chapter 52 ⚚
Lilith had never realized how strange—and awful—it was to be at a place designed to be half alive, while being sober.
The only good thing about mixing Valentina, Valentina's friends, her friends and herself was that at least she would have something to get through. Firsts were always anxious, but this felt like survival, even though no one around her seemed to notice the tension knotting in her chest.
Was there anything Lilith felt frustrated about, being around Valentina more and more? Not much—but not being able to use in this situation gnawed at her.
The person most delighted with the arrangement was Rhys. He had previously declared his cheerful willingness to spend time with the blonde girl, but now, seeing two more girls, he seemed even more thrilled.
He simply enjoyed the company of women, and if anyone found a table with one man and five women absurd—he couldn't have cared less.
And as much as Lilith probably should have been the one enjoying the company of women most, she felt intimidated, as she often did. Usually expressive and thoughtful, she shrank when women with stronger personalities entered the room, becoming just another small an d awkward presence.
It wasn't as though Valentina didn't notice it.
As Lilith focused on everyone else, making sure no one embarrassed themselves or got into a situation she'd feel responsible for, Valentina's attention remained fixed solely on her.
The only sign of disappointment came from not being able to fully see Lilith—the way she moved, spoke and naturally behaved around those she was close to.
Valentina leaned in slightly, close to Lilith's ear and murmured with a small chuckle, "Relax."
Lilith's shoulders shot up immediately, as if the sound of Valentina's voice hurt her.
She turned her head towards the woman, who looked far more at ease than the blonde ever felt.
Giving Valentina a small, hesitant smile, she looked down at her untouched drink, unsure if she could—or wanted to—drink it.
"You can take a sip... I don't think it'll kill you," Valentina murmured, her eyes flicking to the glass with amusement.
"I know," Lilith said neutrally, taking the glass in her hand and drinking it all at once.
Maybe all she needed was Valentina's permission. The woman's eyes widened slightly, but she only seemed more amused. After all, it wasn't the first time she had seen Lilith drink.
When Lilith stood up, she felt almost reborn.
Her instructions to the barman were precise: more vodka, but make it look like there wasn't any.
She didn't stop at one drink, she ordered two, downing one immediately and letting the first empty glass be taken away by the man laughing behind the bar.
Lilith was grateful for her familiarity with her own body, knowing exactly how many drinks, in how many minutes, it would take for the alcohol to start working.
Sliding back into her seat next to Valentina, she left a small space between them—just enough to assert her independence, though Gabrielle's curious eyes lingered on the gap.
Valentina didn't mind.
Occasionally, her hand brushed Lilith's knee or thigh beneath the table, gesturing contact that went unreciprocated.
Rhys had been the one keeping everything alive, seeming to take a liking to Gabrielle—though it was hard to tell when he was drunk. Olivia, on the other hand, seemed to take a liking to him.
Lilith sighed as soon as the girl declared she was ready for drinks too, the day before. She lectured her as much as she could, silently praying that Olivia wouldn't be as messy as usual.
Surprisingly, she didn't stand out much.
Lilith hadn't known that casual drinking in the evening, without much crowd, could be something Olivia might enjoy—but fortunately, she was wrong.
Her attention, however, was quickly ripped away from Rhys and Gabrielle, who had taken on the role of professional critics dissecting the latest films, when Olivia's elbow knocked over Valentina's glass of whiskey.
The liquid spilled across Valentina's black dress.
"God, I'm sorry," the girl said, flustered, trying to set the glass back upright.
Lilith was quick, snatching some napkins off the table to press gently against Valentina's thigh.
"It's alright," Valentina murmured, glancing down at the little mess. Her hand brushed over Lilith's as she took the napkins, and instead of focusing on her dress, she wiped the table.
Lilith returned to the conversation, letting the tension ease around them.
"Sorry, I'm so bad at first impressions," Olivia giggled, trying to make small talk while apologizing, hoping Valentina wasn't upset.
"No, wait actually... I'm bad at second ones too," she added, nervously.
"You're fine," Valentina said, her attention now back on her dress rather than the black haired girl beside her.
She was clearly not charmed by Olivia's messiness.
It was strange, the woman thought, that the blonde girl she adored could be messy in her own way—and yet Valentina seemed to like it.
Other messy people still got on her nerves.
Maybe it was because she knew Olivia had been the girl Lilith had done drugs with previously, but that alone hadn't triggered any disdain from Valentina.
Now, because Olivia had spilled the drink on her, she might have a reason to dislike her.
Valentina didn't bother getting more whiskey, having no more to drink and instead listened to the banter. She occasionally threw in a joke or opinion as the evening drew to a close.
She wondered what worst case scenarios Lilith had imagined that made her so nervous at the start, when the gathering had turned out pleasant.
Maybe, Valentina thought, she could ask her if the girl would let her spend some time alone with her after the evening.
As Rhys paid for everyone, both Lilith and Amber decided to quickly go to the bar's restroom.
Lilith fished out her hairbrush, untangling her hair, which lately had been pissing her off more often than not.
For a second, she considered asking Gabrielle to come along.
The awkwardness around the ginger woman hadn't eased at all, if anything, it had intensified. Amber hadn't engaged in any conversation with her throughout the evening.
Both women stood in front of the mirror. Amber decided to reapply her lip gloss, though she didn't have much luck. The gloss slipped from her hands, falling to the floor. Its literal glass packaging, rather than plastic, shattered slightly.
"Fuck," she muttered, irritated, collecting the pieces of glass and threw them away before washing her hands of the sticky gloss.
As unfortunate as it was for Amber, it was an opportunity for Lilith. She quickly rummaged through her black leather bag and found an unused lip gloss.
"Here. Have this one," she said kindly, smiling as she held it out.
Amber accepted it with a quiet, neutral "Thanks."
"I don't really like it, you can keep it," Lilith added, clearly not a fan of having anything glossy or wet on her own lips.
Amber coated her full lips in the mostly clear, slightly pinkish gloss, taking her time.
Lilith tried again.
"It looks pretty on you," she smiled politely, but she received no answer—neither a smile nor a word—which made her a little upset. Most encounters she had in bar or club bathrooms with other women were pleasant, warm even.
"Everything alright?" she asked, watching Amber deliberately take her time.
"Why wouldn't it be?" Amber said, pausing to catch Lilith's gaze in the mirror before continuing.
"Oh, I just thought... I might be wrong, but I feel like you've been staring at me... weirdly?" Lilith chuckled softly.
"I think you're just imagining things," Amber answered, unbothered, not really focused on reassuring the girl.
"Maybe," Lilith smiled softly.
"You don't have anything to worry about, do you?" Amber asked, her attention now on twisting the lip gloss closed and slipping it into her bag.
"I don't think so," Lilith answered, though her smile faltered a little. Her brows furrowed, a subtle crease of confusion forming.
The woman straightened her back after softly bending down to look at the mirror's reflection. Suddenly, as if a thought she had forgotten popped back into her head, she said, "I hope you're on the same page."
She looked down at Lilith, as if expecting her to immediately understand what she meant—while Lilith clearly didn't.
"About what?" the blonde girl murmured.
"Valentina?" she added, because there was truly nothing else the ginger woman could have meant.
"Yeah," Amber sighed softly.
"I'm not messing around, if that's what you mean," the girl quickly said, her tone sharper, coming out more defensive than she had intended.
"I didn't say you were," Amber replied, her shoulders shrugging softly.
"But after all... I don't know you that well."
?
Valentina didn't mind waiting—but it was absolutely insufferable when she had to wait for Lilith.
Her back leaned against the wall, coats in hand, hers, Lilith's, and Amber's, as she straightened when Gabrielle appeared.
"Hi," the curly haired girl smiled.
"Hi," Valentina answered, her lips forming a small smile, almost matching Gabrielle's.
At least her presence, Valentina didn't mind—unlike Olivia's, who stood next to her.
"Thanks for the wine," Gabrielle shrugged, reminding Valentina of the little apology gift she had given the girl, what felt like ages ago.
"Wine?" Valentina murmured, trying to recall, and as she did, she almost shyly nodded.
"Right," she murmured.
"What wine?" Olivia chimed in, clearly not caring whether it was something that should be mentioned—or if it was polite to ask.
"Nothing to worry about," Gabrielle smiled, putting on her coat.
"Well, I want to hear," Olivia's brow raised, taking an opportunity to annoy Gabrielle, which was something she clearly enjoyed a lot.
"It's nothing you need to hear about," Valentina answered, even if Olivia's question wasn't exactly directed at her.
Her tone wasn't harsh, but it wasn't the nicest either, clearly shutting down the topic, though she wouldn't have minded explaining. She just sounded a little bit too... bitchy.
"Oh, and I was worried Lilith would end up with someone boring," Olivia joked, clearly not intimidated by the stern looking woman, which earned an eye roll from Gabrielle.
"And that, too, shouldn't be your concern," Valentina was very quick to answer, shrugging her shoulders.
"I think that's for me to decide," Olivia murmured, letting the topic drop just as Rhys appeared.
"Ready to go?" he asked, eyeing the women as well as Amber and Lilith, who had finally shown up.
"Yeah," Gabrielle sighed, patting his arm and saying, "Thank you for paying," clearly being the only one thinking to show gratitude.
?
Uber was the group's only option, and it was quickly sorted out.
Only a little look from Valentina was enough for Lilith to decide that she would, without a doubt, spend the night at her place.
Since Rhys's apartment was close to Valentina's, after a quick hug Lilith gave Gabrielle—accompanied by a wink—she moved to hug Olivia, almost as if to silently say she was grateful the girl hadn't been on any drugs.
Lilith received a small squeeze at her waist in return. They split into two groups.
The ride home was quiet, the alcohol making both Lilith and Rhys sleepy and hazy. After Rhys only said, "Bye, ladies," clearly focusing on the blonde girl and winking just to annoy the brunette, silence fell again.
Only now, Lilith let her head rest on Valentina's arm in the back of the car. She liked that another experience shared with Valentina made her feel even more comfortable around the woman.
As soon as they entered the penthouse, Lilith made sure to be as vocal as possible about how tired she was.
Valentina looked around the space, her eyes catching her office and the light spilling from it.
"I forgot to turn off the lamp," she said, nodding towards the door as she made her way there.
Lilith shrugged off her shoes, looking down at them before deciding to bend and place them neatly, even though the effort made her even more tired. She then followed Valentina.
The woman seemed to be tidying a few things in the office, not turning around when she heard Lilith enter.
Lilith scanned the room and decided to rest. She hopped onto the desk, laying down on it, which immediately made Valentina eye her as if to reprimand her.
"Get up," Valentina whined at the blonde girl, who had already closed her eyes, walking towards the desk.
Lilith looked truly no different than a patient lying on a surgery table.
Valentina's fingers went straight to Lilith's covered stomach, tickling her. Even when the girl squirmed, the tickling barely affected her.
"The papers will all be wrinkled," Valentina said more strictly, making Lilith's back shoot up quickly, her eyes opening wide.
She looked back at the papers, as well as a sketch that Valentina's eyes lingered on.
And god, how bad Lilith felt for putting Valentina in such an embarrassing moment.
Both Lilith's and Valentina's hands went towards the sketch, but, just as anyone would predict, Valentina was faster.
"I already know... you can at least let me see it," Lilith chuckled at the embarrassed woman, who wasn't giving up the sketch that easily.
Lilith slid along the desk to sit directly in front of her, smiling.
"You look cute," she said, which only earned a sigh from Valentina.
"Val," Lilith pouted softly, spreading her legs slightly, her hands going to the woman's waist to draw her a little closer. She could smell her scent more strongly now as she leaned towards her neck, pressing a soft kiss there.
As soon as Valentina's head tilted back, Lilith's fingers snatched the sketch from her hands, immediately leaning back to examine it.
Valentina genuinely frowned, realizing how easily she could be manipulated by the girl.
She looked down at the sketch, her hand going to her hair, smoothing it out as Lilith stared at the picture.
It clearly showed her, probably on the bed, leaning on both her hands and knees. The main focus was her chest, decorated in a soft top that was one of her favorites—only on the drawing it had been slightly altered, with a bit more lace added.
It looked casual, but also erotic, as it was meant to be, the focus clearly on her breasts that were almost spilling out.
And as much as Lilith might have felt shy or embarrassed, she had her favorite woman covering her face with her hands—her being the embarrassed one.
"It's not the first one," Lilith giggled.
"Hm?" Valentina murmured, her face still resting in her own hands.
"It's not the first one I've seen," Lilith added, torturing her just a little more.
"What?" Valentina's head lifted.
"I might've snooped a little," Lilith said, innocently winking at the brunette.
"I like it," she added.
She actually wasn't entirely sure if she did—but it was definitely stirring more positive feelings than negative ones, and the negatives were the ones she often struggled with, so she didn't take them seriously.
"Do you?" Valentina said, looking very, very guilty.
"Yeah," Lilith said, turning the paper around so the woman could see her own sketch, grinning.
It was immediately snatched back and put down on the desk.
"You're..." Valentina started, seeming not to know what to even say.
"Horrible," she finally said.
"So terrible and... awful," the woman added, trying to find as many synonyms as she could—only receiving a humorous hum from Lilith, who clearly wasn't as tired anymore.
"Oh yes, please, talk to me like that," Lilith suggestively said, which made Valentina turn around quickly, heading to the glowing lamp and switching it off as she had first intended, then leaving the room.
"Wait. I'm scared of the dark," Lilith giggled, getting up and following the woman, who was undressing, then swiftly moving to the kitchen to snatch a wine from her dedicated glass shelf.
"Val," Lilith murmured once again, undressing from her own jacket and throwing it onto the stool chair.
"I'm okay with you drawing me," she hummed, getting closer to the woman, almost chasing her through the penthouse.
As soon as she caught sight of Valentina's embarrassed face again, she added, "Or rather drawing my b—"
She was quickly cut off by Valentina's palm pressing over her mouth.
"Be quiet," Valentina said strictly.
Lilith would've lied if she said she didn't find it attractive—but she clearly wasn't one to obey. Her tongue darted out, licking the woman's hand.
Valentina gave up with a sigh, turning around to get an objectively large wine glass.
Was there anything Lilith loved more than annoying the woman? Her hands quickly found the woman's waist as her face landed against Valentina's warm back, hugging her from behind.
"You're not truly mad, are you?" Lilith muttered into her back.
"I am not," Valentina said.
"I feel deeply humiliated by you," Valentina chuckled.
"Do you like it?" Lilith asked quickly, laughing.
"I'm not you, sweetheart," Valentina replied sarcastically, taking her turn to torment the girl. As soon as she found a way to make Lilith's smile falter, the blonde haired girl put a stop to the play, rolling her eyes and breaking the hug.
"You didn't have enough?" the girl asked, eyeing the woman who poured herself some wine.
"I didn't. Your friend spilled my drink." Valentina's brow rose.
"I forgot to tell you," Lilith shot up, her hand slipping towards the cleavage of her top to fish out her vape from her bra.
"Amber was acting weird," she added, which intrigued Valentina.
"I mean... she said something weird to me... did I do something?" Lilith's brows furrowed.
"What did she say?" Valentina asked, raising the glass to take a sip.
"I don't even remember, but... did you talk about me with her?" Lilith asked, taking a shallow puff from her vape.
"I don't think so..." Valentina hesitated for a second, her voice questioning.
"I can ask," she added, more certain.
"No, don't," Lilith widened her eyes.
"I won't say that I talked to you, Lilith," Valentina said, tilting her head.
"Then do," Lilith smiled softly.
Valentina nodded at her, noting it mentally as she looked around the kitchen.
"Do you want anything?" the woman asked.
"Hmm," Lilith hummed genuinely, considering the offer.
"A kiss?"
Maybe all Lilith needed to feel confident was Valentina embarrassing herself in front of her.
"Come here." Valentina's face softened as she leaned down towards the smiling girl, who expected the woman's full lips on hers.
All she got, however, was her nose pinched by the mischievous woman, who looked far too pleased with herself, deciding the score between them was even.
"Kitchen's closed," she said, moving to turn off the lights once again, leaving Lilith in the darkness.
Was that how couples acted?
Coming home in silence, just to feel more alive together, to have more fun, just with each other?
If it was, Lilith was more than happy to share it with Valentina.
"I'll remind you about that drawing every day," she yelled, as Valentina was already on the stairs heading to the bedroom.
"Be my guest," Valentina yelled back.
?
"Did you think about christmas?" Valentina asked, as both of them lay in her bed, ready to sleep. Her hand caressed the girl's bare leg, which was draped over her waist.
"No?" Lilith murmured, guilty, her face pressed into the woman's breasts.
Valentina's body was entirely occupied by Lilith—not only did almost all of her weight rest on her, but her phone and vape were lying on Valentina's stomach as well.
Yet Valentina didn't mind.
She was truly just Lilith's dream woman, and Lilith seemed to realize it only in moments that might have seemed silly to others.
Valentina's attention was entirely on the TV remote she held in her left hand, which wasn't crushed by Lilith's weight, as she picked out a film for them to watch before sleeping.
"Then think about it," Valentina murmured.
"Well... Christmas is usually for close family," Lilith said softly, looking up.
"Chiara said she wants me to show up with my blonde," Valentina said, her brows furrowing as she recalled her sister's words.
"She speaks for the whole family," she added.
"Your blonde?" Lilith grinned.
"Aren't you blonde?" Valentina asked sarcastically, which made Lilith dramatically huff, as the woman ruined the possible romantic moment of admitting how utterly only hers she was.
"Expect me then," Lilith said, already thinking of how to delicately decline her mother's offer without unnecessary drama. That probably meant her mother would be spending Christmas alone.
The thought slowly, slightly broke her heart.
"Is this one okay?" Valentina's voice pulled Lilith from her thoughts, pointing at the TV and the chosen film.
"Yeah," Lilith nodded, knowing she would probably fall asleep halfway through. Though she felt like any small action or word from the brunette woman brought her right back to life.
Just like when the woman's hands closed around Lilith's vape, taking a puff herself, Lilith raised her head slightly, her mouth humorously slightly open.
"Too sweet," Valentina commented, tasting what, truly, her blonde had been enjoying so much.