Chapter 34 Jackson
Laughter and splashing sound below me as I stand on the balcony of our suite.
People are having the time of their lives in the pool without a problem to dwell on. At least that’s what it seems like from all the way up here.
I lean my arms on the railing, closing my eyes as a gentle breeze passes by. There are seconds when the weight of everything isn’t crushing me, and I can breathe again. Just seconds when I forget about everything that’s going on.
I glance behind me to see Tyler and Marcus sitting on the couch with their eyes on the television. I don’t even think they’re really paying attention to whatever they’re watching.
They look too spaced out.
We’ve all been that way lately. Too stuck in our own damn heads. Too caught up in the doomsday scenarios.
Truthfully, none of us knows what’s going to happen. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go along.
Marcus and Tyler immediately sit up straighter when a knock comes from the door.
I walk back inside and kick the balcony door shut behind me, beating them to the door before they can even get to their feet. I unlock it and open it, my heart rate jumping at the sight of Cassidy standing outside with her phone in her hand and her hair notably damp.
“I was in the shower when they called,” she sighs. “I figured I would call back with you guys around.”
I nod and motion for her to come inside, my heart now pounding wildly. We’re about to find out the results.
Oh, shit.
I’m about to find out if I’m a dad or not.
Cassidy heads over to the large couch and sits down between Marcus and Tyler, nervousness filling her face. “Ready?”
I stand in front of them, feeling too restless to sit down. “Do it.”
Cassidy calls the doctor back and puts the phone on speaker mode, the ringing echoing throughout the suite until there’s a slight crackle.
“Dr. Torres’ office. How can I help you?” a woman answers.
“Hi, I just missed a call from you,” Cassidy says, her voice slightly shaking.
“Name?”
“Cassidy Monroe.”
“Yes, Ms. Monroe. I was calling on behalf of Dr. Torres to go over your paternity test results.”
Cassidy’s other hand shakes as it rests on her thigh.
Marcus gently takes it in his and holds it.
“Okay,” Cassidy says.
“Unfortunately, the test came back inconclusive.”
The same look of shock and confusion is on everyone’s face as we stare at the phone.
“What?” I ask. “How’s that possible?”
“We do see this type of outcome from time to time for a number of reasons,” she says. “Sometimes, the samples don’t have enough DNA to be tested or the quality of them isn’t up to par. The test must have a definitive answer in order for the results to not be inconclusive.”
Marcus frowns, but he squeezes Cassidy’s hand to comfort her.
Tyler just hangs his head.
“What can we do?” I ask her.
“You can retest at another time.”
“The wedding is soon. We’re not going to have time for all of this,” I mutter as I cross my arms over my chest.
“Thank you. I’ll call back if I have any other questions,” Cassidy says.
“Please do!”
Cassidy hangs up and sets her phone down on her thigh. She breathes in deeply and swallows hard. “Well…back at square one.”
I watch her closely, seeing her face cycle through emotion after emotion. We thought this would bring us a little more clarity and peace of mind.
But would it really have done that?
If the child was Marcus’ or Tyler’s, would I drop this feeling of responsibility that I have? I don’t believe so.
The three of us are in this situation with her. We are part of the reason why we’re even here in the first place. Shouldn’t we all feel some type of responsibility?
“It’s okay,” Marcus tells her. “If you want, we can do another test in a few weeks when you’re further along.”
Tyler doesn’t say a word. He just stares at the floor as he rests his elbows on his knees.
What the hell is up with him? He has completely shut down over this.
“I feel like nothing is going to go right,” Cassidy says, raising her teary eyes to look at me. “I dreamed of this moment, you know? Starting a family. I didn’t think it would be anything like this.”
My heart sinks. Fuck. I want better for her. For everyone.
I step closer and crouch down in front of her, my hand tilting her chin up. “This isn’t a tragedy, Cass. It’s just complicated.”
Tears tumble down her cheeks and fall off her jaw. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t,” I say as I wipe away her tears. “No matter what, you’re going to be a great mother.”
Because she’s an incredible person who is kind and caring and determined.
She lies and runs when she’s scared, but don’t we all?
Cassidy closes her eyes as I gently press my forehead against hers.
I didn’t think it would be so easy to fall in love with someone I shouldn’t be with, but here we are.
“You don’t have to worry about anything. We’re here,” I tell her.
Cassidy draws back a little and glances at Tyler, who I don’t think has even looked at her more than twice since she walked in. She frowns and gets to her feet, tucking her phone into the side pocket of her leggings.
“We’ll talk about it more after the wedding,” she says.
“There’s a lot we should do after the wedding,” I reply. “We’ll schedule your doctor’s appointment right when we get back so that they can check on the baby and make sure they’re alright.”
Marcus nods in agreement. “We can drive out to you.”
Cassidy’s eyes flicker back and forth between us.
“We’ve got a good amount of space in our apartment. We can start storing some baby stuff there so your space isn’t crowded.” I tell her.
“I have room,” she says. “It’s a little early to be buying stuff like that right now.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to get a jumpstart,” Marcus replies. “And we can split the costs.”
“Cover the costs,” I say.
Cassidy shakes her head. “You don’t have to buy everything. I make my own money. I’m going to contribute.”
“You can buy other things like maternity clothes or vitamins or something,” I offer, even if I want to buy those for her too. She’ll never let us buy everything, though.
But I need her to let go of her stubbornness just a little and let us help her out so that she isn’t so stressed. This can’t be good for either her or the baby.
Cassidy sighs. “All of this really isn’t necessary…”
“Do you have a doctor in mind back home? I can look some up,” I ask her. She needs to have the best medical care possible. “There are some good doctors where we are too.”
“I haven’t thought about it yet,” Cassidy replies. “I’ve been too busy.”
“You’ll have a more open schedule after the wedding is over,” I tell her. “That means you can rest. Actually rest.”
“I’ve been trying,” she assures me.
“It’s easier to rest at home,” Marcus points out. “And if you want company, you can always come over and stay with us. We have the room.”
“It might be best for her to stay with us when the baby is born so that we can take shifts so she can sleep,” I tell Marcus before nudging Tyler. “Got that? Are you going to be around?”
Tyler narrows his eyes at me.
“Okay, stop!” Cassidy says, waving her hands to get us to shut up. “You’re overwhelming me. I can’t even think straight.”
“We’re just trying to help,” I tell her, starting to reach for her hand.
She draws away and puts her back to us, shaking her head. “This isn’t helping. I don’t need you to plan my every move for me.”
I frown, fighting the urge to argue and defend myself because we’re both too damn stubborn for our own good. Why can’t she let people help her? Why is that so hard?
Her brother helped her for years, but she can’t allow others to do the same?
“Cass—”
“No,” Cassidy cuts Marcus off. “We already had this talk. You can’t take all my problems away from me. They’re mine to deal with. My consequences.”
Marcus stops talking, which is probably for the best. I don’t think that we can say anything right now that won’t piss her off more.
“You’re incredible guys,” she tells us as she turns back around to face us. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I have to think about things on my own. I have to make my own decisions.”
I can only nod. I don’t like how final her words sound, though.
Is she trying to break away from us? She can’t, right? She’s carrying our baby.
Unless she’s just trying to cut us off emotionally, which will sting too. Really fucking bad.
“I’ll let you know if I hear anything else,” Cassidy says before walking out of our suite.
No one says anything for a minute until Marcus breaks the silence.
“That didn’t really go well.”
I scoff and start pacing around the main area of the suite. “Maybe if all of us talked, it would’ve gone better.”
Tyler rolls his eyes at me. “There’s nothing that I could’ve said that would’ve made things any better. She doesn’t want us to be so involved.”
“Why does she insist on doing everything alone? Doesn’t she see how much that exhausts her and stresses her out? Is she blind to that or something?” I ask, shaking my head in frustration.
“She feels like she has to take everything on for some reason,” Marcus replies as he drops back down on the couch. He doesn’t relax, though. His back remains board straight. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Obviously, you need to back off,” I tell him pointedly. “Has she already gotten onto you before about that or something?”
Marcus glances away from me. “We had a discussion where that was mentioned.”
“Come on, Marc.”
Marcus throws his hands up. “What about you? You just tried to plan out her whole pregnancy and after the fact. You think that puts her mind at ease?”
I stop pacing and step closer to him. “I was just trying to show her that she doesn’t have to do everything herself. We’re responsible for this too. We should help.”
“I think you just freaked her out,” Tyler mutters.
“I don’t want to hear a word out of you. If anyone is freaking her out the most, it’s you,” I snap. “You’re supposed to relax her or lift her spirits or whatever! Instead, you’re just sitting there, letting her think you don’t care.”
“I do care,” Tyler grits out.
“Then fucking show it!”
Tyler surges up to his feet, but Marcus is already wedged between us.
“Stop,” he warns us. “This isn’t helping anything. We’re all messing up. We need to get ourselves together before we lose her.”
“You don’t think we already have?” I question him.
Marcus’ eyes widen a degree.
Tyler frowns.
No one says a word.
I don’t want my words to be true. I don’t want to believe them.
But I’m fucking scared.
I’ve faced situations that would make others freeze in terror or run in the other direction but losing Cassidy is what scares me the most.
And with each passing day, that outcome becomes more and more possible.