20. Lila
TWENTY
Lila
“How am I supposed to face him?” I hissed, holding my phone close to my face and pacing across the hotel patio. Meanwhile Charlie gawked at me from the other end of the line.
“I can’t believe you two actually almost hooked up.”
“We were literally one move away from hitting the bed.” I groaned just thinking about the events of last night. After I had finally come out of the bathroom, my tail between my legs, Harrison was already in bed either pretending to sleep or actually conked out. Either way, I was grateful I didn’t have to face him. After securing a pillow barrier between us, I lay awake on my side of the bed for hours, replaying every second of the humiliating experience before exhaustion finally took over.
“Oliver called it,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Oliver? I’m going to kill him,” I spat. “Put him on the phone. Do you know what that little troll did?”
Charlie opened her mouth to guess, but I continued before she had the chance.
“He told Harrison that I had a crush on him. I mean, what the hell? I know they’re best friends, but I thought he had some sort of allegiance toward me.”
Charlie winced.
“What?” I demanded, taking in her guilt-ridden face.
“I told Oliver I thought you might like Harrison,” she admitted.
My lips parted as I stared at my backstabbing best friend. “How could you?”
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t like this whole thing to betray you or something.” She said, waving her hands and pacing on her end as well. “I just said I noticed you always looked at him. I don’t know, Lila. You’re my best friend. I know what you’re like when you find a guy attractive. I thought it was harmless to tell Oliver. I didn’t think he would actually say something to Harrison.”
“They’re best friends!” I whisper-shouted. “And roommates. Also, Oliver can’t keep anything to himself. Of course he was going to tell Harrison.”
“Sorry,” she said weakly.
Sighing deeply, I massaged my forehead with my free hand. “It’s not your fault,” I muttered. “You weren’t completely off the mark.”
“I know,” Charlie said sadly, trying to give me an encouraging smile.
There was no use obsessing over what had happened last night. What was done was done. And it wasn’t like Harrison hadn’t wanted me. I could take a little solace in that fact. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was going to say to him, mind you, but we only had two days left on this trip. Unfortunately, if the past two days were any indication, these next two would feel more like two weeks.
“Anyway.” I finally sighed and slumped into one of the deck chairs. “Enough about me and my predicament. Tell me about Fiji.”
Charlie gave me all the details for the next twenty minutes before graciously wishing me good luck and ending the call.
I set my phone on the table next to me and stared out at the sea lapping against the shoreline. My brain urged me to go get an espresso, but my body was still too wired just thinking about last night.
Would Harrison pretend like it didn’t happen? Would he want to talk about it? Both options sounded equally unappealing. If he never mentioned it again, then I would know for sure that I had absolutely zero effect on him. But at the same time, bringing it up—just to be essentially rejected again—also sounded awful.
And the worst part was that my top-secret crush, the one I had never told anyone about, was somehow public knowledge. Or at least public lore. Which wasn’t even fair, because it’s not like I could control it. Trust me, if I had the power, I would certainly not be crushing on a guy like Harrison. Despite how far we’d come on this trip, there was no way he could ever be the kind of guy that I needed.
He definitely didn’t remind me of my ex; that would be a cruel and unfair comparison. But his harsh attitude didn’t exactly mesh with the way I wanted to live my life.
In his defense, mind you, he’d opened up a lot in the last two days. Yesterday, he had been down to try anything and hadn’t shied away from visibly enjoying himself. But that had just been one day.
A small part of my mind reminded me how much I’d enjoyed seeing him like that, knowing it was my influence at play. I didn’t just like it—I’d loved it. It filled me with a strange sense of satisfaction.
Ugh; I was so confused.
“Lily,” Nigel called from behind me.
I turned in my seat to find him approaching me with Mark, Will, and three girls.
“Morning,” I said, forcing a cheery voice.
“These are the new roommates,” he gestured to the girls. They were all cute, and while probably younger than me, they at least looked like they had a few years on the guys.
“Hi,” the dark-haired one said. “Nigel said you were American, too.”
“We are,” I said.
“We?” she arched a brow.
“Oh, me and the guy I’m traveling with—Harrison. He still hasn’t woken up yet.”
“We’re about to grab breakfast and then catch the ferry to Mykonos. You have to come,” Nigel said.
“That does sound like fun,” I admitted.
It was obvious that Harrison wasn’t dying to go anywhere with these guys, but after yesterday, I wasn’t dying to be alone with him. Biting my lip, I stared at the door to our room. Should I wake him up? Go without him? My gut told me he would be pissed if I went with the second option. And although everyone seemed normal enough, I probably shouldn’t wander off alone with a group I barely knew. Still... the chance to get away from him for the day and avoid dealing with my embarrassment was very tempting.
“I’ll go,” I said, still not sure what to do about Harrison.
Just then, the door to our room opened. Harrison stepped out, wearing a simple white T-shirt and black shorts. Something flickered across his face when he saw me standing there, but vanished when he noticed the rest of the group.
“Morning, handsome,” Nigel called. “You ready to go to Mykonos?”
“I can’t believe you were going to go without me. Do you know how stupid that would have been?” Harrison said in a low, irritated voice as we took our seats on the ferry. The rest of the group from our hotel was already seated a few rows ahead of us.
“I wasn’t going to go without you.”
“Really?” He leaned in, eyebrows raised, and nerves swirled in my stomach. “Then why were you all standing around ready to go when I walked out?”
“I was going to get you,” I insisted, although internally I had been debating not doing just that.
His gaze hardened. “You’re lying.”
“What does it matter?” I asked as the ferry started to move. “We’re both here now.”
“It matters because I need to be sure you’re not going to run off on me just because things got a little complicated last night.”
My pulse quickened and I looked away. The ferry swayed back and forth as it moved through the water with surprising speed.
“Hey.” Harrison’s voice was much softer this time, which just made it that much more impossible to meet his eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Just know that I really don’t want anything to change between us. I’m... I’m having fun with you. Just like you wanted. We’re only halfway through this trip and I really don’t want that to stop now.”
“I don’t want it to stop either.” The butterflies in my stomach were getting a lot more aggressive.
After a minute, he let out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t even look at me.” His voice was a mix of disappointment and frustration.
“Yes, I can,” I insisted, briefly meeting his eyes before proving his point and ducking my head again. I lifted my tiny crossbody bag onto my lap, eager to pull my phone out for a distraction. But as soon as I felt the weight, I realized it was too light.
“Shit,” I said, rummaging through the contents. It was useless. I knew without even looking that my phone wasn’t in there. Images flashed in my mind of me setting it down on one of the small tables by the pool. I had been so flustered when the group approached me, and then when Harrison came outside, I had completely forgotten to grab it. Now I could only hope that Maria would find it and get it back to me later.
“What?” Harrison demanded.
“I forgot my phone.” I groaned and leaned my head back, feeling queasy.
“You don’t have your phone.” I could hear the edge in his voice. Even though my eyes were sealed shut, I was sure that if I opened them I’d find him glaring down at me with a disapproving look.
“That’s so irresponsible,” he berated. “We’re in another country. What if something happened to you?”
I opened my mouth to defend myself, but before I could answer, my stomach churned violently. I covered my mouth with both hands and bolted out of my seat, sprinting for the bathroom I had passed on the way in.
Thankfully, I made it to a toilet stall just in time to lose the little breakfast I had consumed. The relief I felt was instant, but I knew another wave of nausea wouldn’t be far behind.
Squatting there, desperately trying to keep my butt from touching the tiled floor, I pressed my cold hands to my hot face. Just when I was starting to feel better, the ferry rocked forcefully and bile crept up my throat again. This time, hardly anything came up when I leaned over the toilet.
“Ugh, disgusting,” I muttered, flushing the contents away.
“Lila!” A deep voice called from the entrance.
Tilting my head back, I let out a long groan. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, let alone Harrison. Hopefully the fact that this was a women’s bathroom would be enough to keep him from barging into the stall.
“Fine!” was all I could manage to call back. Complete sentences were too much for me right now.
After another few minutes, Harrison called again. “Come here!”
Assessing my body, I realized that while still feeling like my stomach was on a roller coaster, I didn’t feel the need to throw up again. I stood slowly, bracing my hands on my knees on the way up. Exiting the stall, I winced at the sight of myself in the mirror. My skin had turned a shade of ghostly white. I turned on the sink and splashed some water on my face, before cupping my hand and lifting some into my mouth. My breath tasted like death, but there was little I could do about that.
Thankfully, one bright spot about getting a bout of motion sickness meant I no longer cared how I appeared to Harrison. I was too weak.
He stood in the doorway with a small plastic bag, eyebrows pinched together.
“You alright?”
“Great,” I said, walking right past him to get back to my seat as quickly as possible.
He kept pace with me, reaching out and grabbing my elbow to steady me as the boat rocked. Finally, I stumbled into my seat and pulled my legs up so that I could cradle my chin on my knees.
Harrison sat down next to me and rummaged through the bag on his lap. He brought out a small pill bottle and opened it before shaking a couple out.
“Here,” he said, handing me the pills and an electrolyte drink.
“What’s this?” I took them from him.
“For motion sickness. I got them at the snack counter.”
“How’d you know?” I asked, knocking them back and taking a few cautious sips of the drink.
“You were completely green. It was obvious.” He opened another bag and thrust a few crackers in my direction. “Eat these.”
I blanched at the thought. “No way.”
“They’ll help,” he insisted.
“Yeah, help me puke again.”
He tilted his head and gave me an irritated look. “You shouldn’t take those pills on an empty stomach. You need something.”
I sighed heavily before taking a cracker and slowly nibbling at the edge.
“You’re a bossy caretaker.”
“I have mints for you too, when you’re feeling up to it.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled, feeling grateful that for a minute, what had happened between us last night could be completely forgotten. I knew the weirdness would resurface as soon as the ferry docked and my mind cleared, but for now, this moment felt nice. Despite the nausea, and the fact that I probably looked a bit pathetic.
“Now, keep eating that and rest your head on my shoulder.”
“I’m fine?—”
“Do it,” he insisted.
“Bossy,” I said again weakly, but I complied. And I had to admit, the steadiness of his strong shoulder did feel nice. Plus, he smelled really good. Which didn’t feel fair when I felt as gross as I did. I closed my eyes and brought the cracker to my lip, continuing to eat it in tiny bites.
“Why did you agree to come on this if you get seasick?” Harrison asked, after I had a few moments to collect myself.
“I don’t, normally,” I whispered. Charlie and I had gone on a boat trip just this past summer with ConnectHer, and I’d been completely fine. It was probably the nerves twisting my stomach as a result of last night, but I didn’t want to admit that to Harrison. “It’s probably because we’re inside,” I offered.
His eyes narrowed as he looked around the large ferry. “We can try to stand up top on the way back. How are you feeling now?” he asked, shifting so that his shoulder was a little lower and I could nestle even further into the crook of his neck.
“Better,” I said, still keeping my eyes sealed shut. “It’s the cracker.”
He let out a small chuckle.
We sat in silence after that, until eventually, I dozed off.