Chapter 28
Jeremiah
The elevator doors opened to the long, carpeted hallway and I debated stepping out.
It had taken me hours of convincing myself to show up here, and now that I was this close, I started to think better of it.
The gold doors, impatient of waiting for my decision, began to slide closed, but I slipped my hand between them, forcing them to open back up.
I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the burgundy carpet that led to Sadie’s door.
I realized I had never been here before. Aside from that steamy moment in this very elevator, I had never made it past the gold doors to her apartment just a few doors down. Though, I had thought about it many times, usually late at night when my hand just wasn’t cutting it.
I stepped up to her door, but didn’t knock right away.
Instead, I paced outside, trying to figure out what to say.
Something I should have thought about at the office in the hours after she had left with a slam of the door.
After she had left me reeling with the news of the baby.
After she had left me to lick the wounds she inflicted with her pointed words.
I had never seen her so angry, or heard such words tumble off her tongue in a spew of rage.
It had cut more than I would like to admit to hear those things, but it didn’t mean I didn’t deserve them.
I sat with her words for a while, stewing in her verbal attack.
Cold.
Cruel.
Callous.
The furthest thing from father material.
Oh, and the part about only being able to open up when drunk.
All true.
I had fucked up. Big time. I was wrong to accuse her of what I did.
Sadie could barely hurt a fly, let alone come up with some diabolical plan to take my money.
It was ridiculous to even think that she was some mastermind, planting the box outside my door and breaking and entering just to seduce me.
Or be seduced. But still. In my shock, my brain delved into impossible scenarios, like it was in survival mode.
It tried to come up with something, anything, to push her and her pregnancy away.
I knew as soon as she walked out the door that I should have gone after her, but I couldn’t.
The weight of everything pushed down on me.
Plus, how would it look for me to chase after her?
We had already made a scene. In front of Tanya by the elevators.
The echo of my office door slamming behind her.
The employees were already talking about it, I was sure.
I didn’t need to make it worse or draw more attention to us by going after her like some sort of knight in shining armor. Something I was most definitely not.
So, I sat as the word “pregnant” flashed over and over in my mind, like a neon light.
What the fuck?
I never wanted to be a father. Had never even come close to imagining what that life might be like because it was so outside the realm of what my life had become.
What I had built it to be. There was no room for a baby or a wife for that matter because besides never wanting to be a father, I had never wanted to be a husband either.
There was no white picket fence in the cards for me.
No perfect family, as if there was such a thing to exist. No big house with a swing set and a dog to play with in the backyard.
Maybe it was because my own childhood had been less than the fairytale ideal, with a father who was never around and a mother who excused him for it by taking on the weight until it wore her down into nothing. That wouldn’t be my life.
Yet still, as I sat at my desk staring at the shut door and felt the absence Sadie had left abruptly behind, I found myself curious about the what ifs of things I had never even let myself think twice about.
The reality that I was going to be a father was sinking in.
This baby was coming, whether I liked it or not.
Though, Sadie made it clear I wasn’t fit to be a dad.
A challenge that strangely intrigued me as I toyed with the idea.
What if I could be? What if I could make myself want this? What if we gave it a shot and became a family?
I could almost see it. See Sadie twirling around, her red hair whipping across her smiling face as our baby giggled in her arms. She would be one hell of a mother.
There was no doubt. It was easy to picture her taking on that role, but it was difficult to picture myself and where I would fit in.
I let my imagination wander to coming home from work and being greeted by a toothless smile, as our baby crawled toward me as Sadie looked on proudly.
We might not be able to have a big, grassy yard.
My penthouse would have to do. There were worse places to live.
And this was New York. People raised families here every day.
These images were almost too sweet. Too impossible to spend any more time on.
All of it was enough to make me laugh out loud behind my desk as I ran my hands down my cheeks.
It was batshit crazy, not to mention messy.
Sadie was my assistant. She hadn’t signed on to be mother of my child.
But then again, fucking wasn’t part of the job description either.
Yet, it led to this. Soon, Sadie would be showing.
The office would put two and two together, and eventually the media would too.
They were already invested in my life, writing articles about my business ventures or doing profile features on me as a CEO.
I was in the public eye, and there was no getting out of it now.
It would only be a matter of time before they caught wind of this. Some unknown source, or an employee with a vendetta or an eye on a hefty payout, would come forward with this secret. Then the world would know that I had knocked up my assistant. And they would light me on fire for it…
I could already see the PR nightmare unfolding, all because I couldn’t keep it in my damn pants.
My stocks would plummet. The HR department would audit the shit out of this place. My ethics would be put up for review and questioning. My business would be held under a microscope. Clients would leave, not wanting to be associated with me. My reputation would be ruined.
It was a mess I couldn’t allow to happen. If Sadie insisted on going through with having this baby, then she would have to keep the details of us confidential. I would make her sign an NDA if I had to. I would not let myself lose everything.
But before we got into any of that, I owed her an apology. If anything, it would make our next, more difficult conversations go more smoothly. At least, I hoped.
I stopped pacing and stepped up to her door. I gritted my teeth, before rapping my knuckles against the white wood.
I waited a moment, but she didn’t answer.
I tried knocking again, more firmly this time.
Still nothing.
“Sadie…” I called through the door. “It’s me. Please, let me in. I just want to talk.”
I listened for any sign of life beyond her door, but couldn’t hear anything. The silence was deafening.
What did I expect? Her to fling open the door and welcome me with open arms?
She was probably ignoring me, as she rightfully should, but she couldn’t keep that up forever. We worked together. She was having our baby.
Sighing defeatedly, I strode back for the elevator, but instead of going up to my apartment, I pressed the button for the lobby. I wasn’t quite ready to sit in the silence of my own miserable company. I would much rather go to the lobby bar and sip my worries away with a glass of bourbon. Or two.
The elevator doors slid open and I couldn’t help but scour the lobby for long, auburn hair.
Coming up with nothing, I continued walking toward the bar.
I took a seat, unbuttoning my pale blue jacket and let out a deep breath.
It was the usual bartender working. He gave me a nod before pulling down the top shelf bourbon and pouring it into an etched, glass tumbler. He slid it across the counter.
“Thanks,” I said with a nod.
He simply nodded back before tending to another customer at the end of the bar. Sure, I was practically alone down here too, but at least I had a bartender who knew me well enough to serve me without even ordering.
I took a sip of the amber liquid, letting it sit on my tongue before feeling it run down my throat.
I let out a comfortable sigh as I sunk into the leather, wing-backed barstool.
Maybe I would try Sadie one more time before the night was through.
I wasn’t giving up on her yet. This whole mess could go away.
While I hadn’t exactly dealt with anything like this before, I was a businessman.
A smart one at that. We could figure this out to where my career wasn’t on the line.
Feeling a ray of hope, I took another sip of bourbon and glanced up at the TV that hung on the blue tiled wall behind the bar. I nearly choked on my drink. The hope I felt extinguished quickly when I saw a familiar face on the screen.
Anderson Bradley.
My blood ran cold at the sight of his black hair, and even blacker eyes.
Despite occasionally hearing his name in the press, I hadn’t actually seen him in years. And for good reason.
I strained my ears to hear what he was saying to the interviewer who was giving him heart eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was going to ask him to marry her or jump his bones on live TV. I tried to ignore the distraction and focus on Anderson’s words.
“I’m very excited about it, Debra. It’s been a long time coming. A passion project.”
I wondered what he could be talking about with that wide grin on his face and that familiar twinkle in his eye that meant he was up to no good.
I didn’t have to wonder long before he held up a book in his hands.
A book with his face on it, plastered with the same grin he wore now.
I barely had time to read the bold-printed white words splashed across the cover before the bartender changed it to tonight’s hockey game.
From the Street to Wall Street.
I quickly slid my phone from my pocket and punched the title of the book into Google, tapping my foot impatiently against the bottom rung of the barstool as I waited for the search results to load.
Finally, a list of links and news articles pop up.
I tapped the first one and discover that this book is exactly what I dreaded when he held it up.
Anderson’s autobiography. The story of his life, from childhood to now, a successful stockbroker.
To anyone else, they would pick this book up thinking it would give them the secrets to success.
The motivation they need to make it big.
To me, contained within its 380 pages, were opportunities to destroy my life and reputation that I was desperate to protect.
Already fighting to protect, especially now with this mess with Sadie.
I needed to know what was in that book.
Now.