21. James
21
JAMES
S am sat across from me at my desk with a scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. I'd been distracted again, staring out the window at the distant city skyline of Green Bay. I was thinking of Ivy and what she was doing. I knew she had plans to visit her family the day after Christmas, but she'd been gone two days now without a word. After the night we shared in her bed, she hadn't even said goodbye. Granted, I had slipped out to use the toilet while she was in her bathroom.
I came back to that note and I'd been missing her ever since. But at least her things were still at my place, and the party for Valentine's Day was still on. She had obligations to fulfill, so I tried to push away any negative thoughts and focus on the present. I just struggled.
"I don't get it," Sam said, shaking his head. The newly grown mustache on his upper lip seemed larger when he pursed his lips like that. "You're moody and distracted. I've asked you three times for the year-end reports, and you just stare out the window. What's going on?"
Sam wasn't just my friend or COO. He was like a brother. There was no hiding things from him, which was why he already knew almost every detail of my life. What he didn't know was Ivy Hart had invaded my world with her pep and charisma, and I was so infatuated with her that when she was away for even a short time, I felt like my world was incomplete, unlike Barbra who could leave for weeks at a time and I never skipped a beat.
"I signed the annulment." I felt the frustration clouding my mind, and it was the only way I could even begin to excuse my lack of focus or the mood I was in. Short of telling Sam everything, I had no other explanation.
"You've been done with her for months, James. Stop trying to pretend there's nothing going on. I get it. It's Christmas and New Year's, and you’re lonely. I could set you up with someone. You need to get laid." He chuckled, and it was my turn to scowl.
"Thanks, but no thanks," I grumbled. I shut the file on the desk in front of me and ran a hand over my face. I had to get it together or I was going to snap at him, which was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
"So what gives? Is this divorce really messing you up that bad?" He drummed his fingers on my desk, and I stared out the window again.
It wasn't Barbra leaving or even Ivy being away. It was my lack of ability to communicate what I was actually feeling. I'd had a perfect opportunity to tell Ms. Hart I was falling for her and I let her drift off to sleep in my arms, and when I woke up, she was gone. Call it a lack of trust or fear of being hurt again. I just felt paralyzed whenever the idea of asking her to be with me came up. I was old, and she was never going to accept that.
"Come on, man. We're friends." Sam was waiting, and I felt like a ticking time bomb.
"I slept with her, Sam." My own shame felt suffocating. "The party planner…" He'd seen me with her at the Thanksgiving party and again a few days ago at the Christmas dinner at my home, though I thought we'd been very professional. I knew people were already talking about Barbra being absent, and my announcement at the Valentine's masquerade gala would likely not even surprise them. But this would.
"That teenager?" he asked, frowning at me.
"She's almost thirty. She's not a teenager." His accusation annoyed me, but I was prepared for it. It was probably what most people would think, anyway—that I was far too old for her.
"Okay, so she's an adult, but she could be your child." He scowled. "And you let her move into your home. What you have is a gold digger, my boy. You need to cut her off." He sat back with a smug expression, but he didn't know the first thing about her. My chest puffed up, instantly ready to defend her, but I wasn't going to sit here and argue with him.
"She's not a gold digger. She's a party planner, and because of all the events during the holiday season, I prepared a space for her in my house." His smug expression didn't soften at all. He just kept staring at me like I was a fool. Rather than continuing to defend myself, however, I just stood up. "I have a few things to tend to. We can finish this later."
"Look, man, I was just trying to protect you." Sam stood and smoothed his tie down the front of his chest and buttoned his coat. "I'll have Patsy ring you when I'm free this afternoon." He nodded and walked toward the elevator. He knew I wasn't going to sit around and talk trash about Ivy, and I was grateful that he understood my cues.
The instant he was in the elevator, I sat back down and called Ivy. I didn’t want her to think I was checking on her, but I was. My world felt a little out of control not knowing what was happening. I should've just assumed she was only in this for sex and that she really was just visiting her family, but my heart wasn't okay with that assumption.
When the call rang through to voicemail, I left a message.
"Ms. Hart, it's James. I'm just calling to get an update on where we are for Valentine's Day. Did we decide to go with a dance floor? Give me a call, would you?" I hung up feeling defeated and put my phone back in my pocket. When it rang almost right away, I got excited, thinking it was her, but it was just my barber confirming my appointment later this afternoon.
I didn't know how long this visit of hers with her family was going to be, but I wished she'd just communicate. I wasn't good at it, though, so it stood to reason that maybe she wasn't either, and maybe I should be the first to break this ice between us and just tell her how I felt. If not, the next six weeks would fly by and she'd be gone, and I'd be alone.