Chapter 33
Jen
Emma grips my hand tightly and stays close all the way through the doors and into the elevator. Once we’re inside and the doors slide shut, she turns to Bri.
“I assume you and Brett are sharing with Noah and Sienna?”
Bri nods. “A girl needs her bestie.” She flashes me and Em a loving look, knowing we understand.
“Agreed.” Em smiles. Turning to the security guards as the elevator continues to rise, she asks, “Would it be possible for you to clear the roof? We need some space to talk.”
“I’m happy to do it, Ms. Donovan, but I’m going to request permission from Ryan before I fully agree.”
Em gives a slight roll of her eyes to feign annoyance, but we all know she loves it.
Traveling with the band is strange. I’ve never done it before, but somehow, my bag is always moved around where I need it to be without me ever having to lift a finger. When the suite door opens, my black duffel is on the floor inside.
Tim wanders off to find Ryan and Emma turns to the kitchenette.
“This place is bigger than my apartment,” I say to her back as I follow her. She roots around in the cupboard and then opens what apparently is a wine fridge. “Are we allowed to drink that?” I ask, totally unsure how this goes.
Emma grins. “Babe, we can eat and drink everything in here. In fact, if you like the couch and curtains, you can have those too. The label will pick it up because keeping their number one money makers happy is a big deal and they take it very seriously. You know that sculpture on my coffee table?”
I nod, pursing my lips.
“Yeah, that’s from a hotel in L.A. because I decided it would match perfectly.”
I laugh and my chest finally starts to loosen.
Until I hear it.
Hear them.
Luke’s moans reach my ears from somewhere down the hallway. My face falls and Emma pops the top on the wine and starts pouring.
Not knowing what to say, we stay quiet, which makes it easy to hear Luke’s deep voice tell Sloan he loves him.
“Say it again,” I hear Sloan reply.
“Why don’t you go join them?” Emma asks, nodding toward the bedroom door.
“They need this moment to themselves. I wasn’t a part of their lives when the hurt took place, so it doesn’t feel right to be present during the repair.”
Emma hands me my glass of wine, tucks the bottle under her arm, picks up her own glass, and grabs my free hand, pulling me toward the door. “Come on, Tim, time to go,” she says as the bodyguard comes back into the living room giving her a thumbs up.
We wait while Tim does his thing, checking for any people, or dangerous situations, but come to find out, there’s actually a small, well-kept little patio area with two loungers, a small side table, and string lights that appear to be running on a timer plugged into an outlet by the door.
There’s also a two-by-four propped against the wall so we don’t lock ourselves out.
Thankfully, the area is vacant despite the warm summer air.
Tim settles in by the door, ready to intercept any intruders while Em and I get comfortable on the lounge chairs.
“Okay, now that we finally have a minute to catch up, tell me what the hell is going on?” my best friend demands not unkindly.
I take a hearty gulp of wine and prepare to admit some hard things to myself.
“I think it took Luke coming back into Sloan’s life to make me realize I’m in deeper than I ever thought I’d be.”
Being brutal in a way that only your best friend can, Emma asks, “Do you think you just feel more strongly for Sloan now because someone else wants him?”
I’m not offended by the question because it’s something I’ve asked myself repeatedly as of late.
“No. I don’t think so. I think some part of me knew I was falling for Sloan before Luke ever showed up.
Trying to convince myself I wasn’t changing, and because Luke is hot as hell, I wanted them both.
Stupidly, I thought Sloan and I would stay a couple and maybe invite Luke over every now and then when we wanted to spice things up.
Turns out that plan backfired in a big way. ”
Emma stays silent as she listens, already able to guess most of this, but now having it confirmed.
“The more I’ve learned about Luke and Sloan’s past, and have gotten to know Luke and his own journey, the more I realize they’re meant to be in a way that doesn’t need me in order for it to work.”
I tilt my head back and finish my wine in four gulps. Emma reaches over and grabs the bottle to give me a refill.
“You need to tell them both how you feel. It’s not fair to assume what they need without talking to them.”
I sigh, heavy and loud. “You’ve seen them.
They have something I’ll never be able to compete with,” I lament, pain making my voice thin.
“Besides, I don’t think it’s possible to love two people equally like that.
You’ll always have a greater connection to one than the other and with what those two have been through, their connection is unbreakable.
Suddenly, Luke’s words from the night at his condo flash through my mind. He’s actually quite impossible to compete with.
So are you, Luke, I think to myself.
“You know what they say…if you love something, you should let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours and that’s how you know.”
Emma barks out in laughter like I’d hoped she would despite the seriousness of the conversation.
“Bitch, they don’t say that…Christina Aguilera said that.” She snorts because she’s laughing so hard and it makes me chuckle even as my heart breaks.
“Well, Christina is queen, so…” I shrug my shoulders like that somehow proves my point. “I just think it’s time these two get the shot they missed out on all those years ago. If it doesn’t work out, maybe Sloan and I can pick up where we left off.”
Emma pats my knee. “Just so we’re clear, what’s happening in there isn’t them asking you to let them go,” Em argues. “It’s you making the choice for them.”
“Maybe. But I can’t shake the feeling that Sloan doesn’t want to hurt me and Luke doesn’t want to hurt Sloan so neither of them will cut me out, but that’s not enough to make this work. And I meant what I said. They deserve their shot.”
“That’s a selfless choice, Jen. Although I still think you should talk to them first, I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah, well, there will be a lot of nights where Drunk Jennifer sleeps in your guest room, so don’t be too proud of me yet.”
Emma scoffs. “Yeah right. I’ve been trying to get a slumber-party with Drunk Jen for like a year. She never commits. She’s too busy working.”
I give a small, humorless laugh. Working. Thank God I didn’t agree to the position in Luke’s ER.
We continue talking under the twinkling lights until one in the morning when Sloan, Luke, and Ryan finally come up to the roof to check on us. The only thing I’m certain of is I can’t fully invest in this relationship until I know they won’t make it on their own.
As soon as the guys appear, Em stands and wraps her arms around Ryan’s neck, whispering loudly enough for the rest of us to hear, “If they’re going to be up here for a few minutes, that means you and I have the suite to ourselves.”
“Later,” Ryan says to Sloan, practically dragging Emma through the door back to the suite. Tim follows Ryan and Emma and gives a slight nod to Jasper, who takes over standing guard, silent as the grave in the background.
Sloan and Luke are both wearing easy, satisfied smiles. The glow in their skin and eyes unmistakable. Good for them, I tell myself.
“Well, I popped Luke’s dick cherry,” Sloan says proudly sitting in Emma’s vacant seat and holding his arms out for me to sit in his lap.
“Dick cherry?” I ask, climbing in his arms because, fuck my life, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” Luke laughs, taking my empty chair. “A few minutes ago, he referred to his cum as sexy love liquid.”
I turn my head to make eye contact with Sloan.
“When we say we love your mouth…it isn’t for the words that come out of it.
” My answer contains more venom than I intend.
I’ve never been good at masking my emotions.
Hell, I’ve never had to, needed to, or wanted to.
I’ve always just thrown it all out there.
Cast the die and see where it falls and all of that.
But now? God, now, I feel like a row boat adrift at sea being tossed around in a violent storm.
I don’t know which way is up.
And Sloan catches it. Perceptive bastard that he is.
“Jen. What’s going on?”
I untangle myself from his arms and move to the end of the lounger, taking each of their hands in one of my own as I swallow the bile rising in my throat.
“I’m bowing out.”
“Bowing out?” Sloan repeats. “What does that mean? Bowing out of what?” The way he’s getting angry tells me he already knows.
“As it turns out, I’m not actually cut out for the whole threesome thing and I think you two deserve a shot at a real relationship.”
Under the string lights, I watch Sloan’s eyes darken, his jaw clench, and his nostrils flare. Despite feeling like I’m sacrificing everything for his happiness, I seem to have said the wrong thing.
“Why does everyone think just because you’re in love with two people at the same time it’s not a real relationship?
” He growls…actually growls. “What Lucky and I have finally found doesn’t diminish anything I feel for you, Jen.
So, what?” he continues, his anger a driving force behind him that appears unstoppable.
“You sat up here with Emma for the last two hours convincing yourself this could never work just because there’s three of us involved? ”
“Sloan.” It’s just his name, but rolling off Luke’s tongue, it’s clearly a warning.
“No, I want to know the truth. I just had the start to what was turning out to be the best night of my fucking life. I thought after all these years, I was finally going to have all the pieces I needed in order to be whole again.” He looks at me, anger, pain, and agony etched across his face. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I’m in love with you,” I admit.
“That makes no sense!” he argues. To my surprise, Luke chimes in as well.
“Jen, don’t you see how much you mean to him? To us?” He corrects. “We can figure this out.”
“That’s just it, Luke. You want him, and I want him, and he wants both of us. That’s not a thriving threesome relationship. That’s two couple relationships with a boyfriend in common.”
Hurt causes Luke’s eyes to narrow. “I figured we’re just still getting to know each other, and obviously we have some things to figure out, but you’re part of this, Jen. I feel like we’ve really had some great moments, me and you, recently. Isn’t it at least worth seeing where this goes?”
It might be different if he were pleading out of his own desire, but he’s pleading on Sloan’s behalf. He admitted that he doesn’t want to be the one to cause Sloan any more pain.
Well, he’s in luck, because this one’s on me.
“I just think you two need a chance to make a go of it on your own. You have a lot of time to make up for and right now the scales are imbalanced by everything you feel for Luke.” Sloan opens his mouth to argue so I pat his thigh and continue, “It’s not necessarily goodbye forever, but I can’t get any deeper into this and then lose both of you.
So, please. Take this time to just focus on you two as a couple.
By tomorrow morning, the world will know you’re together anyway. ”
With nothing more to say, I stand, kissing them both on the cheek, grab my wine glass and the empty bottle, and make my way inside, toward the couch in the suite’s living room where I’ll be sleeping tonight.
Jennifer Hayes, you’re a fucking idiot.