Chapter 17 #2
She stopped.
“Had I not been engaged to Anne, would you have agreed to marry Lord Alveston?”
She breathed in the salty air. There was not enough to ease the burn inside her.
“Let us not stir up this turmoil even more, sir. It is already unbearable, and nothing can be changed. I am begging you. Do not insist on an answer.”
He bowed to her. “I shall not. Never again.”
Her eyes lingered on his before she forced a smile. He struggled to smile back, sealing a painful truce. Nothing more was possible.
The rain had stopped, and the sky had cleared quickly, though the wind was still blowing, as if pushing them apart.
As Elizabeth walked back towards her home and her life, she felt his eyes upon her. As she departed, she thought that it might have been just another of their dreams, after all.
∞∞∞
Soon after Elizabeth arrived at the cottage, the rain resumed, turning into a storm, more violent than Elizabeth had ever seen at the seaside—not unlike her sorrow and grief that were more powerful than anything she had ever felt.
The words they had spoken to each other had cut deeply into her mind and would never be forgotten.
The storm lasted through the night, as if to compete with the storm inside Elizabeth. Thunder and lightning assaulted the cottage until dawn, and the roaring of the waves was almost as powerful as the grief upon her soul. Almost.
A few miles away, in the middle of Brighton, Darcy did not even attempt to hide from the storm.
Alone, he stood on the balcony, allowing the rain and the wind to whip his face while he pondered everything he had discovered that afternoon.
Her previous hatred was easier to bear than her hopeless love, and her old anger was less painful than her sad surrender.
The sound of the storm was not enough to cover the recollection of her plea when she begged him not to insist on an answer. But he knew the truth. Just as he knew nothing could be changed, as she had said.
∞∞∞
When the storm cleared, the breeze was gentle yet cool, the sea as still as a mirror.
Exhausted from the most tormenting day and not a moment of sleep, Elizabeth stepped out of the house onto the beach to admire the sunrise.
The beauty was overwhelming, as were her emotions.
After so many months of turmoil, after she had heard him proclaim the power of his affection for her, she had eventually admitted her love for Darcy.
She had not confessed it in so many words, but she knew he had understood.
And they both comprehended it was too late for such acknowledgment, and that their mutual fondness must be concealed and disguised.
Indeed, they could not possibly be simply friends, at least not until time had diminished the strength of their affection.
At that thought, the claw in her chest tightened.
She had only begun to discover the taste of love, and she was already forced to hope it would disappear soon.
How long did it take such deep, strong regard to vanish or to turn into a mere, acceptable friendship?
Would she truly want that? What would be preferable?
To stop loving him and to hope his love for her had gone or to avoid being in each other’s company forever, as he had been trying to do for a year?
To all those questions, any answer was equally painful, and the grief ruined her spirits.
She felt ashamed for such considerations since she already had a path to follow in her life.
He had asked her if she would have agreed to marry Philip had he not been engaged to Anne.
To whom would such speculations be helpful?
She had given her word, and nothing would induce her to abandon Philip and Lady Kendal.
How could she choose between a felicity she had just discovered and a promise that would bring joy to so many people? How could she decide between her own pain and others’ suffering?
At that thought, her heart ached so much that she moaned.
What about him? What about Darcy? Could she hurt him?
Did he truly have hopes that involved them both?
Would he be able to break his engagement and hurt his cousin, his sister, and their entire family?
Could he face such a scandal? Could she ignore the loyalty she owed to Anne and Georgiana?
No, there was no hope, no choice, no chance.
She could only pray for him to find some tranquillity and as much happiness as he deserved.
As for her, if she might see him on occasion, even if from afar, she might be content.
She had the memories of everything they had shared to comfort her, including their last encounter.
∞∞∞
A revelation came to Darcy with the new day after the storm.
Staying longer in Brighton would bring no good to anyone.
When he had brought Anne and Georgiana to the town, he had decided to stay for only as long as was necessary to get them settled.
He had since ignored that plan, and the consequences were as devastating as he had feared. It was time to end the distress.
“I will leave by the end of the week,” he informed his family during breakfast.
“Leave? Why? Where will you go?” Georgiana enquired with worry.
“To London first. Then my schedule is undecided. I shall inform you about my plans as soon as they are clear.”
“But why so suddenly?” Anne continued. “Has something occurred?”
“It is not sudden. Please remember that I planned to bring you here but not to stay. I have already delayed too long. So, unless you need me to remain, I shall leave.”
“We do not need you—not in a manner that would force you to abandon your plans,” Anne said.
“Thank you.” Darcy smiled at her warmly. “As soon as we all return to London, we should discuss our plans for the wedding too. It is time.”
“True. It is time,” Anne said quietly.
“Cousin, do you wish me to join you?” the colonel interjected.
“Not necessarily. Do not change your plans for me. Perhaps it would be better if you remained with Georgiana and Anne, to keep them company.” In truth, he preferred to travel by himself, as he was still uncertain of his destination.
“When do you intend to leave, Brother? You will be dearly missed. I am certain you know that,” Georgiana declared.
“I have not decided upon a date for my departure, but it will likely be later this week.” He was still uncertain.
He knew that leaving was the right decision, but he had not yet gathered the resolve to part from Elizabeth.
Even knowing she was in the same town was more soothing than the idea of not being able to see her at all. But it had to be done. Soon.