Chapter 4 #2
She stops, but doesn’t turn around. I take the steps two at a time until I’m standing right behind her. The wind blows her hair, and her floral scent wraps around me like an embrace.
“Ells,” I say, my voice gravelly.
“I’m glad you’re home, Copeland. She’s going to need you,” she says, keeping her back to me. Her words, barely a whisper, tremble.
Unable to stop myself, I reach out and grab her hand. Shocks race up my arms. Seventeen long years since I’ve touched her soft skin. “Ells, can you look at me?”
“I should go.”
“Please?”
There’s a long pause, but finally, she slowly turns to face me. I grip her hand tightly, afraid that if I let go, I might never see her again. I know that’s not going to happen, not with me back in Magnolia Ridge, but tell that to my heart.
Her blue eyes are misty with emotion, and I can feel my own welling up inside my throat. “It’s damn good to lay eyes on you,” I say, my own voice carrying a tremble that matches hers.
“Seventeen years too late.” There’s no heat behind her words, but they hit me in the chest like a missile all the same.
There’s so much I want to say to her. The moment feels heavy, and when I part my lips to speak, I once again can’t find my words.
She pulls her hand from mine, and I let her.
She’s hurting. We’re both hurting. Seventeen years of hurt, anger, and unanswered questions swim between us.
It feels as if it’s the size of an ocean keeping us apart.
“Ells—” I don’t know what to say. My head is a jumbled mess, and my heart thinks she’s still ours.
“I need to get back to the Manor.” She doesn’t say goodbye. She doesn’t scream and yell or tell me to kiss her ass. She simply turns and walks away. I watch her climb into her car and drive away.
I stand in my mother’s driveway like a lovesick fool and watch her car until I can no longer see her. I need to go back inside to see my mom, which is why I’m here, but I just need a minute—just a minute to process what happened today.
Moving back toward the house, I plop down on the top step, dig my elbows into my knees, and bury my face in my hands.
The day I came back to see her hits me full force.
She was happy, smiling, and not missing me at all, but today, her tears, the sadness in those expressive blue eyes tell me that might not be true.
Did I have it wrong?
I was so hurt that she didn’t seem to be missing me that I fled and never looked back. It’s not until this moment that I realize maybe she was faking it, just as I have been every damn day for the last seventeen years.
I hear the door open, but I don’t change my position. Mom takes a seat on the step next to me and leans her head on my shoulder. She doesn’t say anything. She just sits quietly with me while I work through all the emotions, the memories, and the pain of losing Ellison.
The wind blows, and the chill in the air reminds me that I need to get my mother inside. Lifting my head, I turn toward her. “We should go inside,” I tell her.
“Nah, I’m okay for a bit.” She smiles. She could always read my brother and me as if she had a window into our minds. “You want to talk about it?”
“It was a long time ago.”
Mom offers me a knowing smile. Reaching over, she taps my chest. “Tell that to your heart.”
“My heart got me into this mess,” I grumble like the teenager who loved Ellison Moran with every fiber of my being instead of the thirty-five-year-old man I am today.
Mom laughs softly. “Maybe, but there’s something there. Whatever it is between the two of you, it’s so thick, you could cut it with a knife.”
“Memories of the past, Ma,” I say, knowing damn well it’s more than that.
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re home. Finally,” she adds. “You’ll have plenty of time to work it out.”
Work it out.
Instantly, images of a life with Ellison flash through my mind. The life I’ve dreamed about, the life I’ve craved since the moment my lips first touched hers. My mind tells me not to get excited, that too much time has passed. My heart tells me to jump in with both feet—and no life vest.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but she doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s going to be hard to work anything out that way.”
“Maybe.” Mom shrugs. “But since you’re going to be staying at Magnolia Manor for a few weeks, while I get the spare room ready, you might just find your chance.”
“What?” I turn to look at her, my mouth hanging open. I can’t believe she orchestrated this for me to stay closer to Ellison.
“You heard me. Ellison saved you a room. It’s yours until you no longer need it. I might just take my time getting that room ready for you.” She winks.
“She saved me a room?” I ask, still processing the development that my mother is meddling. She never meddles. “Why would she do that?”
“Because I asked her to.”
“Mom, you have a three-bedroom house. Surely, I can stay here? We talked about this, I was fine with the bunk beds.” Even as I say the words, I don’t mean them.
Staying at the Manor will put me closer to Ellison, and maybe, just maybe, we can…
talk? Hash out the past? Hell, I don’t know, but I know that I have to see her again.
I need to see her again.
“Copeland, if I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that tomorrow is never promised. You have to live each day to its fullest. You’ve been hiding from your feelings for that girl for far too long. It kept you from coming home more than you could have.”
I want to tell her that she’s wrong, but that would be a lie. I’ll never lie to my mother. “It’s been so long.”
“The years have passed, but from what I just witnessed in my kitchen, your feelings remain the same.”
I don’t say anything because I don’t know how to respond. Do I admit that I want her words to be true? That if Ellison were mine again, I’d make sure she knew what she meant to me every damn day.
Do I tell her that she hurt me, and that even though I love her with everything I am, I don’t know if that’s enough to get past the pain of living without her all of these years?
“Life is short, Copeland. You have to make it the best you can. You have to fight for happiness. You love her.”
It’s not a question. As I said, my mom has always been able to read my brother and me like an open book.
“The question is, what are you going to do with that love?” Leaning over, she kisses my cheek.
“Take all the time you need. I’m going to make us an early dinner before you get settled in at the Manor.
” She stands and makes her way to the door.
“Cope, I’m so happy to have you home. I’ve missed you.
” With that, the sound of the door opening and closing fills the air.
What are you going to do with that love?
Mom’s question repeats over and over in my mind. I don’t know what to do with the love I have for Ellison. It feels too big for my chest, too big to put into words. The only thing I do know is that my love for her… is never going away.
Now, I have to decide how to handle that.
Do I ignore it? Embrace it? Do I fight for her, for us to have our second chance?