Chapter 20 #2
I snort. “I’m not sure everyone will see that the way you do.”
My parents absolutely think I owe them, and I know without a shadow of a doubt Matt feels the same. I’m sure he’s slandered my name endlessly. Blamed anything and everything on my shortcomings and failures.
And I’m weirdly okay with that.
“Who cares?” Deidre lifts one shoulder and lets it drop. “Not everyone matters.”
Not everyone matters.
It’s something I’ve never considered before.
“How do I know who does matter?”
Deidre’s lips pull into a smile. “I think you probably already know.” She tips her head. “But, if you want to know how I decide who matters, I think about whether or not I respect a person. If I don’t, then who gives a shit what they think of me?”
It’s actually a pretty simple way to figure that out. I don’t respect my parents. I sure as heck don’t respect Matt.
I do respect Deidre. A lot.
But chiseling down what I feel for Tobias to simple respect doesn’t feel right. It’s too narrow. Too limiting.
Deidre sighs. “I should probably get back to the party.” She stands, smoothing out the lines of her perfectly tailored dress. “Unless you want me to stay here and keep you company for a while longer?”
I laugh, because me keeping Deidre Bradshaw from a party she’s hosting just because I’m having a crisis is about the most ridiculous thing I can think of. “I have already kept you from your important duties for too long.”
Deidre crouches down next to me, one hand coming to smooth over my hair. “Honey, you are one of my important duties.” She leans in, kissing the top of my head before slipping out the door.
I sit there for I don’t know how long, staring straight ahead as I grapple with the emotions I thought I brought from California. But that’s not really where most of them started. Much of what I struggle to face has been with me long before I ever met Matt. Even long before I met Tobias.
The feelings of not being good enough. Believing I’m indebted to people for any kindness they show me. Possessing standards and expectations for others that aren’t nearly as high as they should be.
By the time I finally manage to creep out of the bathroom, I feel silly going back to the shower. No doubt at least a few people will have noticed how long I’ve been missing, and I don’t really know that I want to deal with questions or gossip right now.
Hopefully, Deidre and Mariah will forgive me for sneaking out the side door and into the side-by-side Tobias let me borrow to come here.
The drive to his house is surprisingly soothing, giving me time to look over the landscape as I try to wrap my head around Deidre not only knowing at least some of what happened between me and Matt, but also ending their contract because of it.
My own parents would have never sacrificed something like that for me. They would’ve never stood up to Matt. If Deidre saw what was happening in five minutes, my own mother had to know what was going on. And she didn’t care. Not as long as she was getting what she wanted.
Because she’s selfish. Unwilling to give up a single thing she desires even if it means her daughter suffers. I’m nothing more than a tool to her. Something to be used to build the life she wants. If I fit into it when she’s done, fine. If I don’t?
Oh well.
As I make the last turn and Tobias’s house comes into view, I’m surprised to see machinery in the backyard.
Everything seemed fine when I left this morning, but it appears that’s no longer the case.
Now there’s a huge pile of dirt, and the grass that once covered the area where Copper and Bruno do their business is gone, replaced by a gaping hole.
I quickly park the UTV in its spot at the back of the garage before rushing into the house, worried there’s been some sort of leak or foundation failure.
Tobias sits on the sofa in the great room, tipping back a beer.
He doesn’t look upset or worried. But I’ve picked up on how he tries to always be calm around me, so I don’t trust the easy expression on his face.
“What happened to your backyard?” I look out the large windows, shocked to find the hole is even bigger than I first thought. “Did something break?”
Tobias sets down his beer, shaking his head. “Nothing broke.”
“Then why is there a hole where the deck used to be?” The more I look, the more I discover is missing. “The whole yard is destroyed.”
“Sometimes you have to ruin things to make them right.” Tobias tips his head toward the mess. “Tucker came over to start prepping the yard for a pool.”
I completely forgot about the pool plan.
Discovering the reason for the mess eases my concern, and even has me smiling as I go sit next to him. “You are serious about being the favorite uncle and having the twins here all the time, aren’t you?”
He tips his head in a nod. “I am. But that’s not why I’m putting a pool in.”
I don’t understand. I’m pretty sure I remember the conversation, because it was the first one we had after I came to Willow Bend. “Then why are you putting a pool in?”
Tobias reaches up, snagging a bit of my hair between two fingers and giving it a gentle tug. “I’m putting it in because I’m trying to keep you here all the time.”