Chapter 15
Jen
Sloan is beyond pissed when he comes back to the dance floor.
If that weren’t enough cause for concern, he comes back alone.
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about them kissing over my shoulder but the jealousy that flared when the waitress got too close is noticeably absent.
After all, I was the one that wanted to play.
I asked Sloan if we could dance with Luke, and it was hot as fuck.
Once I saw Luke enter the club, I thought maybe it was his way of extending an olive branch and it gave me hope that these two could hold on to some shred of who they were and what they once shared.
There was certainly no mistaking Sloan’s excitement over Luke’s arrival.
“Where’s Luke?” I ask, hoping perhaps he needed a second to clean himself up.
“Don’t ever say his name again, and for the love of God, don’t go work with him,” Sloan growls.
I stop moving on the dance floor and prop my hands on my hips alarmed by his sudden change of heart. “Is this what exclusivity gets me? The right to be your emotional punching bag over something that isn’t my fault?” I yell over the music.
“This whole night is bullshit,” he snaps.
He turns and plows through the crowd back toward our table behind the ropes. He says something to Nina who slaps a hand to her forehead, punches Sloan in the shoulder, grabs her purse, and heads toward the same exit I watched Sloan drag Luke through behind the ropes.
Emma’s next to me in an instant, her massive shadow of a fiancé trying to give us privacy even though he’s hovering like a deck umbrella.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I think Sloan and I are breaking up.” I’m not sure which emotion is riding shotgun right now, so many of them are vying for the position, but when a tear escapes, I know.
“Oh, no, he did not!” Emma shrieks this time, upset on my behalf. She grabs my hand and starts hauling me toward Sloan, Ryan hot on our heels.
“Em, no, wait! Please.” I try to dig my heels in but since I’m wearing actual heels, if I don’t keep up with her, I’ll end up on the floor with my ass in the air.
“Sloan!” Emma barks when we get to the table. “The fuck do you think you’re doing taking your anger over your wannabe boyfriend out on my best friend?”
Okay, so she’s just going to kick the cat right out of the bag. Atta girl.
I don’t think anyone knew Sloan was bisexual until they just witnessed him licking Luke’s tonsils over my shoulder. Sloan didn’t even try to hide it.
“I think maybe we should call it a night and finish this conversation in the car,” Ryan says as he gathers Em’s purse, throwing his head to the side where we see a few patrons holding up cell phones.
Sloan says nothing as he shoulders his way out of the club.
In the suburban, there’s a pregnant silence until Ryan turns to face Sloan in the middle row of seats.
“You know we got you, right? The guys and I don’t care who it is, as long as they’re good to you.
” He throws a glance at me in the row of seats behind them.
“And as long as everyone knows what they’re getting into. ”
Sloan says nothing and keeps his face turned away from Ryan, staring out the window to his right. I think he’s going to ignore the bassist altogether until he blows out a sigh and rubs his forehead, his shoulders tense.
“No one’s getting into anything. Not anymore. Not ever.”
“You gonna tell us what happened?” Ryan asks quietly.
“Nope.” Sloan cracks a grin and I watch his mask slide into place as he turns to face Ryan. “Maybe I’ll find that chick that brought the test-tube to the meet ‘n greet. At least she was honest about what she wanted from me.”
“Sloan—”
“Ryan, don’t.”
“Look man,” Ryan starts anyway, ignoring Sloan’s request. “You’ve always kept yourself closed off from us.
Even when we were all younger, you held your cards close to your chest. Is this why?
Because no one in our band gives a shit if you’re into dudes.
” Sloan opens his mouth to argue and Ryan clamps a massive hand across it, making Em and I look at each other with wide eyes.
“But,” he continues, “we do give a shit if you’re an ass to everyone around you for reasons you won’t tell us and won’t let us help you with.
There’s obviously something going on between you and Luke—”
Those words get an immediate response out of Sloan, who uses both hands to pry Ryan’s away from his mouth. “Nothing has ever happened between he and I and he’s made damn sure nothing ever will.”
“But you’re pissed because you want something to happen, right?
” Ryan fishes, throwing me an apologetic glance as if I haven’t picked up on the tension between those two.
The SUV makes a right-hand turn, causing Ryan to lean toward Sloan while Emma and I sit motionless in the very back, not wanting to disturb the conversation happening in front of us.
“I’m pissed because he’s a goddamn hypocrite. He fucking killed the man I was in love with and now he can’t even admit he has feelings for me!” Sloan shouts, finally unleashing some emotion. Suddenly he scoffs. “Pfft. It’s like one of those if I can’t have him, no one can scenarios.”
“Jesus, Sloan. What do you mean he killed him?” Ryan asks the question we’re all wondering.
Sloan licks his lips as he finds his words. “Grant’s dead and it’s Luke’s fault. Can we just leave it there? Please?”
By some miracle, Ryan manages to switch gears.
“So, you’ve had relationships with men in the past? I mean, I’m just going to ask…have you been leading Jen on while trying to figure some shit out?”
I appreciate the position Ryan’s in. His best friend and his fiancé’s best friend are currently at odds and he desperately wants to remain loyal to both parties.
“God, no!” Sloan says, clearly taken aback at the question.
“Hell, I asked her to move in with me right before all this shit blew up in my face.” He snorts but it’s more out of disgust than humor.
I barely notice because Emma is looking at me with her mouth hanging open.
“She’s the one on the fence.” Sloan throws his thumb over his shoulder pointing at me.
“Conveniently forgot to mention that, didn’t you, you hussy?” Em whispers. She has perfected the glower and she’s aiming it at me now as Sloan begins to speak again.
“Something must be wrong with me. Jen’s hesitant to commit to me and Luke doesn’t think I’m worth the risk to his precious career.” Off the highway, we pass under street lights in intervals that light up Sloan’s face and I feel the pain etched in his features deep in my soul.
“Sloan, of course I want to be with you,” I tell him emphatically from the back seat.
“It’s just a big change. We’ve only been doing this for a few months and I already feel more for you than any guy I’ve ever been with and it scares the shit out of me,” I admit.
“Although I’m hesitant, it wasn’t a no.” Emma squeezes my hand in the dark and it gives me the courage to continue.
“I’m just scared to start something and not be enough. ”
I finally breathe once my speech is done and hope I’ve made my point. I smile when Sloan turns around to look at me.
“Of course you’re enough.”
I give him my best oh really look. “Is that why you felt the need to make out with Luke?”
“Shit with Luke is…fuck, it’s complicated at best. Besides, that’s not fair. You’ve been begging to make out with him—” He stops mid-sentence and scrubs a hand down his face. “Look, I’m sorry I was such an asshole tonight.”
“If this is going to work, you have to remember I’m on your team.
Especially when shit gets hard. And I’m honestly not mad that you kissed him.
It was really fucking hot and I’m always willing to have a conversation about what you want and need.
I’m mad that when it didn’t end well, you took it out on me. ”
“I know. You mean the world to me, Jen. It’s just… this is new territory for me too.”
I lean over the bench seat to kiss his cheek. “So, let’s figure it out together instead of against each other.”
He nods, but nothing else is said until we get to Ryan and Emma’s. We all get out of the suburban to say goodbye and Em pulls me in close for a hug, whispering, “Call me if you need anything. I’ll meet you at your apartment if you need me, okay?”
I nod and give Ryan a side hug before climbing back in the vehicle to give he and Sloan a minute to themselves, even though the back driver’s side door is still open and I can hear every word.
“Sometimes things feel impossible, but you’re not alone,” Ryan tells Sloan as he looks wistfully at my best friend, who’s currently letting herself in their house.
“Yeah, I know. I just thought I’d buried this shit and moved on. Then Luke shows up resurrecting all my demons just to drive a fucking knife between my shoulder blades again.”
“Does he know how you feel?”
“He knows enough,” Sloan says before exhaling and saying a little more calmly, “Fuck, I don’t know, Ry.
I’m not even sure I know how I feel. I hate the motherfucker as much as I lov…
” Sloan stops himself from saying the word.
“I can’t forgive him for what he did and what he cost me, but I can’t seem to stop myself from missing him.
Wanting him. We’ve been through some shit that makes it hard to completely cut each other out. ”
Ryan wraps Sloan in a bear hug. “Just don’t say anything you can’t come back from.
Take it from someone who hurt the love of their life because I thought I was doing the right thing.
All I did was make both our lives suck until I got my head out of my ass.
The sooner you figure out what you want and are honest to him, to them, about it, the faster you can figure out how to make it work or let it go.
The land of what-ifs is no place to live, Sloany. ”