Chapter 17 #2
She extends one arm towards me while with the other she grips Jay’s hair tightly, forcing him to follow.
I pull him close when he stumbles into my arms, his bent head coming to rest against my chest. The rightness of this moment makes my world better again, and at the same time makes me tremble in trepidation.
So much to lose…
Caring for something or someone means I have something to lose. That thought is what nightmares are made of.
When Arianna, maybe tired from all the chaos, places her head against my chest and then Jay snuggles closer, the uneasy feeling I was filled with just seconds ago evaporates, disintegrated by feelings of peace, serenity, and tenderness.
There’s nothing I can do to stop my parents if they decide to be dicks. What I can do, though, is fight for what I want… and I want Arianna to stay in my life. Forever.
I need to make forever possible for the two of us.
Three!
Do I want Jay to stay forever? I’m not sure… What I know is that I want him here now. He’s important, and Arianna and I wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t here.
You want him here, just admit it. I can’t even lie to myself anymore. Yeah, I want him here. What that means, I don’t know yet, but I’m ready to explore it…
Jay goes to move away and I wrap my arm around him.
“Stay.”
His face brightens, and his eyes shine, and maybe just maybe this connection is not just in my mind.
Maybe to the outside world it looks like we’re moving too quickly.
But when you know how easy it is to lose everything in a second, you cling to good things with all your might.
Losing Halia as suddenly as I did taught me something, and it’s that I need to make the most of the time I have with the people I care about.
They’re the people I have in my arms right now.
It also taught me that rejecting something only because it seems to be happening too quickly could lead to never having the chance again.
Arianna pulls my beard until she gains my full attention, and then shoves her thumb inside her mouth and begins to suck.
A clue for “I’m starving.” Maybe.
“Yeah, baby girl. Let’s have something to eat.” I hug them close for a second, and then I let Jay go just to push him towards the kitchen.
“I’ll make her a bottle,” Jay says, and I pull him against me once more. He looks at me, surprised, and I lean in to place a gentle kiss against his lips.
When I pull back, another of those beautiful smiles welcomes me, while a lovely redness spreads on his cheeks. I caress him there, and he leans into my touch, making my heart grow a little bit more.
Another pull of my beard tells me I’m ignoring Arianna too much. “Ouch, princess, don’t pull Daddy’s beard.” She pulls again, making Jay laugh. “Okay, let’s get you fed,” I tell her in a fake grumpy growl, and she gives me a toothless smile. Arianna’s going to break hearts when she grows up.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m on the sofa with Arianna in my arms while she feeds from the bottle—big loud sucks, as if she hasn’t eaten in days.
Jay is sitting next to me, his body turned towards Arianna’s head. He watches her as if she’s the most marvellous creation, and I have to agree.
Her light brown hair, her chubby cheeks, and those small hands with perfect fingers really are God’s creation. She’s flawless.
“She’s perfect.”
I chuckle, liking the fact that we’re having the same train of thought.
“That she is. A little too loud, but other than that, she’s a work of art.”
Once Arianna is in bed, I sit on the sofa, feeling as tired as if I’ve had thousands of sleepless nights.
A bottle of water and an omelette appear in front of my face, and again I thank all the deities in the sky for having me there when Jay needed saving.
“Here,” Jay says, offering me a knife and fork and a napkin.
“Thank you,” I say with a smile.
I’m glad when he sits next to me, giving me peace. We eat in a silence that never feels awkward. Our elbows touch every time we move, and these brief but scorching touches settle the turmoil I have seething inside me.
I’m glad when he doesn’t force me to speak, and instead he turns the TV on, the volume so low we can barely hear the voices.
It’s a good distraction from my thoughts, which are fluctuating between the resolve to fight and the angered conviction of having to do it.
My eyes go from the TV to the baby monitor to make sure Arianna is still sleeping, still safe.
Illogical thoughts that keep me on edge.
When I’m done, I place my plate on the small table, as does Jay. I don’t move, letting the TV absorb my attention and slowly relax me.
At some point Jay’s head comes to rest against my shoulder, and I let mine rest next to his on the backrest. The tiredness of the encounter sneaks up on me, and forces my eyes closed.
I blink my eyes open, surprised by the change in light and the silence. I look around trying to find my bearings, taken aback by how dark the room is.
Jay is still asleep next to me, and I admire his sharp jaw, those inviting pink lips, and the curly hair I want to thread my hands through every time, not to tame it, but to appreciate its silkness between my fingers.
I glance at the monitor to check on Arianna, and I breathe better when I find she’s still asleep.
My eyes move from Jay to Arianna, and inside my head I hear a clock ticking away, telling me these moments are borrowed time.
When those thoughts become too oppressive, I gently shake Jay and call his name while caressing his tempting hair.
“Jay, let’s go to bed.” I don’t care if it’s still early, at six p.m., we all need rest.
“Yeah,” he says, rubbing his eyes, and yawning a moment later.
I stand, and take his hand to help him. When his eyes lock onto mine, I pull him up and into my arms. “Hey,” I say to him when his eyes meet mine once again.
“Hi.”
I like how breathless he sounds. “Bed?”
“Yeah.” I like how his sleepy eyes glow with desire.
I walk to the bedrooms, pulling him behind me. His room is the first we encounter, and when he tries to let my hand go, I tighten my grip and continue further down the hall.
“Haden? My room…” he says when I don’t stop.
“I want to have you both next to me tonight.” I stop next to the crib, and whisper the rest. “Sleep here tonight.”
“Are you sure?” he whispers back, his eyes sparkling at the idea of being here with me, and I love the idea of having him in my arms.
“Yeah. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“There’s nothing I want more.”
We walk to my side of the bed. I pull the sheets down and then turn to him, noticing he’s wearing his clothes and not liking it one bit. So I leave him there and go to my chest of drawers, opening one and pulling out one of my T-shirts, the smallest one I have, then walk back to him.
I wish I could strip him one piece at a time, caress his skin while I do that, and after making love to him, dress him in my T-shirt. That idea goes right to my cock, making it push against the zip of my jeans.
Arianna babbles and the idea flies away. With her in the room it’s not happening. Also, while I find Jay very alluring, I don’t need sex right now. What I need is to feel the connection that links the three of us together.
I hand the T-shirt to him, and with a smile I push him toward the en suite. I watch him walk into the bathroom to get changed, and the desire to follow pokes its head up, but I ignore it. Instead, I pull a pair of grey joggers out, and when Jay comes back out I go take my turn.
Both Jay and Arianna were unexpected, but I’m glad they’re in my life, because they’re making it… making me a better person.
Jay is hypnotised by Arianna when I come back into the bedroom. He caresses her hair gently so as not to wake her up. Even in her sleep she must be aware of him, because her body is now angled towards him.
I take him in, and like maybe too much the way he looks in my too-big T-shirt. It covers half his quads, leaving the rest of his legs uncovered. One shoulder is visible and it makes my lips and teeth tingle with the need to taste him.
I join him, land a kiss on that tempting shoulder, and caress my daughter’s feet a couple of times. Once we get our fill of watching her sleep, I offer my hand to the man who has made us a family and never asked for anything in return.
He searches my eyes, and when he finds what he’s looking for he takes it.
I help him get in, and he scoots away to make space for me, then I follow him in. Jay is turned towards the crib, probably because Arianna made a sound, so I scoot close until I can be the big spoon.
He links his hand with mine, and we stay like this, absorbing each other’s warmth.
I’ve never had anything like this with anyone before. He’s the first man to sleep in my bed, and I don’t ever want him to leave.
“Goodnight,” I say to him before kissing that shoulder again and the back of his head.
“Goodnight.”
This is the kind of future I never knew I wanted. Now, I just need to make sure it stays like this.
I won’t allow anyone to destroy what I have, and what I think of as mine.