Chapter Three
It had been three hours and Ridge’s heart still raced.
He had no idea what would happen next. When he had stormed that studio, he hadn’t had a plan.
His feet had simply carried him to Shadow and his temper took over.
Shadow hadn’t pushed him away. He touched his lips.
Shadow had even kissed him back. God help him.
It was everything he remembered. His heart might not survive this. He didn’t deserve a second chance.
It had been a month since they left that hellhole.
Thirty long days and nights since he learned why Edge had been taken and tortured.
Since he had learned the truth about the commander’s nightly visits.
He hadn’t stopped feeling sick since. Ridge could barely look at Edge.
Edge had known the commander had been forcing Rain to sexually service him.
The guy had known and still he had loved Rain.
He hadn’t blamed Rain. Edge had passed a test Ridge hadn’t.
He had been tortured in every way for weeks for his love.
Edge was so much more of everything than Ridge would ever be.
Then there was Shadow. Fuck. Shadow had known everything.
Witnessed everything. He had been forced to watch and stay silent.
Shadow had kept Rain’s secret even when it cost him their relationship.
How was Ridge supposed to apologize for that?
He couldn’t. Shadow shouldn’t forgive him.
He hated this. His eyes wouldn’t budge from watching Shadow sleep.
They barely had money for a single hotel room.
They were all stuffed inside, taking turns getting the beds, but they were warm and could sleep.
Ridge was way too close to Shadow. He could make out every flawless detail.
Damn. He still remembered the first time he saw Shadow.
Shadow and Rain had been doing their ballet lessons since that would be their cover career when they were sent into the world.
Shadow moved so flawlessly in time with Rain.
He was dark to Rain’s light. Ridge had never wanted to be touched as badly before that moment. He hadn’t stopped aching since.
Shadow mumbled in his sleep. Several bodies stirred.
Ridge quickly scooted closer before Shadow had everyone awake.
He gently urged Shadow into his arms. The sigh of contentment that fell from Shadow’s full lips had Ridge going hard.
He didn’t care about that. They had all been taught iron-clad control.
His heart was another matter. The shattered pieces of that stupid organ rattled in his chest. Shadow was supposed to be right here—in Ridge’s hold.
Ridge had never felt so trapped. He couldn’t speak or move.
All those years imprisoned, and nothing had ever made him feel this helpless.
Shadow’s chin turned upward.
Ridge stared at him, aching. He couldn’t stop himself.
Ridge lightly swept his lips across Shadow’s mouth.
The pain that exploded inside him made him wonder if it was the end.
Not a single breath would fill his lungs.
The first tear fell, followed by another.
He hadn’t cried since he was a baby. There was no stopping the flow now.
He had lost this, and it was completely his fault.
For not the first time, Ridge wondered if he had served his time. Maybe he had suffered enough to pay for his crime. Only Shadow could decide, and Ridge had left the choice in his hands. Now all he could do was wait. It was hell.
When Ridge still hadn’t crossed paths with Shadow again for the night, he gave up and headed for his bedroom.
Shadow’s bedroom door was closed, but it always was.
He thought about sneaking in, but he couldn’t do that.
Ridge had to let Shadow make the next move.
If Shadow didn’t, then maybe Ridge could finally move on.
He flipped on his bedroom light as soon as he walked through the door.
Ridge immediately turned it off again. Shadow slept soundly in Ridge’s bed.
Ridge ran through his nightly routine, even going as far as to brush his teeth with no light but the bathroom nightlight.
He had never been more scared Shadow might disappear.
Ridge had also never gotten ready for bed faster.
He eased into bed next to Shadow, doing his best not to wake him.
When Shadow immediately snuggled closer in his sleep, Ridge’s throat swelled.
He didn’t know what this move by Shadow meant, but it felt a hell of a lot like they weren’t over.
That was more than he had expected. It was everything he hoped.
A warm body stirred beneath him. The familiar sound of Ridge’s heartbeat thumped against his ear.
His scent surrounded Shadow. Without an ounce of permission from his brain, Shadow’s hand slid across Ridge’s perfect stomach.
He was scared as hell to hope after that kiss.
Ridge had said Shadow was his. Did Shadow want that?
Truthfully, he had always belonged to Ridge.
It was just that he didn’t know how to bridge the gap between them.
So much anger and hatred on both their parts had kept them apart for a long time.
It had taken Shadow much longer than he expected to forgive Ridge.
“You should’ve told me.”
Shadow’s jaw hurt from grinding his teeth. “I promised Rain I wouldn’t. Unlike some people, when I give my word, I keep it.”
Ridge flinched, and Shadow knew his words had hit their mark.
Maybe it wasn’t the same. Shadow didn’t know.
But Ridge had vowed to love him forever and swore they would marry someday, even if they had to do so in secret.
Now look at them. Before Rain’s secret came out, Ridge hadn’t even looked at him since dumping him.
Shadow didn’t know how to get past that. He was so fucking angry.
“Do you know the worst part?” Shadow didn’t wait for an answer.
“Either you thought I would willingly touch that twisted old man, or you didn’t care if I was willing.
I was still dead to you.” There was no way Ridge knew how that realization had eaten at him.
He already knew he would love Ridge until the day he died.
But Shadow didn’t like him any longer and there was no going back. Ridge had killed something inside him.
“I’m sorry. There’s no excuse. I know that.”
Shadow cocked his head to one side and studied Ridge. All he felt was the same helpless fury he had endured since he watched Ridge walk away.
A sad smile tugged at Shadow’s lips. “It must be nice to be you. You get to say you’re sorry and it goes away. But I have to live with everything you broke.”
Ridge looked ready to punch him. “Do you really think this isn’t killing me? That it hasn’t always wrecked me?”
Shadow took a breath. It sounded shaky. He hated that. Shadow wanted to feel nothing, but this was something he felt all the way to his soul—the betrayal.
“I don’t want to fight. It’s in the past. You’ve said your apologies. We can get on with our lives.” Shadow tried to walk away. He had ballet rehearsals.
Ridge stepped into his path. “This isn’t over. We’ll never be finished. Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll walk away, but I know you still love me. Something this big doesn’t die.”
Shadow held Ridge’s stare. The hope and pain in his gorgeous eyes nearly took Shadow to his knees. “Then walk away, because you killed the love in me a long time ago.”
It had been a lie. An angry lie. One Shadow hadn’t known how to take back.
A new bitterness had grown between them.
It had been made so much worse by Zeus. Tracker had been looking for more people like them.
He had made it his mission to learn the names of all the spies already launched into society.
In Zeus’ case, Tracker’s amazing hacking abilities had met their match.
Zeus had turned up at their door, ready to kill whoever had been hunting him to protect his identity.
Shadow had taken one look at Zeus and hope had filled his chest for the first time in years.
Little had he known caring for Zeus would be every bit as heartbreaking.
It seemed anyone with Ridge’s face would crush him.
Each time Shadow held Ridge like this, he felt whole. Every time Ridge pretended it didn’t happen broke Shadow a little more. He was scared as hell Ridge would sneak away again, even from his own bed.
“Do you remember the first time we met?”
Shadow smiled at the sound of Ridge’s groggy voice.
“You were at our lunch table. I couldn’t look directly at you when walking toward you.
It was like staring at the sun. Yet I couldn’t stop my eyes from sliding your way.
My body kept moving closer. Then you spoke to me, leaving me with no choice but to meet your stare.
I don’t even know what you said. All I could hear was the sound of my pulse beating in my ears. ”
Ridge’s body shook with laughter. “I accidentally asked you to sit on me instead of with me. You still said yes.”
Shadow’s face hurt from smiling. “It’s no wonder the rumors about our little group spread like wildfire.
” They had known they were different. Shadow had known his entire life he liked boys.
No one else had known but Rain. Yet somehow, they still found each other.
One after the other, their group had gotten larger until they drew too much attention to themselves. All of it felt like a lifetime ago.
“As I recall, I did both.”
Ridge shook harder with laughter.
Shadow’s throat unexpectedly tightened. “You were the only thing keeping me going in that place. You were the only person who saw me. Saw how they were destroying me with each kill. Now there’s nothing left of me. I’m exactly what they wanted me to be. Without you, I gave up.”