Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
September 9 th
7:14 A.M.
“Where’s Gabby?” Essie asked as they walked hand in hand down the stairs to the kitchen.
Because he was the lowest form of scum, he’d had Prey hack her credit card information so he knew which hotel she was staying in. It probably wasn't his smartest decision because knowing where she was only intensified his need to go to her, take back the words he’d said, and beg her to understand he was trying to keep her safe.
“Gabriella’s not here, she had to leave,” Cade told his daughter as he led her into the kitchen.
Essie’s little face scrunched up in confusion. “Gabby wouldn't leave me.”
The words were spoken with such confidence that his pain thudded through his body with each beat of his heart.
His daughter was right. Gabriella would never willingly leave Essie. She’d proven that in how she’d protected his child at great physical and psychological cost to herself. If he hadn't kicked her out, Gabriella would have prioritized his daughter’s healing over her own, and it would have only made him fall harder for her.
What she needed was someone to make sure she was taken care of while she was busy worrying about others.
He could have been that person.
He could have her there with him right now, could have slept beside her all night. He wasn't really worried about what Essie would think about him and Gabriella being a couple, his daughter already loved her like a mother. Could have been sitting his girls down at the kitchen table and taking care of them, cooking them breakfast, making sure they had appointments to speak with a counsellor, making them laugh so they forgot for a moment the trauma they’d endured.
But he didn't have her there.
Right or wrong, he’d made his choices, and now they all had to live with the consequences, his daughter included.
“Gabriella isn’t here,” he repeated as he lifted Essie into her chair at the table. “Now what do you want for breakfast?”
“I want Gabby. Where is she? Why did she leave?” Essie asked, her big gray eyes growing watery and her bottom lip trembling.
Just because he had Gabriella there as a full-time, live-in nanny didn't mean he didn't parent his daughter as actively as he could. He was used to dealing with her occasional tantrum and soothing her tears when she was sad, hurt, or scared.
What he wasn't used to doing was explaining to his daughter that he was the reason she was hurting. It was easy enough to say no to her over little things, staying up too late, eating too much candy, and not buying her a treat at the store. But this was nothing like that.
His daughter was hurting because of him.
He was going to break her little heart.
It would be easy enough to lie and say that Gabriella had left because she needed to heal from what had happened and that she couldn’t be there for that. But saying those words would make her daughter hate Gabriella, and there was no way she deserved that. He’d hurt her enough, he wasn't going to let her take the blame for his actions.
Pulling out the chair beside Essie, he took a seat and reached out to take his daughter’s little hands in his. “I asked Gabriella to leave.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought it was for the best.” How could he explain to an almost five-year-old that neither she nor her beloved nanny were safe, and it was because he was consumed with a need to clear his dead mother’s name? The last thing he wanted to do was scare Essie even more than she had already been. If she knew the danger she was in, his daughter would never feel safe again.
“Why?”
“Because you and Gabriella both got hurt and I don’t want her to get hurt again.”
“Am I gonna be hurted ‘gain?” Essie asked, eyes wide with fear.
“No, princess. I’m going to make sure that no one ever hurts you again,” he promised. There was nothing he wouldn't do to fulfill that vow.
“Then who’s making sure that no one’s hurting Gabby?” Essie asked.
Since he’d asked Prey to hack her credit card information, he knew she had contacted a security company early this morning and hired some bodyguards. It hurt to know she was out there alone with strangers watching over her when what she needed was him and his family, but he couldn’t get over the fact that it was him and his family that had put her in danger in the first place.
How selfish would it be to keep her close knowing she wouldn't be safe?
With John Gaccione in prison and Gabriella out of his house, it should be clear enough to this remaining rapist that going after her was pointless, she wasn't family and she wasn't a useful tool.
“Gabriella is safe, I promise,” he assured his daughter.
“But I want her to come home,” Essie said, pouting.
“She’s not coming back.” As badly as it hurt to say the words aloud, and as much as he knew he was hurting his daughter by saying them, they were the truth, and they all needed to adjust to their new normal.
“But I want her!” Essie yelled, pushing him away. “I want her here, and what ‘bout my birthday? I'm going to be five years old, and Gabby said we’re going to put up balloons and streamers and make cupcakes. And she’s going to get me a unicorn cake.”
“I can do all those things,” he told her.
“No! I want Gabby. Gabby has to do them. She promised she wouldn't leave me.”
“She didn't want to leave you.” This was hell. How had he thought he could do this? Sending Gabriella away had about killed him, but watching his daughter’s reaction to learning she was gone was crushing the final pieces left of his heart.
“Then why did she leave?”
“Because I told her she had to. It was for the best.”
“It’s not best. Gabby is best, I want her to come home,” Essie wailed, tears tumbling down her round little cheeks.
When he reached out to pick her up and hold her, she shimmied backward out of his reach, and the gravity of what he’d done sunk in.
Gabriella was alone and hated him.
His daughter was there but hated him.
And he hated himself more than the two of them combined.
“It’s going to be okay, Essie,” he assured her. Somehow, he had to make things okay. “I'm here. And you have all your uncles, and Willow, and Susanna, and Becca. You have lots of people who love you and are here for you. Lots of people who will make sure you have the best birthday in the world.”
“I want Gabby,” the little girl howled. “Gabby plays with me, reads to me, cooks with me, and tucks me in. I don’t want my birthday without Gabby. I want to stay four forever.”
With that, Essie climbed off her chair and ran back up the stairs. A moment later he heard her bedroom door being slammed.
Normally he wouldn't allow tantrums like that, and certainly not the slamming of doors, but how could he begrudge his daughter’s reactions when he’d ripped her away from the person who was always there for her?
Cade had never doubted how much his daughter loved him. He had to travel for work sometimes and might be away for a few days, a few weeks, or a few months. Even when he was home, he often had to work long hours. But he always knew that Essie was in safe hands with Gabriella, and in the time he spent with his daughter he was one hundred percent with her. They played any games she wanted, nothing was off the table, he’d dress up like a fairy, do makeup parties, anything his little girl’s heart desired.
This was the first time he felt he had made a decision that didn't have his child’s best interest at heart. He’d panicked about Gabriella’s safety because he could sense the toll her ordeal had taken on her even if she was doing her best to pretend that she was handling everything just fine.
So, he’d tried to push her out of the danger zone.
Instead, he’d done something that might have tainted his relationship with his daughter beyond repair. He’d broken Essie’s trust in him.
What was best for her was always his first consideration, but this time he hadn't stopped to fully consider the ramifications of ripping Gabriella out of Essie’s life at a time when both of his girls were so emotionally vulnerable. He hadn't realized just how deeply the two needed to be together to start their journey of healing because all he’d been able to see was that Gabriella was in danger, and he couldn’t risk losing another woman he loved.
There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Gabriella and knew he’d pushed her away with the best intentions.
But that didn't undo the damage it caused.
It didn't change the fact that Gabriella was alone in a hotel room, and Essie was alone in her bedroom, when if he hadn't interfered, the two could be together. Instead, he’d ruined everything, lost Gabriella’s love, lost his daughter’s trust, none of which he was certain he could regain.
What had he done?
September 10 th
2:37 P.M.
Staring at the ceiling of her room, Gabriella wondered how her life had come to this.
To many people looking in from the outside, it would seem like she had taken a terrible childhood and turned it into something amazing. She’d overcome having an absent dad and an addict mom, survived foster care, and built a name for herself, designing something that made the world a little bit safer and made her a millionaire.
She was young, smart, and rich, she should have the world at her fingertips.
Yet, she was lying alone in a hotel room, staring at the ceiling, unable to come up with enough motivation to do anything other than stay on the bed where she’d been most of the last eighteen hours or so.
Sleep was still off the table no matter how exhausted she was, so after she’d checked in and cried herself out, she’d looked up private security firms and picked one. It would be so much easier to go with Prey, she knew they were the best of the best, but they were Cade’s, and she wasn't part of his life anymore, so she didn't want to have to call them and ask to hire them.
So, she’d gone with her gut, picked another company, and hired round-the-clock security. The two men who had shown up within the hour of her paying the bill seemed nice enough, and she felt a little better knowing they were standing outside her hotel suite, but she didn't feel safe.
Not really safe.
All she felt was a crushing loneliness that was slowly smothering her to death.
When her phone dinged with a text, it was purely automatic to reach out and pick it up. She didn't really care who was texting her or why.
Susanna’s name was on the screen, and the text said she was downstairs and on her way up.
How did Susanna even know where she was staying?
Had one of the Charleston Holloway brothers hacked her phone to get her location, or her credit card to find out where she was staying? If they knew she was there, all they’d have to do was flash their Prey ID at the front desk and she was sure they’d get her room number.
Which meant she couldn’t avoid this meeting even though she wanted to.
Badly.
The last thing she wanted was to see anyone from Cade’s family. It was just a reminder of what could never be hers.
Still, Susanna was nice, and she felt a connection to the woman because they’d both grown up unwanted by their families.
It took almost more effort than she had, but Gabriella shoved herself off the bed and stripped out of the clothes she’d been wearing since leaving Cade’s house. Unable to summon enough energy to bother changing, she’d just thrown them back on after her shower when she first arrived at the hotel.
Knowing they must smell by now, she opened her suitcase, rummaged through it, found a pair of soft leggings and an oversized sweater, and carried them to the bathroom. Pale beneath the bruises that littered her body, her gaze was drawn to the bite mark on her left breast. It was an angry red, and the edges of the teeth-shaped wounds were puckered and puffy. There were some pussy areas to it as well, it was clearly infected, but she honestly just didn't care.
What was the point in caring?
It didn't change anything, it didn't help her in any way.
Splashing a little water on her face, she dried it on the towel, then shimmied into the clothes. They seemed to hang off her, and she wasn't surprised she’d lost weight over the last week and a half. She still had zero appetite, and now that it was just her, even pretending to be taking care of herself seemed pointless.
Just as she finished running a comb through her tangled red curls, she heard a knock on her door.
“Ms. Sadler, a group of people are here to see you. They claim you know them,” one of her bodyguards called out.
With a weary sigh, she dragged her heavy body through the bedroom, out into the small sitting area, and over to the door. Removing the chain, she opened it and offered Travis a small smile.
“Yes, thank you, I do know them, and they texted to say they were coming,” she assured him. Images of Gavin and Dave’s dead bodies flashed in her mind, and she made a determination not to get attached in any way to these bodyguards. They were her employees for the foreseeable future, not her friends.
Maybe if she’d taken that advice to heart when she took the job as Essie’s nanny, she wouldn’t be in this position right now.
“Come in,” she muttered to Susanna and moved away from the door, crossing the room and dropping down in one of the armchairs around a small table.
“We brought breakfast,” Susanna told her, holding up a brown paper bag.
“Not hungry,” she said, fighting the urge to press a hand to her stomach as it churned at the very thought of eating.
“Gabs, you have to take care of yourself,” Cole told her, and as she looked over, she started in surprise. It wasn't just Susanna and Cole who had come, it was the entire Charleston Holloway family, minus Cade and Essie, of course.
Her heart ached with how badly she missed them.
Missing Essie was fine, she loved that little girl every bit as much as she would have if she’d given birth to her. But missing Cade was stupid. He’d shattered her heart into a million pieces, how could she possibly miss him? Yet she did, and it majorly sucked.
Having all these people here was hard.
Too hard.
She’d allowed herself to believe that she was a part of their family, allowed their words that they thought of her as part of the family to make it a reality.
Only it wasn't reality.
Reality was that she was nothing to them now that Cade had fired her. She wasn't part of the family, she wasn't an employee of the family, and trying to be friends with them was too hard, it only reminded her of what she’d missed out on.
Still, there was one thing she needed to know.
“Is Essie okay?” she asked.
“She misses you so much,” Connor told her.
“Doesn’t stop asking for you,” Cooper added, making the ache in her heart grow.
Her little girl needed her, and she wasn't there. She was failing Essie the same way she’d failed her babies when her body couldn’t carry their pregnancy to term.
“Did she go to school?” Gabriella asked. She hadn't gotten around to discussing with Cade what he wanted to do about Essie and school. It was probably safer for the little girl to stay home, but starting school was such a big thing and she hated the thought of the child missing out. Knowing she might have missed Essie’s first day of school hurt more than she would have guessed.
“No, Cade thinks it’s too dangerous. He’s considering sending her off to Delta Team to be with them and Cassandra,” Jax explained, and she nodded. That would probably be for the best, Essie had to be safe, and she and Cade had already discussed that possibility when Connor and Becca returned from Cambodia.
“Does he know you're here?” she asked, resting her head against the chair. “He fired me, I doubt he’d like you going behind his back and telling me things about his daughter.”
“Look, Gabs, Cade knows that he made a mistake but he’s too proud to do anything about it,” Jake told her.
The words washed over her and she was pleased to find that she’d numbed herself enough that they didn't hurt too badly.
Truth was, nothing Cade had said was untrue. She was just the nanny, he was the father, if he felt like she was no longer the right person to care for his child, it was his right to terminate her employment. With him back, the guardianship papers were voided, and she had no claim on Essie, and even if she still had a legal right to his house, she didn't want it.
Money and things were nothing to her, it was people that she craved. A family of her own, people who loved her, people who would never leave her or throw her away when they were bored with her, that’s all she’d ever wanted.
It had been a mistake to think she could have that with Essie and Cade.
“We’ll keep talking to him, keep trying to get him to see sense,” Connor said.
“And in the meantime, we are one hundred percent here for you. If you want to talk, all you have to do is call me and I’ll come,” Susanna promised.
Offering a weak smile because it was a lovely offer from a woman who was still struggling to deal with her own trauma from these same men determined to keep a decades-old secret safe, Gabriella shook her head.
This was too much.
She couldn’t do it.
“Just leave him alone. Essie is his daughter, and he doesn’t want me around her. That’s his prerogative,” she reminded them.
“It’s wrong when she needs you,” Cooper growled.
“Wrong when you need her, too,” Cole added.
“Don’t give up hope just yet,” Jax said.
They were all too nice to get it. Or maybe they were just so used to having a family that they couldn’t understand.
“Look, I appreciate all you're trying to do, but this isn’t what I want. Cade made his choice and I'm accepting it. Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be, okay? Just put your focus on supporting Essie, she needs you all so much.”
“You need us, too,” Jake said harshly.
“I’m used to being on my own, I’ll be fine, I’ll figure it out like I always do. I have a place to stay, I have security, and when I’m ready I’ll find a therapist, but this is too hard. Seeing you all and knowing I'm not a part of your family anymore is too much. I can't do it. It’s making everything worse. So please, don’t come around again. Don’t call or text. It’s not that I'm not grateful for what you're trying to do its just … I can't do it. It’s just too hard,” her voice wavered on that last word, but she was pleased that she’d managed to get it all out without breaking down in tears.
A clean break was what she needed. She had to figure out a way to move on, and there was zero percent chance she could do that if Cade’s family—however well-intentioned—kept trying to insert themselves in her life.