Chapter 18 #2
“I had a long conversation with Anne today.”
Yes, it was as she expected. They had set the wedding date. But why would he insist on telling her now, in the middle of the night?
“She is well, I hope?” was all she could say.
“She asked my permission to break the engagement and to marry Richard.”
Elizabeth stared at him in utter shock. She forgot to breathe and her heart pounded. What did he just say?
She swayed on her feet and leant against him, seeking support. He closed his arms around her protectively. For a moment, neither moved. The warmth of this first embrace enfolded them, intoxicated them.
She finally lifted her eyes to his face, and his stare was there, waiting for her.
“But why? How?” she asked, dumbfounded, finally separating from him. His hands were still holding her arms and she did not object.
“I was equally shocked, as I did not suspect anything of the kind. But I cannot pretend to have been attentive lately.”
“This is most unexpected. And what did you say? You must have been upset at such a request.”
“Upset? I was stunned. Then relieved,” Darcy admitted.
She took a few steps away from him and sat on the ground, under a tree. He joined her, his horse waiting patiently nearby.
“Last year, when I left Rosings, I was angry, unreasonable, offended, shocked. My temper has often betrayed me in the past, but I have usually managed to control it. That time I failed. When my aunt wrote to me that Anne was ill and that it was my fault, I returned. I spoke to Anne, and she begged me to take her to town as she was lonely and feared she would die without knowing anything of the world. But my aunt would not agree unless we were engaged to be married. And, since I had no other prospects and I believed I had ruined all my chances of happiness, I accepted.”
“So it was my fault?” she whispered.
“Your fault? Not at all! I was the only one to blame. Had I considered the situation more thoroughly, had I not allowed my wounded pride to lead my reasoning, had I been more patient, things would have been different now. Perhaps for both of us.”
The last words were barely comprehensible, and she lowered her eyes. She could not contradict him and agreeing on such a painful matter would only bring more grief.
“I knew Anne was not any more ready or willing to marry than I was. We prolonged the situation as long as possible, but Aunt Catherine persisted. She kept writing to us, and we have been expecting a visit from her. Anne and Richard were always easy with each other, but we all know him. Marrying Anne and becoming a loyal husband was rather unlikely.”
“Did you speak to the colonel? Forgive me, but I am worried about Anne. I would not wish to think she might be hurt.”
“Your affection for Anne is commendable, but it seems there is no reason for worry. My dear cousin is stronger and wiser than I believed her to be. She is certain that Richard will be a good, caring husband, that they will enjoy each other’s company, and she does not oppose his…
occasional amusements with his old friends, as long as it does not harm their marriage and good name.
I do not doubt any of these statements. He is an honourable man, and his affection for Anne is genuine. ”
“So what will you do now?” she enquired, still astonished.
“They begged me to keep the secret, so only you and Georgiana know. Richard will come to town with me to apply for a special licence. It will be my testimony that I willingly release Anne from the engagement. Georgiana and Anne will come to London in a few days. And only then, when all is settled, shall we announce it to our families.”
“But is Anne well? What of her illness? What does the doctor say?”
He paused. “Anne has had a weak constitution since she was a child. We never knew what her illness truly was. But lately, she seems to have improved. Even her complexion proves that. The doctors are pleased with her progress, and the sea bathing has helped her significantly.”
“I did notice the same,” Elizabeth agreed. “If I had not previously known her, I would have assumed she was in good health.”
“Richard and I will both take care of her, always. She will receive the best treatment if she needs it. She was brave enough to tell me she expects herself to die young, like my mother. And that was another reason for choosing Richard. She said she did not wish to trap me at her side, as I was free to choose a wife to my liking any time. But Richard could not afford it, so a marriage of convenience would suit them both. And if she dies, he will inherit her fortune and be happy afterwards. She told me all of this with perfect serenity.”
“Oh, dear Lord!” Elizabeth exclaimed, suffering for her admirable friend.
“Anne is quite remarkable,” Darcy admitted. “My only demand of Richard was to make her a blissful marriage, and I am sure he will.”
They were talking like two trusted friends when suddenly a revelation struck Elizabeth, and a sharp claw clutched at her chest.
“So, you are not marrying Anne?” She could barely hear her own weak voice.
“No.”
She looked at him, their eyes unwilling to leave each other’s, then she unexpectedly hurried to her feet. He would not marry Anne, so she did not have to worry for her friend. He would not marry Anne, she repeated to herself. This is why he hurried to me in the middle of the night.
“So what will you do now?” she enquired. “I know you will go to London. You must.”
“I will go to London with Richard. But I may return if you wish me to. I am free to speak my mind. I am free to love you. No, that is untrue. I have loved you for a long time already. I am free to admit my love to you and to profess it aloud.”
“Please do not say that,” she interrupted him, turning her back to him. “I am begging you.”
“Forgive me. I know I have no right to speak so, as I have no right to be here. I know you are not free to listen to my words. I am not even sure whether you are willing to accept them.”
She found the courage to face him again, and he gently took her hands. She did not withdraw them, although she knew she should.
“I am not free to listen to your words, sir, but I am grateful and happy to hear them. I have never felt such joy, nor such sadness.”
He brought her hands to her chest.
“What do you want me to do? Tell me,” he pleaded.
“Whatever you wish to. As you said, you are free.”
“I want to stay with you. But I shall leave at once if you want me to. Whatever you choose. I know I have no right to be here,” he repeated. “I have no right to hold your hands.”
“I could not possibly ask you to stay, but I do not wish you to leave. Not now. You will leave tomorrow. But now, I would like a little more time. Only a little more.”
“I will stay until you send me away. But we must find a more secluded place. We might be seen from the house if someone searches for you.”
“I am not ashamed to be seen with you,” she declared. It was the truth, and there was even a drop of hope in that statement.
Her hands were still in his, close to his chest. He pressed his lips upon her wrists, briefly, tenderly, softly, and she allowed her hands to be spoilt by his caresses.
“Could we go somewhere private? Only for a little while,” she pleaded, blushing at her daring.
He kissed her palms. “Of course. There are so many paths through the grove—wherever you choose.”
He finally released her hands, and she regretted the loss of his touch.
“But what if they come to look for you?” he repeated. “To me, it would matter not. I will selfishly admit that I pray this is our fate.”
“I make my own decisions, and even if they are poor, I bear the consequences. It makes me happy to speak to you. I cannot return home, nor ask you to leave. Not yet.” Her voice trembled, but her determination was apparent.
“Should we stay here?” he offered.
“Anywhere will do. If it were not so far away, I would go back to the bay, but it would take the entire night to walk there and return.” She sat, staring at the sea.
She did not know what she wanted; her heart was still heavy, and her mind blurred.
It was warm, and not even the smallest breeze came to cool her.
He was still standing, staring at her, and her eyes lifted to his.
“Do you trust me?” he enquired, and she startled, then nodded.
“Would you let me take you to the bay? Ride with me there?”
He knelt in front of her.
“I do not ride, and I have no horse,” she said, a strange sensation stirring inside her.
“Do you trust me?” He stood again, stretching out his hand to her. She took it and rose to her feet, their hands locked.
He whistled, and the horse approached.
“Shall we?” he asked, and she smiled nervously.
“Yes!” At that moment, she was ready to go anywhere with him.