Chapter 26 Xander
XANDER
Ceramic clinking and running water draw me out of sleep, and I wake with a start, my thoughts still clinging to the desire to soothe Snow.
But she’s not here.
An empty living room greets me as I sit up and rub my eyes while a soft blanket slips from my chest and pools at my waist.
Did I fall asleep?
Shit.
There was so much more I wanted to say.
So much more I wanted to make Snow aware of.
It takes a few moments for me to get my bearings and just as this room feels painfully unfamiliar, the music of Snow’s humming drifts through the door and immediately anchors me.
I came here to fix things and I think I did a good job.
Snow sounds happy, at least.
Fighting a yawn and a stiff neck, I rise from the couch and follow the musical humming through a door and into the next room.
Snow’s by the sink, humming and swaying to low music playing from her phone while towel drying some dishes.
Her back is to me, so I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms, watching her.
She’s in her own little world.
Step by step, she moves across the tiled floor and her hair swishes back and forth, following her movements until she spins and catches sight of me.
A squeak of alarm escapes her and she clutches the mug and towel to her chest, her eyes wide.
“Xander! Oh, you scared me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect you to be there.” Her lips melt into a small, soft smile. “Are you okay?”
“Stiff neck,” I reply while massaging the back. “But I slept. I’m sorry, I must have been more tired than I realized.”
“To be fair, we had that picnic and all that exercise, then you went to work for hours and came home, then rushed all the way over here and stuff, so I’m not surprised you fell asleep.”
“Still, I should have been more careful.”
Her eyes narrow. “You’re kidding. There’s no way you can beat yourself up for falling asleep.
” She sets the mug down and approaches me, her eyes drifting over my body and finally locking onto my face.
“It’s not like you fell asleep in the middle of texting or something.
You were here with me and I was enjoying your company, so I’m taking it as a compliment that you slept. ”
Snow appears more relaxed than she did last night with no hint of tears on her face.
Even her smile seems relaxed, but despite all of that, there’s something in her eyes that catches me.
Almost as if she’s sad.
Pushing off from the doorframe, I close the gap between us and take her hand.
Our fingers tangle immediately and she glances down to watch, then looks back up at me.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, cautiously touching her waist. When she doesn’t pull away, I slide my hand around to her lower back and draw her in.
“Honestly?”
I nod.
She presses her other hand to the middle of my chest and briefly chews on her lower lip. “I’m a little scared your sister will tell someone and this will be all over.”
“She won’t. She might be an asshole, but she wouldn’t hurt me like that.”
“Are you sure?” Snow tilts her head as she looks back up at me. “She seemed angry yesterday.”
“I’m certain of very few things in my life—my skills, my desire for you, and my sister’s love. We’re all we have when it comes to family, and I see where she’s coming from. She won’t risk my career.”
“But you’ll risk it for me?”
My arm tightens and I lean down until we’re nose to nose. “Let me worry about my career, okay? My private life stays private.”
A shy smile creeps across Snow’s lips and she nods.
Then she lifts her arms and cups my jaw with both hands.
Her thumbs caress my cheeks as she pulls me in for a gentle, warm kiss that gets my heart racing with excitement.
Such a simple touch of affection and yet I crave it.
The looks.
The touches.
The sweet kisses and the lewd kisses. Everything she wants to give me, I will take eagerly.
“What time is it?” I ask, stopping myself before getting too into kissing her.
“A little after six,” Snow murmurs. “I have work.”
“Me too.”
“Damn.” She kisses me one last time, firmer this time, and pulls away. “Think you can get through your work day without me?”
“I’ll do my best.”
Snow is on my mind all day.
The only time she isn’t is when I’m in surgery and my work consumes me.
Three people cross my table throughout the day, each one a painfully long surgery thanks to car accidents on the icy roads and a construction accident up at the lumber mill.
Trauma is busiest this time of year and in previous years, I loved it.
Nothing made the holiday season fly by faster than countless trauma surgeries.
This year is different.
Every moment spent between surgeries, I’m either scrubbing my hands and arms raw, talking to families, or filling in important paperwork, and those are the times I mull over my situation with Snow.
Her concerns are real and I don’t intend to dismiss them.
Things are light and fun right now, but I’m rapidly growing attached to her.
Her face exists in my thoughts, her hand lingers like a ghost in mine, and I can still taste her sweetness on my tongue.
It’s dangerous.
I might want more.
But to do that safely, I need to figure out how to handle our work situation in a way that doesn’t affect her.
While having Snow reassigned to another department would be the easiest solution, upending her job feels too scummy and plays into the power imbalance I’m trying to avoid.
It’s my position of power that causes the problem and that would become painful if I took the Chief of Surgery promotion.
I need another solution.
But I have none, currently.
Seven hours later, I trudge into the breakroom in search of coffee with thirty minutes before my next surgery and find the place decorated to the brim.
Snow balances on a chair with her arms outstretched, trying to pin a streamer into the corner of the room while June stands on the ground behind her, arms outstretched and ready to catch her if she falls.
A couple of other staff are dotted around the room, decorating a Christmas tree in the corner and covering the surfaces in festive paper.
Fred rushes past me with a pastry hanging out of his mouth and he snorts at my stunned expression. “They’re doing it quick so Jen can’t take it down,” he mumbles through pastry flakes, then he’s gone in a flourish.
Fred’s voice draws attention, and Snow glances over her shoulder at me, then smirks. “You’re tall. Any chance of a hand?”
June’s expression grows hopeful and she clutches Snow’s legs. “Please say yes. Snow’s been giving me a heart attack every time she climbs up on this chair!”
A couple of other people laugh and Snow wobbles, sending both me and June toward her in a flash.
“Step aside.”
I catch June shooting Snow a look as my flat tone doesn’t scream that I’m pleased to help, but Snow knows better.
As she climbs down into June’s arms, I climb up onto the stool and take the decoration from her.
It’s far easier for me to reach the corner of the ceiling, but just as I’m pinning it in place, familiar hands clutch at my legs.
I glance down and Snow is gazing up innocently at me. When our eyes meet, she smiles. “Don’t fall!”
“I won’t.” Returning to the decoration, I pin it securely in place and June cheers.
“Yay! Seven more to go.”
“Seven?” I meet Snow’s eyes once more and she very subtly pouts.
“You can help, right?”
I can’t resist.
The next ten minutes are spent moving around the room and standing on the stool with Snow’s hands on my thighs holding me in place, not that I need it, and pinning decorations to the ceiling.
From streamers and snowflakes to angels and Santa, I pin them all without a word of complaint.
With Snow’s hands on me, perfectly innocent to everyone else, I’m in heaven.
And she knows it.
Every chance we get, there’s contact.
Lingering fingers with the exchange of decorations, secret smiles, supportive hands on my legs.
I get my own back by holding her waist when she wants help placing things on the Christmas tree, but I also aid June so no one gets suspicious.
In the end, my half-hour break flies by and I’m called back to work, but not before Snow stops me in the doorway with a coffee in hand. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for your help, Doctor.”
Something about the way her lips curl around that word makes my gut clench, and I barely hide my smile. “If Jen gives you trouble, send her to me.”
“Oh, she will definitely be on her way,” Snow says. “Enjoy your coffee.” She turns and heads back into the staff room and my heart follows her, lingering even as I walk down the corridor.
It’s not until I reach the elevator that I spot the faint lipstick kiss on the mouthpiece of the coffee cup.
I can’t stop my smile this time and I take my first drink while sharing that secret kiss with her.
In the elevator, my phone buzzes in my pocket and my heart lifts, hoping to see a message from Snow.
No such luck.
It’s from Thea and my heart sinks.
[THEA] You didn’t call or come home, so I had to call the hospital to make sure you weren’t dead, you dick.
[THEA] You hid because you know I’m right. Don’t throw your career away for a fling, Xander. You’re better than that.