CHAPTER 52 Loves Pain.
Seraphine's POV:
Five days.
Limang araw na ang lumipas mula noong araw na iyon.
Limang araw ng hindi kami nag-uusap nang maayos.
Limang araw na pakiramdam ko may malaking pader sa pagitan namin.
And somehow...
Mas masakit iyon kaysa sa kahit anong sigawan.
"Good Morning." Mahinang boses ni Emery habang naglalagay ng kape sa tasa niya.
"Morning." Sagot ko.
Tahimik ulit.
Dati sabay kaming kumakain ng breakfast magkatabi.
Ngayon?
Magkabilang dulo na ng mesa hindi naman sinasadya.
Parang kusa na lang nangyari.
Parang natural.
Parang unti-unti naming tinatanggap.
Nakatitig lang ako sa toast ko habang nararamdaman kong gusto niyang magsalita honestly gusto ko rin sanang magsalita.
Pero walang lumalabas sa bunganga ko dahil wala akong lakas ng loob.
Hanggang sa tumayo siya.
"I'll be having meeting with the new investors and also Charlotte will be there."
Tumango lang ako.
"Okay."
Sandaling nagtagpo ang mga mata namin then both of us looked away.
Collie's room became the only place we could stay in the same space because there...
We weren't lovers.
We were parents.
"Sabi ng doctor paganda na ng paganda response niya." Sabi niya.
Tumango ako.
"Yes."
"Mm."
Tahimik ulit.
Nakatingin lang kami kay Collie.
Parehong nakangiti.
Parehong proud.
Parehong masaya para kay Collie.
Nang pumasok ang nurse, agad kaming ngumiti.
Normal smiles a polite one the kind people give when they're okay.
The kind that lies.
"Ang sweet naman po ninyo" Panimula niya.
"oh baby gising na hinihintay Kana ni mama and mommy," Natatawang sabi ng nurse kay Collie.
Napatingin siya ulit sa amin.
"Halatang mahal na mahal ninyo po ang isa't isa." Dagdag niya habang chenecheck ang katawan ni Collie.
May kung anong kumirot sa dibdib ko.
Ngumiti nalang ako si Emery ngumiti rin.
Neither of us corrected her.
Neither of us looked at each other.
HOURS HAD PASSED.
That night hindi na naman siya katabi ko natulog nagsimula iyon nung isang gabi lang.
Then another.
Hanggang sa naging normal na.
I woke up around two in the morning automatic akong napalingon sa kabilang side ng kama empty.
Napapikit ako.
Dati kasi hindi ako makatulog kapag wala siya and same goes for her.
Ngayon?
Natutulog na ako at iyon ang mas nakakatakot.
Because I was getting used to it getting used to her absence.
The next week was worse.
Hindi dahil may away kundi dahil walang kahit ano.
No arguments.
No confrontation.
No explanations.
Nothing.
Parang dalawang taong pagod na pagod nang lumaban.
So we stopped.
"Did you eat?" Tanong niya habang nagbabasa ng report.
"Yeah."
"You?"
Tumango siya.
"Mm."
End of conversation dati kaya naming mag-usap nang buong araw.
Ngayon tatlong salita pa lang tapos na.
One afternoon, nasa hospital cafeteria kami.
Kasama ang ibang doctors na kilala nila kasama si Margaret lahat masaya.
May nagkukuwento.
May nagtatawanan.
May nagbibiruan.
At naroon kami ni Emery katabi ang isa't isa.
Mukhang okay.
Mukhang normal.
Mukhang masaya.
Hanggang sa may nagbiro.
"Emery, it's a miracle you don't hold Amors hand?"
Nagtawanan sila.
Dati kasi automatic iyon dati ako pa ang unang hahawak.
Pareho kaming natigilan for a second.
Then she smiled.
That fake smile again.
At marahan niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko sa ilalim ng mesa warm and familiar and yet parang kamay ng stranger.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero halos gusto kong umiyak.
Because once upon a time that hand felt like home now it felt like a memory kahit katabi ko siya kahit pareho kaming lumalaban pa
That night, habang nakatayo ako sa hallway ng bahay, nakita kong bukas ang pinto ng guest room.
Nandoon si Emery tulog na nakatagilid mahigpit ang yakap sa unan mukha siyang pagod may mga bakas pa ng luha sa ilalim ng mata niya at bigla kong naalala.
Hindi lang pala ako ang nasasaktan.
Hindi lang ako ang nahihirapan.
Hindi lang ako ang natatakot.
She was hurting too maybe just as much as what I'm feeling or maybe more.
Pero kahit alam ko iyon
Hindi pa rin ako pumasok.
Hindi ko pa rin siya ginising.
Hindi ko pa rin siya niyakap.
Tahimik ko lang na isinara ang pinto.
And somehow that hurt more than walking away because for the first time since I met her...
I chose not to stay beside her.
THE FOLLOWING DAY.
Emery's POV:
I was staring blankly at the floor, lost in my thoughts, when the office door suddenly swung open.
The sound made me jump.
Amor stood there.
Her eyes were red.
Her hands were trembling.
And for the first time in a long time, I couldn't tell if she was angry, hurt, or both.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.
She laughed bitterly.
The kind of laugh that wasn't really a laugh.
The kind that came from pain.
"What's wrong?" She repeated. "You seriously don't know?"
My stomach dropped.
"Amor-"
"You told me you were going to stop talking to him."
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
"But you talked to him again."
"It wasn't-"
"Stop lying, Emery."
Her voice cracked.
I immediately fell silent.
Because no matter what explanation I had, she had already made up her mind.
"Ano pa bang kailangan niyong pag-usapan?" She asked. "He's not even the father of your children, right?"
Then she laughed again.
A cold, sarcastic laugh.
And somehow that hurt more than her shouting.
Because I didn't recognize the woman standing in front of me.
This wasn't the Amor who used to hold my hand when I had nightmares.
This wasn't the Amor who kissed my forehead whenever I cried.
This wasn't the woman who promised she would stay.
This was someone exhausted.
Someone tired of believing me.
Someone slowly giving up.
My chest tightened.
"So now you're hiding that too?" She continued. "Para masabi mong para sa mga bata lang ang pag uusap niyo?"
I swallowed hard.
"I'm not hiding anything, Amor."
My voice shook.
"It's just... he's the one who stepped up before."
She stared at me.
"The kids recognize him as their father."
"Bullshit."
The word hit harder than I expected.
I closed my eyes for a second.
Trying to stay calm.
Trying not to break.
But I was tired.
God, I was so tired too.
"How am I supposed to explain to my children that their real father left?" I whispered.
My voice cracked.
"How do I tell them that he walked away because I wasn't enough?"
The tears started falling before I could stop them.
"How do I explain that his last words to me were a promise?"
I looked at her.
"He promised he'd come back."
My breathing became uneven.
"He promised he'd celebrate our anniversary with me."
I laughed weakly.
"But he never came back."
The room fell silent only the sound of my crying remained.
I wiped my face.
"I waited for him, Amor."
My voice broke.
"For months."
"Then years."
With every breath I take, a thousand words remain trapped inside me, unable to come out all at once.
"I kept wondering if he was dead."
"If he got hurt."
"If he forgot about me."
"If he ever loved me at all."
I looked away.
"Do you know what that feels like?"
No answer came.
So I continued.
"To wake up every day not knowing why someone left?"
"To keep blaming yourself because you can't find another explanation?"
"To wonder what was wrong with you?"
"What you could've done differently?"
My chest hurt.
Everything hurt.
And yet Amor only laughed again. But this time it sounded forced like she was trying not to cry.
"Then why Robert?" She asked.
The question came out softer.
More broken.
I closed my eyes.
"Because he knows."
Her eyebrows furrowed.
"He knows where he is."
The silence that followed felt unbearable. Then suddenly-
"Why do you still need to know where he is?"
She shouted.
The tears in her eyes finally fell.
"Why, Emery?"
I flinched.
Not because she raised her voice but because I knew the real question behind it.
Why are you still looking back?
Why aren't I enough?
I know those are the questions running through her mind.
I covered my face.
Trying to breathe.
Trying not to fall apart.
"Because the pain still follows me."
My voice came out barely above a whisper.
"Because I never got an answer."
I looked at her.
"I gave him everything, Amor."
"My trust."
"My future."
"My heart."
"He's my first in Everything."
"And one day he just left."
I wiped my tears.
"But the worst part wasn't that he left."
She stared at me.
"It was that he never told me why." I said.
My voice cracked again.
"I was left wondering in every single day."
"What was wrong with me."
I took a shaky breath.
Then finally said the thing I had been terrified to admit.
"I'm scared."
Amor's expression softened for a second.
"I'm scared that one day you'll leave too."
The words tasted like blood.
Raw.
Painful.
Humiliating.
"I'm scared that you'll wake up one morning and realize I'm not enough."
I started crying harder.
"I'm scared that whatever made him leave is something wrong inside me."
My voice trembled.
"And if I don't find the answer..."
I looked at her.
"...then I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if you're going to leave
for the same reason."
The room became quiet again.
Painfully quiet.
The kind of silence that makes your ears ring.
I stared at her.
My heart is begging for her to understand.
Begging her to say something.
"Amor..."
My voice was barely a whisper.
"I love you."
The tears in her eyes kept falling and for a second, I thought she was finally going to walk over and hold me.
Instead-
She asked a question.
One question.
A simple question.
But it shattered something inside me.
"Do you really love me?"
I froze.
Her lips trembled.
"Or are you just in pain?"
The world stopped.
Just like that.
Not because she was angry.
Not because she yelled.
But because she questioned the one thing I thought she knew.
My love for her.
I stared at her.
Unable to speak.
Unable to breathe.
And in that moment, I realized something.
I was hurting so much that I had stopped noticing how much pain I was causing her.
While I was drowning in my own wounds...
Amor had been drowning beside me.
Alone.
And maybe that was the cruelest part not that she doubted my love but that somewhere along the way...
I had given her a reason to.
"Kung hindi mo kayang mag-move forward, paano ako? Paano tayo? Paano 'yung future natin?"
Her voice wasn't angry anymore.
That was what scared me.
Because anger meant she was still fighting.
Disappointment meant she was tired.
It meant she was already letting go.
I couldn't look at her.
Couldn't look at the tears she was desperately trying to hide.
"Do you even see yourself having a future with me?" She continued softly.
The question made my chest tighten.
"Or am I just your temporary escape?"
I closed my eyes because the truth was...
I didn't know.
I didn't know anything anymore.
Everything felt blurry.
The only thing I was certain of was that I loved her.
God knows.
I loved her so much.
But somehow, love wasn't fixing anything.
Love wasn't making her happy.
Love wasn't healing me.
And maybe that was the cruelest realization of all.
Sometimes love exists and it still isn't enough.
My lips parted.
The words came out before I could stop them.
"Let's end this."
The silence that followed was unbearable.
For a second, I thought she would argue.
Fight.
Beg me not to do it.
Tell me I was making a mistake.
But she didn't.
Instead, she simply nodded and somehow that hurt more.
Because it looked like she had already prepared herself for this.
Like she had spent countless nights lying awake, wondering when I would finally give up.
A shaky breath escaped her lips.
Then she walked toward me.
Slowly.
Carefully.
As if I was something fragile.
Something already broken.
Her hands cupped my face.
Warm.
Gentle.
Familiar.
The same hands that had held me through panic attacks.
The same hands that had wiped away my tears countless times before.
Her thumbs brushed against my cheeks.
Removing the tears I hadn't even noticed were falling.
"I love you, Celestine Emery Walls."
Her voice cracked.
"But I respect your decision."
Fresh tears rolled down my face.
"I just want you to know..."
She paused.
Her own tears was escaping to.
"I'll wait until you're ready to choose me."
My heart shattered.
"Until it's my turn."
I grabbed her wrists gently as if letting go would kill me.
"I'm sorry."
The words barely came out.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you."
My breathing became uneven.
"God knows how much I love you, Amor."
She smiled.
A broken smile.
The kind that exists only to stop yourself from crying harder.
"I know."
I stared at her.
Completely falling apart.
"I know," She repeated.
Then she laughed softly through her tears.
"You love me enough to let me go."
The words felt like knives.
Because she was right.
I wasn't ending this because I stopped loving her.
I was ending it because I loved her and watching her get hurt because of me was becoming unbearable.
"I love you."
The words left my mouth again.
Pathetic.
Small.
Insufficient.
But it was all I had.
"I love you."
My voice broke.
Again.
And again.
Because no matter how many times I said it, it never felt enough.
Maybe that was my problem.
I never knew how to explain what I felt.
The love was there.
The fear was there.
The guilt was there.
But whenever I tried to speak...
The words disappeared.
Amor wiped my tears again.
"Hey."
Her voice was gentle.
"Stop crying."
A tear slipped down her own cheek.
Yet she still smiled for me.
As if she was trying to be strong one last time.
"I'll give you the time you need, Emery."
My heart clenched.
"If one day you're ready for us again..."
She swallowed hard.
"I'll be waiting."
Another painful smile.
"But if you're not..."
Her voice cracked.
"I'll still love you."
I couldn't breathe.
How was she still choosing me even after I broke her heart?
How was she still loving me while I was letting her go?
Before I could answer, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against my forehead.
I immediately broke down.
Because that kiss felt like goodbye.
Not forever.
But goodbye nonetheless.
A long silence followed.
Then she looked away.
For the first time since entering the room, she seemed nervous.
Almost afraid.
"Can I still see the kids?"
Her voice came out small.
Hesitant.
As if she was scared I would take them away too.
My head snapped up.
"Of course."
The answer came immediately.
Without hesitation.
Without thought.
Because no matter what happened between us...
She loved those childrena and they loved her.
I looked into her eyes.
She wasn't crying anymore at least not on the outside but I could see it.
The pain.
The heartbreak.
The disappointment.
The grief.
It was all there.
Hidden behind a smile she was forcing for my sake and suddenly I realized something.
This wasn't hurting because we stopped loving each other.
It was hurting because we still did.
Maybe that's why neither of us could hate the other.
Maybe that's why neither of us could walk away angry.
Because the truth was simple.
We were two people standing in the ruins of a relationship.
Still in love.
Still choosing each other.
But no longer knowing how to stay.
And somehow...
That hurt more than being unloved ever could.
Seraphine's POV:
Pagkasara ko ng pinto sa likod ko, para bang may kung anong bumagsak sa dibdib ko.
Mabigat.
Sobrang bigat.
Hindi ko na hinintay pang may makakita.
Hindi ko na hinintay na tawagin niya ako.
Tumakbo ako palayo.
Dahil kung may isang bagay na ayaw kong makita niya, iyon ay kung gaano ako kasira sa mga sandaling ito.
Kung gaano kasakit.
Kung gaano ako kahina.
Mabilis akong sumakay sa sasakyan ko at agad isinara ang pinto.
Sobrang tahimik.
Pero sa loob ng isip ko, parang may libo-libong boses na sabay-sabay na sumisigaw.
Lahat ng sinabi niya kanina paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa utak ko.
"I'm scared you'll leave too."
"The pain still follows me."
"Let's end this."
Napapikit ako nang mariin.
Parang may kamay na mahigpit na naka kapit sa puso ko.
Everything suddenly became clear.
Ngayon ko lang lubos na naintindihan.
Hindi pala ako ang kalaban.
Hindi pala si Robert.
Hindi pala ang nakaraan niya.
Kundi ang sakit na matagal na niyang pasan mag-isa at kahit gaano ko siya kamahal...
Hindi ko iyon kayang buhatin para sa kanya.
"Shit..."
Napahawak ako sa manibela nang maramdaman kong muli ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko.
Isa.
Dalawa.
Tatlo.
Hanggang sa tuluyan na silang bumuhos.
Bigla kong hinampas ang manibela.
"Ang sakit."
Nanginginig ang boses ko.
"Ang sakit sakit..."
Napayuko ako.
Piliting huminga nang malalim.
Isa.
Dalawa.
Tatlo.
Pero bawat hinga parang lalong sumasakit.
Parang may kung anong bumabara sa lalamunan ko.
Pinilit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na okay lang.
Na magiging okay rin ako.
Na kakayanin ko.
Pero sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang mahabang panahon...
Hindi ko mapaniwala ang sarili ko.
Hindi ako okay at alam kong hindi rin siya okay.
At iyon ang mas masakit.
Dahil mahal na mahal namin ang isa't isa pero hindi namin nailigtas ang relasyon namin.
Napatawa ako nang mapait habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko.
Maybe I pushed too much.
Maybe I kept asking her to move forward when I never really understood how trapped she was.
Maybe I kept making it about us while she was still fighting ghosts from her past.
Maybe...
I was selfish too.
The realization made me cry harder.
Because I spent months thinking she wasn't choosing me.
Only to discover that she was trying.
God.
She was trying so hard.
Every smile.
Every date.
Every "I love you."
Every attempt to be okay.
She was trying.
And I was too busy feeling neglected to notice how exhausted she already was.
Napakagat ako sa labi para pigilan ang hikbi.
Pero wala na.
Tuluyan na akong bumigay.
I lowered my head against the steering wheel and for the first time since we started dating...
I allowed myself to grieve.
Not because she stopped loving me.
But because she loved me and still couldn't stay.
That was the part killing me.
If she had cheated, maybe I could hate her.
If she had fallen out of love, maybe I could move on.
If she had chosen someone else, maybe I could be angry.
But she didn't.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me she loved me.
Then she let me go and somehow that was so much worse.
A broken laugh escaped my lips.
"You're such an idiot, Emery."
My voice cracked.
"You really think I'd leave because you're broken?"
Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.
I wiped them away angrily.
But they kept coming.
Because the truth was...
I would've stayed.
I would've stayed through the nightmares.
Through the trauma.
Through the healing.
Through every ugly part she was terrified to show.
I would've stayed.
But she never gave me the chance.
And maybe she thought she was protecting me.
Maybe she thought letting me go was an act of love.
But right now?
Right now it felt like she had taken my heart and walked away with it.
I covered my face.
Trying desperately to stop crying.
Trying desperately to breathe.
Trying desperately to be strong.
Because the moment I got home, I knew everyone would ask questions.
Callie would ask where Mommy Emery was.
The kids would ask why I looked sad.
Tita Tere would take one look at me and immediately know something was wrong and I didn't know how to answer any of them.
Because how do you explain that the person you love still loves you...
But chose pain over you?
How do you explain that nobody cheated?
Nobody lied?
Nobody stopped loving?
And yet everything still ended?
My hands tightened around the steering wheel.
The tears continued to fall.
And for the first time, I finally admitted the truth to myself.
I wasn't crying because I lost her.
I was crying because a part of me still believed she would come running after me.
Open the door.
Call my name.
Tell me she made a mistake.
Tell me not to leave.
Tell me to stay.
But the parking lot remained silent.
No footsteps.
No voice.
No Emery.
Just me.
Alone inside a car.
Holding on to a future that had ended only a few minutes ago.
TWO DAYS HAD PASSED.
Dalawang araw na akong hindi nakakadalaw sa hospital.
Hindi dahil wala akong pakialam kundi dahil hindi ko pa kaya.
Hindi ko pa kayang makita siya doon, tahimik, parang hindi na siya yung Emery na mahal ko.
Kaya imbes na pumunta, kinakausap ko na lang ang mga kaibigan ko for updates.
Sila narin ang tumulong dun at sa tuwing may balita, parang may bagong sugat na bumubukas sa dibdib ko.
Hindi lang isang beses.
Paulit-ulit.
Parang hindi na naghihilom, parang lalong lumalalim.
Hindi ko rin inexpect na ganoon kalakas ang impact ng nangyari sa amin.
Kahit sila, nagulat.
Hindi nila inakalang aabot kami sa ganito.
Paano nga ba nila maiintindihan?
Kahit ako... hindi ko pa rin maintindihan.
Up until now, nasasaktan pa rin ako.
Pero imbes na harapin ko, nilulunod ko ang sarili ko sa alak.
Hindi para makalimot kundi para kahit sandali... hindi ko maramdaman.
Kasi kapag sober ako, lahat bumabalik.
Yung boses niya.
Yung iyak niya.
Yung huling tingin niya sa akin na para bang unti-unti na akong binibitawan kahit ayaw niya.
At ngayong umaga...
nandito ako.
Sa lugar na mas tahimik pa kaysa sa lahat ng katahimikan na naranasan ko.
Sa puntod ni Ciello.
Lumuhod ako sa harap niya.
Dahan-dahan.
Parang kahit paghinga ko dito ay dapat maingat.
He's the only peace I have right now.
Pero ironically...
kahit dito, hindi ako payapa yung hangin malamig, pero mas malamig pa yung dibdib ko.
Yung paligid tahimik, pero sa loob ko may sigawan.
"Hi, Ciello..." Bulong ko.
At doon pa lang, naputol na ang boses ko.
Hindi ko na napigilan sunod-sunod.
Walang warning.
Yung luha ko bumagsak na parang kanina pa pinipigilan.
"Ang sakit," Sabi ko habang umiiyak kailangan ko pa ba talagang maranasan 'to?"
Yung boses ko nanginginig.
Parang bawat salita ay piraso ng puso ko na nahuhulog sa lupa.
Humawak ako sa lapida niya na para bang doon ako kakapit para hindi tuluyang bumagsak.
"Kahit anong gawin ko... nasasaktan pa rin ako."
Napahagulgol ako nang tuluyan.
Yung iyak na hindi na mapigilan, hindi na maayos, hindi na kayang itago.
"Kasi mahal ko siya, Ciello."
Napasinghap ako.
"I love your mom, but now she let me love myself first."
Napangiti ako nang bahagya.
Tahimik.
Walang sagot.
Syempre wala.
Pero kahit ganoon, nagpatuloy ako.
"Kailangan ko ba siyang bitawan para lang matutunan kong mabuhay ulit?"
Yung tanong ko... hindi ko alam kung kanino.
Sa kanya.
Sa sarili ko.
O sa hangin.
Yumuko ako habang umiiyak.
Parang wala na akong lakas.
"Ang hirap pala mahalin ang taong hindi mo alam kung ikaw pa ba ang pipiliin niya bukas... maybe that's what she feels."
Huminga ako ng malalim.
Parang bawat hangin may kasamang sakit.
"Ciello... kung nandito ka lang sana, sasabihin mo siguro na ang tanga ko rin."
Napangiti ako nang mapait habang umiiyak pa rin.
"Kasi alam mo, tanga naman talaga ako."
Tahimik.
At sa katahimikang iyon doon ko naramdaman lalo na kahit gaano ko
siya kamahal hindi ko siya kayang matulungan maghilum.
At doon ko lang naintindihan ang pinaka masakit na parte ng pagmamahal:
Hindi palaging may ending.
Minsan, may mga taong sabay mong minahal... pero sabay din ninyong kailangang bitawan ang isa't isa.
At wala kang magagawa...
kundi masaktan habang unti-unting natututo kung paano mabuhay ulit
nang wala siya.
Honestly...
Sometimes I wonder... what if she never really loved me? What if I was just a safe place after the damage another man caused her?
Not because I'm special.
Not because she truly wanted me.
But because I was different from the people who hurt her.
And maybe that's the cruel part about it.
Some people don't enter your life because they're ready to love you.
Some people enter because they're tired of bleeding.
Maybe after being disappointed by men over and over again, she started believing that a woman would feel softer... calmer... safer.
Less ego.
Less fear.
Less pain.
And maybe I became that experiment.
Not intentionally.
I don't think she's that evil to do such a thing.
For me, traumatized people do strange things just to survive emotionally. Sometimes they confuse peace with love. Sometimes they hold someone gently because they're scared of being hurt again, not because their heart truly chose that person.
That's what scares me.
Imagine giving someone your most honest and genuine love while they're still learning how to stop running or escaping something.
Imagine building memories with someone who is still half-living in their past.
Imagine building a future while they're still figuring themselves out.
Imagine being someone's "safe choice" without ever being their chosen one.
Imagine being loved not for who you are, but for what you represent.
A safer option.
A healing phase.
A temporary peace.
A temporary answer.
A quiet place between storms.
A chapter they don't realize is only a chapter.
And one day... after they finally recover, after the wounds stop hurting, they suddenly realize:
"Maybe this isn't what I really want."
Not because you were bad.
Not because you failed.
But because they were never searching for you in the first place; they were searching for relief.
And honestly, a person like me would understand this painfully well.
People come to you carrying unfinished wars inside themselves.
You cannot take it personally when they leave after finding peace.
You were part of their survival, not always their destination.
Masakit isipin na minsan, mahal ka lang habang kailangan ka.
Habang confused sila.
Habang sugatan sila.
Habang takot sila bumalik sa dati nilang mundo.
Then one day they wake up clearer, stronger, more healed...
and suddenly you no longer fit the life they truly wanted.
That's why I stopped romanticizing everything. Because love alone is not enough reason for someone to stay.
Some people love the comfort you give.
Some love the silence you bring.
Some love how safe they feel around you.
But very few people actually love you.
The real you.
Not the healing.
Not the comfort.
Not the escape.
Just you.
And maybe that's life.
You can be the right person during the wrong chapter of someone's life.
I don't hate her for it.
I just think it's terrifying how a person can sincerely care for you while still being uncertain if their feelings are real.
Because humans are complicated.
Loneliness can look like love.
Healing can look like attachment.
Safety can look like romance.
And sometimes people only realize the difference when it's already too late.
Until one day they wake up and realize:
"Maybe I've been forcing myself to want something that isn't right for me."
And ikaw?
You're left there questioning if anything was actually genuine or if you were just... emotionally convenient.