Chapter Sixty-Three
Lilac
The doorbell rings, and Irvin rushes to open it. Jameson stands in the archway with a bag of fast food.
Irvin invites him in, and I rush up to Jameson, hugging him as hard as I can.
Irvin clears his throat, and that is my cue to let Jameson go.
I smile. “What kind of food did you bring me?”
“Irvin told me your favorite food is baked potatoes and scallops.”
“It is.” I clear my throat. “Thank you for bailing Irvin out and rescuing me.”
I take the bag from him, and Jameson stares at me like I have three heads.
“What?”
He clears his throat, watching Irvin slowly. “Are you okay? I mean… you were out of it when you killed Emerson.”
I nod. “I’m fine.”
“Good. I thought we lost you, mentally.” His voice breaks. “Lilac… I mean, I care a great deal about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re a good person, Lilac. Caring.” He eyes Irvin. “If you weren’t with hi—”
“Choose your words carefully,” Irvin warns. “Or I will forget that you’re my friend and cut out your tongue, Jameson.”
My eyes widen. My cheeks heat.
Irvin called him his friend. That’s new.
“I’m just glad you’re okay, beauty.”
“I am. Really. Do you want to have lunch with us?”
Irvin stands next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Next time. I have to meet Raven’s parents for this family dinner.”
He turns on his heel and walks toward the door.
“Wait,” I say.
He stops but doesn’t turn.
“You should get to know Raven. I think you’re being hard on her. I thi—”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“She reminds me too much of Bailey.”
The silence stretches, then Keanu passes Jameson on his way out.
Keanu yanks his gun from his holster and aims it directly at me. I stare at him. Not scared. I don’t flinch. I stare. Eyes wide.
“You’re the reason my ice petal is in a coma. Her mother is trying to pull her plug, and I ca—”
I let the tears fall down my face.
Irvin nudges his gun to Keanu’s temple.
“I’ll paint this living room red with your blood,” Irvin spits.
Keanu lowers his gun.
I hear Irvin cock his.
“No, Irvin. Don’t kill him.” I place my trembling hand on the metal.
Now Irvin lowers his gun.
I don’t ask him to lower it because I want Keanu spared. I ask because I’m afraid of what I’d become if I were the cause of another death. I’m afraid this urge—to hurt someone—will keep coming back.
And he’s right. It is my fault that my best friend is in a coma.
I slowly walk toward Keanu. I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.
“I’m sorry, Keanu. I’m so sorry for what happened to Winter. I’m sorry for what Emerson did to her.”
He stands there awkwardly.
“I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would, Keanu. I understand your pain.”
I release him and lean back against the wall.
“Get the fuck out of my house,” Irvin says coldly. “If you ever raise your gun to my wife again, she won’t be able to stop me from blowing out your brains.”
Keanu slams the door.
Irvin sits beside me on the couch, and I rest my head on his lap.
It would’ve been so easy to kill Keanu—just like last time. I felt calm. Too calm. Irvin makes killing feel logical. Reasonable.
His fingers stroke the back of my head. He believes it was right that I killed Emerson, and that if I’d let him kill Keanu, he would’ve been justified.
I open a door inside myself, the one I can’t close.
I realize I’m no longer Paige.
I’m no longer the scared teenager who lived in fear, always on edge, always waiting for her life to be snatched away.
I’m Lilac Ashford now—aware of who I am.
I’m the girl who conquered the real monster that haunted me for years.
The girl still consumed by darkness, but who doesn’t act on it.
I love the new me. The damaged me.
Irvin leans down and kisses my cheek.
I sit up and grip his hand. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Irvin, I need to tell you something.”
He straightens his shoulders.
I smile faintly. “I had a sexual relationship with Emerson, and it turned destructive. He raped me. He was obsessed with me beyond reason. I didn’t know he was part of a secret society that killed my parents.
I fell in love with a psychopath. And I—” I swallow.
“I manipulated him the night my parents were murdered.”
“It’s not—”
“No. I need to be honest.”
I take a breath. “He wanted us to be public. I told him no—my parents wouldn’t approve. They were wealthy, high status. Everyone knew them. It would’ve destroyed their image.”
My throat tightens. “I told him that if my parents were gone, we could be together. I didn’t mean it. I was trying to break up with him. It was an excuse. He was always forceful. He never knew when to back off.”
My heart pounds. I swallow my tears before continuing.
“I remember him leaving my bedroom. Then—before I knew it—I heard gunshots. I ran downstairs and saw my parents’ bodies on the floor.”
Irvin doesn’t blink. Doesn’t flinch. He just listens.
“I asked him what he’d done. He told me we could be together now. He tried to convince me it was my fault, that it wasn’t supposed to end like this.” I inhale sharply. “I didn’t know what he meant at the time. He was talking about the secret society.”
I steady myself.
“I told him I wasn’t going to be with him. I wasn’t going to marry him. He was furious. He tried to kill me that night. I ran all the way to the police station and turned him in.
“It made headlines everywhere. I had to disappear. So I faked a death certificate—said Paige died by suicide.”
Irvin cups my face and kisses me softly.
“I’m Lilac now. Paige is dead. Paige was running from her past. Lilac embraces it. She accepts what happened. She has now faced her past.”
Irvin yanks me into his arms. “I’m proud of you, Lilac Ashford. So proud of my princess.”
I’m proud of myself too.
And I accept all of me.
The good.
The bad.
The darkness.