Chapter 13 #3
Somehow that hurt worse than I expected. Not that them hooking up didn’t rip me apart, but Theo agreeing to grab coffee with Corvin, leaving that door open for more between them sent shocks of pain down my limbs.
“Oh. Okay,” I responded lamely. What else could I even say?
“That doesn’t change things for you, does it?” he asked worriedly.
“No, it doesn’t. I mean, you’re gonna have other…friends and I’ve gotta be cool with that. I’m still in this.”
And I was. Even if I was seething at the thought of Theo being friendly with Corvin or anyone else.
“Good,” he smiled weakly. “Me too.”
I returned his smile as best I could. Emotionally, I was wrung out. All the anguish and struggle since the first day we ran into each other again caught up to me and I was close to crashing. I’d probably sleep for days if allowed to.
“I should get back. I promised Dad I’d go on a run with him before dinner.”
We both stood and I went to grab my guitar from where I left it on the grass.
I turned back toward the golf cart, but stopped when Theo bent over to grab something.
Theo smiled to himself as he examined my guitar pick, caressing it gently.
I hadn’t realized I’d dropped it earlier when I’d kissed him.
“You kept it.”
Maybe it shouldn’t have, but it hurt a bit that he sounded surprised I had. I let out a hum of acknowledgment, crossing over to him when he held it out. My fingers brushed over his as I took it, that quick touch enough to ignite my blood and make my pulse stutter.
We stood there for seconds, minutes, who fucking knew? I wondered if he was as reluctant to leave as I was.
“So, I’ll text you later?” It came out as a question rather than a statement, maybe to hear him tell me that’s what he wanted or even that he still had my number.
“I’d really like that,” he admitted softly, giving me a tiny version of his lopsided grin that stopped my heart every damn time. This one was no less powerful.
I laid my guitar on the backseat of the cart and climbed behind the wheel, déjà vu hitting me from the last time we were here. When I left the barn that day I first came home, I was miserable and convinced that Theo and I were doomed forever, but maybe now we could start to rewrite our ending.
“Why did you choose that song?” Theo called out. I lifted my head, catching and holding his gaze intently.
“Because it’s still ours.”
Dawson, Age 15
I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans for the umpteenth time. Theo would be here soon and I was trying not to freak out. I couldn’t help it. I was filled with anxiety over what I was about to do.
I grabbed my guitar and tuned it one more time, just in case it had gone flat in the summer heat. Today was the first day of summer vacation and I couldn’t wait any longer to tell him.
“Freebird!”
I rolled my eyes at his shouted request and played the opening lick, just to be a smartass.
“It’s not as funny when you don’t get all cranky about it,” Theo pouted up at me.
“It stopped being funny thirty years ago.”
Theo huffed in fake annoyance before climbing up to sit beside me on the edge of the hayloft. My heart beat faster the closer he got, stealing my breath and my focus in one go. That happened more and more lately when he was around.
He dropped on his butt next to me, tossing me his signature lopsided grin that did weird things to my stomach. I’d been living with that reaction for all of freshman year and if I didn’t do something about it, I was going to snap.
But I couldn’t just tell him. No way. I’d say something stupid and screw everything up and then what the heck would I do? I couldn’t live without Theo. I just couldn’t. I’d sooner stop playing music and that would be the same as bleeding my veins dry.
“You okay, Mercury?”
I glanced over at Theo’s worried tone and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped.
Full-on stopped beating for a whole ass second.
He was so…beautiful. I’d watched him through every awkward stage of life so far, but somehow at only fifteen years old he was now unfairly pretty.
Braces gone, clear skin, perfectly styled ashy blond hair, and eyes so blue they were almost translucent.
Yeah. My best friend was stunning. And I was in serious trouble.
“I’m good,” I muttered. Theo smiled in relief and leaned back on his hands, looking out over the small clearing of land that bled into the treeline.
“Dude, can you believe it? First year of high school down, only three to go.”
“Yeah. It’s kind of crazy.”
“For sure,” he smirked, but it faded fast. “I saw McKenna give you her number before we left school yesterday. What did she want?”
“Oh, uh, just wanted me to text her to hang out this summer.”
“Hmm. Cool,” Theo said in a clipped tone. There was something off about the way he said it and it made me worried that I upset him.
“I don’t want to though,” I rushed to explain. “Hang out with her, I mean.”
His lips twitched a bit, but his eyebrows were still scrunched together. “For real? You don’t like her or something?”
I shook my head because I couldn’t force myself to tell him why. Not yet. He seemed to relax then and I realized it was now or never.
“I-I learned something f-for you. To play. I-if that’s okay,” I stammered. Ugh, I was such an idiot.
“Why are you nervous, weirdo? You know I love anything you play for me,” he beamed, his smile setting off flutters in my chest. I breathed out anxiously before settling my guitar on my lap. Here went nothing.
I started playing, ignoring how Theo’s body stiffened in my periphery.
He’d listened to the Keane song so many times that I was scared he’d get sick of it before I could learn it for him.
Last weekend, when we were sleeping out here in Neverland and it was playing softly on his camping speaker, he told me what this song meant to him and I knew.
I knew it would be how I finally told him.
“I love this song so much. Whoever my Person is, this will be our song. I want it to belong to us.”
My voice was soft, but steady as I lost myself in the melody. Every chord strummed was a confession about how I felt, about what he truly meant to me. Each note was a commitment to him. I was claiming this for us.
This was my love note.
I wasn’t sure when I’d closed my eyes, but I slowly opened them as the last note faded. Theo was silent and still. I wasn’t brave enough to look at him. All my courage was gone, poured into the music.
He grabbed my hand off my guitar, squeezing it and running his thumb over my skin until I finally turned to him. We stared at each other and I was scared to breathe.
I wasn’t prepared for it when he grabbed my face and brought me close to him.
Close enough to feel the warm puffs of his breath on my lips.
I wanted him to kiss me so badly. I’d wanted it for over a year.
I had avoided every girl who ever showed interest in me this year because I never wanted them. Only him. It’s always been him.
“Dawson?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Then his lips were on mine. Soft, but intense. Shy, but confident. It was everything and nothing like I imagined it would be. Theo was kissing me and my heart felt like it was going to explode right out of my chest. He pulled back and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“I love you too.”
And then he kissed me again.