Chapter 11 Voss
VOSS
My son is born three days after Emerson’s first birthday. I wonder how our kids are going to enjoy always sharing a birthday week.
I’m reclined in the chair of the room where Lorissa gave birth. Yes, we did a home birth with Doctor Mark. We hired a handful of nurses to be here for the next couple weeks, both for Axl and Lorissa, so there’s always two on duty at any given time.
Right now, Lorissa is sleeping peacefully. I glance at her and amend my thoughts. Maybe not quite as peaceful as she’d like to be. I wasn’t in the room when Axl was born, a conversation we had together, and both agreed on. From what I understand, it wasn’t pleasant.
Not that I was ever under the impression that it would be.
I don’t envy women giving birth. Or carrying a growing human.
I’ve been in Lorissa’s company for most of her pregnancy, and yeah, the world is so incredibly wrong that women are the weaker sex.
Three months in and riddled with constant morning sickness would render a man a sobbing mess for the duration of gestation.
Axl is in nothing but his diaper. His bare little body is against my bare chest. I gently stroke his fisted hand with one of my fingers.
He’s so damn tiny. So, so small. He only weighed just over six pounds when he was born. I can’t imagine Lorissa having to give birth to a bigger baby. She’s a small person, and a bigger baby would have torn her in two. Or maybe three.
There’s a quiet tap on the door, and I glance up as it opens. I’m expecting Dr. Mark or maybe one of the nurses but it’s my dad. He smiles.
“Come in,” I whisper.
He steps inside, glancing at Lorissa asleep. “How is she?”
“Exhausted. In pain. A little grumpy. Thankful it’s over.”
Dad chuckles. “She did good.”
I nod. “She did.”
He pauses beside the bed and adjusts her blankets a little. Lorissa sighs in her sleep. I think she’s going to miss being fussed over. Dad’s treated her like the daughter he never had while she’s been here. Something she didn’t have with her own father growing up or now.
Dad turns to look at me and my new baby boy. He smiles and grabs a baby blanket on the way. When he’s at my side, he drapes it over Axl.
“Is it cold in here?” I ask.
“It’s not.” He pulls the hassock over and sits beside us. “But he’s been wrapped in a body surrounded by an average of almost a hundred-degree heat.”
“Ah.”
I shift so Dad can see Axl’s face a little better. I can’t quite see him since he’s tucked under my chin, so I watch Dad instead. I wonder if I look at Axl like that. So damn in love with him. This little human, who is only hours old.
“Want to hold him?” I offer.
“Yes, but not now.”
“I’m glad you’re the first to meet him,” I say, and for some reason, Brek flashes in my head. Something in my chest says he should have been the first.
I have to shove it away because that’s not what we are. I don’t know what we are, but we’re not together. Not like that.
“I am too,” Dad says. “It’s remarkable how like Loren he looks.”
“I’ve always heard that kids look more like their aunts and uncles than they do either of their parents.”
“Yes, that’s why the triplets look like Noaz with short hair.”
“Do they?”
“You don’t remember them growing up, huh? When Noaz was eleven and they were four, the triplets had long hair. Remember? Your mom thought they were adorable with long, messy hair.”
I smile. “I remember they had long hair when they were young.”
“Noaz had started growing his hair out, too, and your mom used to get a kick out of everyone thinking Noaz was their brother. Every day, she had a story about which neighbor confused Noaz for one of you since they looked so much alike.”
“And now I have a baby Loren all my own.”
Dad smiles. “I’m curious to know what Loren thinks of that.”
“You think he’s even going to see it?”
“He’s far more observant than you all give him credit for. But I’m not sure he’ll see himself. He didn’t see himself as a baby, after all.”
“Which uncle does Noaz look like?” I wonder.
“Mm. Uncle Emilien. Although now more like Aunt Signy. The style, the fashion, the makeup, and hair… Aunt Signy was always very glamorous. As a kid, I always thought she should have been a model.”
“I can see that.”
“What’s really interesting about the way our brains try to find patterns is that the other day, I was thinking how much like Arath Emerson looks, which is ridiculous since they share no biology.”
“I can see that, too,” I say, laughing.
Axl makes a quiet whimper sound, and I kiss the top of his head. He sighs and settles as I gently rub his full head of hair.
“He’s going to love that growing up,” I say once Axl has fallen back asleep again.
Dad nods. “Before I forget to tell you, I put the kitchen staff on rotation for someone to bring you milk every three hours. The delivery from the hospital of breast milk arrived an hour ago and is properly stored.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He rests a hand gently on Axl’s back. “Kairo is going to be insufferable that he didn’t get to meet your boy first, too,” he muses.
“I think you should have met Emerson first,” I say. “But I also think Kairo meeting him first actually softened some of his jagged edges. At least toward Emerson, Uncle Noaz, and Briar.”
“That’s a start.”
“You never told us what’s up with him,” I say. “Now that I’m a dad, you can tell me.”
He chuckles quietly. “Honestly, I have no idea. Shortly after Noaz was born, Kairo began to be an asshole. I think he liked being the youngest.” He shrugs. “Sometimes, I don’t think there’s a reason at all. He’s just a dick because he can be.”
“You think so?”
Dad shakes his head. “I don’t know. He’s thirty-six and is more of a jerk every year. I feel like even he doesn’t know what it is at this point. It’s just his thing.”
I’m not sure I believe that. Behavior is learned or a result of something, whether that’s trauma or something else.
Another knock on the door. Dad gets to his feet. “You up for more company? Your brothers are anxiously waiting.”
I nod and glance at Lorissa. “Will you pull the curtains? I’m not sure she’s up to being on display right now.”
“Of course. I’ll make sure they’re quiet too.”
“Thanks.”
“You still get to hold him first,” I say as I watch Dad cross the room to quietly pull the curtains around Lorissa’s bed. Since she’s not nursing, Dr. Mark gave her some pain meds, and I’m guessing they’re likely helping her sleep. She hasn’t slept well in weeks, so she deserves some peace.
“Triplets,” Dad announces. “You want all three or two and one?”
I appreciate that he never tries to split Avory and Ellory. Not even for this. After years of Mom trying, I love that Dad is the complete opposite. There’s no option. Avory and Ellory just go together.
“All three are fine.”
“Quiet,” Dad warns. “Don’t wake Lorissa.”
The triplets come into the room, and I’m a little startled by how hairy Avory is. Have I simply not looked at him in what—three months? He’s a damn cub now. All hairy and mountain man-y, but not big like a bear. What the hell.
“Is that all real?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
Ellory covers his mouth to keep his laughter muffled. I can see the glee in his eyes.
Avory rolls his eyes. “I literally talked to you two days ago, fucker.”
“Huh.”
Imry doesn’t say anything, but he’s also watching the exchange with amusement.
“Anyway, triplets… meet your nephew. Axl Jalon Van Doren.”
Dad looks at me, and I swear his eyes get a little glassy. I didn’t tell him Axl’s middle name. The triplets look at Dad, but he’s still looking at me. I smile.
“Hmm,” Ellory says. “My kid is having Dad’s middle name too. I think you copied me.”
“Axl was born before yours,” Imry says.
“Besides, we can name them all after Dad. Eighty little Jalons running around. I like that.”
“Eighty?” Dad says. “Are you adopting a football team?”
Ellory snickers.
“Okay, I exaggerated a little. Maybe something closer to… twenty?” Ellory tilts his head, but his patience has worn thin, so he crosses the room to sit on the hassock where Dad had been.
He sighs. “Hi, baby Axl. I brought you something. Your first gift.” His eyes rise to mine, and I confirm it’ll be his first gift.
“Oh no,” Imry says.
“You didn’t,” Avory says.
Now I’m a little nervous.
Out of his pocket, Ellory produces a crocheted…
“Is that a dick?” I ask.
Ellory grins widely. “Yes. Look, it’s baby-sized.
Okay, not like anatomically baby-sized. That’s a little too…
pervy. But like, it’s so cute and small, and it’s special soft baby yarn too.
Look! I think it’s the perfect size for his little arms to cuddle.
And I was reading that if they lie on their sides—and the studies keep changing as to which position is the best—then this will give him something to lean on!
Also, it’s soft and firm at the same time!
Just the way dicks are supposed to be when they’re fun to play with. ”
“Ellory,” Dad says, sighing. Shaking his head. Ellory gives him big, innocent eyes. The act of not understanding that he’s gifted my kid something entirely inappropriate.
And yet… I take the little cock from him and shift my baby so that it’s cuddled under one of his arms. The glee on my brother’s face makes it worth it.
“Whatever,” I say, shrugging. “We’re going to grow up with body positivity. No body part is shameful to talk about or recognize.”
Yep, Ellory is still beaming. He leans closer and murmurs, “Hi, nephew. I’m going to be your very favorite uncle; I promise.”
There’s another quiet knock on the door. I’m not surprised when it’s the rest of my brothers. Thankfully, there’s no such thing as a small room in this house, so it’s still not close to being crowded.
“He stole my middle name,” Ellory announces in a hushed voice as he gets to his feet. “But I forgive him because he’s letting his baby cuddle my gifted cock.”
“We should at least compromise and not teach him ‘cock’ right away,” Myro says as he crosses the room to me. I’m not surprised that Myro isn’t surprised by the cuddle cock under Axl’s arm.
Myro rests his hand on the top of my head for a minute. I’ve always really loved having an older brother, and Myro is a perfect older brother. I hope he’ll teach Axl everything about being a sibling.
Not because I’ll have a second but because I know it’s only a matter of time before Axl has a whole bunch of cousins, and since we all live right here on the estate, they’re going to grow up like siblings. Just like we did with Dad’s brothers.
“Hmm. Penis pillow?” Ellory suggests. “Oh! Penis plushy. Stick stuffy. Oh, oh. Erect toy!!”
Once again, Dad sighs. “Ellory.”
This time, Ellory grins with mischief. He’s only messing around now.
“I like penis plushy,” I volunteer.
“Oh, good. It’s settled,” Ellory says.
“You going to share his name now?” Myro asks.
“Axl Jalon Van Doren.”
Myro looks at Dad with a grin. “Love that. It’s perfect.”
Dad bows his head.
“He looks familiar,” Avory says after a minute.
My brothers look at him with confusion, but I meet Dad’s eye. I wonder if someone will figure it out.
I look at Loren, who’s standing by the door still. Not quite as far away as he can get, but he’s certainly making sure his escape route isn’t blocked.
“He doesn’t bite,” I tell Loren. “He has no teeth yet.”
Loren doesn’t respond.
“I hear Oakley wants babies,” Imry says. “You’ll have to get closer to them than this.”
Loren’s eyes narrow on Imry, but his attention moves to Axl. It’s rare that there’s an identifiable reaction in Loren for anything, so I’m a little surprised that I see unease. Which makes it even more surprising when he crosses the room to stand over us.
“See? Not scary, right?” I ask.
He stares at Axl for a minute. He sits on the hassock so he’s on more level ground. As if he can look Axl in the eye now, though my baby is still asleep.
“He looks like me,” Loren says, frowning. “I’ve never touched that woman.”
“Yes!” Myro says as he leans over Loren. “Oh my god, he looks just like you. Look, even the way his hair falls over his forehead.”
“That’s weird,” Loren says. “How did you do that?”
I laugh. “Read up on biology, Loren. Specifically, how genetics work. There’s nothing magical going on.”
“He’s perfect,” Myro says, gently rubbing Axl’s back. “Congrats, bro.”
I press my lips to the top of Axl’s head and close my eyes. This moment is almost perfect. I really wish Brek were here, sitting with Axl and me. How is he going to like being around a baby? Will he want to be?
Ellory sighs. “I want one.”
I’m not the only one who looks up. He’s leaning against Avory, a dreamy look on his face as he watches my boy sleep.
“Like, right now?” Avory asks.
Ellory blinks and looks at Avory. His smile turns somewhat indulgent. “No. Just… I want one. I’m excited to be parents, but no, not right now.”
“Are you sure? You keep saying that same thing.”
“It’s a general statement. I want to be a daddy. Stop overthinking. I’ll tell you when I want one now, Ave.”
Avory nods and kisses him. “Good.”
Another knock and we all look around as if taking attendance. Hmm. All brothers present. Dad present. Maybe a nurse?
Once more, Dad opens the door. My heart sinks in disappointment when it’s not Brek. Not that I was expecting him, but I guess I subconsciously hoped it’d be him.
It’s Mallory, one of the staff. She smiles. “I brought his second meal,” she says quietly and holds up the little bottle and a burp cloth.
“Thanks, Mallory. Come in and meet the newest Van Doren,” I invite.
She beams as she crosses the room. “I won eighteen rounds of rock, paper, scissors to be able to catch a first glimpse,” she says as she stands beside Loren on the hassock. Mallory sighs. “He’s perfect, Voss. I can’t wait to hear him running around the house, laughing.”
“Don’t rush him,” I say as I sit up a little to feed him. “Let him be a newborn for at least a week or two.”
Mallory beams at me. As I adjust Axl and accept his bottle, it hits me how incredibly fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who love me.