Chapter 19
Ainsley
T hree stitches and a headache that refuses to go away later, Cain finally drives me home. All I want right now is to lie in bed and go to sleep, but knowing him, he’s going to keep me awake as long as possible. The doctor said my concussion isn’t bad enough for that, but Cain is overly cautious when it comes to me.
“Well, this isn’t how I saw tonight going,” I announce as Cain walks with me into the bedroom.
No part of tonight was planned. I expected nothing but a nice dinner at Ethan’s, but got the exact opposite. From the drama that kicked off our evening, to giving into Cain against the side of the house and again on the side of the road, to ending up at the compound, and ending it all with having my face bashed into the dashboard.
Did I really find out the truth of Ethan’s feelings only a few hours ago? It seems so long ago, yet I still can’t fully process it.
As soon as we’re in the bedroom, I strip out of the dress I wore for dinner and leave it sitting on the floor. The bed in front of me looks so inviting, especially if Cain is going to climb into it with me.
“I’m going to start a bath,” Cain announces without turning to look at me. He’s been avoiding my eyes since we left for the hospital. “You should get cleaned up.”
Leaving me behind, he makes his escape into the bathroom. So much of this feels like the night he brought me home, from the torture in his eyes to the bath to make me feel better. Running a bath is always his solution when something is wrong, or he just wants me to feel better. My theory is that he does it just so he can hold me, skin to skin, without the expectation of it going any further.
This time, though, I don’t think he intends to join me. And that scares me more than anything ever has.
“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not going to happen,” I announce as I storm my way into the bathroom. It must be a sight to see, me entering the bathroom in nothing more than my soaked underwear, ready to give him hell.
What I find breaks my heart. He’s sitting on the edge of the tub with his head hung between his shoulders while the water runs behind him.
“And what am I thinking?” he asks with no inflection in his voice. He sounds broken.
“That you’re going to send me away to keep me safe. And I’m telling you now, it’s not happening. Do you understand?”
He looks at me for the first time since we left the compound, only to reveal bloodshot eyes. Like he spent the minute I left him alone crying.
“What do you want me to do, Ainsley? Keep putting you in danger?”
I’m not going to let him sit and stew in his own thoughts. That will lead to an outcome that neither of us is happy with, because he’ll convince himself it’s what’s best.
As soon as I’m close enough, I unclasp his hands and force his arms to wrap around me. Once he’s holding me, however reluctantly, I wrap my own arms around his neck.
“You don’t get to force me to admit my love for you and push me away in the same night,” I tell him, my voice gentler than the words coming from my mouth.
“I’m not going to keep hurting you,” Cain states firmly, not leaving room for an argument. Unfortunately for him, I’ve always been good at fighting him.
“You’re not hurting me,” I assure him. “Well, sometimes you like to hurt me when you fuck me, but I’ve never complained.”
That finally earns a small smirk, though the amusement doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Peaking over his shoulder, I see the tub is nearly full as steam rises off the top.
“Get in with me,” I command him. Not a question, a command, and I won’t take no for an answer.
“Ainsley,” he starts, gearing up to give me some kind of excuse.
“I wasn’t asking.”
We stare each other down, waiting for the other to crack. After a silence that stretches on for eons, he hunches his shoulders and finally agrees.
I step into the warm water first after only having my underwear to remove, and behind me, Cain is working on taking his clothes off. As soon as he climbs into the water, he tries to sit to the side of me, but I crowd his space to prevent that from happening. We won’t get anywhere if he keeps distance between us.
Once he’s seated, I climb onto his lap, straddling his naked body between my legs. “Ainsley,” he says in a warning tone.
“What do I need to do to convince you to get out of your own head?” My lips trail kisses up his jaw until they reach his ear, allowing me to whisper into it. “Do you want me to beg? To make you break, like you made me break tonight? Or would it be as easy as agreeing to marry you?”
His cock is already hardening below me, giving away just how badly he wants to give in. As the rest of his body stiffens, though, I know something I said worked.
“Is that what you’re doing?” he asks, his voice full of hope. When I pull away to look into his eyes, I find the hope sparkling there, giving his eyes life again. “Are you finally agreeing to be my wife?”
“If you want me to be your wife, it would probably be best if you didn’t push me away before I can give you an answer,” I taunt him. I don’t plan on saying yes. Not tonight, at least, but he doesn’t need to know that. I just need to do whatever it takes to get him out of his own head.
Before he can respond or go off the deep end of his thoughts, I lift my hips and gently settle on his cock, letting him rest inside of me.
“Ainsley, we shouldn’t,” he breathes.
“Shh.” My finger covers his lips to keep him quiet, even though I know it won’t work. “This is when we’re best together. When you’re inside me, claiming me, and I’m not denying you. We’re good together, Cain. No matter how much we fight, no matter who tries to tear us apart.”
His hands grip my hips and try to hold me down, not wanting me to move on him. He’s afraid of hurting me more, but I only have a headache, I’m not dying.
“You’re hurt,” he grits out between his teeth, not acknowledging anything I just told him. “You need to rest.”
“Then sit here and let me gently make love to you,” I command him. I could get used to being the one in control. My hips lift off of him, despite his grip trying to keep me down, and then I’m sinking onto him slower than I ever have before.
When we’re together, it’s always rough and animalistic. We let our bodies take over and live in the glow of our pleasure. This time, I want him to think about it while it’s happening. I want him to think about how good we are together. How lost he would be if he pushed me away.
“Marry me,” he demands. Again, I lift my hips and slide down him instead of responding. “Be Mrs. Ainsley Ryker. Be my wife.”
Ainsley Ryker. I’ve never thought of having his name, but I also spent months trying not to even think of his name. The sound of our names together warms my heart, but I’m not giving in.
“Try harder,” I tell him. He groans as I slide up his length again.
“Don’t say harder if you want this to be gentle,” he warns me.
I giggle as I sink back down on him, a lighthearted sound that doesn’t belong in this moment. But, it makes him smile, and that’s all I wanted.
“Marry me,” he demands again.
“Tell me you love me,” I demand right back.
If I hadn’t already won this argument, this would have been the moment he cracked. I can see it in his eyes. He could never deny me when I want to hear those words from him.
“I love you, little one,” he breathes as his head falls back to rest against the ledge of the tub. “I love you too much to ever let you go. You’re mine, no matter what happens.”
With the taste of victory on my tongue, I continue riding him while the water splashes around us. We both enjoy the gentleness of our love making before we come together, our moans echoing through the bathroom.
As we come down from our high, my headache makes itself known again. I feel empty as I slide off of Cain’s lap and take the seat right next to him.
“Get in front of me,” he directs me. “Let me clean you up.”
While he goes through his normal motions of pampering me and making sure I’m cleaned up, my mind slips back to the hospital.
“The stitches will dissolve by themselves, and your headache will linger while your brain tries to heal itself. Otherwise, you seem to have missed out on any major damage,” Dr. Johnson informs us. I didn’t think my injuries were too bad, but by the way Cain kept looking at me, it was as if I had a bullet sticking out of my forehead.
“Does she need to be kept for observation?” Cain asks. His fingers are tightly laced together, and he’s refusing to acknowledge me.
“No, that won’t be necessary. If anything goes wrong with the stitches, or her head seems to get worse instead of better, then you can come back in. I don’t foresee any of that happening, though,” the doctor tells Cain. On the drive over, Cain told me we would see a doctor he knows well. My best guess is that this is who he sees if he needs to be treated without the police being notified. To me, the doctor says, “Take it easy for a little while and you’ll be good as new.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I say.
He turns his attention back to Cain, looking uncomfortable as he does so. “There’s something I want to discuss with you, if you don’t mind.”
He directs Cain to follow him into the hallway, leaving me in the hospital room by myself. They leave the door open just a crack, allowing me to hear what’s being said.
“You know I have to ask,” I hear the doctor say. “Her back. Was it consensual?”
“Not really,” Cain answers in an amused tone. “She kind of forced my hand, but don’t worry, I’m not upset about it.”
The doctor sighs as I try to hold in my giggle. Leave it to Cain to make a joke about carving his name into my back, even when he’s refusing to look at me.
“It’s healing pretty well. Apply ointment, but leave it uncovered. If it gets infected, bring her back. Knife wounds can be pretty nasty infections to fight,” the doctor tells him.
Nothing else is said before Cain walks back into the room, without the doctor. “Ready to go?”
He’s looking around the room, everywhere but at me as if he thinks he might have left something lying around. The amusement he had when talking to the doctor is gone, leaving me with the hollow, broken sound of his voice.
“Why baths?” I ask as I come back to the present. “You always take baths with me, and make sure to be the one cleaning me. Why?”
I’m pretty sure I already know the answer, but I still want to ask.
“Marry me and I’ll tell you,” Cain answers. If I were to open my eyes right now, I know I’d find a smirk on his face as he looks down at me. His fingers work through my hair, gentle and soothing against my sensitive scalp.
“It makes me feel closer to you,” he answers after a few minutes of rubbing my scalp. “No matter what’s going on, we’ve always made it better by taking a bath together. The night you gave into me, and we agreed to be open with each other right here. The night I finally brought you home, and we reconnected right here. Or, just the relaxing baths we took together just because we could.”
His fingers skim my arms as he talks, sending chills down my spine despite the warmth of the water. “We’re both naked and vulnerable here, and that’s when we’re best together. We’re great at fucking, too, but this is different. This is real, and hard. Many people can be great in bed together without ever feeling this level of intimacy. We have both.”
His words are sweeter than what anyone would expect a man of his background to say, making my heart jump into my throat.
If he had stayed away, I could have eventually convinced myself that my feelings for him meant nothing. I could have told myself it was Stockholm syndrome and moved on. Now, there’s no hope for me. My heart is open, allowing everything I ever felt for him to flood back in. The good, the bad, and the hard. All of it makes us who we are together, and to me, we’re perfect for each other.
“I’m sorry,” Cain whispers so quietly I almost don’t hear him. My eyes pop open at this, not caring if I get soap in my eyes. What is he apologizing for? “For thinking it would be best to push you away. It wouldn’t have happened, but I shouldn’t have even allowed myself to think of the possibility.”
“Promise me it won’t happen again,” I demand. Neither of us can predict the future, but I want to know that if we ever come to a situation like this again, he’ll work with me instead of against me.
“I’ll promise not to push you away again if you promise not to walk away from me again,” he answers. Words aren’t needed as my gaze clashes with his, love burning in both of our eyes. He leans down and gently kisses my lips, sealing the promises between us.
“Deal,” I answer when he pulls away. “I hope that doesn’t mean you expect me to stay here, though. I’m still planning to go back to school.”
At this point, I’m dreading going back. I’ve slept better in Cain’s arms this week than I have in the last three months, and I’ve been happier than I thought possible. There have been a lot of revelations, a lot of breakdowns, and a lot of fights, but I’m no longer a shell of a human being pretending to be happy. I’m happier with him than I am without him.
We haven’t discussed what’s going to happen when I go back. All he’s said is that I’ll be going back with his head of security, which I now know is Jonah. I imagine we’ll still see each other over the weekends if we can, but is that it? Cain isn’t the type of guy to wait all week to see me, and if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I could wait that long, either.
“I know, little one,” he answers. “I’m not going to stop you.”
“What’s going to happen after this week?” I blurt out. If I let myself dive into my imagination, I’ll think the worst until I eventually decide that we won’t see each other until the end of the semester. No way am I letting that happen.
“What do you want to happen?”
No secrets between us. I don’t need to filter my answer with him or fear his answer, though no one told my teeth that as they gnaw on my lip.
“I think having some separation might be good, just so we can both get our work done. I need to finish my degree, which I won’t be able to do if you’re throwing me on the bed before I can do homework,” I tell him. The idea of being apart from him is painful, though. “But, at the same time, I don’t want to be away from you.”
“Do you want to stay here and drive to campus every day? You know where all of my cars are, you can pick one out and make it yours.”
When I stayed here the first time, he showed me all of his cars and where he keeps the keys. Some are extravagant, while others blend in a little more. It sounds like a good solution, but that still doesn’t give me the separation to focus, unless I stay on campus to do homework before I come here each night.
“No,” I answer. “I want to stay at my apartment, with my friends. But, maybe I could spend weekends here?”
“Let me suggest something, and you can think about it before you answer,” he tells me as he motions for me to close my eyes and dip my hair in the water so he can rinse it out. “We can be here on the weekends. But, during the week, I can come to you. You can have your freedom to be in classes and do your homework with Jonah watching over you, but I’ll be there to warm your bed every night. And, if you’re up to it, maybe I could come early and take you on some actual dates once in a while.”
Cain, taking me to dinner and a movie. It’s almost laughable as I try to imagine it, but at the same time, it’s the perfect solution. I don’t even need to think of my answer.
“Yes,” I squeal excitedly. We’ll have the separation to both do our work, while I go to classes and he works on running the cartel and hunting down his father, but at night, we’ll sleep in each other’s arms. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that first.
“If only you were that excited to answer me every time I’ve asked you to marry me,” he grumbles in response, earning him a smile as I relax into his hands again.