Chapter 26 – Incident #9
Tuesday – October 17, 2023
Ash
A nurse was helping me look through the files. But I wished Chastity was back here. She was much more decisive than I was.
We’d been at it for more than an hour.
The nurse pulled up another file on the screen. I could either say yes or no. It was like Tinder, but for sperm. Although I guess in a way Tinder was also kind of for sperm...
I kept looking through the options.
Each one listed eye color, hair color, hair texture, skin tone, height, weight, blood type, ancestry, education, and hobbies. And there was a picture of each guy’s celebrity lookalike.
I thought they’d be easy to eliminate, but they all seemed like great baby daddies. And so many of them looked like Chris Hemsworth. My baby was gonna grow up to be a total hottie.
“This is so overwhelming,” I said. “How can I even choose?”
The nurse smiled. “A lot of people just go off a gut feeling.”
Well, my gut wasn’t weighing in right now. I kept going through them. They were all so impressive. One was a 6’4 Silicon Valley programmer that looked like Gerard Butler. Another was a nuclear physicist with three doctorate degrees. And then there was a song writer for the stars.
How was I supposed to decide if I wanted my baby to be a hunky genius or a creative prodigy? Which one would be most like Tanner? I pressed my lips together. Gah, I really wish I could just have Tanner’s baby...
I’d do anything to hold a little him in my arms. But I didn’t have time. I was ovulating any minute now, damn it!
“What if I can’t choose?” I asked. “Do I have to narrow it down?”
“You do. But not entirely. One thing a lot of couples are doing these days is the sperm cocktail approach. You choose three and let the strongest sperm win.”
“Oooh. Good idea. That way no one knows who the father is either. Like how firing squad executions use three guns with two blanks so no one know who actually killed the dude.”
“Uh...I guess?” She looked very disturbed.
Was it something I’d said? “I feel like we need some sort of tie breaker. Like do you have data about penis sizes? That seems like an important omission.” Oh my God, what did I just ask? I felt my cheeks turning red. I’d been hanging out with Chastity too much.
The nurse was nice about it though. She just laughed. “It is an important question. It should totally be on there. You don’t want your baby to have a weird small penis.”
“Exactly! ”
“You can actually get answers to that in phase two of the process. Speaking of which…shall we move on? We’ve been choosing for nearly two hours.”
Time flies when you’re choosing a baby daddy. “Yeah, okay. Let’s move on.”
“Just go down that hallway to the third door on your right and you can see who your partner chose.”
Awesome. I went down the hall to the third door on the right. Or had she said fourth? Yeah. Fourth. That was it. And it was labeled SPERM DONATIONS so it had to be right. I expected it to be another doctor’s office, but instead I was in a small room with some chairs around the side. And there were three black guys sitting there in hospital gowns. They were all total hunks. One of them even looked a lot like Orlando Jackson, but with slightly less veiny muscles.
These guys must have been the sperm donors that Tanner chose. I was surprised that he wanted to have a black baby. People would know it wasn’t his. Was that the point? Was he going to be a negligent father or something? Oh. Or maybe he was trying to prove that old people aren’t racist? Him helping to raise a black baby would certainly prove that. Although it seemed a bit extreme.
I awkwardly stared at them. What exactly was I supposed to do here?
Oh.
Ooooh.
Suddenly it all clicked. The nurse had said I’d get to compare cock sizes during phase two of the process. And the room was labeled SPERM DONATIONS. And the doctor had offered natural insemination…which was probably just sex.
Oh my God. I could feel myself starting to sweat. Was I just supposed to bend over and let these three guys take turns exploding inside of me?
Well, here goes nothing. “Hey there.” I waved. “I’m Ash. And I think you’re supposed to be giving me your sperm.”
All three of them stared at me.
Ah! Don’t look at me! Them staring just made me more nervous. I just needed to get to it.
I cleared my throat. “So which one of you has the biggest cock?” Wait. It didn’t matter. The nurse said I’d get a sperm cocktail of my top three. So it was time to cocktail it up.
“Never mind,” I said. “It doesn’t matter. We can just let the sperm fight it out.” I pulled my top off and dropped my skirt. It was a good thing I’d worn sexy lingerie to work today.
“Who wants to go first?” I asked.
One of the guys jumped up and dropped his hospital gown. His cock was huge. He walked right up to me, grabbed the back of my head, and pulled me into a searing kiss.
God, I was so fucking horny. Ovulation time made me feel crazy. I just needed to be filled. I grabbed his cock and started stroking him as he unclasped my bra.
I pulled back. “Excuse me, sir. I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate you kissing me.” I dropped to my knees and started sucking his cock. I needed to make sure it was properly lubricated for insemination .
He grabbed my head and shoved his cock down my throat.
The other two guys got up and dropped their hospital gowns. They slowly walked over to me.
Time for my cocktail. I grabbed their cocks and started stroking them, warming them up to inseminate me.
The door opened and Dr. Wang walked in. He stopped dead in his tracks and dropped his clipboard. “What are you doing?!” he screamed.
I pulled back. “I’m getting my sperm donation.” I kept stroking the two dicks in my hands. Why was Dr. Wang yelling? He was the one that suggested this. Oh, he probably hadn’t meant to walk in. I kept stroking my donors.
“This is NOT how you’re supposed to get a donation. Are you trying to get me sued for malpractice?!”
I awkwardly dropped the penises. “Well that was very unclear. Isn’t this phase two? Comparing dick sizes?”
“Dick sizes? What? Phase two is where you have the option to meet the donors. Not measure their penises with your mouth.”
Oh shit. “But your nurse told me to come in here and pick the one with the biggest dick to fill me.”
“She said that ?!”
“Well, not exactly, no. But the subtext was there. And I went to the third door on the right just like she said. Or was it the...”
“This is the fourth door. Out! Now!”
How had I gotten this so wrong? The three guys didn’t seem at all embarrassed. But I awkwardly gathered my clothes and got dressed as quickly as possible while Dr. Wang groaned and stared at the ceiling.
But this wasn’t my fault. Why had that nurse worded everything so weirdly?!
I cleared my throat and shook hands with the three guys. “It was lovely meeting you.” Shiiiiit. This was definitely Incident #9.
Dr. Wang stepped out of the room and yelled something.
I needed to get out of here before I got arrested. I sprinted out of the room and someone tackled me from behind.
***
I walked home with Tanner and Chastity. I tried to talk about the weather. And the next Giants game. And anything I could think of to fill the silence. But eventually I ran out of small talk words.
“So...what’d you do to get us kicked out?” asked Tanner.
“What makes you think I did something to get us kicked out?”
“We got escorted out by security.”
I laughed. “Psh. I don’t think that had anything to do with anything I may or may not have done to three unsuspecting donors. It’s probably just protocol. You can never be too careful when leaving a fertility clinic. There are probably tons of perverts lurking around there just looking for fertile women to breed. And baby snatchers. Tons of baby snatchers.”
“But they had so many great options for donors,” he said. “I picked out some that I thought you’d really like. ”
I know you did. Although I was still confused about why he wanted a black baby so badly. It would make it so obvious that it wasn’t his… What was his game here?
“Anyway, that place isn’t for me,” I said. “The files were so incomplete. I mean, no pictures? No dick sizes? How’s a girl supposed to choose like that?”
Tanner sighed.
Wow, he really wanted a baby. I hadn’t been sure he was on board, but I guess he was. Baby fever alert. He needs to cool his loins.
“Are you sure we can’t go back?” he asked.
“Absolutely not. I Incident #9ed...” my voice trailed off when he raised his eyebrows at me. “Just kidding. I didn’t do anything weird and no one tackled me in the hallway or anything.” I coughed because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Well, maybe another clinic will have more info for you,” he said. “There are a bunch in town. We should make appointments at all of them. Up our odds, don’t you think?”
Wow, he really did seem down with me getting filled with boner donor sperm.
I couldn’t believe how cool he was being about this. But I had to go and ruin it. “No. I can never go back to a fertility clinic. My fertility journey is ruined.”
“Fertility journey?” He shook his head. “Ash, it’s been a week.”
“The journey is ruined,” I said firmly.
“Just because they didn’t show dick sizes? It sure seems like something else happened to get us kicked out… ”
“Dick sizes are important, man,” Chasity finally chimed in. “You don’t want your baby daddy to be some tiny dicked uggo. Wait! The Society has lots of hot, brilliant dudes with big dicks. I just came up with the perfect plan.”
Tanner looked longingly over his shoulder back at the fertility clinic.
Baby fever indeed.
“Trust me,” said Chastity. “You’re both going to love this.”
As long as it didn’t lead to Incident #10…