Chapter 5
5
PRESENT DAY
The drive back down to London had been miserable, with rain all the way. Maggie didn’t even have Tiger to keep her company. Having decided that if she was going to go to Cannes it would be sensible to leave her cat with her parents for the time being, Maggie had left promising to let her mother know one way or the other in the next few days. As a freelancer, the thought of going abroad, even for just a short break, had been enough to give her sleepless nights.
It was dark by the time Maggie arrived back in London and once she’d got in the door, the only thing she wanted to do was collapse into bed and watch something mindless on her laptop before falling asleep. She hadn’t even taken her coat off, when her phone starting pinging with messages. She rummaged in her pocket for it and looked at the screen. It was Jack’s number. Tapping on it, she read the last one.
Please call me
Maggie’s heart lurched in her chest. Had something happened to him? She opened the others, all similar in their urgent tone.
We need to talk
Where are you?
Can you speak?
Call me pls
She’d missed three calls from him too. She looked at the screen, a faint feeling of nausea coming over her. Sitting down on the sofa, her hands shaking, she called Jack back. He answered immediately.
‘Maggie?’
It still hurt to hear his voice. ‘Jack, what is it?’
‘Are you on your own?’
‘Yes, why? Please, you’re scaring me. Is everything alright?’
‘I’m fine. It’s just… well, I wanted you to hear this from me.’
Maggie closed her eyes slowly, bracing herself. ‘Hear what?’
‘I’m engaged.’
‘Oh.’ She couldn’t hide the surprise from her voice.
‘To Lottie.’
‘Lottie the teenage researcher?’
‘Maggie, she’s not a teenager. She’s twenty-five.’
‘Same thing. Hang on, I saw her recently on a job.’ Maggie remembered talking to her at the bar, thinking how sweet – and young – she seemed. ‘She didn’t mention you.’
‘She didn’t know we’d been together.’
‘Married.’ Maggie rolled her eyes.
‘Okay, married. Anyway, she didn’t know when she met you.’
Maggie knew it was bound to happen to one of them sooner or later. She just hadn’t been expecting it so soon.
Jack spoke again, his voice quiet and low. ‘She’s pregnant and I wanted you to hear it from me and not from anyone else.’
Maggie felt as if someone had punched her hard in the stomach. Twice.
‘Pregnant?’
‘I’m so sorry, Maggie. I know this will come as a huge shock. It has to me too.’
She literally couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘But I thought…’
‘Maggie, can I come and see you?’
‘Absolutely not.’ Maggie shook her head, trying to stop the tears.
‘Please, I think it would be a good idea.’
‘Jack, I don’t need you to come and comfort me. It’s fine.’
The truth was Maggie felt as far from fine as she ever had but the last person she wanted to see was Jack.
‘We only just found out yesterday but she’s told a few people already. Someone just messaged me to say congrat—’ Jack stopped himself. ‘I wanted to tell you first.’
‘How thoughtful.’ Maggie knew it was a low blow, but she couldn’t help herself. After all those years of trying – and failing – to have a baby, all that heartbreak and bitter disappointment, Jack had met someone else and boom! He was a father-to-be. Maggie had never ever felt so alone.
She looked at a red wine stain on the carpet, something she’d been meaning to tackle since she’d first moved into the flat. ‘I’ve got to go.’
‘Maggie, wait…’
She hung up and sat in silence. Her phone screen faded to darkness and Maggie let it drop to the floor then sat back and closed her eyes. She imagined Jack seeing the scan for the first time, stroking Lottie’s swollen belly, making plans. She remembered how it felt standing in the tiny spare room of their old flat, the one they’d hoped would be a nursery one day. They’d even dared to buy a cot with one of the pregnancies, but it had remained in its box after yet another miscarriage. Jack eventually returned it to the shop, only to be told they couldn’t provide a refund, just a credit note which they would never spend. The thought of swapping a cot for some scatter cushions and a new set of kitchen knives was too painful.
She was woken from her half-sleep by the sound of her phone ringing. Realising it was now dark outside, she looked at the time. It was nearly eleven o’clock at night. Seeing her mother’s name, she realised she’d totally forgotten to let her parents know she’d got back safely, as she usually did at their insistence.
‘Mum, hi.’ Maggie tried to sound bright. ‘I’m so sorry, I totally forgot to message you.’
‘We were worried. How was the drive?’
Maggie was happy to hear her mother’s voice but as much as she wanted to tell her what she’d learnt from Jack, she didn’t want her parents to worry about her. ‘All fine, apart from the rain.’
‘You sound tired, darling.’
‘I know, I fell asleep as soon as I got home. That’s why I didn’t message.’ Maggie felt awful for lying but she could feel the tears coming back and desperately didn’t want her mother to hear her cry. ‘I think I’m going to just get into bed, can I call you tomorrow?’
‘Yes of course, sleep well.’
‘You too.’
She sat back and looked about the empty room for a moment, wondering what to do next. Everything felt heavy, from her limbs to her eyelids but nothing felt as heavy as her heart. Thinking of Jack moving on to a life they should have had together was almost unbearable. Deep down she wondered if they would ever have recovered, even if they had gone on to have children, whether their own or perhaps even adopted. Now she’d never know. It was as if someone had taken her life plan and ripped it up right in front of her eyes and there was nothing she could do about it.
* * *
The sound of her alarm clock woke Maggie with a start. She shifted and moved her leg, expecting to find the weight of her cat on the bed. It took her a moment to remember Tiger wasn’t there. The memory of yesterday’s phone call with Jack came crashing into her mind, leaving no room for thoughts of anything else. She sat up and checked her phone. Her head ached from the three huge glasses of wine she’d consumed in front of a terrible film she’d started watching halfway through in the hope of taking her mind off things. To her relief she hadn’t responded to Jack’s follow-up messages, much as she’d wanted to send him a stream of consciousness about how she felt about his news. However, she had obviously swiped right on a few matches against her better (sober) judgement. Maggie scrolled through the messages she’d received back, most of them suggesting meeting at short notice and certainly not for meaningful conversations.
Pulling on a dressing gown, Maggie padded into the sitting room and rifled through her handbag. She found a packet of paracetamol and popped two into her mouth, washing them down with some water straight from the tap in the kitchen before putting on the kettle.
She heard her phone ringing in the bedroom and went to pick it up. It was her mother.
‘Just calling to check you’re alright; you sounded so sad last night. Is everything okay?’ Maggie couldn’t help but smile; her mother really did seem to have a sixth sense. ‘I know, I’m sorry. I was just really wiped out from the drive.’ She tried to think of something to say to change the subject. Looking around the room, her eyes fell on the envelope on the table that she’d been given by her mother with Allegra’s address and details. ‘Mum, I’ve decided I’ll go to Cannes. I’m going to book flights this morning.’ She was taken aback at her own sudden decision-making but in that moment she knew she had to get away from London as fast as she could, even if it was just for a few days. She didn’t want to see anyone she knew, let alone anyone Jack knew. This trip was the answer.
‘Really?’ Her mother sounded ecstatic. ‘Let me know how much and we’ll send you the money.’
‘Mum, you really don’t have to do that.’
‘I want to. I told you, you’re doing me a favour.’
‘Well, if you’re sure… thank you.’
‘I’ll let Allegra know you’re coming. I’ve given you all the details.’
‘I’ll book it now.’
As soon as she was off the call, Maggie opened her laptop and searched for flights, fighting back the fat tears that threatened to fall onto the keyboard as she typed in details. Suddenly she couldn’t wait to get on a plane, away from it all, as fast as she possibly could.