19. Harrison
NINETEEN
Harrison
The walk back felt brief, yet every step seemed charged with something unspoken. As we crossed the street, I couldn’t resist the urge to press my hand gently against the small of her back, savoring the subtle connection. When I unlocked the hotel room door, we stepped inside and the atmosphere shifted. Despite the lightheartedness of our stroll, an unfamiliar tension hung between us, palpable and electric. I glanced at her, wondering if she felt it too.
“That was nice,” she said, dropping her bag to the table on her side of the perfectly made bed.
I nodded slowly as I watched her reach awkwardly behind her, trying to grasp at her zipper.
I tensed as I watched her struggle before she finally let out an exasperated sigh.
“Shit,” she mumbled, before turning to look at me uncertainly. “Would you mind?”
I flexed and unflexed my hands as I walked over to her.
Play it cool. You are not on literal fire right now at just the thought of touching this woman.
My fingers closed around the zipper, my knuckles brushing the silky skin of her back in the process. Her whole body shuddered, and goosebumps prickled her perfect skin.
Slowly, I pulled the zipper down. When I reached her lower back, I knew I should stop. Instead, I hesitated. When she didn’t pull away, I continued, drawing the zipper all the way down. Her dress came open and I could just see the top of her lacy underwear.
“Fuck,” I breathed, unable to help myself. I traced a finger up her spine, savoring the feeling of her skin.
“What are you doing?” she whispered, still not stepping away from me.
“Nothing smart,” I muttered. My hand dipped toward the curve of her waist and I gripped her lightly, spinning her toward me.
She came willingly and stared up at me, her eyes reflecting the same lust that had to be in my own.
“Tell me this is a bad idea,” I breathed, reaching up and softly running my finger along her bare collarbone.
She licked her lips. “Is it such a bad idea?” She released the hand that had been clutching the top of her dress to her chest. The blue fabric dropped away, revealing a flimsy, black lace strapless bra.
I let out a sharp exhale, and the finger that traced her collarbone migrated down to trace the top of each of her perfect breasts.
She whimpered at my simple touch and that was enough to set me off completely. Without a second thought, I moved my other hand to the nape of her neck and tipped her head back before kissing her. Her lips were soft, and she tasted just as sweet as I imagined. I pressed against her and I couldn’t resist moving one hand to her back, letting it fall until it hovered over her ass. I squeezed it gently. The way she bit down on my lip in response had me grinning against her mouth.
“I’ve always wanted to do that,” I said, before binding my lips back to hers and taking the opportunity to slip my tongue inside her mouth. If you asked me yesterday about kissing Lila, I would have convinced everyone, even myself, that I had never thought about it. But doing it now felt like I was living out a very real, very suppressed fantasy. Her soft frame fit perfectly against mine, and every touch felt like something I had wanted to do forever.
To my absolute delight, she backed us both up until she was against the wall. That just got me fired up even more, and I hitched her leg up against my hip. I almost lost my mind when she started grinding against me.
She grabbed my shirt collar, my shoulders, the back of my head; anything to bring us even closer together. She panted as she tangled her fingers in my hair.
“Shit, I want you so bad,” I said.
“Then take me,” she said, already trying to unfasten my belt. “I’ve thought about this so many times.”
She likes you, you know?
Lila’s admission and Oliver’s words from earlier hit me like a ton of bricks. I froze, but didn’t back away as Lila continued to kiss me, moving her lips to my neck.
“Hold on,” I breathed, trying to regain control.
“What? Why?” she questioned before sucking on my earlobe and almost causing me to lose all cohesive thought.
“Just hold on a minute,” I said, more forcefully this time. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed myself away so I could look her in the eyes.
She searched my face, looking for answers.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It’s just...I just...” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “The wrong idea? What, like you don’t want to have sex with me right now? Because, sorry to tell you, if that’s not the idea you were going for, you were very much giving all the wrong signals.”
“No, it’s not that. Trust me, I do very much want to pin you up against this wall and feel your body writhe underneath me.”
She shuddered at the thought, then shook her head. “Then what is it? Why did you stop?”
“I don’t want anything more.”
Her expression dimmed, and I realized I was about to dig my own grave, but I couldn’t stop. Every fiber of my being screamed that I would regret this, but the words spilled out anyway.
“Oliver mentioned...he said something about you liking me, or something? I don’t know, he’s probably full of shit. You know Oliver. But yeah. He said you might have a crush on me, and I don’t want—” I held up my hands and gestured between the two of us. “I don’t want to lead you on right now.”
The desire had been completely extinguished from her eyes. Now her cheeks were flushed for a different reason.
“He said that?”
“Yeah,” I breathed. She shrugged away from me, and I wasn’t prepared for just how fucking empty I’d feel at her absence.
“So, just to be clear, you were hoping for a quick vacation fuck, and then we’d never speak of it again?” she questioned, striding to the other side of the room and ripping open the dresser drawer before grabbing a T-shirt and throwing it on.
“That’s not— no?—”
“You’re right, maybe I did have the wrong idea. Because I thought spending hours opening up to each other might actually mean something to you.”
“I never said I wanted a relationship,” I replied, hating the immense distance that was rapidly forming between us. I searched for something to say that would make this alright, but I came up empty.
“I didn’t either,” she said with exasperation, pacing the room. “I mean, okay, well, technically I did. But I never said—nor implied—that I wanted one with you .”
“I just?—”
She held up a finger from across the room.
“And just because I want a relationship doesn’t mean I’m some desperate person who expects every guy she sleeps with to propose.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” My words were weak and I felt sick with remorse. This was all wrong, but I didn’t know how to make it right.
She cradled her forehead and shook her head. “No, you were right to stop. This was stupid. I mean, where could this possibly lead?”
I could think of a lot of good places that what we were doing might lead to, but I thought better of saying anything and snapped my mouth closed.
“This is the trip getting to us. We’re in a romantic setting and we had a nice dinner. It tricked us into thinking we wanted to have sex with each other.”
“Did it? Because I?—”
“Nope, stop talking.” She waved a hand at me. “Do me a favor. Let’s never speak of this again, okay? Okay.”
With that she stormed past me and went straight for the bathroom, leaving me standing there feeling like a massive idiot. Especially since I didn’t even truly believe what I’d said.
Maybe I wasn’t worried that Lila would get the wrong idea.
Maybe the ideas already swimming through my own damned mind were the things starting to scare the shit out of me.