29. James
29
JAMES
T he rain and clouds hovering over Lover's Bay made the view from my office windows gloomy. I'd been in such a sour mood for days, and beating myself up over it wasn't helping. I stood with my hands in my pockets staring out across the city with a lump in my gut. When ivy told me she would be busy working, I assumed she would end up working some of those days from the workspace in my home, and I was right.
Today was one of those days, and I knew she was at my house putting some of her creations together. I’d seen her team coming in this morning when I was on my way out, and my heart felt torn. I wanted to be there with her, but after Sam's interruption a few weeks ago when I was in the afterglow of sex with Ivy, things at the office had blown up in a good way.
Our shareholders were awaiting news from the new microchips we were in development on, and I was so busy trying to keep things running smoothly, I had barely sat down. In the past when this happened, I just dug in and did the work. But those days were days when Barbra was the one at home, and I justified every decision as if work were the thing I had to prioritize, which I knew now was a mistake.
I had let my passion for my company cloud my judgement, which was very much not cloudy anymore. I didn't want to spend my days at this office working fourteen hours and being too exhausted to think when I got home. I wanted to have time for my life, and I wanted that life to be Ivy. But here I was doing the same thing to her that I'd done to Barbra, and all before I even asked her to commit to me. It didn't bode well for a relationship if I couldn't even change my habits.
"You're moody again. What crawled up your ass?" Sam cracked open a soda and walked over to stand next to me. I avoided eye contact, though through his reflection, I could see he was staring at me.
"We're working too much. How does your wife not care?" I scowled at my own reflection in the window and wondered if Sam's relationship was on the rocks the way mine with Barbra had been for years.
"Ah, she'll get over it. I buy her everything she wants." He chuckled and slurped from the soda can and then cleared his throat. "So you're just overworked? This is new…"
Sam had a point. It wasn't like me to feel the pull of something more strongly than my passion to grow this company. I believed in the advancements we were making. We were on the cutting edge and staying ahead of the game. But my heart longed for Ms. Hart and to tell her how I felt. It consumed my thoughts and made me distracted and grumpy.
"I'm going home," I told him, and I turned and walked to my desk. "You'll have to do the meetings without me." I glanced at the time on my watch and saw that it was just midday, but I'd had enough. As CEO, I deserved a day off, even if it meant shirking a few responsibilities.
The idea of surprising Ivy with a cup of coffee and some good conversation put a smile back on my face for the first time today, and I took out my wallet, keys, and phone, and looked up at Sam who was scowling now.
"You can't do that. What will the board think if you just walk out? This is critical. We're dancing around deadlines like crazy and?—"
"You heard me," I told him firmly. "I'll be in tomorrow. Just hold down the fort." I walked past him with his scowling face and stepped onto the elevator and pushed the Close Door button.
The new lightness in my chest carried me to my car. I felt like I was floating on air as I climbed in and my driver ushered me home. I wasn't going to tell her yet. My plan was still intact, but seeing her face and hearing her laughter was something I deeply craved. I wasn't pleased with the idea of not seeing her for days or weeks on end. I knew now why Barbra had gotten so lonely. It was agonizing.
In fact, I was so enthralled with the idea of seeing her, I forgot entirely to stop and pick up that coffee, which was a good thing. Her delivery van wasn't out front when we pulled up, and when I walked to her workspace and she wasn't there, I realized I'd have had to drink that coffee myself.
The way my heart and hope deflated at the sight of the dark, empty room was only further proof that I was madly in love with Ms. Ivy Hart, and if she didn't reciprocate my affection when I confessed it, I was going to be in for a world of hurt.