’t asked directly for his last name after we’d started dating. With his line of work, it was silly that I’d counted on what he’d first told me and an ID being real. I tried not to push him into talking about his family, but it made sense now. His mom—Eoin Killough’s widow—and his brothers. Fionn Killough. I should’ve asked him to talk to me, and then perhaps I would’ve known about him earlier. My feelings for Deer wouldn’t have changed.
But I’d been so busy bedding him I’d left the rest to take care of itself.
I needed to see him, to grovel, as Avery had said. I didn’t know his apartment address, though. We’d spent all our time at my place as he basically lived there. I’d never asked where he lived. How had I never noticed he was such a vault?
I grabbed my phone and found Bryn’s number, calling her.
She answered after a few dials. “Hey, Scotty.”
Yep, she had no idea what had gone down yet. It was nice to hear her cheerful voice. “Hey, Brynnie. How are you, sweetheart?”
“I’m doing good. Sad about being back at school, but that’s life. I need an education.”
I smiled despite my chest aching. “You do. Hey, can you do me a favor? Deer’s gone back to his apartment, and I need to visit him. Can you text me the address?”
Silence fell on her end before she finally spoke. “You can’t ask him?”
I exhaled loudly. “We had a bit of a blue, and I wanted to apologize.”
“I’m assuming that means an argument, right? I’m starting to understand you more.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, a fight. I said some mean things, and it’s time for me to grovel.”
“You better,” she said rather fiercely. “Because he likes you a lot, and you might think he’s had things easy, but he hasn’t.”
“And I like him.”
“Mm-hmm. Okay, I’ll text it to you. Bye.”
I ended the call and started the Bugatti. I’d gotten out of Killough’s driveway when the message came through, and I input the address into my GPS system. He lived in Brooklyn, so it’d take a while to get there from Southampton. Between the actual distance and the traffic, I had time to settle in and think about what I’d say. Except nothing would be enough. I’d hurt him because he’d done the same to me. I’d lashed out and succeeded in what my irrational mind wanted to do, and now I had to make it up to him.
When I got closer to Brooklyn, I stopped at a late-night flower shop and picked up a bouquet of bloodred roses. The color was so rich the petals resembled crushed velvet. Next, I made a stop at a jeweler who owed me a favor to get the clasp on Deer’s necklace fixed. Hopefully, this would be enough to get my foot in the door.
Finding somewhere to park was hell, but when I managed to get an okay spot, I walked three blocks back to his apartment building. The outside was gray bricked and old, the gate falling off its hinges as I made my way through. The intercom was broken as well, with a note pasted on— Busted. Just enter. An unhappy prickle ran down my spine. That could be dangerous in this city.
I walked up to the third floor and paused at the brown door. 302 was painted on it in gold but peeling. I’d never visited a place like this, and the guilt currently twisting in my stomach intensified.
I knocked twice and took a deep breath.
From upstairs there was yelling and something crashed, and I winced. I couldn’t let Deer stay here. It was too dangerous and farther from his college than my place.
The door opened, and Deer appeared, eyes red and tear tracks staining his pink cheeks. He paused, jaw hardening, before he stepped back and slammed the door in my face, nearly crashing into my nose.
I flinched in surprise.
“Fuck off, Scott.”
“Deer, can we talk?” I knocked again.
“No,” Deer yelled, anger coating the word with so much venom it soaked into my bones and made me shiver. This wasn’t my cute, shy deer. This was a furious tiger of a man, ready to tear me to pieces. “I don’t know how you found me, but go away.”
“I brought you flowers.” I inwardly cursed. As if a gift would make all the pain I’d caused vanish. Perhaps I needed to get on my knees like Avery had suggested.
The door opened once more, and he ripped the flowers out of my hand, then slammed the piece of flimsy wood closed between us again.
“Bye.” The agony in his voice drove a knife straight through my heart. Fuck. How could I fix something like this?
I leaned my head against the door and closed my eyes, sighing. “I’m sorry. What I said was unforgivable, but I was in pain, too. I thought you’d lied to me on purpose, used me, and I love you so much that it broke my bloody heart that you did that. And then, I realized Killough didn’t know anything, and I was still so angry at you because you never shared any part of your life with me. I didn’t even know your real last name or where you lived, and yet I still loved you. Do you understand this could’ve ended in one of us being dead ? Hell, on a bad day, both of us ? Probably just me, though. Killough doesn’t seem inclined to shoot family members.”
Silence filled the space around us. Even the neighbors upstairs had fallen quiet, almost as though everyone was listening.
“I don’t do relationships because I don’t react well when I have a broken heart. I have this dangerous part of me that lingers inside, just below the surface, waiting to come out.” I laid a hand on my chest even though he couldn’t see it. “You saw what I did to that man at the Justina. That’s who I can become. I control my anger well. I’d never hurt you on purpose. I let my emotions win today and I shouldn’t have. Tell me how to make this right.”
More silence. Nothing. My heart throbbed, hammering against my ribs until it became painful.
“Avery says I should grovel.” I slowly sank to my knees and leaned back on my legs, opening my eyes again to stare at the door. I could force it open and go inside, make him listen, but I wanted him to make that choice. It had to be on his terms. “So, I’m here, groveling. Begging you to forgive me. I’m sorry, Fawn. I fucked up.”
For a moment, the stillness made me think he wasn’t there, but then the door opened, and he stood in front of me, eyes shiny with tears.
“I’m not a rug, Scott. You can’t walk all over me whenever you want. Wipe off your shoes. Get comfy. I might be shy, but I can take care of myself. I have for most of my life.” He scrubbed his cheeks angrily as some of the tears dripped down his creamy skin. “I don’t want your money or who you know or even where you live. I want you.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“I didn’t realize you were in business with my uncle. I thought about telling you about my family when I met Ryan, but so much was happening and I felt like a failure. My own uncle chose a distant cousin to work for him and never once came for me, his nephew. I had to live with Mom and her bitching about Fionn and Sloan and making me believe they hated us.” He shook his head. “She has a favorite, Bell. My older brother was wanted by my uncle, my younger brother was wanted by my mom, and then there was me and no one wanted me. Until you.”
I swallowed around a razor-blade sensation in my throat.
“But then, when I finally saw my uncle for the first time since I was an adult, you made me feel cheap. You embarrassed me.” He took a step back, more tears springing in his eyes. His shoulders shook. “I deserve better.”
“I know.” I clenched my teeth, angry at myself. What had I done to this sweet man? “Let me make it up to you. I’ll buy you anything.”
A wrecked sob spilled from his lips. “If you think that’ll make it all better, then....Well, I don’t know if I ever had your respect. Yeah, I asked for money for sex in the beginning, but we became boyfriends at the start of January. New year, new us . I love you. So much. And you destroyed me.” He pressed his hand to his nose. “It’s bad enough my family treated me like shit. I thought you were better, that you’d never make me feel like that. Why aren’t you better?”
I shot to my feet and yanked him into my arms, his face pressed against my chest. His sobs racked his whole body, causing him to tremble so hard it was difficult to keep him still. I kissed his head and his cheek.
“Fawn, I’m sorry. I love you so fucking much. I won’t ever do it again, I promise. Fuck. Tell me how to make it better. Want me to kick your uncle’s arse? I don’t care if he’s a rich client, I’ll do it.” I thickened my accent. “I’ll feed him to the crocs.”
A small chuckle slipped out of him. “Nooo. He’ll kill you first.”
That wasn’t a lie. Killough would bury me six feet under, but I’d die happy if I knew I was getting revenge for Deer. “What do you need?”
“You.” He pushed my chest so he could look up at me, the rims of his eyes bright red. “I needed you and it fucking hurt.”
“I know,” I whispered. “It’s time for a chinwag, huh? It’s time to be truthful.” I cupped his face and tilted his head back to lay a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth. “You tell me about your family, and I’ll tell you why I left Australia and what I’m running from.”
His eyes widened. “You’re running?”
I smiled sadly. I couldn’t be angry at him for not telling me who he was because I never told him anything either, did I? “Remember how I was shot?”
He nodded.
“That’s what I’m running from. That’s why I’m in the US.”
He licked his wet lips and glanced back into his apartment. Cringing, he waved his hand at the door. “Come in.”
This was a start.